Failing My Oldest:resources for Giftedness

First, gifted is a term that gets put out there often. Does not sound gifted to me:maybe smart, gifted no. She is five or six right. I would have her evaluated by a good child psychologist. You say "she is not of this world".
That in itself is a big concern for me.get her some help. Then you will know what direction to take with her.

Just starting to read this blog daily. Start from the one that explains why he blogs. You will get ideas. I hope he continues. Looks like a profoundly gifted child.

http://gradeless.blogspot.com/

Just my personal take, I hate when people say oh they have behavioral issues because they are smart of gifted. Nope, sorry, you daydream when you are bored you don't act out. You act out, in an outward manner, when you lack discipline and structure.

I agree with the answer that said homeschooling is your problem. You homeschool to avoid the structure in school that you believe she hates. Fine and dandy I suppose but then don't put your child into a structured environment and claim the issues are her "giftedness". It has nothing to do with intelligence or lack there of, it has 100% to do with you never force her to do what she does not want to do and she thinks that is normal.

I hated school, my kids hate school but as I tell them, you must play the game. See learning to suck it up and do something you hate is the only way you get to do things you love. You need to start teaching her that lesson.

Okay, I am not sure if you want my honest opinion or not, but I will give it and you can take it or leave it.

I feel a lot of your daughter's struggles are due to homeschooling. While I know you feel you provide structure, I know you also like the 'unstructure' that homeschooling gives her. I get that. But at the same time, I feel she lacks discipline. Yes I know you discipline but at the same time, mom disciplining her is different and perceived differently than say their public school teacher, Mrs. Jones. From what you write, I feel that she doesn't take you serious enough because you're 'just mom' and she doesn't respect your authority.

I know you don't like it, but a huge part of society is conforming and the ability to conform. I'm sure that's one reason you don't like the idea of public school. By homeschooling you are circumventing this process and she isn't learning that there is a time and a place for everything. It sounds like her and 'society' clashed at dance class last night. There are some people that will tolerate it and others that won't. It sounds like she met a dance teacher that doesn't have the patience for it.

I don't doubt she is gifted for a minute. I have two of my own that do very well in a public school setting. I will admit that you can't put them in public school and go on auto-pilot though. They have GIEPs and you need to stay involved to make sure their needs are being met. Most teachers are more than willing to listen and tweak instruction based on your child's needs.

We just met with both of my daughters' teachers. My oldest daughter is of the age that she is permitted to sit in on her GIEP. Boy was her teacher shocked when she asked for more challenging spelling words after the teacher already thought she had stepped up her game. Her response though was 'Okay. Let me give it some thought, but I can do it.'

My youngest daughter's teacher rearranged her day so that she is teaching math while my daughter is pulled out for gifted so she wouldn't be bored to tears in class.

Public school is not all evil, especially if your state mandates and funds gifted education and you remain an advocate for your child.

There are many good books out there about giftedness, but I think your daughter's issues are not in her giftedness but her lack of respect for authority and impulse control. At least that is my read on it from all of your previous posts.

And don't get me wrong...I am not anti-homeschooling. I think there is a time and a place for it, but I don't think it is working in this instance.

I hope you take what I've said in a positive way and don't think for a minute that it comes from a place of ill will. I mean you no harm :-)

I think it's really important to look at the WHOLE child, and understand that her abilities can vary greatly in each important developmental area: cognitive, physical, social and emotional.
Cognitively your daughter sounds right on track, advanced even, so you see her as "smart" or "gifted." But it sounds like she has lots of growth to do in the other areas. Not writing (or not writing well) is common at this age because many kids take longer to develop physically, the manual dexterity and fine motor skills required to write can be challenging. The dance class requires a certain level of social maturity, and again, here it sounds like this is an area where your daughter has a lot of growing to do. Emotionally, I don't know...does she express emotion in age appropriate ways, or does she struggle with that too?
As far as suggested reading, I think books on child development are more helpful than books on a specific intelligence. Your daughter may be cognitively gifted but that's only part of who she is, you need to look at her social, physical and emotional intelligence as well. It's fine and good to be "smart" but to be a part of society, a community, a family, a team, a class, a relationship requires more than being well read or good at math.
Oh, and another thing: if your friends have always said she was different, they might be seeing something you don't see. I know as moms it's our instinct to protect our children and part of that is a tendency to see our kids only in the best possible light. I think that's why you're so focused on her cognitive skills, because that's a good and positive thing, but your friends may be seeing something is "off" and I don't think you should discount that. Just think about it.

