Facebook

Okay, you are putting way too much seriousness into Facebook. Trust me when I say that people from everywhere will contact you and "invite" you to be their friend. You are not under any "pressure" to accept. The people you "refuse" will not get any message from FB that you refused them. Chances are, they won't even realize you are not on their page. Furthemore, IF anyone confronts you about why you haven't accepted them, shame on them! That's not proper etiquette at all and the best response you can give them is this: "I'm selective with whom I choose to view my profile." And leave it at that...with a response like that, they ought to get the message loud and clear. Facebook is fun and addicting. I know, I'm on it too! Have fun!

2 moms found this helpful

I would say what you told us...Tell her that you are on there to keep up with certain people based on the fact that they email you separately, and you felt a bit left out...That you really are not using it to network, and to have everyone you know on there. This will help her to understand, and avoid any hard feelings... (IMO)

Here is the thing...honesty is the best policy here. I will not put anyone on my FB unless I know them very well...has this offended some? I am sure it has. Was this avoidable? Not without making my life harder and more stressful. And no-one needs to make their lives harder if it's not out of a necessity.

1 mom found this helpful

i felt the same way you did until my family members asked me to join to KIT with them. but its really not that big of a deal. i personally dont allow everyone that asks me to be a friend, but again if you add them it doesnt necessarily mean that they are looking you up everyday to see how your life is being updated. i've added some long lost friends, corresponded once or twice from them and thats it. i dont check on everyone i'm friends with everytime i log on, i keep in touch with those involved in my life. Also if your daughter is good friends with this other lady's kid, i think it'd be in your best interest to keep as an acquaintance even if it means adding her to your list. She may be driving your daughter to the mall or movies one day... u never know. if you have nohting to hide, i dont see what the big deal is. you 2 have something bigger in common than anything else, your children.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.! Yes...someone else who does not like Facebook! I can't stand it. I signed up upon STRONG encouragement from friend..and I think it is just such a waste of time. I have no issue with denying friend requests. If you ever see this woman, and it ever comes up ( which I doubt would even happen), just tell her that you signed up, but just aren't into it. My husband thinks facebook is the greatest thing on earth...but I just really don't get why I want to know when some distant acquaintance is making eggs for breakfast. Anyway, don't worry about offending anyone. I honestly don't think you will. For the people that are all about Facebook, I think they want to be connected to other people that feel the same way. I am assuming that people do understand that not everyone is going to be into it, and I don't think that people will get offended. It is no biggie, so you can relax!!

Believe it or not if you just ignore it, most people don't pay much attention to whether or not your respond. Facebook does not let the other person know you have choose to ignore it. You can do this with any request (as I get way too many) and I just select ignore, and no one has said anything to me about it. Good Luck.

I think the facebook thing is an awesome way to stay in touch with family and friends.welcome to fb we all eventually fall to modern technology. I think you shouldn't feel obligated to accept anyone as a friend. to be desreet you can put your status offline even when your on so no one has to know how often or not your on. As for the aquantince of yours don't accept them if you don't want and if it evers comes up just simply say you dont go on much and have it mainly to keep in touch with your family. good luck in whatever you decide....

From one Facebooker to another, you have TOTAL CONTROL of your profile. You choose who you want to see it and you can also control who you want to see your pics. Just go under the settings and make your choices. Don't feel bad about ignoring anyone you don't want to have access to your facebook profile. I ignore people all the time. I like facebook because you can connect with old friends, classmates,and family. And it is a lot easier to share info and pics on your profile with them than to have to send individual emails. Just read the FAQs if you have any problems or feel free to email me or add me as a friend on FB. I will help you.

Sincerely,
J. Bellfy

P.S. You can find me on FB using my name. Just let me know you are from Mommasource. Thanks.

