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Well L.,

I'm praying for you. You are stuck in a situation that is very difficult. You are sharing your child with someone who seems to be caught up in being the "cool" parent with his young girlfriend who is also "cool".

Remember, you are her mother, you have primary custody. He may be her father, but you are not in a popularity contest. Parenting is tough and you have to make tough decisions. You are very nice to let her keep this account and he needs to know that if facebook knew her age, they would delete the account. You are not being the "bad guy", by their standards she is too young to have an account and this is for a valid reason. They know that a child of 6 would have difficulty in managing their profile information as private and could easily be lured by a deceptive adult online.

With that said, her profile is private and that's great and safe, but wouldn't it have been nicer for him to ask you to set up an account that you could have her use or just have her use his account instead of making one for her without asking your consent or lying to an online website about her age?

I am a very tough parent and I have my reasons. My child was hurt by a predator many years ago and because of that experience I have had my eyes wide open to the dangers surrounding children and in this world. I pray no other mother or father would have to go through what I have been through, but statistically speaking it happens every day all day throughout the world.

L., you and every other mom that reads my post. NEVER feel that you are too paranoid, or that your kids will hate you forever because you didn't let them do what they want. Keep an open line of communication, love them, try not to judge them too much, BUT be tough in a tender and loving way for their own good if you must and don't feel guilty about it. There will be others that may come in their life that will want to be the "cool" person in their eyes. Just remember those tough decisions you have made are for their own good and are the reason why they are safe and not sold on the black market as a slave, or worse. Seriously, take it from me, there are people out there that are masters at gaining your trust or that of your child.

Don't feel guilty!

I'll pray for you!!!

2 moms found this helpful

That is definetely a NO! NO!!! She is 6 and does not need to have a facebook account. If your ex wants to show off his daughter on facebook to his family, he needs to set up an account for himself and put her pictures up. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact this is the first i've heard of anyone setting up an account for a 6 yrs old. I think that is ridiculous.
You are not being paranoid, you are just a loving mother concerned for the welfare of her child.
i have an 8 yr old and would not even think of setting up a facebook account. Are you serious? I am in shock! I do have a facebook account with my daughters pictures up but an account for her? Nonsense.
That girlfriend of his, if she does really care for him, she should have discouraged that nonsense.
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I completely agree with you. That is no place for a 6 year old. If she really wants to be online, there needs to be a lot of restrictions on it. I just watched a special on Oprah yesterday on this. There was an internet safety guy on that recommended some really good monitoring programs. Side note... No father that I know would be friends with a child molester. I would take it to court if you are really that worried. and get the custody agreement amended.
I do not envy your position.
Good Luck and God Bless! I'm praying for you!
H.

1 mom found this helpful

Contact facebook, let them know you are the custodial parent of a six year old who has an account with them you did not authorize and you want it taken down. They will remove the account.

I don't think you are paranoid or unreasonable. I would be livid if it were my child.

1 mom found this helpful

L. - put a stop to it now - there must be a way to block this type of thing. Make sure it was HIM first. I am on Facebook but I will not allow any of my children to be on it. They are 12, 10 & 9. Six has to be illegal. Bless your heart, I would be furious, how could he be so STUPID!!!!!

If you know which e-mail address he used to sign her up then you could try and delete the account.
Good luck and keep us posted.

M. F

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Address the Facebook thing later.

Right now you need to go to court and get full custody. Bring the information about the predator to the judge. Now. Your ex-husband has the judgment of a billy goat.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.! I have a facebook account, but rarely use it. My husband says it is much safer than myspace. I can understand that your hubby wants her to be connected to the whole family. As much as I think facebook is a time sucker, I can see that point. I know it helps my husband keep in touch much better. I assume that she is supervised on the computer...so I would be okay with it. I think the private thing is a MUST! I agree that you must have a password as well. You can check it daily to make sure everything is on the up and up.