Ditto MamaZita. You're so convinced your daughter is gifted based on her academic abilities, but you're not seeing her as a whole.
You shouldn't be looking for resources on giftedness, you should be looking for ways to help her develop socially and emotionally. It's easy to keep her academically challenged, especially if you home school, teaching her social and emotional intelligence is harder.
Don't let yourself excuse her poor behavior (or maybe just immaturity?) with being "smart."

I don't have a suggested reading, but my one suggestion is that you don't need to discuss everything with her. If she can't take the class for one reason or another, then she can't -- there don't always need to be long discussions over it.

If she doesn't want to talk about it, then don't make her talk about it. The fact that she doesn't want to discuss it doesn't mean there is anything necessarily wrong -- she just doesn't want to discuss it.

Anyway, what's to discuss? She can't take the class -- that's a fact. There are many facts we all have to get used to in this world. If she can't take that class, she can take another class. End of discussion.

Do I understand correctly that she is 5? I think you are expecting way too much depth of communication from a 5 year old. You are also worrying a bit too much about what sound like normal 5 year old behaviors, gifted or not.

If she has hurt feelings about the class, she will get over them. Remember that hurt feelings happen all the time to all of us, and they are a natural part of life. There is nothing wrong with letting her feelings be hurt for a while.

When you mention the class she couldn't take, just keep it light. It truly is not the end of the world, and the more you act like it is, the more hurt her feelings will be over it. You only need to say, "Oh well, too bad you couldn't take that class, what other class might you like to try?"

Are you sure she feels "displaced?" That's kind of a strong statement about not being able to take a dance class. If she feels displaced over something that small, then the lesson that you need to teach her is that disappointments are many in life, and she needs to let little disappointments go.

Yes, as you said, I think you need to teach yourself to let that notion go. What's wrong with letting a 5 year old go off into her own world?

She is your first and your oldest, and I certainly understand through experience that we often worry most about how our firstborns are being traumatized by life experiences, and we overestimate our role and our ability in shaping them.

By the time you get to child #3 or beyond, you're usually too worn out to fuss and fret over them as much, and they probably tend to do better because of it.

Your daughter sounds like a very well-adjusted little girl. Let her dream and be different, and if there are issues of attention at school, discuss them with her teacher and hopefully her teacher will have good ideas on how to engage her or keep her otherwise occupied. Some kids make really good classroom helpers.

Good luck and don't worry too much.

p.s. -- Reading below-- Oh, you homeschool? I think you really might want to consider letting her try going to school. If you cannot handle your child experiencing disappointments, it might be good for her and you to let someone else deal with her for a few hours a day, so that you don't have to witness everything and worry. And I don't mean that in a mean way. It is really valuable for both you and your child to let other adults deal with them some of the time .

I'm a parent of a much older girl who is considered gifted (teacher's words, not mine). And I've spent a lot of time at school volunteering in the gifted program so I know a lot of those kids well. So I really do see where you're coming from.

I wonder if you are unknowingly conflating giftedness and behavior. Not all her behavioral choices or things that happen to her are due to her being gifted and bright and unique or being off kilter with the rest of the world.

What you describe with the dance class sounds like a typical experience with any child her age who is has too much energy and possibly not enough maturity or focus yet for a particular class. But you seem to be linking the dance class disappointment in some way with her overall giftedness, at least as it was put in the post. You are seeing it as "another example of her mismatch with the world," as you put it -- a mismatch that you seem believe comes about because she's so intelligent and sees things differently. Hope I got that right.

