56 answers

Facebook Wedding Invitation???

i received a wedding invitation on facebook recently. It was one of those event invitations where you mark yes, no, or maybe. I did not attend the wedding since I figured that if they really wanted me to attend I would have received a REAL invitation in the mail. Some of my (much younger) friends are teasing me about this. Am I being a 38-year old fuddy-duddy, or is a facebook wedding invitation inappropriate?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Just as an aside... this wedding was quite elaborate, probably in the $15,000-10,000 range. I don't think saving money or being eco-friendly is a part of this issue. :)

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TOTALLY inappropriate. That's as disgusting as the 'no gifts please ... only cash' message I've recently seen on wedding invites. I'm 35 and am appalled by this complete lack of manners. Evites are perfectly fine for birthdays, general parties and random get togethers, but weddings? That's really tacky.

3 moms found this helpful

Another 37 yr old fuddy duddy here too. I just signed up on Facebook recently. I could see sending a "save the date" on there to get the word out but I think an invitation should be sent for it to be official. If money is tight then an evite could be personalized and sent by email. We use evites for the kids birthday parties. Not everyone is on FB so I would think they would have been notified traditionally. I fought FB for about 1 1/2 yrs of people telling me to sign up.

If the date was getting close and you are good friends with them, asking them would have let you known. You could have asked will I be getting an invite in the mail also. Either way you would have known why they used FB, traditional or not, it is their day.

Something like this would not sit good with Miss Manners! =)

I wonder how they are going to do thank you letters? Wall posts? =)

3 moms found this helpful

Did they send out all of their invites like this? It could be to save on money and to be "green". If this is the way they did all of their invites, then you should not have a problem with it. It is their right to decide how to invite their guests. However, if other people got "real" invitations then you might wonder why you were not "important" enough to recieve one too. Weddings do not have to follow the rule book anymore.........

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"Tacky" is not showing up to a friend's wedding b/c you didn't like the way you were invited. "Tacky" is judging someone else and then posting your judgement on a website (how different is this from Facebook?) so you can get other people - whom you've never met - to agree with you and make you feel better about your decision. Grow up, it wasn't your day so you don't get to decide how it is handled.

5 moms found this helpful

While I think it odd to invite guests to a wedding via FB, I would not have based my decision to attend on whether they chose that method or traditional paper invitations. More importantly for me would be my relationship to them and my availability. We all have our own ways of doing things, even if they defy convention or logic and in this case I don't agree that "if they really wanted me to attend I would have received a REAL invitation in the mail". Is it possible they were trying to be trendy or unique?

4 moms found this helpful

While I think traditional invitations are the way to go I can understand why they might choose to use FB for invites. I work a bit in the wedding industry and you would be surprised by how many people do not send back the rsvp. So here you have a bride trying to compile her guest list and the money she spent on the rsvps and the stamps and people completely ignore it! Leaving the bride to guess at who might show and who might stay home.

And I agree with the others-if this person is a friend you'd like to keep, let it go. Maybe they were just trying something different, trying to be hip, cute, whatever by using FB for the invites. Def. more important things out there to worry about.

4 moms found this helpful

Although it may be a little tacky... life is too short to worry about those things. I would have still gone and had fun. Don't let it get to you.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm about your age and I also think it's tacky. I can understand if they sent an invitation by mail and THEN asked for responses on Facebook..........I can sympathize with having problems with not responding and then people showing up unexpectedly, but there are some traditions that I don't think should change.

3 moms found this helpful

Another 37 yr old fuddy duddy here too. I just signed up on Facebook recently. I could see sending a "save the date" on there to get the word out but I think an invitation should be sent for it to be official. If money is tight then an evite could be personalized and sent by email. We use evites for the kids birthday parties. Not everyone is on FB so I would think they would have been notified traditionally. I fought FB for about 1 1/2 yrs of people telling me to sign up.

If the date was getting close and you are good friends with them, asking them would have let you known. You could have asked will I be getting an invite in the mail also. Either way you would have known why they used FB, traditional or not, it is their day.

Something like this would not sit good with Miss Manners! =)

I wonder how they are going to do thank you letters? Wall posts? =)

3 moms found this helpful

Nope -- Invite by internet is not OK. Right up there with breaking up via e-mail. Socially immature.