More concerning is the neighbor. Have you talked to your daughter about him, and told her she is never to speak to him, and to tell you if he ever approaches her? That is really scary, and as much as I hate to rob a kids innocence, I think you need to make her aware that he is dangerous.

Good luck! A. :)

well, i would definitely say tht you are a better person than i am. i would do my darndest to make him take it completely off of facebook. there is no reason why she shld hve a facebook page at her age. the only thing that she shld have would be comments on his own page. there is no reason why his family cannot contact her thru the telephone or email or have some contact thru his own facebook account. that is ridiculous. and if the age is wrong on there that is prob bc someone as young as she is isn't even supposed to be allowed to have her own acct. i would check that also. yes, it is dangerous. there is never anything too paranoid in todays times when there is such easy access to children from people who would harm them. and about the convicted child molestor. get the facts first. there are sometime young men who date a girl who is 16 or 17 and they are convicted. doesn't mean they like young children. if this is the case and they do like small children then check to see if they are even allowed around children and if they aren't make sure he is n't around her.

I think everything you are feeling is appropriate and your willingness to compromise is fair. whats wrong with the telephone? Cant he just call her. Sounds like a jerk to me. I would make it clear that if you hear that she is around this man you say is a child molester, that you will petition the court to take all privileges from him and he wont see her anymore. Then tell you daughter about the man, what he did and to be very afraid of him that he will hurt her if he has the opportunity. Maybe even show her the watchdog sight so she sees it for herself. Better she is afraid than molested.

Hello L.;
First off, you are not paranoid, you are reacting as a concerned parent of your child.
Your ex on the other hand is not thinking, not with his brain, anyway. Doesn't he know, hasn't he been listening? That unfortunately, there are sick people in the world, that will use this information he's so helpfully provided to do his little girl harm? You might point that out to him.
Secondly, if you are the parent that is the primary custodian, that means you are responsible for her 24/7/325, and he only shows up, whenever. Then any anything he decides to do that will affect your daughter,
you have a "legal" right to be told about.
Because, if he does something, says something, etc, which may put you or your daughter(or both)in harms way, then he can be held accountable by a court of law!
You are being a good parent, make sure he's aware of the very valid reasons you object to this Facebook account. Then DO what
you know will keep you and your daughter safe.
Take care, aaborges

6 is TOO YOUNG for facebook, no matter how private you try to make it!

The way I taught my son was that if the site thinks the child is too young then the parent should. The last I checked you had to be 14 or older to have a facebook page...unless you lied about your age which I know the majority of the kids on their do. But my opinion is if you allow your child to do it when it's against the rules then you're not only teaching them to cheat but also to lie. I would be surprised if facebook is allowing 6-year-olds to have a page which is probably why he lied and said she was 12. You're trying to cooperate with him to not cause ripples but when it comes to the well-being of your child, you can't take any chances. On the matter of him exposing her to a sexual predator even if it is to sell the man girl scout cookies, is unacceptable. I think if your ex knew how a sexual predator's mind works he would have never had done that. I would definitely be talking to a lawyer about what your options are here to protect your daughter. She's your priority and she depends on you to protect her.

I don't like Facebook as a place to share photos with family and friends because my understanding is they have a policy that they own your photos now and forever with no exceptions. So some day you can see a photo of your daughter plastered somewhere without your permission. Creeps me out!!!!!

As for the predator, 6 is old enough to explain to her that he is a bad man. Explain, without going into to many details, that he has HURT other children before. Explain that he acts like he is nice and that's how he gets kids to trust him, but then he hurts them. Explain some of the things that predators try, like lost puppy, candy, etc. I have no problem with your ex taking her to knock on doors to sell cookies because he was with her-- but hopefully she did not go INTO his home! The thing about child molestors is they don't just magically get healed. It's something that is like a disease-- sort of like alcoholism. He may be able to go to therapy to help him RESIST his urges, but his urges still exsist and he needs to never have the opportunity to be near your daughter, and she needs to understand WHY she needs to stay away from him.