I think you're overthinking this, to be honest.

It's just what happens when a young child --gifted or not, bright or not -- is not ready for a particular experience. Giftedness does not translate into more maturity every time. These kids are academically strong and open to learning at a terrific pace, and yes, they can be very mature in some situations -- but they are still children who at times can get too wiggly, who don't listen to directions, who...well, they sometimes act their age, not their intellect. Even the very brightest of them.

I've seen so many adults, parents and others, who expect bright kids to behave at least a little bit "better" and "older" than other kids when these children are not at that level of behavior yet. She's not there yet, for this one class; it's not about her uniqueness, it's about her maturity. She's now learning a consequence: If she's overly energetic, she is not going to get the class she wants. Let her be disappointed and then move on. You, too, are disappointed and want to help your hurting girl. Any mom would! But consider whether you unknowingly tend to look at things like this through a lens of "This must all be related to her giftedness/uniqueness and is another mismatch and makes her an outsider again." Kids do pick up on those ideas even if you don't say them out loud, truly they do. She will start to think of herself as mismatched and rejected - or as super-special and set apart -- if she picks up on it.

You want to find "behavioral techniques" to "support her in her uniqueness" but I'm not sure what either truly means. Certainly associations for the gifted and for parents of gifted kids do exist and you can find them online and see their resources. If she were in school (you homeschool, right?) the school counselor would be a good resource, but maybe you can link up with other homeschoolers to find out about resources. But gifted kids need the same "behavioral techniques" as any child (all of whom are unique) -- praise and recognition, challenges so they keep learning, and consistent discipline and consequences.

My son has a therapist who is incredible. One of the many things she has told me is that the world will not change because my son is different, so we have to embrace who he is, but also teach him the rules of life/society. It will make life a lot easier on him, especially in the long run. Maybe talk to the dance school, tell them you want your daughter to have the opportunity to take this class a few more times. Then explain the rules to your daughter and the consequences if they are not followed. Also rewards for when they are! My son gets some extra tv time when he shows great focus at karate. We are amazed at what he can do given the opportunity to earn something he enjoys! Good Luck:)

Forgive me if I sound harsh but I think you're way to close to this situation to see it clearly. Nothing you describe academically is that amazing. You can't just label her gifted without more input from educators.

Lots of kids read at a high level or are ahead in math. My oldest was speaking full sentences way befoe 20 months and by three would tell anyone who would listen she wanted to be a paleantologist, she knew a lot about dinosaurs and could name them all. She's a smart kid, honors student, NOT "gifted".

The thing is your daughter is showing signs of being developmentally behind in some ways which is totally fine by the way. It sounds like she isn't communicating her feelings very well, having trouble socially and isn't mature enough for the group dance lesson. I would drop so many "discussions" with her, she's five lighten up. It almost seems like you've decided she's gifted so she shouldn't be treated like other kids.

She's just a little girl trying to find her way in the world. Look into ways to improve her communication and social skills. Kids learn to connect better with the world through practice. How often does she interect with other kids? How often is she on her own in social settings? School is a great place to socialize kids, they learn to navigate the world on their own and then they come home and tell you all about it.

I think Mama G had a good suggestion of seeking out resources through a developmental counselor and going through an assessment. I know you love your daughter a lot, however, (and I'm saying this with previous posts in mind), no matter how much you think she is 'not of this world' she IS going to have to learn how function as a part of it if she is to be a self-sufficient adult.

I don't know much about the rigors of the dance class, but I agree with Rosebud that sometimes, there's too much communication/over-explaining that happens between parent and child these days. Had the teacher told me my son wasn't ready for a class due to his being disruptive, I would have just said "The teacher thinks this isn't a good match for you, but here's something she thinks would be more fun for you to try." No further explanation. OR, if you think she's old enough to know why she was asked not to attend, you could just say "you know, this is a class where the kids need to listen to the teacher, and you were talking. The kids couldn't keep their attention on her and you were distracting them."

