15 answers

Family Living Situation

What would you do if you were asked to live with someone to help them out and then they told you after you moved in that they needed to move out and you would need to find a roommate?(this person is moving out because of unannounced visits from separated spouse) We are in a horrible position because we only moved because we would be helping this person out and we would be saving a tiny bit more in rent--so that we could save and buy a house. If we had known that they would want/need to move out, we would have never left our place to begin with. Now we are unable to move right away and we aren't comfortable with finding a roommate. What would you do? We can not afford to be in the house by ourselves and if we leave, they will have to sell the house. Do you know of any resources we could look into?

Thank you for any input.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone who responded. I will be reading all of the posts and will let you know when we decide what we need to do. I appreciate all the input~!!

FYI--- The spouse isn't dangerous-- just doesn't have good boundaries and I was informed today it won't be immediate. Still have to find out more details of what is to happen.

Featured Answers

Renting with a stranger is not always bad. They wouldn't be a stranger for long. I was in a position where I had to rent a room from someone I didn't know. I couldn't afford a place of my own and no friends were moving out. I was very young. It was great! We didn't hang out much, but it worked for a while. I know it's not ideal.
If you need to move then move. Don't dwell on it. I was also in a place where I moved and then had to pay more rent with a friend who said I wasn't going to have me pay more. It just worked out that I had to for her to pay ulitities and stuff. Then, my other roommate said she was graduating and I'd probably have had to do a roommate search in a few months anyway. Just try to make it work. Good luck!
If you are thinking something is owed to you, it probably is but I'd leave it alone. You probably will start a big fight and you have no real "rights" here I don't think. It's unfortunate. Can you go back to where you were before?

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More Answers

Sounds like a really hard challenge with a newborn and n this economy. I am reminded of the terrible old adage, "no good deed ever goes unpunished" It is hard to get over the disappointment, hurt and anger, but you have spelled out your choices.

Find someone to help pay the rent and share the house OR find a less expensive place and pack up and move there.

I wish you luck. Try Craigslist for listings of all sorts. Ask friends.Ask co workers.. I am sure something good will come of it. something better than things are now..N.

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I agree with the others that you are being asked to take responsibility for someone else's problems. If I were in this position, I would continue to pay the amount of rent originally agreed upon and start looking for another, more affordable, place to live. If your friend needs to sell, that is unfortunate, but not your responsibility. You could offer to continue to pay your agreed upon rent while the house is on the market which will help ofset their mortgage payments during the time it takes for them to sell.

Also, your friend needs to consult a lawyer about issues with her spouse.

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Wait a minute.
You moved into a house this person owns.
As a paying roommate, presumably maybe a little under market since you would be helping out.
Now they are trying to make you pay the whole mortgage for them?
Forget it.
You own them nothing.
You need to be moving out ASAP.
You can't afford this space, and never planned on sharing it with complete strangers.
Is the moving problem that you can't now afford first/last/deposit on a new place?
If so, is there any way you can borrow it from family or friends?
If you absolutely cannot afford to move out, well, then you will need roommates.
That's just what it means to be in a place you can't afford.
I think the idea of getting students is good -- you can let them know you intend to be out fairly soon yourself, so they can be on the lookout for people to replace you.
They should negotiate directly with the owner (your friend?) because they will be the on-going tenants.
Basically, yes, this is a mess.

2 moms found this helpful

Renting with a stranger is not always bad. They wouldn't be a stranger for long. I was in a position where I had to rent a room from someone I didn't know. I couldn't afford a place of my own and no friends were moving out. I was very young. It was great! We didn't hang out much, but it worked for a while. I know it's not ideal.
If you need to move then move. Don't dwell on it. I was also in a place where I moved and then had to pay more rent with a friend who said I wasn't going to have me pay more. It just worked out that I had to for her to pay ulitities and stuff. Then, my other roommate said she was graduating and I'd probably have had to do a roommate search in a few months anyway. Just try to make it work. Good luck!
If you are thinking something is owed to you, it probably is but I'd leave it alone. You probably will start a big fight and you have no real "rights" here I don't think. It's unfortunate. Can you go back to where you were before?

1 mom found this helpful

M.

I agree with so many others here. You are obligated to your family first. If your friend owns the house, it is their responsibility to pay the mortgage. Tell her you will continue to pay what you agreed upon and look for a place to move within a reasonable time, like 60 days (or whatever you determine reasonable). Then go. I don't like the idea of taking in boarders with two small children in the house, it can turn out well, but it's not worth what it may cost. Just remember to separate your problems from hers. We can feel for our friends in crisis, but you cannot take it on at the expense of your family. I had to learn that lesson while watching a friend of mine go through some serious drama. A small apartment with peace is better than a huge mansion with chaos!

Take care & good luck to you all!

D.

1 mom found this helpful

AFTER READING YOUR RESPONSE: re: "just doesn't have good boundaries".....Advise your room mate that a simple restraining order might help her spouse set some boundaries.

Best of luck to you and your family on finding a new home.

Blessings.....
Dear M.,

It sounds like the “person” you are referring to may be feeling harrassed by her spouse?

Or, there may be problems within the current household that the”person” doesn’t feel comfortable with. Blending households is ususally not a very good idea.

You description of the situation is somewhat confusing, especially the part about the house will have to be sold? You must do what is best for YOUR family since you have been placed in a situation that you can not afford or deal with?

You may not be comfortable finding a roommate, but that might be the only (temporary solution) while you save enough to move out on your own. You might approach the landlord and let them know the situation and tell them that you can only pay a portion of the rent. The person who is moving out may still be obligated to pay their part of the rent.

Keep us posted

Blessings.....

