Facebook & Similar sites-Am I Crazy Not to Want to Join?

Hi there :) You have received so many good replies, I just wanted to add something. I was originally reluctant to join Facebook, but did when I was invited by a good friend. I've become "friends" with lots of my extended family and renewed contacts with old friends that I knew before I joined Facebook.
Fast-forward to today. My brother's wife is fighting for her life in the hospital, with pneumonia, in a medical coma. My dear brother, who I'm very close to in person, is too exhausted to call me every day (because he has to call everyone in his family and his wife's family)... and sometimes when I call him he doesn't answer (hopefully he's getting some rest then)... but he posts updates on his wife's condition on Facebook and I and the rest of the family leave messages of support for them. For this reason I am very glad to be on Facebook. I can keep up with some of my family there, plus many of my friends. Facebook is not for everyone, but I've found that it works well for me. Also, I don't twitter (don't have time) and when I share a pic of my daughter I don't use her legal name I use her nickname. There are more reasons I'm glad I have Facebook but this is getting long. *Peace*!

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Heck no! I do not care for this latest social networking craze. I understand that it is easy for people to share photos, communicate, etc. via Facebook but if you're not a member of these sites, you might as well be out of the loop. :( People just don't bother with other forms of communication anymore. Why should you, when you can just post it on Facebook and tell everyone with one click? [insert eye roll here]

I think the thing that bothers me the most about Facebook is that all of your worlds can collide there. Maybe it's just me, but I don't necessarily care to give my high school friends, my college friends, my mommy friends, my work colleagues, my message board friends and my family the same level of information about my personal life. I get that you can change your privacy levels for certain groups of people, but I still don't like the idea.

I'm not just bashing Facebook and similar social networking sites as an outsider - I briefly signed up for an account to see what the fuss was about and quickly decided that it wasn't the kind of thing that I wanted to get into after I played around with it for a bit. My husband is on Facebook and I've looked over his shoulder plenty of times but still don't care to get into it myself. The amount of personal information that people share via Facebook is shocking. Even though there are privacy controls, it's still the internet, people! My mother-in-law recently posted on her status (or whatever) that she was thinking about sex. Ick! Ew! Yuck! THAT is exactly the type of oversharing that I'm not comfortable with when it comes to people I know in real life. I'd rather post very personal questions or concerns in a more anonymous fashion.

I do socialize on the internet via a few different message boards, so I get that the web is a valuable way to communicate with people, get advice, make connections, etc. It just seems that people are using Facebook and Twitter and their blogs as a replacement for REAL communication and that is probably what irks me the most about it too. While the idea of getting back in contact with old friends and acquaintances is tempting, I'm pretty sure that after the initial excitement of renewing our friendship wears off we would revert back to where we are now. I have been able to keep in touch with the people that are most important to me, but I know that I'm sort of an afterthought when it comes to getting news and updates from them because I'm not willing to get on the Facebook bandwagon.

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You are not crazy. I understand how you feel about the whole thing. I used to do myspace but had to quit because I was addicted to it- no joke. I would stay up till 3 am just looking @ everyone's pictures, designing my profile, etc. It was ridiculous. I re-signed to facebook and myspace to try and find a long lost girl friend of mine from childhood, but don't go on there more than once/ month. I have become very tech savvy if u will with texting. Its my bad habit- instead of calling people, I'd rather text them. Sad, I know. But I don't really have time to sit around on the phone and talk either with 3 young kids. Evertime I try, my kids suddenly need my attention. I agree that people have become almost anti-social in person because they are so used to electronic conversations. You don't HAVE to answer their invites to join. However, if they do follow up on their invite just politely reply "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I don't join sites like that because it seems to take up so much of my time. " Something like that. Anyway, enough rambling. Good luck!

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I agree with Lynsay (below) FACEBOOK often seems like a little TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I am too busy right now but even if I wasn't so busy I'd just ignore facebook.