I know you are homeschooling, and I do support homeschooling, very much so. That said, there is an expectation in conventional schooling wherein the students are asked to 'let the teacher teach and let the other learners learn'. I don't know if you have that same "you will need to be quiet and listen" sort of instruction during homeschool time, but this is something which will be increasingly expected of her as she gets older. This is why I stress, gifted or not (and I think you need to find some methods of assessment for this), she needs a way to gain the social skills so that she can pursue her interests. At this age-- at least to me-- this is far more important a life skill than any academic knowledge.

J.,

Oh how I wish we lived closer to one another. Your daughter sounds EXACTLY like mine and you sound exactly like I did when she was 5. Please understand I am not diagnosing your daughter, but I do want to share with you what has happened to us over the course of the past couple of years. My daughter is 7 now and was diagnosed with ADHD last year and she is also gifted. She has a 145 IQ. Honestly, most days my husband and I can't keep up with what is going on in her mind. She constantly blows us away. Just like you, her verbal skills are off the chart, read at a very early age. Reads at a 6th grade level now. She, too, loves anything non-fiction - history, science, etc. She is extremely high-maintenance and you can always pick her out of a crowd because she is so different from her peers. She also had the same problems in dance class, as well as gymnastics. We were able to find a dance studio that had teachers that were extremely patient, though. It sounds to me like you might need to check out other options. We also made the transition to public schools last year and it helped immensely. I was so scared at first, but honestly, they have so many fabulous resources and professional staff members, she absolutely loves school and continues to flourish!

It does sound like your daughter is "different", but you need to remember that your job as her mother is not to make her like everyone else. Your job is to help her be the best "Sally" she can be. What you have to keep in mind, though, is the "gifted" child isn't just smart. There are lots and lots of smart people out there - those that read or talk early or have high IQ's. The truly "gifted" child thinks differently and learns differently. What you have to do is find out the specifics so you can better help her. I would highly recommend having her tested. Kinder or 1st grade is usually a great time to do that.

I hope this helps you, but please don't hesitate to PM me if you have any questions.

Ok, this isn't going to be what you want to hear, but here it is.

I have a gifted child. And I would never allow him to use his giftedness as an excuse for poor behavior. In life there are rules, you follow rules, or you face the consequences. Your daughter is bright enough and old enough to learn this lesson. In this case, the rule was to listen to the dance teacher, or you can't stay. She didn't listen, so she doesn't get to stay - you'll do well by her to help her learn this lesson now when it's just dance and not something more important.

And if you know she does better in active activities than ones where you have to do a lot of listening and being patient - then you can gently encourage those kinds of activities: soccer, gymnastics, and yes, even tap.

There is always the possibility that she has something else going on - ADD, etc. Or she doesn't and she's just a little immature, or doesn't spend enough time with other kids to pick up social cues. But regardless, her lack of ability to follow rules or pay attention isn't due to her giftedness. Maybe if you re-arrange your thinking away from the giftedness, you'll come up with parenting strategies that work for her.

You need to see someone, like a counselor or therapist, that can properly assess your daughter. I only say this because there is a very fine line between giftedness and other conditions, like adhd. A child may be one and not the other, or could be both. You have to get a professional recommendation, and that person will be able to point you towards resources that will help.

First of all, I don't think you are doing anything "wrong" by homeschooling her, per se. In fact homeschooling can be a great option for kids who are academically advanced and want to move faster than the standard school pace.

That being said, she has to learn how to deal with the consequences of her own actions too. If she's not conforming to the protocol in ballet class, she's out. Period. No further explanation required. When she's ready to try again she'll know. She's plenty smart enough to connect the dots without chastisement or shaming (not that you're doing that). I think you have to get a little more comfortable with her discomfort (as hard as that is). Sometimes discomfort leads to growth. The beauty of homeschooling is that this is once or twice a week, vs. all day every day which can really damage certain children imho.

