25 answers

Family gathering...shouldn't Be Suprised That Our Schedule Doesn't Matter

Hello ladies,
I'm very annoyed...though I know i shouldn't be suprised. My husband's family does our Christmas get-together at the local Holiday Inn. We've done this for about 5 years now. We go and stay the night, bring snacks and let the kids swim in the pool while the adults relax and have social time. It's great because we can get together without the hassle of cooking/cleaning etc. We started doing this because my family and my bil's family live out of town. We spend Christmas with our out of town families, since we see the hubbies family all the time (they have three kids and we all live close).

This year I was told by my MIL that the date would be on 12/3 because the favorite daughter's husband is off work and that's the only weekend they could go. I had absolutely no input or say so in the selection of the date. I am actually going to Fl that weekend, so I said that date would not work for us...what are the options. I was told again that the only date that would work would be that weekend. Sooooooo its ok that I can't make it, but as long as the favored daughter (long story but i'm not kidding) is happy it's OK? I tried to work for a compromise...that's so early is there any time right AFTER Christmas that we could do it? That idea was pretty much shot down and ignored. Personally I'd rather do it after than SOOOOO early, but again I got to put no input into the date. I'm annoyed that I don't seem to matter, and honestly if it were just me missing it, I'd let it go, but the other daughter's husband can't make that weekend either. So two people missing it is ok, as long as the other (favorite) can make it. Also, my husband works for a city...he will be on call and have to go into work if it happens to snow. That will leave my kids without a parent there. That's simply not acceptable. My kids don't get to spend lots of time w their cousins, so i really hate to miss out on this.

Really, I'm willing to work on a compromise, but how can I when I'm not even consulted and all my ideas are ignored. I don't think I'm being unreasonable!! I'm so annoyed, don't know what to do at this pont.
What would you suggest?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for the responses.

EDIT: I know it shouldn't but...one of the reasons that this ticks me off soooo much...my husband DID get called in a few years ago. The forecast was clearly calling for snow. I didn't throw a fit and want everyone to change their plans, though it was much harder on me w a small baby and two other kids. No time to relax!!! My husband missed out on 80% of the festivities...and didn't get more than 3 hours sleep before going on a 12 hour shift...I think that affected how I look at it too.

I am going to FL w a dear friend...a trip we've been trying to plan for two years now! Can't change it now..tickets bought and schedules set! No way I should have to change it! I have plenty of issues w my hubby's family, though usually we can come to an agreement or compromise. They aren't ALWAYS horrible...they certainly have their moments (don't we all) It is just mind-boggling how the schedules of some people mattered and we were basically left to "deal". I'm just going to give them dates we can make it, if not too bad maybe next year. I've already spoken to the other sister about getting together with just our families if it doesn't work out!
Thanks for the suggestions!!

Featured Answers

I get the feeling this goes a lot deeper than a date on the calendar.

I wish I could offer advice but it appears no one is budging.

5 moms found this helpful

I would just not have the family go...period. This date doesn't work for you. If they don't care, then they just won't see you...

3 moms found this helpful

We have the same problem my kids,nieces/nephew are married and my side of the family have a hard time getting everyone together b/c they have to visit the other spouse's family. What we did this year is that we picked a date in the middle of the year to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. This way we can spend time together and don't have to worry if the weather is bad we don't have to travel in the snow/ice.

More Answers

You do have INPUT, give your husband's mother your REGRETS this year. For once, put your foot down and make your OWN holiday plans. Invite the family and friends you wish to invite.....START your own holiday traditions and thank your husband's mother for changing the date this year.

If you can't do it in person or personal call (which you should do), send a nice note.


9 moms found this helpful

You are being unreasonable. You just aren't being considered.

You cannot control another person so don't try. Tell them your family will be unable to make that date. Period. Your husband is on call and you are out of state so the whole family will be missing.

Their loss. There comes a point when compromise isn't an option and really - don't even try - just let tell them how it is and let the chips fall where they may. They may think you are being rude and mean - when in reality - you are not...they just have no consideration for anyone other than the favorite.

7 moms found this helpful

I would be annoyed also, but what are you gonna do? If they won't consider changing the date, can you change your plans? If not, I guess your family doesn't get to go.

7 moms found this helpful

To be honest, I think I'd let them be without your family. Maybe they would miss you guys.

Maybe you should start your own tradition of having Christmas dinner yourselves. Could it be that you have been so accommodating for so long, that they totally take you for granted?

Find someone else to pinch-hit for your husband instead of family. They need to miss you guys a little...

So sorry!

7 moms found this helpful

how 'bout this one: my son was 7 & in barrel castings - both legs - with a wooden rod btwn them at the knees. When he stood, he looked like a capital letter "A". He manuevered with a wheelchair, but because of that leg span....he had to use crutches to go thru most doorways.

Our home worked perfect for him, because he had to work his way thru the bathroom door only. He lived in the great room & our bedroom (which has double doors) thruout the 6 week period...instead of his room with the standard door. Transportation was difficult & painful for him. Moving around was also awkward for him, & at times - the casting rubbed him raw. He wore sweat pants & undies which were velcroed the length of the legs...which meant he required assistance with dressing/bathroom.

Am I setting the stage here or what? Life was incredibly challenging thru this 6 week period. We even endured living in a handicapped motel room for my gmpa's funeral. Tough, tough time for us.

& then the IL Christmas rolled around...& we were flat-out told that we were "only one family & 1 kid"....& they were so sorry if we felt we couldn't make the party. WTH? All we asked was for the party to be at our house...& they refused.

Trust me, it doesn't get any better. Move on, make life happy for your own family....& don't let them stress you!

6 moms found this helpful

Well, either way, someone is going to miss, so what's to compromise.. which family won't be able to make it? Just put your resentment issues with this favorite daughter aside and enjoy your weekend. No one will ever be able to please everyone, they won't change their plans, and you won't change yours to Florida. People sometimes have to miss, that's life. Have fun next year. Sometimes, it's impossible to make sure every person's schedule is going to agree with an event, that's why they are sticking to one date.

6 moms found this helpful

In Laws don't mean to have favorites, it just happens. I would think of the kids. Like you mentioned they don't get to spend a lot of time with their cousins. If at all possible can you change your plans for that weekend, then sadly you family will not be able to make it. Hopefully they will make a more acceptable time for everyone next year. It sounds like you really enjoy this time with your husbands family, but if your husband don't speak up to his mom and sister, then that is just it you all don't go. I do hope your family has a great holiday season. Peace and Love.

6 moms found this helpful

I get the feeling this goes a lot deeper than a date on the calendar.

I wish I could offer advice but it appears no one is budging.

5 moms found this helpful

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