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No you are not old fashioned or crazy. I have had this conversation with so many people. You are NOT alone. I work with computers all day and the last thing I want to do in my "free time" is get on facebook. My husband has an account and needless to say it has caused a lot of problems between us. I think it is appropriate for limited use-but when people start coming out of the woodwork to be friends that is when it gets annoying. I think there is a way to block that option-not sure. There are other ways to be social without everyone knowing your business.

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i'll admit i didn't join Facebook for a long time because i also thought it was very impersonal. But it has helped me connect with people I never get to see! I really love hearing updates and seeing pics. I am only on once a week. I'm not addicted to the hourly update some people do. But you may want to check it out...

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It is not crazy to hold out as long as your kids are young, but once they are old enough to start being online at home or school you should be on there, and know how everything works, have access to all their accounts, and a very good understanding of all things social online. If you wait until they are that old, then you will have a bigger learning curve to overcome. Just a thought, it amazes me how many places my son finds internet time, and I am sure that it will only get worse by the time my babies are older.

BTW, I have a lot of friends on Facebook that literally never post anything, and if I have an annoying friend who likes to give too much information, I just turn off their feeds so that I don't have to listen to them drone on forever.

Last thought, who cares what other people think? I have a feeling that you are more concerned about what they think than they are about whether you join or not. Seriously, when I send out an invitation to something like that it is usually because it was prompted by my joining, and not because I truly care if someone joins or not.

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you are not crazy

in fact, for the most part, we people who are on facebook are crazy-addicted.
so take my "check-facebook-at-least-once-a-day" advice: if you dont want to be involved with these sites DONT :D

its not worth your time and effort. just ignore the invites, and tell people flat out that you are NOT interested. if they want to talk to you they can call or come over or whatever. :D

GO YOU! :D

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Hi M.,

I felt similar about myspace, facebook, etc. but last fall, (after numerous invitations) I was invited to see some pics of a former roommate (it had been more than a decade since I'd seen her). I gave in and joined facebook. I have to say that I am very glad I did. I have reconnected with SO many people. From cousins who live thousands of miles away, to friends I had in elementary, middle, and high school, even my former step brother with whom I had lost touch, found me there. It's also a way for me to stay in touch with former colleagues (who live in other states) now that I am a SAHM. You control how much or little time you spend there (I am not one to update my "status" daily or anything). I don't "twitter"-never have, likely never will-, as I don't need the minute by minute, play by play updates. I do agree that nothing will replace personal contact (phone calls, letters, etc), but with life so busy for everyone, as you mentioned, it's a way to (quickly) let someone know you're thinking of them, in ADDITION to your priority calls and letters. So while I was reluctant to join, I now have no regrets. :-)

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I too was reluctant to join these sites. I have to admit, I am now a Facebook user and love it. I work full time and have four children so the free time I would have to chat or visit with others is often the time of night or morning that my friends and family would not want to hear from me. I have also found it is a great way to connect with family that no longers lives close to me.

You of course can do what you want, but I find it give me a little more contact that I would have been able to attain given my family's busy schedule. I was much better at having personal conversations before we entered the world of school, but that's the way it goes.

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I feel the same way you do. My family and friends are almost all on facebook and I would get email asking to join and they started to annoy me with asking, so I broke down and joined. About 8 hours later, I deactivated my account! I would rather write emails or talk to them on the phone. And I just told my family that facebook just isn't for me. I also don't like pics of my family out there. So, just tell them that you aren't interested in joining. My family understood and we still talk all the time thru emails. And, it seems like a bad thing for some people! My cousins are completely addicted to it! I don't have the time to sit around and 'update' all the time! You aren't alone in not wanting to join!!! K.

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M.,

I know exactly how you feel! I finally took the plunge to Facebook because I thought that it might help my PartyLite business. I rarely check it though...I don't have the time to!

Not only are you NOT crazy, you just know how to value people!

J.