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds a lot like you have been/are being manipulated. Get out ASAP, and urge your friend to consult a lawyer about the unannounced visits from the separated spouse. Moving out is not her only option, and will likely not even cure the problem.

1 mom found this helpful

I think I would begin looking for a place to move, even if it has to be some place that isn't quite adequate for a while. This sounds like you've been put in the middle of someone's bad marital issues, and you need not to be in the middle of anything like that. It isn't your responsibility to make sure these people don't lose their house. I know it seems harsh to not care, but you really can't afford to care more than they seem to be caring. Keep in mind that you have your two small children to think about, and if things keep going sour with their situation, you never know when they will do something else that would pull that house out from under you and you'd have to move anyway.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree you should move and if it were me I would sit down and explain to your friend what an imposition this is for you. Assuming there is no questions of damage ask if the security deposit can be returned in advance so that you will have it to put down somewhere else. Also tell your friend you will be paying prorated rent on the month you move out because you should not have to pay double rent in this circumstance. Solicit any moving help you can get from friends and family. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.

Personally, I'd be p/o to the hilt at the other person and whether, "they" have to sell the house or not is their problem, NOT yours..Consider this... did the person who moved out on you, consider YOU and YOUR family.. no, they did not.. they did what they needed for THEM...... people in crisis, generally don't think of others and your friend didn't consider you.. It's time you took care of you and your family's needs. If I were you, I'd stay DRAMA FREE and clear from this specific friend until the person gets their life together. May sound harsh, but look what being a good friend did for you.... and now you are the one in the bind.. You have two young children.. their needs should come first...even if it means you don't move into your own house as soon as you would have liked, at least moving into a different apartment where there is NO drama going on would be way better, then living in a house where you feel you MUST stay..who needs that kind of pressure. Life changes on a whim , so you won't move into a house right now, you can do that down the line. The first thing to do is get an apartment and get out of that situation... your friend did......

1 mom found this helpful

Ah, M., this is a truly terrible situation for you. I honestly don't think you are obligated to help your friend any more. If, for some reason, you have to stay, you might try local colleges and see if any of their graduate students, students, or even faculty might want to share the house. Since I wouldn't be comfortable with roommates either, these are the kind of roommates I would look for if I absolutely had to. In the meantime it is the responsibility of the homeowner (your friend) to come up with the rest of the house payment if you don't or can't find a roommate. If they lose the house because they can't make the house payment, oh well. You have lived up to your responsibility as it was stated when you moved in.

Take care,
E.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry about your situation. I would put may family first and move. Don't put your family in harms way. You don't know what someone is capable of doing. The news is full of horror stories. Since you where put in a bad situation, I feel you should not be obligated any longer and move as soon as you can.

Here is something that may help.
There are Low Income or Tax Credit apartments available that may be in your budget. Low income and Tax Credit does not mean Section 8. I work for a property management company, my company has a few low income properties, where if your income is under a certain amount you may qualify for lower rent. The rent is based on the conditions set by the city, state and/or federal government. So if you rent in one complex, the rents may be different than if you rent at another and not all units in the complex may be low income. So you get a good mix of income levels in a community.
Right now we have one 2 bedroom apartment avalable in Concord at Bel Air Apartments and another in Livermore at Portola Meadows Apartments. At these complexes, only a certain number of units are low income the majority of units are regular. They are available now. The phone number for Bel Air is ###-###-#### and for Portola it is ###-###-####. You can call them and ask them about the program, they will give you all the details.
Also, there are many complexes that are giving specials right now where they are reducing rents and giving up to a month free. You may be able to spread the special over the term of your lease, that way you reduce your monthly rent to work within your budget.
I hope all works out for the best for you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful

You're in a tough spot, I'm reminded of another old addage: when did that other person's crisis become yours? I see that "they will have to sell the house if you leave". While their problem has certainly become your problem to some extent, it is not your responsibility to help these people keep their house. I would remind this person that you moved to help them at their request and while she may have to move because of trouble with the ex, you expect her to honor the rent agreement you made until you can find a new place. On the other hand, if you want to stay for any reason, find a roommate you can live with and work on your goal of saving money for a house of your own. Whatever decision you make should be based on what's best for you and your family, not the person you were attempting to help. If you decide to find a roommate, post your request on your church bulletin board. Craig's list also works. Make sure you interview prospective renters thoroughly, including employment records and ability to pay rent.
Everything will work out. I wish you good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Greetings M.: I am very sorry that you have been left high and dry by soeone you trusted. I am sure that there is more to the story and hope that you are dealing with all of it. Have the police been called when the unexpected person showed up? It really is important that those things are reported. I have seen someone I love seriously injured by a seperated spouse. So that takes the power from the uninvited person.
Let me say that if they loose a house it is a consequence for their actions not yours. Remember that you should not have to pay the consequenses for someone else's actions. Having rented out rooms in my home let me say that it is not always the best thing for your own family, & you do not need to carry anyone else what if that person can't pay the rent? Believe me you are stuck with no money and the pperson doesn't have to leave either.( been there done that) You are responsible for the needs and well being of your own family not anyone else. Did you have a contract with this person? If you do then it will be easy to show that they backed out of it and can deal with it not as friends or family but business and again their is consequenses for choices.
I hope that you are able to find help with housing and that you are able to keep out of anything else like this again.
God be with you, Nana G.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
You are going to have to put your own family first. Move out. This is your friend's problem and not yours. If the person cannot afford the house they should sell it. You did not have all the facts when you moved into the house, if you were told to move in and get a roommate, you probably would not have moved into the house. Your "friend" put you in a terrible position and you don't owe this person anything.

1 mom found this helpful

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