Falling Asleep at Night

Keep doing what you're doing!! You are doing yourself, and your little one a favor by keeping with a routine. You don't want to end up like me with an almost 5 year old that ends up in your bed every night!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds pretty normal to me. I did sleep training with my first daughter when we was 11 months and even after she started sleeping through the night she would still cry for about 5 to 10 minutes every night. That lasted for months but just like you it was the only way she would go to sleep and stay asleep. But as she got older she stopped all of that. She is now 3 and is a great sleeper. And a good/sweet little girl. I really don't think that any of that crying as a baby did an type of scaring. And I have heard that some babies need to cry at little at bedtime in order to release some energy in order to fall asleep. So don't worry you're doing great!

1 mom found this helpful

Your situation sounds like mine many years ago and I use it as a story about sleep routines when we talk about that in my Gymboree classes. As a baby, my son who is now almost 20, used to cry himself to sleep. Later, as a toddler, he would talk himself to sleep and as an older child, he would read before falling asleep. My take on all of this, in retrospect, was that he needed to do something verbal to get his body and mind ready to sleep. I can't prove it as a theory, but it seems like that was what was going on all those years.

It's great that your baby does know how to put himself to sleep. That's a milestone that children need to achieve so personally, I wouldn't worry about it.

J.

I agree with the other moms, 5-10 minutes is nothing to worry about! My guess is that he is tired and "releasing energy". If it's really stressing you out, you might try moving bedtime a little earlier and see if that helps - (i.e. as in Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"). Just 15-30min might do it. By the way - good for you for letting him fall asleep rather than trying to soothe and prolonging the crying... :)

Five to ten minutes of crying, even hard crying, isn't that big an issue. Some kids just seem to have a need to cry themselves to sleep. Do make sure you have given him plenty of exercise time during the day so that he is tired when you lay him down, but other than that, I don't see anything else for you to do, but let him cry it out.
We are caring for a seven month old who tends to cry when she's tired and ready for a nap, and when we put her down the crying will last for anywhere from a minute to ten minutes before she finally falls asleep. This happens at each of the two or three naps she takes during a day, and when she wakes from her naps she's happy and ready to go again.

You will not scar him by having him cry it out. He really just wants you to pick him up or let him still be awake. Some children just take a while to fall into the routine. Be strong, he will be fine.

I agree- sounds like you're doing the right thing with a good routine. You say he's crying, but 5-10 minutes doesn't sound like much. My almost 1 year old also cries for less than 5 minutes most nights, but sometimes like now when he's sick, he cries for much longer-serious crying. Last night, when he was crying for longer, we just moved him out of my daughter's room and into ours since we knew he was exhausted and needed to sleep. And NO, there's absolutely no scarring your child for life. It's the best thing you can do for your child to teach him to fall asleep on his own. All three of my kids have been through the same thing and are happy, well-balanced children.

How many naps is he taking during the day? It is possible he is not ready and cries because he does not want to be in the bed again. If that is not the reason then divert his attention with soothing music not the baby music box stuff. Start it during his rocking. No story telling. it is probably stimulating his thought process when you are trying to wind him down.

I don't think he'll be "scarred" by this but there might be something you can do to help ease him during this stage. For instance, he's not hungry, teething needing medicine, has a dry diaper right? Also, maybe you could make sure he has a night light on so it's not totally dark and scary, turn on some light music possibly until he falls asleep, make sure he has a nice blanket to cuddle with and maybe even a cozy stuffed animal until he falls asleep (then take out the stuffed animal). What I did to adjust was leave on a flashlight and the nightlight until he falls asleep. Good luck and try all the tips you get on here. This will pass soon.

Your concern is valid and I am sure it will be dismissed as nothing to worry about because 'cry it out' is a popular method to get children to sleep and it sure works becuase it focuses just on one thing- get a child to sleep. It is not the length of crying time that matters, what matters is the internal happiness. Crying for a minute or one hour may have same impact on the inner well being. Some kids may learn quickly to believe that no one is coming to tend to them or some may keep their hope alive for longer time. Eventually, they all give in.

I highly suggest reading Addicted to Unhappiness by Martha and William Piper. They also wrote Smart Love. Both books offer great insight into what happens to a children's emotional health when we do not attend to their needs. According to these and many other writers/psychologists on the subject of happiness and emotional intelligence, when kids are left crying to sleep, they believe that this is what parents want for them - to be unhappy. They confuse this as ‘happiness ‘desired by parents. Children come into this world with three genuine wishes – To love, to be loved, and feel valued. Children strongly believe that they are causing their parents to love them and want to do anything to please their parents. However, at the same time, they also genuinely wish for unconditional parental love and attention. With this conflicting wish to seek love and please parents, they subconsciously continue to create unhappy situations throughout their life.
A child sleep trained by ‘crying it out’ may seem normal but may not be happy internally, just a compliant child. The unhappiness comes later in the form of night terrors, sleep walking, bedwetting, nail biting, thumb sucking, and many other such ways children learn to soothe themselves when their needs are not attended to and when they don't feel safe and secure. There are many cultures in the world where kids are not ‘trained’ to sleep but still sleep and are healthy with parental closeness and warmth always available to them.
Best,
-R.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I really don't.
Lots of little ones cry just before going to sleep.
It's kind of just "letting it out" before they get some rest.
I've got experience with lots of kids and the ones that cry before going to sleep usually wake up perfectly happy and rested. It's far better than crying and being cranky when they wake up.
You're not scarring him for life and crying for 5 or 10 minutes is really nothing to worry about.
He'll be fine and if this is his pattern, let him have it.

As moms, we tend to feel bad anytime our kids cry, but really, crying isn't such a bad thing. At a year old, your little one can't use the words, "I'm tired and I'm grouchy and I've had enough for a little while" before he drifts off snoring.
Personally, I don't think you should worry.

Be thankful he goes to sleep.

Best wishes.

You're not going to scar him for life. 5 to 10 minutes is not cry-it-out. This is how he's putting himself down. Hopefully he'll outgrow the tears as he gets a little older. Keep to a very specific routine, and don't show him or let him feel tension on your part. Be loving, and then leave the room. Let him handle himself. He's doing fine.

All my best,
D.

I'm with the other moms. 5-10 minutes doesn't count as CIO. Some kids need to cry as a way to get rid of the stress of the day and settle themselves down (heck, don't we all, sometimes?). My older daughter was that way for a long time. That kid would cry and cry when she was in bed, and she would do it every night! The weird thing was, she didn't want to be out of bed. She was tired and she knew it, she just needed to cry about it. On the bright side, she is now 7 and reads herself to sleep, so she grew out of it. =)

My boys at that age were only falling asleep in our arms. They did not use their security toys yet, so they needed some human warmth. They started to fall asleep by themselves around 15 - 18 months, with us next to them usually. Why just not hold him, until he falls asleep? All babies sooner or later will learn to do it on their own. Some discomfort makes him cry, so I would just rock him or hug him until he feels your warmth. At this age, love and hugs are so very important, they do make an imprint.