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I am not on facebook either but all my friends keep asking me to join. I haven't joined because I want to keep my personal stuff personal. I know that only people you invite can see your pictures etc. but it seems like a lot of people you know as acquantances (sp?) want to be your friend and I don't think I would want them all as friends.

Also people mention using it as a way to get reconnected with people they haven't seen in a long time but how reconnected do you really think you become with these people? For example, I have had former highschool friends get in touch with me through my husband's facebook account and I have emailed them back and forth a couple of times but as soon as I say we should talk or go out to lunch I never hear from them. I am sorry, but I am not going to waste my time chatting with people who don't want to spend enough time to pick up the phone or go out to lunch.

I am happy with my life and real friends and don't need to know the details of everyone else's life. Don't let someone pressure you into it if you have strong feelings against these sites.

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It is scary because that could be my post. I was very leary of joining facebook. I had tried myspace and did not care for it. I recently joined facebook and what I like about it is I can talk to the ppl that I want to. I have family all over this world, and I have the option to have ppl as my friends or not to accept them.

I am still learning about facebook, they have games and other things that I don't really get involved in. I love staying connected with family and friends that have moved from my area. I say give it a try, if you don't like it you can always cancel.

As much as we don't like it, technology is taking over, my kids actually need flash drives for school. I don't even have one, nor have I ever used one!! LOL

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It is not too crazy. I am currentlty registered on facebook with my friends and all I get is requests and I am not on it but once a week. I really joined to show pictures of my 2 1/2 year old daughter, but I can do that on email and if they want to see her we can get together. I don't even use my picture for my profile. I use my daughters. I don't know how people can sit on the computer that much. I am looking to get out of it. I think it is out of control. I think your friends would understand. I have other things I want to do in a day instead of sitting on a computer and I am a SAHM. I rather spend time with my daughter. I hope this helps your decision

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It's all what you make of it and if you don't want to, then don't. Personally, I love it and, being home with my 3 children FT, it allows me to feel connected on a daily basis to people that I normally don't get to see or catch up with, and to also reconnect with people I'd have most likely never been able to find. Most importantly, being on FB hasn't changed the fact that I still call my closest friends and family as much as I usually do, but allows multiple people to be up to date on what's going on in my life without contacting each one individually... let's face it- life is crazy and there's no way I'd have actual time to stay in touch to that degree without it. I don't twitter or have a myspace page- I keep it simple with FB and like that it allows me to specify who can see what information. I use it basically for status updates, emailing those on FB, photos, etc-...

My personal feeling is that it hasn't devalued personal communication, it's done the opposite and helped IMPROVE it as well as my relationships. It by no means replaces contact, but rather allows me to drop a quick message so they know I'm thinking about them even though things are a little crazy and I normally wouldn't have the time to contact them directly. For me, being a SAHM, I'm on my laptop often as I do a lot of shopping (pre-shopping before I go to store, checking out weekly Cub specials) etc. so am already on- it's more feasible for me to type a quick message than picking up the phone at a particular moment for an extended conversation that I may not have time for.

But each to his own. However- here's a little food for thought.... if you're so effective at staying in touch, would people feel the need to send you invites to join?

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Hello M.! I don't think you are crazy for not wanting to join. Just ignore all the invitations.
That said, I love facebook. I traveled the world for years and am now able to connect with people that I shared my travels with.
Facebook is as personal as you make it. Some people post EVERYTHING, which is unwise. My facebook page is very personal. As far as what other posters have talked about such as family sharing photos or announcements they wanted to keep private, that is a valid concern! People need to have manners and not share information that is not theirs to share! A big pet peeve of mine! :)

So, no. Don't be pressured to join something that you don't want to. Be polite, I'm assuming you would be, and remember they are just wanting another way to "connect" with you.

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Hi M.,
You've gotten replies with both sides and I have to add I love facebook. It has great privacy settings so you can lock down everything so no one can see things, everyone can, family only, specific friends, etc. I've gotten in contact with high school friends I didn't even know where they were, I found a friend from elementary school that moved away in 5th grade. You don't have to bear your soul on line, but it's a neat way to re-connect with people. It's one of the few ways I can keep up with a close friend who works the night shift.