3 moms found this helpful

IDK? I can say that a lot of people use facebook (my whole extended family is on there, and that is how we communicate mostly) and a lot of people are struggling financially...so maybe it was a free way to invite friends and family to a low-key affair?

Granted if it was going to be a huge lavish wedding then you would assume a real invitation would be in order....but if not, maybe this was appropriate to their situation?

BTW-38 is hardly old, or fuddy-duddy...but we do have to change with the times sister!

I kind of get put off by anyone's judging how others handle their weddings/b-days, etc...after all they are inviting you to come share their special day...it is supposed to be about them...not how comfortable you are with how they have handled it--sounds like you made the right choice by not attending if it insulted you so.

3 moms found this helpful

TOTALLY inappropriate. That's as disgusting as the 'no gifts please ... only cash' message I've recently seen on wedding invites. I'm 35 and am appalled by this complete lack of manners. Evites are perfectly fine for birthdays, general parties and random get togethers, but weddings? That's really tacky.

3 moms found this helpful

Say it with me T-A-C-K-Y!!!! (her not you, in case there was any question!)

3 moms found this helpful

I would have done the same thing - and figured that if they really wanted me there, they would have reached out some other way than a social networking site...

3 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't do it personally, but why is someone else's way of doing things wrong? Why judge? They want you there or they wouldn't have invited you, regardless of the format. And if you really cared about them, you should have gone no matter what. "punishing" them by not showing up is no better than their action. A good friend sets examples and helps, not judges or belittles their friends' differences. Perhaps when you got it you could have called and asked if they were sending invitations by mail. Maybe they didn't have time or money, and you could have offered to help address them, made it a fun night for you and your friend. It's not too late to send a card of congratulations and maybe a gift of some nice stationery and stamps :)

3 moms found this helpful

Did they send out all of their invites like this? It could be to save on money and to be "green". If this is the way they did all of their invites, then you should not have a problem with it. It is their right to decide how to invite their guests. However, if other people got "real" invitations then you might wonder why you were not "important" enough to recieve one too. Weddings do not have to follow the rule book anymore.........

3 moms found this helpful

No you are not being an old fuddy duddy... these kids need to grow up and do things the proper way. jmhop.

3 moms found this helpful

Yes it may seem inappropriate, but whats done is done and hopefully someone else learns from this that it is inappropriate. Did you send them a facebook gift for their wedding present? I would have. Just for the record my daughter is getting married and we didn't invite on facebook but I did post a request for address's of the people whom I did not have theirs. But I think I almost could have done the invites on facebook because everyone we invited is on there.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm all for breaking the rules with weddings. I could care less about how you are "supposed" to do things. But this is tacky. If they want to be save money or green and all, that is fine, but that is what evite is for. Its a real e-invitation service. You can make them look decent. I wouldn't think that was tacky but facebook totally is. That is how we organize our last minute mom's night out 2 for 1's, not a real event.

Also, I have done that- made a evite for some people and a real invitation for some people. I sent the evite to people that I wanted to make sure they knew they were invited but also make sure they felt no obligation to come to my toddler's bday party (because who really enjoys those besides family?). Because I thought an evite was less formal and not a "real" invitation.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi B.,

I feel the same way you do but I do understand that money is hard to find these days and facebook has made some things easier for some. We are a dying generation. Etiquette is very important for me in most circles but this is not much different than an open invitation to all the church members....I got an invitation from a friend's child that had been made on a copier and think that facebook would have been more professional, lol.

Fuddy-duddy is not the word. You simply like order. Me too!

M.

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I have a one word answer: inappropriate!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Inappropriate for a formal affair...if it's a really, I mean really informal wedding (like a small party for a 2nd or 3rd marriage) then maybe ok. I'm not sure it would hold me back from going but I wouldn't like it too much. And there are still people not on the internet (my mom is one of them), so I'm curious how those were handled.

2 moms found this helpful

Life's too short to worry about stuff like that B.. I have lost too many friends though the years . I would give anything for the opportunity to receive a "tacky" invitation to any one of their weddings. I don't mean it in judgement of you, and I agree that it is not conventional. But who cares? Sometimes we just get caught up in the stuff that just doesn't matter. Let it go girl.

2 moms found this helpful

At first I thought maybe they couldn't afford invitations, then saw your later post.

I'm starting to think mail is a thing of the past and e-mail, facebook etc. is our future. I agree, I still want to hold a letter or invitation.