I don't have reading suggestions but I wanted to mentioned that there is a Gifted Homeschoolers group on FB that you may want to join.

Good luck - everything will work out.

She sounds just like my son (who is 9)...he also talked very early, loved doing math and soduku puzzles when he was 4, etc. He is extremely intense and hard....very strong willed and energetic. He has behavioral problems we are always working on. As soon as the school let us we had him tested and he was put in the gifted program. It is nice for him..he really looks forward to his GATE days at school. But it's not a solution or answer. I wish we had some expert nearby who could help us with him, but sadly we don't in this small town. We try to enrich him ourselves. My husband is a physicist and he does computer programming classes with our son. He has him help do things like set up a meteor camera or make tech-y gadgets. We give him our own math homework at home that is not school related. We try to give him opportunities to do things he loves. We took him on a week long caving expedition that was a college credit class for geology (our friend is a professor). Stuff like that. He is not like your daughter in that he does not go off in his own world. He is well connected and socially smart. But his issues revolve around defiance, anger when not getting his way, refusing to do things, a hard time with transitions. If you live in a city perhaps there is a child psychologist there who can help. Let her take the dance class she likes. Tell her what is expected of her and how she is to behave. If she can get it right, reward her and praise her. Added: I just read the post below me. We have had a great experience with our public school (which is a good one). The teacher give me son work at his level. He can work higher and higher levels in math and can move on even if other kids are at a different level. He reads at a high school level and is allowed to pick his own reading material. School has been invaluable to him for learning SO many social skills. I was totally amazed at how he changed once he started school...and in a very, very good way. Socially, he has learned so much. He used to have a hard time around other kids. Having teachers, gym coach, music class instructor, the librarian, etc all have taught him invaluable lessons in how to fit in with groups of people, and the right way to behave. Because of his defiance I would never even consider homeschooling (but that is just me/my son) bc it would just be a daily struggle/battle. Plus now my son wants to be with his peers...he would really miss out if he didn't get that interaction each day. It sounds like your daughter is not defiant and ready to argue every single thing....but perhaps she is just not used to following the rules with a teacher (in the dance class). I guess what I would do is tell her how she is to behave and I'd watch her and give her a consequence if she chooses to not listen to her teacher. I would be strict about it.

It is okay for your daughter to feel hurt, frustrated, upset, angry, sad, etc. Too often, we as parents, don't ever want our children to feel negative emotions. We usually have a belief that, if our child has a bad experience and has bad feelings, then we are a bad parent. Not true. Life is full of painful experiences and feelings. We can not ultimately control this, although, many of us try desperately. Instead, what we need to learn, and to teach our children, are the tools we need to feel our feelings appropriately and to move through and create solutions when we have unpleasant experiences.

As long as you focus on your daughter not being upset and not having uncomfortable experiences, you will see her continue to act out and/or escape into her own world. A better approach would be to teach her the tools she needs to learn from her experiences. Things like feeling her feelings appropriately and fully. Asking for help. Asking questions. Learning to have consequences and how to adjust her behavior on her own. etc.

Any good parenting book can help you learn some of these tools as well as creating space for your daughter to learn and grow and develop appropriately for her age. Parenting with Love and Logic has many resources from books and videos, to actual classes you can attend. Also, 1-2-3 Magic has great information as well as Parent Effectiveness Training.

I have gifted children. I provided lots of creative space for them. Found physical classes that worked for them whether it was a karate class or a dance class that allowed for a lot of movement. I learned good, solid discipline techniques and steered away from punishment. I learned to deal with my own emotional world and healed my own childhood woundings that were effecting my parenting. I released my beliefs of perfection and expectations. I allowed my children to stumble and fall so they learned how to get back up and move forward. I held a space of love and compassion when they needed it. I learned the difference between supporting my children and fixing everything for them. I learned new ways of listening to and talking to my children so that communication was open and clear. I took good care of myself and showed my children how to love themselves by loving myself. I learned to question the vicious voice in my head when it started on the "bad mother" rant. I made kindness my top priority.

