Family Lists for Christmas and One Family Asking for EXPENSIVE Stuff!

I love your mom's approach and I suggest trying to also poke fun at him. Maybe something like "I need your Recession-time list, not the Gilded Age list."

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I love your mom's response! I would either copy her and send the same one, or get them a $25 gift card to a store where they could purchase one of the games or camera pieces, or I would get them something funny -like a chandelier from a nearby thrift store that costs $10 and screams 1978! Maybe you could find a few old plates and some ancient video games (that wouldn't fit any kind of modern console) and spend a whopping $20 on them! I'm sure everyone would get a kick out of it (except maybe them-but they'll know they'll look like a-holes if they don't play along) -and it may just get the point across (even if it doesn't, the rest of you can laugh about the looks on their faces for years)!

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Don't sweat it.
Get him whatever you would have gotten him had you not even seen the list.
What a person wants is fine. They can want all they want. I want a trip to somewhere that it's at least 85 degrees. And I want to stay there for about 3 months. It's not going to happen, but I can still say I want it.

I think people put too much emphasis on presents. Both the givers and receivers do it.

Ignore his list.

Best wishes.

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Just because something is on someone's list doesn't mean you have to buy it for him/her. Buy him or her whatever feels right to you.
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I just read your mom's response.
Sounds like she has the situation pegged correctly.

PLEASE stop fussing over this and just do what feels right to you.

In fact, what I would do . . . . buy a portion of a calf or a pig from Heifer International. Your brother will get a note from Heifer International
saying that a heifer or a pig or whatever has been given to a a family in a village in a third world country where it will benefit that family and their neighbors after the animal grows up and has new babies.

Just google "Heifer International"

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Just get them a Best Buy or department store gift card in the amount you can afford, and they can apply that toward their desired item. My family also will provide lists, or at least ideas, when requested. My mother in law emailed me today to see what my girls want, and I emailed her a few suggestions back. My husband was not used to making a list, but he will now give me a few suggestions, which I really appreciate, since my mom and his both ask me what to get him. Just give them the gift card (paired with a small, personalized item if you don't want them to know exactly how much you spent) and let it go.

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Maybe you and your other siblings can pool your money and get him a one gift from all of you.

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i would get gift cards, maybe they can go towards the expensive stuff they want. I do that for my little bro every year unless I can find whatever game he's wanting on sale.

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Your mother's response to him is perfect!

Maybe you, your parents, and your brothers can get together and buy them ONE thing (the $50.00 thing) from their list and say "It's from ALL of us!!"

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Make a donation to a charity in their name. Most charities will provide a gift thank-you to them, and it does not include the amount of the donation. Maybe it will teach their greedy selves a lesson.

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Maybe without causing any hard feelings right before Christmas (and with you being pregnant and not needing the drama) just send a polite general email inquiry for agreement about a budget. My husband's family has a family Christmas party and most of us participate (we usually don't if we can't make it to the party, but some do anyway). We have a limit, usually $5 to $10, and draw names. Even if you are not drawing names, a limit per family makes everything fair and just lets you spend some time choosing how to spend that amount.

Or, you can wait and piggy-back off the "real" list if you mom gets it and plan for next year to have a family agreement for approximate gift values so there are no hard feelings. In the meantime, if you don't get a better gift list, give them a gift card to the store they can buy something in for the amount you can afford and politely indicate that it is toward that (such as a video game store, etc.). There are always a few frustrating people around Christmas. That is awesome that you still shop for them all--we usually can't afford to send things to extended family, which unfortunately means anyone we don't actually see. :(

1 mom found this helpful

We don't get gifts for anyone. We do get little somethings for all the kids. We believe in the real meaning of Christmas, and have no qualms telling others how we feel. Therefore, we feel better giving to those less fortunate, than to grown adults who can already get whatever they need or want throughout the year. Normally what we do get for the kids in our family are not big things. Just a little toy for the babies or toddlers, or a clothing item for an older child. We don't go all out for our own kids either. Because our goal is to keep the true meaning real and alive. We offer an invitation for relatives to participate in stuffing shoeboxes for the 'Samaritan's Purse' organization. We take up food for shelters and try to get everyone in on that as well. Last Christmas our entire extended family joined in to provide Christmas to two teens who otherwise would have gotten nothing. My SIL and my bro adopt a certain family every year. It has been the same one, so we usually all pitch in for that.
Anyway- my point is that many of my family would not be doing much of this had my SIL and I not spoke up. It had gotten ridiculous, and we couldn't take it anymore. So, do what you feel right, and if you want to say how you feel, then do it. You have a right to your feelings, and they should be accounted for. :)

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Your brother sounds EXACTLY like one of my sisters. Sheesh. Dropped on the head one too many times.