2 moms found this helpful

It's not something I would have done and I am 18. However, it is the new way! I am almost positive that I will have one in my mail box for my friends wedding in a few months. I get them all the time for baby showers, birthdays and a variety of parties! It's what us "kids" generation does! This does not mean we need to grow up, it's just how we have grown up... Again, I will say I wouldn't use it and I don't think it was appropriate for this occasion. Is this couple good friends? If yes, then I see no reason why you couldn't have gone. I can see why it would be easier you would know for sure who was attending... Thats my opinion, everyone has their own! =)Ash

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I think that's in poor taste.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm 38 and i would have thought it weird, since i have not been invited to a wedding that way, but their wedding their day, their way. If I liked the people & were close, then I would have gone, if not, then not. I normally send a gift even if I cannot attend, & I usually send cash with an I'm sorry I missed it card, but in this case, I don't think I would have sent that. Just marked no.

2 moms found this helpful

I guess I'm a 39-year-old fuddy-duddy, because I would have done the same. Yikes, a FB wedding invitation is just awful. At the very least, they should have given the heads-up in their conversations with you: "Our budget is just so tight that we have to send out invites online." Without that, it's a real nose-crinkler to me.

ETA: If you do go, you might give them a copy of Emily Post's book on etiquette as a gift. :) So many people haven't received etiquette guidance from their parents.

2 moms found this helpful

I am not sure how serious I would take an invitation like that. I get those "event" invitations all of the time and I ignore most of them and it takes me awhile to even sort through them to decide which ones might actually be worth looking at (most are not important). I tend to agree with you that if you were a part of the guest list, then you should have received a real invitation in the mail. I am 35, so I guess that makes me an old fuddy-duddy too!

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INAPPROPRIATE!!!! - I am all for saving money and cutting done on waste but a wedding invitation is not the place to do it. I know Dear Abby would say the invitation sets the tone for the entire wedding. It lets the guests know if it is formal or casual. FB is still too casual of an invitation for any kind of wedding where you expect guests to be there.

2 moms found this helpful

I think it is tacky, and this just goes to show, that the younger generations are lacking in class. nobody knows anymore what it means to have class. Yes I know people want to have fun and all, but there is a time and place for it. BTW, I'm younger than you, so I guess I'm a fuddy duddy too! :-)

2 moms found this helpful

i am 32, and i agree. if they really wanted your presence you would have received an actual invitation. i doubt this is a close, tried-and-true friend, right? sounds like they were just fishing for wedding guests. i wouldn't have gone either. are they one of those people who have like 300 fb "friends"? i doubt her feelings would be hurt by you not being there. if it meant that much to her to be there you would have received an actual invitation in the mail. it's not a matter of tacky or not (if ppl insist, i suppose fb is one way of communication that we have to accept as the norm now?) it was the fact that it was an impersonal cattle call to come and (presumably) bring presents to her wedding. at least that's how i'd take it. like i said, i wouldn't have gone either.

2 moms found this helpful

wow, that's crazy. I just got married in October and I just find it hard to believe that every single person they wanted to invite is on FB??? So they had to have sent out snail mail invites I would think? Interesting. I agree, I think weddings are something special and although there is a huge range of budgets, I mailed invite is still the way to go.

2 moms found this helpful

Count me as a 28-year-old fuddy duddy. This is TACKY. I have occasionally received Facebook "save-the-date" stuff, but I agree with you that if they truly want me to attend, I'll get something in the mail about it. The only excuse I can find is if it's a best friend you know is broke who is having a simple ceremony at a Justice of the Peace or backyard BBQ, but even then, I would think a phone call would be in order.

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with you that a real wedding invitation would have been appropriate and find it hard to believe that they were not sent out to the main invitees. The only reason I can see for a facebook invite, would be in the case of someone that wants to include a large number of people without making them feel obligated to attend. I have seen this done at churches when a staff member for instance has a wedding or baby shower. There are invites sent to their family and friends, but an open invitation is printed in the church bulletin so as not to offend anyone. I think you were not on the "A" list, and therefore had no obligation to attend.

2 moms found this helpful

Yucky, I guess I am a Fuddy Duddy.. too many ways to be able to send out inexpensive tasteful, fun and clever invitations without facebook..

My 12 year old niece uses facebook to invite her friends to go to the movies and for sleepovers for goodness sake..

1 mom found this helpful

Miss Manners needs to hear about this! Good Lord, that is tacky!