If I were you, I would contact Facebook and have her account deleted. I would explain to them that your ex set up the account, has her listed as a 12 year old but that she is only 6 and as her LEGAL custodial parent, you are NOT okay with your 6 year old daughter having a Facebook account. They will delete it. However, keep in mind that it may be difficult for her to create an account in the future, when she is old enough to understand the dangers that the internet pose. My oldest daughter is almost 10 and I've told her she can create a myspace/facebook page when she is 18. What was your ex thinking? Clearly he wasn't! Are you paranoid? Absolutely not! You have every reason to be concerned. I have a myspace AND Facebook account. All my settings are set to private BUT I still get "friend invites" from strangers. It doesn't matter if the settings are private. You can still try to contact someone. Myspace offers a little more security in that you cannot contact a person if they set their settings to not allow anyone to contact them...but it's the internet. Be safe and remove her account.

I'm not sure what to say about the facebook account, except that I agree with you!

as for the predator: can you go before the judge somehow and express your concerns? I don't know how this is done- through your lawyer or what? maybe your custody agreement will have to be re-done somehow?

I feel for you!

Hi L.,

Your concerns are 100% valid. If your ex-husband will not take down the Facebook page, then the compromise you suggested seems more than fair. You are only trying to keep your child safe, not preventing his family from seeing photos of her. Get the password, monitor the site and maybe in a month, ask him again to please take it down. It's in the best interest of your daughter, whom you both love and want to protect.

You seem very educated about child predators. Maybe try sharing some resources with your ex so he is aware of how smart and sneaky these predators are. Direct him to some educational websites, or if you can find the episode of the shows Oprah did on this subject, beg him to watch those. (Some men won't watch Oprah. These are powerful shows though and every parent should see them. Maybe Hulu has them?)

In addition, since your daughter has possible contact with one of these men, please educate your daughter on ways to keep safe. Perhaps you are already doing this. Try not to frighten her, but give her information that she can handle. Finally, I suggest you check into this man some more. Some people are charged with child-sex crimes when they were 19 years old and with a 17 year old. That, in my opinion, is different then a 20 year old molesting an 8 year old.

Hope this helps a little.

N.

You have grounds for concern; and I suggest that you contact the local police and speak with an officer who is in that (internet/predator) field. This is for your education, your daughter's protection and the police's awareness. I agree she's too young for this kind of activity. We are all, at any age, very gullible and too often defenseless against predators.
Blessings, S.

Nothing wrong with being a little paranoid..better overly cautious than unconcerned.

As for Facebook..it can be a private place where no one goes uninvited or approved. However, a better place to share photos and such may be www.myfamily.com because it is invitation only. For that matter a Yahoo Group or Google Group with invite only members would be safer for communicating and there is places tehre for photos too. I don't let my own kids have Facebook pages until they are 16, and even then I monitor it! I guess I am paranoid too.

You have every right to feel the way you do. I have ton's of friends that put their kids on FB but I do not. All a preditor needs is a name and an age.

I would find out perhaps through FB or your attorney how to get him to take your child off.

I do not even post pictures of my son.

You are the primary custodial parent and he needs to go by what you want.

You and you only are the only advocate and protector for your daughter since it seems like dad is frivolous and thoughtless about safety and protection for his daughter. I feel angry about this. I think you are 100% right and i would jot this down for custody reasons. You can't do anything about the girlfriend, this is his preference, but you can do something about her understanding that to get in good with the child she needs to think like a mother and act like one which may be virtually impossible at her age. Some 21 year old's do fine raising kids.
Tell your daughter about the molester. Hell, tell her about the facebook ordeal and explain it to her. You have the responsibility to make sure she is informed. She is six, but she knows the world is full of wickedness. This is your opportunity to let her know about trust and truth. She is not too young to know that she has to be alert to foul things that go amiss.
I love you for your strength and courage. Don't let up and be too slack with dad. Demand the abolishment of your child on that sight especially since it was a lone page for her prior. Foolishly enough he did that, now she shows up on his page and the predators know how to find out more about her. Demand him take her off period. I think he made some effort changing the site as he did, but when you say no, mean it.