Your mom did great with her response.

If it were my sister (and it may be in the next couple days, because she's done that in the past), I send a note reminding people that those who don't have things in my price range (or get their lists to me by black friday) get baked goods only.

Confession : I had a chandelier on my xmas list last year :) I knew my mum was giving it to me (we had bought it on mega sale 2 months prior)... so it was a private joke between us. And I ALWAYS have camera gear on my list... (can you tell I'm feeling guilty?) but I also have "the following burned dvds.... hand me down books... and a whole host of other things that range from free - $5 ... as well as things like "private island, yacht, rubber duck" (Hey, it's a wish list... it's just that those wishes alone aren't helpful for people shopping for anything better than a gag gift). But every couple years one of my sister get "rich blood" and only has the $50-$300 range stuff as well. Time for a thwack upside the head sis'o'mine.

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I haven't read your answers, but I would not get him anything on the list. I would figure out how much you can spend on each family member and then get him a gift card for that amount. It's ridiculous, especially if he knows that your family struggling, to expect you guys to be spending 50 dollars plus tax. None of my friends or family are planning to receive anything from me this year because this is the first time me and my boyfriend are 100% living on our own, together, and we have the baby coming, so we are conserving every penny. Even with each other we agreed to go to dinner with each other as our "gift." We are each buying a gift for his daughter, but aren't spending more then $30, and she is really only getting one from each of us, so she's not having a crazy Christmas either. I am also not expecting to receive anything. But, I also get kind of annoyed with the whole Christmas gift giving process anyway, because I think we over indulge at this time of year instead of just being appreciative of the people in our lives.

Oh, I also would love to have your mom hehe

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This is tacky and rude, but so is sending out a "list" of what you want when you are over the age of 3 imho. That defeats the whole point of giving during the holidays. I would send a return list that has stuff on it like a new car, mink coat, handful of 100 dollar bills. Maybe you can all just have a good laugh then. Obviously you are not going to buy the stuff on their lists. Next year skip the lists, and buy from the heart--lesson learned.

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I think you're right to be upset. It seems like for so many, Christmas has gotten far away from what it is really supposed to be about. Family and spending time together. I think what I would do is maybe get him a small gift card to a store where he can buy one of the things on his list (i.e. a camera store for camera parts, a hardware store for the chandelier, etc.) I know a lot of people think gift cards are impersonal, but maybe you could say that you wanted to get him something on his list but you weren't able to afford the entire thing and that you hoped he could use the gift card toward something he wanted rather than getting him something he didn't want or need. That's what I would do in your situation. My family does that a lot but we are very practical and don't believe in getting a gift just for the sake of gettins something. Good luck and I hope your Christmas and holiday season will be full of peace and happiness.

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LOVE your mothers reply!!! Thats Hilarious!! My sis has got her little daughter a dolls house from santa and she had to buy all the furniture separately. Well guess what she bought a little chandelier for the little family room. It is about 3cm in size and it cost £3. Buy them something like that and say "well you didn't specify" lol

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I also love your mom's response!!! I might have a similar response...something of the tune of "HA! I love your sense of humor! I'd like a years worth of oil changes and gas for our family car:) But seriously, what do you want that we could actually afford?!"

Part of me thinks they would feel bad if they knew how their list came across so if you are honest and laugh at it, it will not only let them know without it being a heavy topic of shame, but it might make you feel good too. Because, really, it is sort of funny when this time of year comes rolling around and people get so caught up in the gifting that they forget about budgets for self and others:)

Also, you sound like such a fun x-mas gift person! I'm impressed by how on top of it you are...I'm that loser desperately looking for gifts 2 days before x-mas and who just grabs anything I can afford and seems right for the person. Then, and this is awful I know, I try to think up a story of "why it's so perfect" for the person:) Yeah...I'm that loser!

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That's why it's called a WISH list. They can wish for it but it don't mean they'll get it! I give'm credit for trying, though, lol!