FB can be a nice way to keep in contact w/ family & friends, but it can also be a total time vacuum if you let it!! i was resistant as well...i gave into the peer pressure & am now seriously considering taking my entire profile down b/c although you are being considerate & asking about etiquette etc, some people have none & they post the strangest things...things that should not be mentioned on a somewhat public forum. People are posting things about their personal lives that i find offnsive & do not care to know that much about them. If you decide to do it, i offer you this advice......keep your friends list short, to people that have or will be in your life for a long time, set your privacy settings so that the only people that can see your profile, pictures etc are those you have "friended", set your email updates so you are not getting emails everytime your 3rd cousin twice removed changes her status. You may also consider coming up w/ an alias for yourself so that people dont know its you....like changing a letter in your name or something. That way, you are guaranteed only people who know your alias will try to friend you. Like i said...it can be a blessing to keep in touch with people but it also can be a curse!!! If its "too much trouble" for this person to email you seperately, what kid of friend are they??? Way back in the day of telephones & written letters....what would they have done????

Hi T.,
I hear you, and the suggestions all the other Moms here have said are great advice.

I want to mention a few things too though, first (perhaps you are still too young to find this is the case with your school peers), I am 43 and have found people from each school I attended (including preschool). We have mourned deaths together, celebrated joys and asked for/offered prayers of support when there is crisis. At MY age, the bs that was school-typical has fallen away. We've ALL experienced tragedy now, and to some degree that LEVELS the playing field. I'm NOT saying randomly accept folks, I'm just saying (as a 15 told me) "dont block a blessing." I was not always the nicest girl in school and have enjoyed the opportunity to apologize to folks I felt I might have hurt back in the day, as well as to find friends among them. When I organized our 25th class reunion (mostly through Fb)there were some (women, mostly)who didnt attend because they felt they "didnt age gracefuly" and "didnt want to get teased all over again". I saw NO such thing among our wonderfully diverse group. Cliques are gone, memories are being made in NEW relationships, and Fb is supporting these. I wouldnt know what I had in common with these folks, if I hadnt allowed them to come (back) into my life.

Facebook CAN be a time/energy drain if a user plays games,
takes constant surveys, indulges in applications
and feels a need to check on everyone's updates. I do not, any of that. Except for the artsy looking friend wheel, I block EVERY app sent my way.

To me, it's a VALUABLE tool with which I choose to invest myself in friendships (especially with those folks I never see) make friends of old acquaintances, meet new clients, and other inspiring artists. I have even found cousins who never before had heard of me!

And, oh yeah, I TOTALLY resisted joining Facebook. Hehehe

"Dont block a blessing," said that wise 15 year old.
Just ponder that.

Lastly, you can always delete anyone you've added (I weeded my friendslist last night; gone are those who are never in contact with whom I dont have heartstrings).

As always, do what feels best for YOU.

Blessed Be,
S.

Facebook is not for you.. You can however make it private where you control who views your page but those that see your relatives pages can read yours when they write to you because Facebook will let everyone know when something is posted. Every time you open your email you will see a notice and it drives you to the sight. If you are too busy and don't have time for this QUIT while you are ahead. People do get hurt as will this lady that you are not interested in reading her wall etc. I would not join Facebook if I were you. It's no big deal for your friends and family to send you an email to stay in touch. Tell them you are old fashioned when it comes to Facebook and reserve the right to stay private. M.

I've been on Facebook a long time. Whatever official etiquette may be -- and I'm no expert -- the only way to stay sane is to use it on your terms. I keep in touch with family and friends, but refuse all apps and am careful about friend requests. "I am already spending far too much time on the computer" is an excellent reason for keeping your Facebook time and presence to a minimum.

You could just accept her as a friend and then "hide" her newsfeeds and things. That's what I do when I get a friend request from someone I know I will see in the future. On your wall to the right of their name if you scroll your mouse the "hide" button will pop up. Just an option.

I only friend who I WANT TO friend, I have no desire to let an old boyfriend or person I wasnt really friends with in High School to view my life. If it happened to come up in conversation, you can just say you really don't spend much time on the computer and basically just signed up to keep in touch with those closest to you. End of story and change the subject. Don't feel obligated to friend everyone. Just click ignore if you are uncomfortable with the request and be sure your setting are all set to friends only.