They also have lots of Moms groups online, your local zoo, museum, church, etc. may have a facebook page with their updates, it's just another way to connect with people.

You could always try it, see who you find, and then delete the account if you aren't happy with it.

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oh i know what your sayin....i found out about my daughter gettin a new job on face book....call me old fashioned...but use the phone....my entire family communicates by email -phone calls are far an few between....i spend way more time playing catch up on the computer than anything else....face book confuses the heck outta me....so just tell everyone-you dont have time to add to your to do list...after almost a yr i finally joined face book-actually my son did it-said i needed to come up to the times.....i get over 200 emails a day-yep i sure need more....blek....good luck-just be honest....

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M.,
Some might say that all this technology has brought our world closer together, as well as allowing an increase in personal interaction. Sure, it's a different type of interaction, but it remains interaction nonetheless. You have every right to choose not to join the social networking sites - I'm sure everyone will understand. But the technological world and the interactions within are only going to increase! Expect more evites and emails rather than hand written invitations and letters!! It's just the way things are going!

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You are NOT crazy... I feel exactly the same way! Plus, who knows who else is somehow looking at these pages and also knowing what you are doing at every minute. Not for me either.

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I was the same way but recently gave in and am happy I did. I have so many friends and family around the country that I know can keep in touch with. I find it amazing how horrible people are about keeping in touch personally but can share everything online. I think it is really a time issue, so you don't have to send separate e-mails to everyone. I still talk to my friends every now and then on the phone, but at least I know what is going on in their lives. I try to limit my time, but there are some junkies out there. I just ignore them. Let them waste their lives away online. It is all what you make of it.

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Of course you are not crazy to feel this way. You are YOU! I do feel just like you, but I sometimes get pulled into things anyway. So in some ways I would like to be more like you. I do have 2 teenage boys who seem to really enjoy facebook, and I think it's probably good for them. They are somewhat limited in getting together with friends because we live so far from town, and this keeps them in touch. It is also writing (though not the best) and we all know that these boys will not likely ever be letter writers. So to entertain my boys, my husband and I each joined facebook. But I have never done much of anything since I set up my page. I don't see the point. I call my friends, go to visit, and sometimes send notes. Compared to these things, facebook seems very flat.

I also think you are very wise in seeing the implications of the types of communication that are common these days and the types that we are leaving behind. There is an entire sermon in there somewhere. So keep being you and be confident that you are choosing the better things even if the entire world goes after something new. And be careful not to judge those who are using the things you do not value. Everyone is different, and it may be just the thing for someone else.

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It is a great but can be overwhelming to belong to facebook. It is what you make of it. It is nice to find people, if that is what you want to do. Some people are on it all of the time and some are not, again it is what you make of it.

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I have had this exact conversation with other people. I joined facebook last summer because a friend of mine told me there is a great local mom's playgroup on there,and that was the only way to join it. Anyway, it has been a good way for me to meet other moms and find a ton of local activities to do with my kids. I moved to Omaha 6 years ago, so Facebook has also been a great way to keep in touch with my friends from my hometown, high school, college, sorority sisters and teaching colleagues (since I stay home now. I also have a home-based business, so it is also an excellent way to keep in touch with other consultants around the country. My dad and one of my brothers live out of state, so I have actually found that this is at least one way to feel like I am connected with them on a daily basis. We try to make the commitment to call each other regularly, but it is hard even though the intention and effort is there. My phone conversations with friends and family can last anywhere from 1 to 3 hours and with work, spouses, kids and other commitments it really is hard to find the time to keep up by phone. However, if someone writes about something exciting, concerning, etc. Then I know to drop everything and pick up that phone.
I agree with you I like the face to face contact, but as a fan of social networking and blogging I feel like I maintain many more friendships that may otherwise have been lost simply because of losing touch over the years. Hope this helps!

A.