1 mom found this helpful

An invite to a wedding via FB too me is a little impersonal but I guess for me it would depend on who sent it. The wedding is supposed to be about the Bride and groom NOT THE ATTENDIES!!! In my opinion traditional weddings are a waste of money and cause undo stress on the everyone involved.

As the world changes people need to go with the flow or you'll end up left behind. I agree that technology now days can be a little impersonal but these busy times, sometimes it's easier to text or email. Really, who are you to judge! I'm am sure everyone at some point in time of there life did something or didn't something that someone else felt was tacky or in poor taste. If your invite was from close friend then you should have gone anyway.... that is what friendship is... you have to accept the other or quit being phony. If it was just an acquaintance then who cares anyway.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you know if they even sent out invitation in the mail. I have friends that invited us to a wedding via the facebook events and these were the only invitations they sent out. They were on a really tight budget. Maybe they are concerned about the environment and were trying to be green. As the world changes so do the rules of etiquette. It really isn't up to us to decide if how they handle their invitations is right or wrong. It is up to you to decide if you want to be apart of that special day or not. Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi B. and everyone else...I am 40 and a wedding photographer. There are many people on a tight budget, as well, saving the carbon footprint. By the same token, some of my brides I only communicate by text message. That is how they prefer it. I tell them to feel free to text in the middle of the night if something is on their mind and they need to get the message to me. It all works.

I just feel it is what they like and they are comfortable with it. I thought it was weird when a lot of my transactions were by email, but that is what they do.

BTW, wedding invitation can run around $300 because the quantities that have to be ordered, if you need 86 and not 80. As well, by the time you put the double envelope and RSVP card, save the date, etc. It is a large chunk of their budget. I would like to earn that portion of their business, but understand...budgets can be tight.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that a FB invitation is not great, but I think it is important to acknowledge that so many traditions are no longer seen as important these days, unfortunately. I got married in 2006, and I was very into the traditions and etiquette involved. It used to be considered proper etiquette for invitations to only be written in the bride's hand, but that is rare these days!!! I had a recent wedding experience with a "friend" who invited my hubby and I to her wedding but not the reception. She also invited me to her shower... Kind of like saying, "Please buy me a gift, but we're not going to buy you dinner..." I was offended, but realized she may just not know proper etiquette, etc, so I did attend to support her on her big day.

1 mom found this helpful

it depends on if that was how they sent all the invitations or just yours; if they're good, good friends of yours or just acquaintances. however, i wouldn't be so bitter about it. FB is how a lot of things are done now (baby announcements, engagement announcements, etc.) why resist and limit yourself to something that may be a lot of fun? life is too short to say "no" so hastily to something that should be a pleasant day and an occasion shared with friends and family.

1 mom found this helpful

That sounds a little crazy. I probably wouldn't attend either.

1 mom found this helpful

Personally, I do not think you are being a "fuddy-duddy". It sound to me that the couple in question are the strange ones. Unless they are only planning on a small ceremony with just a handful of friends (less than 5), printed invitations send via the postal service is the proper thing to do.

1 mom found this helpful

I was all offended when my friend sent me something by email and then realized it was just a Save-The-Date notice; she eventually sent the real invitation by mail. I totally understand why you would want to save money on Save-The-Dates, though!

1 mom found this helpful

Well, I'm 28 and I would not have gone to a wedding if I was invited through facebook. I agree with you, if they wanted you there you would have received an ivitation. Maybe using facebook was they're way of making sure no one got left out. They probably didn't think people invited through facebook would actually come. Strange and yes inappropriate, especially for a wedding where it is ovbious they are not trying to save money.

1 mom found this helpful

wow! that is so crazy!!! I am 30 and dont have facebook....but I am starting to think I am one of the only ones. I am forever getting told to go on there and I just dont want to. no one picks up the phone anymore. LOL

1 mom found this helpful

I guess it depends on the wedding. We were married at the courthouse, totally lowkey, put a notice up on MySpace (remember that?) and a few friends showed up.
If it were a REAL wedding, it seems super tacky. And weird. And a way to up the # of gifts without spending money on nice invitations.

1 mom found this helpful

I had 2 class mates the connected on FB and there courtship was on FB so there invitations for there weeding was on FB. There wonderful life is on FB. They have plenty of fun and money and all the pictures and comments are on FB! Call it tacky but for some people this is their way of communication. God bless.