In my opinion you are making too big of a deal.. most ppl dont care as much as you may think.. if by chance you do see her and she mentions it.. simply tell her the truth,,, you only have it to keep up with a few close friends.. thats it.. it really isnt that serious... keep it short and sweet..lol... Have a great day!! God Bless!!!

You can select to send private messages and you can choose who you include as friends. It is YOUR space and you DON'T HAVE include anyone you don't want. If the lady asks just tell her you don't log on too often. You will get friends requests, which you can either accept or reject.

T.,
Hi, you can set your privacy setting to start. Then you can block an individual and they can't see you or them. You can remove it later if you wish. You control your fb and enjoy. IT is a great way to stay in touch with people.
Good luck,
R.

Hi Tammie,

I totally understand your feelings about FB. You can always add her as a friend and then keep her off your news feed. That kind of covers both things. You have access to send her a message when you need to have contact with her, but you won't have to view her every coming and going and quiz that she takes:-) There is the option on the board itself when she starts coming through to hide her. I have quite a few people on my friend list for some of the games I do play, but I don't want to hear about their lives, I don't know them. Hope this helps. I am a 43 year old mom of 4 and I joined kicking and screaming and now really love it:-)

Roz

Just a couple pieces of advice from someone who also joined after peer pressure. (My Bible study group uses FB to schedule gatherings so I was missing out on planning things and sometimes even finding out finalized plans too late.)

- First, deny anyone you wish. They won't get a message saying you denied them and they likely will forget they even sent a friend request to you for a good while. If it ever comes up, just tell your acquiantances that you rarely use FB and it's really just to keep up with your immediately family. (My excuse was it was really just to keep up with my Bible study group.)

- Second, make sure your privacy settings are all set to "friends only" and not "friends of friends" when you post pictures and such. Otherwise, when mutual friends check your page and comment on things, the friends on that person's friends list will also be able to see your pictures and comments. It's sort of a back door access.

I really can't imagine anyone being so tied up in their FB life that they would confront you in real life about accepting their friend request...but again, if they did I would just say you keep your FB just for family.

You control FB, FB shouldn't control you. :)

Since it is a mother of one of your daughters friends you don't want to make "waves" so what you do is accept her friend request and then you "hide" her which means you don't have to see any of her wall info, etc. Make everyone happy! Good luck....Facebook is fun and addicting. I have had crazy situations where at first I accepted that request from someone in 1st grade and then deleted them and then they wrote me going crazy....I thought we were friends, etc?!?!? So I just did what I told you above and all was good!!! Also by the way if anyone ever asks you about Facebook, just tell them that you are hardly ever on it and leave it at that.......noone needs to know ALL of your business! Have fun! One more thing, make your page "private" instead of public.

You have to be strict with who you accept friend requests from because they have access to your photos and any info you post. If you don't want to accept her, ignore the request. If she ever asks you, just tell her you use Facebook to connect with old friends, not new ones who you see on a regular basis. Unless she's really pushy, that should satisfy her. And if she is really pushy, what better reason NOT to accept her friend request! Just be vague and don't cave into the pressure. Also, make sure your profile is closed so only your friends can see it. It's a security setting that you control.

You could just be honest if she asks, and say you are currently using facebook as a tool to keep up with your closest friends. You could even have that on your info page of your profile, if your info page is "public".

Facebook allows you to customize groups of people and your control settings will allow you to tic off the boxes of what you choose people in these separate groups see of your information.