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I love facebook, and I have thought about the reservations that you have. The thing is, facebook has brought me back in touch with tons of people I had lost track of, and I am deeply grateful to have them back in my life.

Here's an example of the utility of facebook. My nerdy elementary school acquaintance has turned into a really cool, really funny adult, and I love the stuff he writes on facebook. As I live in MN, and he lives in the south, and we were never close friends, it would be really weird if I called him up and said, "Hey, can I tell you this funny story that happened to me today?" or "Hey, do you want to see a video of my son on his skateboard?" But on facebook we have regular contact, and it's fun.

And...multiply that by 100. I don't collect "friends" just to have them; I try to stick only with people I actually know and like. My good friends I do see regularly, but I have lots of great friends who live far away, and plenty of great acquaintances who live in town but I don't bump into often.

Facebook isn't for everyone, but I would give it a try. If you don't like it, then quit. You might just find it to be really fun.

Oh yeah, one more story. I had a really stressful thing happen at work last winter. Someone I work with did something vicious to me. I posted that I was so stressed out I thought I would break, and then I got a TON of supportive responses from all sorts of people I know, and it helped me get through it. The things people told me were kind and moving, and it was wonderful.

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My husband and I joined facebook last fall because that is how our family reunion was being planned. I like it because we can keep in touch with our family and friends, but I don't go on there more than maybe once a week. I don't "update" people on what I am doing or anything like that. I can tell you the one thing that really bothered me about facebook was that when we had our son in April, I came home from the hospital and was going to post a picture of our new baby boy for our family to see and my sister had already done it! And she announced his birth to the family too. I would have liked to have done that. I was pretty upset. I wouldn't join if you don't want too.

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M. ...

I totally applaud you!!! A zillion kudos!

De-valued is a perfect description of my feeling also in terms of how diminished our personal connections can become if we let them - and unfortunately, sometimes we can't stop that 'train' all by ourselves. Thank you for posing such an important thought provoking query.

Yahoo Instant Messaging is as far as I'll go and in and of itself... it is a pretty good weeding tool. Some get into Face Book, My Space and all several Instant Messaging systems (i.e Skype, MSN, Yahoo) simultaneously and it detracts from the quality of any one ... just to stay spuriously and superficially connected to many. I'm of the old school that likes quality versus quantity.

Call me a control freak but I have some very clear boundaries and will keep people in my personal circle of new acquaintances long enough to understand if it is something nourishing or otherwise. You can guess what I do with the latter... I politely excuse myself and disappear with a 'block'. Easy peasy, not offensive but 'kept clean and clear' of complications and deciphering nonsense. You understand I'm sure.

Anyway ... perhaps this comes across as 'too bold' but so 'bee' it ... and let the 'buzz' begin ... ha!

Respectfully to all who agree or disagree, M

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I have a facebook and love it. You will find you get to keep in touch with people you haven't had time to in years.
this said if you live in the town you grew up in then you may not like it much. I have move much and I love talking to old friends. I agree with you about calling friends and Family. But this way they all see your written item at the same time. Can't do that on the phone unless you call everyone. I don't write all day or even everyday! Give it a try if you hate it stop, no biggie!! Good luck!

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M. you are not crazy for feeling this way... everyone's different. In my case I love Facebook.. I am not originally from the States, so my family and many friends are from South Africa. Facebook is the best thing that ever happened to us. We can talk to each other daily, every minute if we want to... as they can use it on their cellphones. I just found out my 15 year old nephew has a girlfriend.. ALREADY! ;-) I have connected to friends that I haven't seen in MANY years.. and thought I would never see. I like hearing about their days... and to know what they are feeling. Don't have too much time for it lately as I work full time and have a newborn and a 2 year old... but I am part of my family's lives again...and I love every minute of it!! BUT in your case if you don't have the need for it, just ignore the request. You don't have to join, and they wouldn't think anything of it if you don't join. Just tell them you don't want everyone to have an open book about your personal life. That is what one of my friends told me, and that is totally fine! Don't take it too serious...