She's 5 1/2 right? She's going to have some trouble in dance if it's a serious dance class like ballet. Tap is tons more fun. Think of how much fun Gregory Hines has out there on the dance floor then think of how quiet and controlled a ballerina has to be. Think of which one fits your daughter's personality.

A ballet class is mostly stretching and placing their feet in different positions. I cannot understand why any child would find it "fun". I have times where I have to basically drag my granddaughter to class for a week or two then she's back to wanting to go.

If she has not had any dance before and has a big personality I'd say ballet is not for her yet. If there is a combo class that is half tap and half ballet for her age group that's where I'd try her next.

Isn't she in kindergarten? Do they see the same thing you do? They can have her observed and placed in a more challenging situation free of charge to you.

SENG has been very helpful for us, and we have local workshops and support groups for parents - they've been very helpful. The funny thing about gifted kids is that everyone thinks they should have a much easier time in school because they're so smart, but they often have so many problems that arise from their intelligence and often have extreme sensitivities and anxieties. Children at the low end of the IQ bell curve ("special needs") require additional support through IEPs. Children at the high end of that curve are also a type of special needs and require additional help.

This is what Aspbergers and Female Adhd looks like, having these labels does not mean a child is stupid, infact they are often very intelligent, and defiant and argumentative, immature socially, and not of this "world".

Asperger's and Girls
by Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin and Teresa Bolick and Catherine Faherty

Asperger's in Pink: Pearls of Wisdom from Inside the Bubble of ...

by J. Clark - Future Horizons, Incorporated - (2010) - paperback - 273 pages

How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism Or Asperger's [Book]

by Jennifer McIlwee Myers - Future Horizons, Incorporated - (2010) - paperback - 322

and for what it's worth, dance studio's only want your money, so if they are asking her not to come back, there is a BIG reason.

you might want to consider who else in the family has these tendancies and look at how they have coped.

My youngest daughter sounds very similar to yours. My daughter is now 8 and in 4th grade, but all of her life we have struggled with her behavior. Well, just last week, a friend posted a link to the following infographic, and it stopped me dead in my tracks: http://www.a-health-blog.com/an-inside-look-at-adhd-infog...

I had never even paused to consider that the "difficult" aspects of my daughter's behavior might be caused by an underlying condition, and specifically ADHD. I was also surprised to learn that not all kids with ADHD are hyperactive. Some are just inattentive (unable to focus), and some are impulsive, and some have a mixture of the three identifying traits. I've taken steps to have our daughter evaluated (her appointment is next week); I feel badly that it took me 8 years to realize that her behavior was not just difficult, but possibly a medical issue. I'm hopeful that we can help her overcome her challenges so she can reach her full potential with as few hurdles as possible.

Anyway, so much of what you mention sounds so much like my daughter that I wanted to bring that up as a possibility for you to consider.

I'd put her right back in the dance class she wants to take with a reminder that she needs to pay attention and keep her hands to herself. The teacher couldn't be bothered with her and that is unacceptable. I'd set up a meeting with the owner of the dance studio. If the kid wants to dance, you find a way to put her in the class.

As for her giftedness -- have her tested. Once you have results, you can figure out how best to keep her challenged.

I would have her tested and see if there are services the school can offer. My sks were not off the charts, but they did excel in some areas (as did I) and targeted enrichment was good for them.

For the energy thing - I kind of don't buy that. But I also encourage you to look for another class. My SD bashes through life and my DD is somewhat the same way. I had a long talk with the teacher who will be teaching DD folk dance. She says she is astonished at how many dance classes don't teach kids the way they learn best. Now, my DD is younger, but their approach completely makes sense. And if your DD is a beginner with kids who have been on their toes since they were 3, that may also factor. What about a tumbling class?