I feel the same way about FB - "consentual voyeurism", but it is SO easy to be connected with family/close friends & share pictures! I took my time becoming a member as I was concerned about people contacting me for the wrong reasons, so as my profile pic I posted a picture of me with my family & haven't gotten any of those flirty emails others have talked about; also, I have gotten friend requests from people back in HS (20 yrs ago! People who would barely give you the time of day then!) as well as current acquaintances, & just sent a message back that it was nice of them to request to "friend" me, but I'm attempting to keep my FB contacts to my (extensive) family & just a handful of very close friends. Everybody has responded back very nicely. If you do end up allowing that "friend", you can elect to hide her comments (so you're not blasted constantly by everyone's insignificant comings & goings). Of course, that doesn't keep HER from being nosy about what you're up to, but maybe she really needs friends & hopes that'll help her get in with your group. You can always remove her as a friend if she gets weird. Good luck with that -

Forgive me if this sounds mean, but sometimes I accept them & then delete them at a later date. I have too many to keep track of. If you don't want them then ignore them.

I'd ignore the request and cancel your account. There are too many "social networks" out there; and if anyone you know just doesn't have the time to send you an email, much less pick up the phone, is useless. I am aghast at Facebook and Blogging, and the fact so many people can get into your information. In fact, I have no idea how many people read my responses to the questions of this site...

On a side note. I have a family member that I really do want to stay in contact with. I accepted there request. However there lifestyle choices may not be the greeting I want everytime that I open my page. You have an option to ignore there everyday postings. Now I can communicate with this person, but I do not have to read what they did last night. Who knows as afriend of your child she may share info that might be helpful to you in the future though. It will be OK.

I joined FB some months ago (with my hubby's convincing), and I have "friends" on there that I rarely talk to. I would accept her, and if you ever want to post something that you don't want EVERYONE reading, just send a message. That way, only the people you select to read your message will see it. I am friends with people that are in school with my hubby, and I have never even met them, but it is fun to see what they post. I understand how you feel about ignoring someone, but I would also not feel bad if you really have no desire to ever talk to her. Also, if you accept her, and she posts things that you do not like to see on your wall, you can always hide her comments. That way, you are still friends with her, but she never knows that her posts are hidden from your wall. There is also a way to select people who will only see certain things you post. Not exactly sure how to, but I know my hubby has done this to some. Good luck!

Accept her as a friend, and click "hide" the first time you see a post from her in your news feed. Then you will no longer see her everyday posts and won't have them clogging up your feed. You never have to visit her wall if you don't want to. You can still get personal messages from her if she wants to send you one.

If you don't want her see what you post on your wall, there IS an option for you to limit posts, photos, etc. where only certain friends can see them, but takes more time and seems to me to be a pain in the butt, so if you REALLY don't want her to know anything about your life, your best option is to decline her as a friend.

BTW, I seriously doubt this woman would ever confront you as to why you declined her request (if she even knows/realizes). If she does, then SHE is the one making way to big a deal about it. I wouldn't worry about it.

Another idea that might work is to not list your high school, college, etc. When I click on my high school, for example, I can see all the people who are from my class and then search for other classes as well. If you don't list this, you won't be in the list when others search the high school class. They would have to search you out by name.

It's not uncommon to get friend requests from people you really don't care to "chat" with, so be prepared - you'll probably get a lot of them. You can "ignore" any request you get...it's your choice who is on your friend list. But, on the other hand, it's not that big of a deal to go ahead and accept her friend request. It's not like you are going to got to her page (wall) every day or her to yours. Plus you can go into the "Settings" option on the top right, select "Privacy Settings" and choose many options of who can see certain areas of your account and who cannot.

Hi T.,
I am not sure if you saw on HLN about how people were using friends to steal identities, accounts etc, on face book about 2 weeks ago, play at your own risk. As the story unfolded in the news, friends were compromised by people who would see persons on facebook and tap into their information. Be careful. My sister just recently had an account opened in her name with all of her information by someone. People kept telling her that she was on facebook and she denied it each time, until she found out that she really was. She was powerless to undo this at first, because she did not have the passwords, but she got it taken care of.
I think this is fine is you are comfortable with it. Just stick to what you purpose it for and don't go beyond that. You'll be okay.