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Gifts shouldn't be about giving people what they want as much as you giving something from your heart. If it's family there should be no need to explain why you can't afford nor want to give an $800 camera to one person. This year all our gifts are 'homemade', ones that took time, effort and thought. Everyone can get those expensive gifts on their own if they want, need them. And by the way, our gifts are things like digital picture frames loaded with old family photos that I've scanned, crocheted afghans, comforters, hats and scarves, candies and cookies, photo stationary and cd's of our youngest's orchestra's performances. You can't buy these things, they are a pieces of each of us... gifts from the heart.

Have a happy holiday season....

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I totally agree with whomever said get gift cards. It IS greedy to ask for expensive gifts! And askin' ain't gettin'! That being said, it looks like he doesn't need anything cheaper so getting him a gift card toward the expensive gift will be something he will appreciate and use, without breaking your bank!

My SD asked for very expensive birthday gifts. Lots of her family members didn't get her those gifts, they got her gift cards. I told her to save them up along with her money and use them toward the big thing she wanted. It was a good lesson for her, she saved them for a while and when she realized how long it would take her to actually save up, she gave up and bought something else with them. I noticed she hasn't asked for those items again! Perhaps that's a lesson your brother needs too!

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It is really too bad you got that and it ruined your Christmas mood. Send another email saying,

"I love getting my family gifts, and this year almost sent out an email saying that we were not going to be able to buy gifts for anyone since we are so tight this year. But, I came into a little money and I am able to shop for the family. So and so's list was so easy to buy for because it was under $20 and perhaps you could make another list with items under $20 too, which makes is possible for us to buy something for everybody."

If they don't send back a reasonable list, it is too bad. Choose one family gift for them and that is that for them. You have done your best.

Try to find something wonderful to do for yourself your best to regain you Christmas mood.

Since everyone is so tight why not suggest that it be a kids only christmas. That is what we have been doing over the last few years because it is been really tight for most of my family and we have to spend money to travel on top of everything. It has worked quite well for us or we do pictures and give all the adults a picture. I think everyone has given you some great ideas for your brother. Hope this helps.

In my family the kids get gifts or cash and the adults chip in for a donation to a charity. The charity is chosen in turn by the parents and then each of the sibling family units. When everyone has had a chance, the cycle starts again.

That said, your mom has already responded to the exorbitant gift list. Either all of your family chip in and buy one item (excellent advice from below) or send a gift card that will go toward one of the gifts.

I was thinking along the same lines as your mother...nearly took the words out of my mouth.

That happened to us last Christmas. Prior to our marriage, my nephew was 1YO and my husband had bought his only nephew all kinds of needed stuff. Money was not worry. The previous year I called the BIL on one of those exhausting last shopping days and asked what his son wanted and he wanted a nearly $100 game. So I bought it because I was too tired to care. So this time (last year) I told hubby to call and find out and he wanted another $100 game. My husband's eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his head and told him what else that's over $100 and so he said hot wheels and tracks. We bought the tracks and hot wheels and gifts for their two other kids and they never came by to exchange gifts.

Pretty bold to ask for expensive gifts.

I sent a list to my family for my kids this year too. Well, every year. I put a few $50 gifts on there and say those are for all 3 of the kids (this year it was the Mario Kart for Wii and the Toy Story Trilogy set - my brothers are each getting one for all 3 kids to share.) The other gifts are $10-15 each and I tell my family to simply use the list as a guide. It is not the end all be all, but a good idea of what the kids are asking for that is affordable and won't end up lost or in the trash. Maybe your brother and his gf didn't even think about it. Ask for a price limit next time. Maybe no more than $20-25 per gift. The pricey stuff they can get each other :). And your mom is awesome! haha!

Is the middle ground to get them an Amazon gift card or similar? You could say "Oh, I couldn't decide which of your gifts to have my minions of elves make so I got you a gift card instead." Keep it in line with your moms funny response. It's nice to give gifts, but it's also really nice for people to be appreciative instead of greedy.

Another option to consider is if you and one of your siblings could combine to get them one of their requested things. Or maybe you could all chip in together and get them one thing? If you each chip in $25 (your 2 sibs, you, your mom), then that's $100 and it sounds like that could make it easier.

get him a book something like how to get rich in ten days:)
or send him an email and say i'll cover all of your xmas wish list when i hit the jackpot. aside from the subject of the book, i seriously would get him any kind of a books. something he would read. that is it.