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It feels like we are often pressured into using whatever is the new hot thing. I would only do what feels comfortable for me, period . . . and you do not have to defend your position. A lot of people must have a lot of time on their hands in order to post such drivel everyday. I check my account if I have time and don't worry about it if I don't. I am also very, very, careful about what I post. And using Facebook, Twitter, etc. does not take the place of telephone calls, handwritten notes/letters and face to face visits. If it doesn't feel right for you, then it isn't right for you.

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I really didn't think I would enjoy Facebook until I joined. I have reconnected with so many people from my past, and relatives. I talk to people much more now that I have reconnected with them on facebook. I go out more with friends due to being invited to things through facebook. So I believe the personal interaction is even better for me! A lot of times I see a friend is logged on facebook, so I give them a call because I know they are home and available. You can join and make your preferences so you don't get emails and then just log on when you want to.

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I also have no desire to join Facebook, Twitter or all of the rest. The farthest I go is to look at people's photos when they share them through Snapfish.

I am a fan of email and chats through email services, but mostly because I am something of a writer, with a moderate phobia of talking on the phone, and of talking face-to-face. When I am feeling especially anxious, it allows me to communicate with my friends and family when I would otherwise be unable to do so because of depression, anxiety etc.

I also avoid the phone lately because my 3 year old makes it nearly impossible to hold a meaningful conversation with anyone else without a million interuptions.

Yes, new technology is cool, but old-school correspondence, particularly the written letter or invitation is something special. You now it took someone the time and effort to do it. (However, being somewhat of an aspiring "green" person, I like the e-cards too because they don't destroy trees.

It's totally a personal decision to use or not use the new technology out there. It changes so fast, it's hard to keep up anyway. We have internet at our home, but not cable tv. not a cell phone, not an MP3 or Ipod, or any of the stuff that has come out in the past 5 or so years.

I say use it if you want, don't if you don't want to, and just tell people "I'm not really interested in joining facebook etc right now; I'll let you know if I do join later on. Would you mind giving me call sometime so we can chat? I'd love to hear your voice."

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I joined facebook about 6 months after pressured by a couple friends. I have to say, I love it. It has allowed me to keep in touch with people I would never have the time or energy to keep up with. It has even put in me in contact with people I haven't seen in years. My parents even joined now and I am able to share pictures and videos of my kids this way. I have very tight privacy settings and have locked several people out of my account after deciding I didn't need to keep up with them for whatever reason. It's very flexible and you can use it as little or as much as you want.

It's totally your decision and prerogative to not join someplace like Facebook. But it has done wonders for me and lots of other moms I know. I am also a SAHM. If I were working full time it might feel like another chore I "had" to do. I personally have very little time or energy for phone calls. But find I can do FB or e-mail as I walk by the computer and I'm talking to my kids. Everyone's different. I also don't use it to "twitter" and I only very rarely post anything on my status.

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Hi M.,

You are not alone! I see how much fun it could be, but also how dangerous it is. I've taught in other states and have lost contact with almost all of my former students and crave the idea of using one of these sites to reconnect, however, I choose not to because I feel that it opens a door I do not want opened.

I also have a bad taste about these sites because my SIL posted pictures of my babyshower, my daughter's birth (of me right after giving birth and getting ready to breastfeed her), as well as all of my daughter's information, our information, and where she was born. I suggested to my SIL that she might as well have posted my daughter's social security number.

To answer your question, tell (and retell) all of your online family and friends that you don't want any part of it and that you do NOT want any pictures of your family or your information posted. Tell them how you would like to correspond. You may find yourself (like I do) making all of the phone calls and sending out the emails to stay in contact. And then it is up to you who you want to stay in contact with.

Good luck and stick to your guns. Your children may thank you in the future for not exploiting their pictures and personal information to a world wide forum. I can't imagine what could be pulled up on a person online in 15 years. At this point, there will be an online chronical of your child's entire life, pictures included.