Dear L.,

Speak with your husband about putting your daughter's profile private again. If he refuses to do so, contact Facebook and explain your situation.

I agree a 6 year old has no business on Facebook.
Her account can be set at private. Why doesn't your X have his own accont on facebook?

As far as the predator. Let your X know you are aware of this and you do not want her or the predator near her period.

He is not welcomed in his home while your daughter is at home.

Just my opinion.

If further actions need to be....Contact the proper authority.

Sincerely,

G. H.

You are not being paranoid, you are being a responsible parent. It is against FB terms to lie about any info (like a birthdate). Maybe if he won't take it down you can at least get the password and take it down yourself. I agree it would be better for your ex to share your daughters pics and info through his site. You should be his friend so you can see the communications too. I know that sounds easier to do than it actually is, but good luck. You are a wonderful mother.

Hey L.,

I have mixed emotions about these networking sites. I think they are a great way to keep in touch with distant family and friends...but people tend to be way too lax with their personal info. I think it would be ok to have her keep the page 100% private, only known friends being able to access it...with no info listed other than her name, or a nickname would be even better. You having the password as well would help you to keep an eye on everything and let you change anything that might be inappropriate or too informative.
About the known child molester...is your ex aware of his new "friend's" reputation? I hope so, and I really hope that when he knows about it, that he decides to end that friendship! Especially for the sake of your daughter.
Anyway...these are just my opinions...you need to do what makes you most comfortable and makes you feel that your daughter is the safest that she can be. Good luck with everything.
A.

For one, I'm very surprised you wrote your post on the facebook as the main issue and then later mentioned the CONVICTED child predator. I would be worried more about that than facebook. Please find some way to secure your child's safety in regards to the CONVICTED child predator. This should be your #1 issue right now with the ex. Don't hold back when talking to him about this - if you need to give him discriptive details of what child predators do and are capable of - then that needs to be done ASAP. If need be, talk to his neighbors, etc.

I hope this is encouraging and I'm not trying to be mean... but please do something about that right away.

God bless.

Just wanted to address some mis-information given here, FACEBOOK does not own your profile or pics forever, you own and control it and if you delete your account, everything is gone. The only exception is if your pic is on someone elses page.

Secondly, the age for usage is 13 yrs old, with that in mind, I would say have the account deleted entirely, she is only 6 yrs old.

You are doing the right thing and you should protect your daughter in everyway you can. I am glad to see a parent that really cares about her daugter's welfare.

Get her off FB immediately - report it to FB, there's probably restrictions regarding age, which is why the jerk lied abotu her age. What kind of father would think it's ok to let a 6 year old on a social networking site. PLEASE tell me he is no longer friends with the molester! PLEASE tell me that you have spoken to your daughter about this man - if not, do it and don't hold back. She needs to know that he is a bad man and no matter what he says she is never to go with him - under no circumstances. Tell her what to do if someone tries to grab her - run, scream, fight! If you want to, you could petition the court to remove visiting rights for him, or at least at his home, due to the fact that he is friends with a molester........may seem extreme but when it comes to our kids, you can never be too careful. Good luck.

L., I can understand your concern. I will tell you that facebook, in my opinion, is more secure than myspace. Your profile is private unless you change the settings so people can't see your photos, birthday, etc unless you've approved them as a friend. I do not believe it's possible to only list first name, though. The other info available to everyone is city and state and profile picture, as these are all avenues of searching for people you know. I do think it was a fair request to have her password. It might not be a bad idea for you to open your own account to become more familiar with the ins and outs. Good luck!