You may also have an introvert, so read up on that as well.

RE: dance, I would talk to the teacher again. Your DD looked forward to this. What exactly is the issue? Is there a legit reason other than maybe she needs a little more attention than other kids? If she's being kicked out of that dance school, what are your options? Is this a matter of your DD or the instructor? If it's the instructor, make it clear to your DD that it just wasn't a good fit and look for similar elsewhere.

ETA: You homeschool? Then you should still get her tested and tailor her education to those goals. Help her go faster where she's excelling and recognize that being ahead may not always be the case and that she may have other areas where she is behind or just average (like me and math...urgh).

after reading your note twice i have to tell you that your daughter sounds like she may have adhd also. adhd kids often test off the charts in intellegence things but can't sit still to take the test lol. so I would have her tested. and then feed the need for higher level academically and find something that she loves to use up that energy. at that age soccer is great for getting the energy out. and they don't all stand in a line and do the same move over and over. she might like it.

Follow your mommy-instincts and have her tested. Testing for giftedness is more than just finding out an IQ score. It will help you understand both her strengths and weaknesses so you can be a better parent and advocate for her. It can also help determine if there are other issues she is facing. Many gifted children have asynchronous development meaning parts of them are developing more quickly than others. They may intellectually be years ahead of their biological age, but in other areas (social, fine/gross motor, etc.) behind their biological age. It makes it very challening and frustrating not only for the child, but for the parent as well. Also gifted children can suffer from learning disabilities such as dyslexia and dyspraxia. Again this makes it extremely challening for the child. It is not uncommon for gifted children to be misdiagnosed as having ADHD.

This summer we had my son (age 6) tested for giftedness after the prompting of his kindergarten teacher. She suggested it not because he was showing himself to be academically well advanced of his peers, but because of other behaviors he was showing, some of which were causing him a great deal of stress. Difficulty socially, emotionally highly-sensitive, difficulty with fine/gross motor skills, incredible memory for anything and everything he heard/read, the connections he makes between concepts, his extensive vocabulary and use of it, etc. My husband and I have always been amazed by him and the things he says, but he isn't a child who was reading before kindergarten, doing complex math problems in his head and showing any of the "traditional" gifted qualities people expect. She felt it would help us better understand him and then be able to parent him better. She was absolutely correct.

When we got the results back from the neuropsychologist we were shocked. He was not only gifted, but very highly gifted. My reason for stating this is because it fully supports the quote I keep running across "If you have met one gifted child, you have met one gifted child." Each gifted child is different.

After getting the report from the testing, we feel like we FINALLY understand our son and how he behaves. The report talks not just about his IQ, but his strengths and weaknesses. We finally understand that when it is time to pick up his room at the end of the night, sometimes he is not going to be capable of doing it and why. He tried to play soccer, and while he wanted to play it was a disaster for him. He not only has gross motor difficulties, but he struggles with being visually overwhelmed when too much is going on around him. While I agree he still needs to have the same manners and good behaviors, our approach with him and expectation of what he can do sometimes has changed. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders. He is now receiving OT to help with those areas where he needs it.

Two websites I would say have been really helpful for me to learn about giftedness are http://www.hoagiesgifted.org and the forums on Davidson Gifted http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ On HoagiesGifted, there is a listing of books on giftedness. Two I would suggest you could start with are "The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids: How to Understand, Live With and Stick Up For Your Gifted Child" by Sally Walker and "Raising a Gifted Child: A Parenting Success Handbook" by Carol Fertig. Also the Center for the Gifted offers services and can assist with getting testing if you are interested. I haven't used them personally. http://www.centerforgifted.org/

Here is a website that talks high-level about recognizing giftedness http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gifted-kids/201105/is...

Best of luck to you!

How about googling Mensa for Kids. They may be a good place to find the resources you are seeking.