15 answers

Family Living Situation

What would you do if you were asked to live with someone to help them out and then they told you after you moved in that they needed to move out and you would need to find a roommate?(this person is moving out because of unannounced visits from separated spouse) We are in a horrible position because we only moved because we would be helping this person out and we would be saving a tiny bit more in rent--so that we could save and buy a house. If we had known that they would want/need to move out, we would have never left our place to begin with. Now we are unable to move right away and we aren't comfortable with finding a roommate. What would you do? We can not afford to be in the house by ourselves and if we leave, they will have to sell the house. Do you know of any resources we could look into?

Thank you for any input.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone who responded. I will be reading all of the posts and will let you know when we decide what we need to do. I appreciate all the input~!!

FYI--- The spouse isn't dangerous-- just doesn't have good boundaries and I was informed today it won't be immediate. Still have to find out more details of what is to happen.

Featured Answers

Renting with a stranger is not always bad. They wouldn't be a stranger for long. I was in a position where I had to rent a room from someone I didn't know. I couldn't afford a place of my own and no friends were moving out. I was very young. It was great! We didn't hang out much, but it worked for a while. I know it's not ideal.
If you need to move then move. Don't dwell on it. I was also in a place where I moved and then had to pay more rent with a friend who said I wasn't going to have me pay more. It just worked out that I had to for her to pay ulitities and stuff. Then, my other roommate said she was graduating and I'd probably have had to do a roommate search in a few months anyway. Just try to make it work. Good luck!
If you are thinking something is owed to you, it probably is but I'd leave it alone. You probably will start a big fight and you have no real "rights" here I don't think. It's unfortunate. Can you go back to where you were before?

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Sounds like a really hard challenge with a newborn and n this economy. I am reminded of the terrible old adage, "no good deed ever goes unpunished" It is hard to get over the disappointment, hurt and anger, but you have spelled out your choices.

Find someone to help pay the rent and share the house OR find a less expensive place and pack up and move there.

I wish you luck. Try Craigslist for listings of all sorts. Ask friends.Ask co workers.. I am sure something good will come of it. something better than things are now..N.

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with the others that you are being asked to take responsibility for someone else's problems. If I were in this position, I would continue to pay the amount of rent originally agreed upon and start looking for another, more affordable, place to live. If your friend needs to sell, that is unfortunate, but not your responsibility. You could offer to continue to pay your agreed upon rent while the house is on the market which will help ofset their mortgage payments during the time it takes for them to sell.

Also, your friend needs to consult a lawyer about issues with her spouse.

2 moms found this helpful

Wait a minute.
You moved into a house this person owns.
As a paying roommate, presumably maybe a little under market since you would be helping out.
Now they are trying to make you pay the whole mortgage for them?
Forget it.
You own them nothing.
You need to be moving out ASAP.
You can't afford this space, and never planned on sharing it with complete strangers.
Is the moving problem that you can't now afford first/last/deposit on a new place?
If so, is there any way you can borrow it from family or friends?
If you absolutely cannot afford to move out, well, then you will need roommates.
That's just what it means to be in a place you can't afford.
I think the idea of getting students is good -- you can let them know you intend to be out fairly soon yourself, so they can be on the lookout for people to replace you.
They should negotiate directly with the owner (your friend?) because they will be the on-going tenants.
Basically, yes, this is a mess.

2 moms found this helpful

Renting with a stranger is not always bad. They wouldn't be a stranger for long. I was in a position where I had to rent a room from someone I didn't know. I couldn't afford a place of my own and no friends were moving out. I was very young. It was great! We didn't hang out much, but it worked for a while. I know it's not ideal.
If you need to move then move. Don't dwell on it. I was also in a place where I moved and then had to pay more rent with a friend who said I wasn't going to have me pay more. It just worked out that I had to for her to pay ulitities and stuff. Then, my other roommate said she was graduating and I'd probably have had to do a roommate search in a few months anyway. Just try to make it work. Good luck!
If you are thinking something is owed to you, it probably is but I'd leave it alone. You probably will start a big fight and you have no real "rights" here I don't think. It's unfortunate. Can you go back to where you were before?

1 mom found this helpful

M.

I agree with so many others here. You are obligated to your family first. If your friend owns the house, it is their responsibility to pay the mortgage. Tell her you will continue to pay what you agreed upon and look for a place to move within a reasonable time, like 60 days (or whatever you determine reasonable). Then go. I don't like the idea of taking in boarders with two small children in the house, it can turn out well, but it's not worth what it may cost. Just remember to separate your problems from hers. We can feel for our friends in crisis, but you cannot take it on at the expense of your family. I had to learn that lesson while watching a friend of mine go through some serious drama. A small apartment with peace is better than a huge mansion with chaos!

Take care & good luck to you all!

D.

1 mom found this helpful

AFTER READING YOUR RESPONSE: re: "just doesn't have good boundaries".....Advise your room mate that a simple restraining order might help her spouse set some boundaries.

Best of luck to you and your family on finding a new home.

Blessings.....
Dear M.,

It sounds like the “person” you are referring to may be feeling harrassed by her spouse?

Or, there may be problems within the current household that the”person” doesn’t feel comfortable with. Blending households is ususally not a very good idea.

You description of the situation is somewhat confusing, especially the part about the house will have to be sold? You must do what is best for YOUR family since you have been placed in a situation that you can not afford or deal with?

You may not be comfortable finding a roommate, but that might be the only (temporary solution) while you save enough to move out on your own. You might approach the landlord and let them know the situation and tell them that you can only pay a portion of the rent. The person who is moving out may still be obligated to pay their part of the rent.

Keep us posted

Blessings.....

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds a lot like you have been/are being manipulated. Get out ASAP, and urge your friend to consult a lawyer about the unannounced visits from the separated spouse. Moving out is not her only option, and will likely not even cure the problem.

1 mom found this helpful

I think I would begin looking for a place to move, even if it has to be some place that isn't quite adequate for a while. This sounds like you've been put in the middle of someone's bad marital issues, and you need not to be in the middle of anything like that. It isn't your responsibility to make sure these people don't lose their house. I know it seems harsh to not care, but you really can't afford to care more than they seem to be caring. Keep in mind that you have your two small children to think about, and if things keep going sour with their situation, you never know when they will do something else that would pull that house out from under you and you'd have to move anyway.

1 mom found this helpful

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