1 mom found this helpful

I spent an entire month teaching myself Flash to make our wedding invites. I wrote an entire cartoon strip which I then animated, ending with pages you can navigate with the invite and map at the end.

E-invites may not be traditional, but we certainly got away with it. Also considering our crowd of friends, I'm sure they would not have known how a paper invite works :p

The only downside is that you may need to make a few paper invites, say for grandparents who are not computer literate.

E-invites can be just as personal and even more so when done correctly. I believe my invitations took much more effort and showed much more of our personalities than other people going to a paper shop and choosing the prettiest paper to have the paper shop then make and send out the invites.

That said, I would not have used Facebook as I would not have been able to customize everything to my liking.

All that said: Do you like the people? Go to the wedding ;)

1 mom found this helpful

I am with you B. and I am 31. There are somethings and some traditions you do not change. A great part of the weddings are the invitations and the rsvps. I would not have responded either. Watch for your Thank You letter via email in a Form Letter...LOL.

1 mom found this helpful

It's totally tacky. Saving the Earth? I think recycled paper would suffice for a wedding invite. Short on cash? Make them yourself--a very personal touch anyway.

Evite---perhaps for a VERY casual wedding. Facebook--Not a chance. Put me in the fuddy-duddy club, but do you want people to feel like you are inviting them to celebrate your marriage or just bring a gift?

1 mom found this helpful

I like the poster that suggested you send them a facebook gift!! I am 32, so not that "younger" than you and I find it extremely inappropriate. My parents are both in the IT field, so computers and e mail and evites are not foreign to me. Let's put it this way, I learned my multiplication tables on a commodore 128 with a program my mom wrote for me. I am all into the technological world. My grandfater was using e mail and the computer at age 83 before he died. I however, still think it is tacky to use facebook as a medium for an invitation. I think you can reach out to those that haven't rsvp'd yet to find out. Using FB just for invites isn't appropriate. Now, if they were just doing a Justice of the Peace thing, and/or having an impromto wedding or a very non traditional wedding (scuba diving, on a roller coaster, ect.) then it would be within the realm of the wedding. But spending 10-20K on a wedding and using facebook to invite???....um, no I don't think so lol.

so let us know what you sent them as a gift via facebook LOL

Lots of my friends are doing this too and I thinks it's okay. It gives me a really easy way to RSVP without having to mark something then mail it back and stuff. I do have to say most of them are still sending out tradtional type wedding invitations too though. They are usually home made verses the store ordered ones.

We had a quicky, cheap, small wedding and did an Evite.

I live in the electronic world and while I laugh at the thought of a wedding invitation over Facebook, I feel the decision is theirs. People get married under water, in sporting goods stores (just saw that one on the news last night), in Star Wars/Harry Potter motifs, etc, etc, etc. Why not use FB for the invites? I consider it all the same...personal preference. Not mine, but its their choice. If I'm offended or feel its inappropriate...nothing says I have to answer.

From a security perspective, I do question the dangers of divulging that kind of information over a medium (FB) which has been targeted, and still is, by all kinds of viruses, worms, scams, phishing attempts, etc, etc, etc.

--R. Daddy

I think its pretty tacky, but I wouldn't have not gone to the wedding because of it. At the end of the day, who cares if they wrote the invite on a post-it note....if they are friends then being a part of their big day is all that matters. Also, $10k for a wedding is cheap in these parts, so maybe they really were trying to save a few bucks. Honestly, when I got married I hated the thought of spending $500+ on invites (not including postage for outside envelope and response card--easily another $100) that most people were honestly going to just toss in the garbage. Plus I ended up having to call at least 30 people towards the end who could never get that SASE into the mail with their reply! I ended up picking the most inexpensive ones I could find and I still think it was ridiculous. I do think that you over-reacted if this was the reason you didn't attend the wedding as you state. It does seem tacky, but it was their wedding and their choice.

Hi B.,

You're not being a fuddy duddy, getting a wedding invite via Facebook is unusual. But I wouldn't be offended that that is how you were invited. Times are tight and weddings are expensive. Maybe the couple had to do it to save on their budget? Also, if it was a casual wedding, the online invitation would go along with that theme.

If that was the standard for all invited guests, with the exception of those without computers, then I would not have taken offense. Sounds like you missed a grand time. Next time call and ask if formal invites would be mailed.

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