Extracurricular Activities for 7 Year Old of Divorced Parents?

Updated on August 07, 2012
A.L. asks from Houston, TX
11 answers

Hi, my 7 year old daughter is starting to want to participate in gymnastics, dance, etc. I would LOVE to put her in something and I tried last year to put her in dance at her school, but they didn't have enough sign up for her age so they couldn't have the class. I am wanting to put her in something that would probably have to be after school (now that school is about to start) and it would have to be for fun (not competitions, recitals, etc). I've already talked to her dad about this and he wants her to join something also BUT he evidently is not going to work with any kind of schedule she would have. He has already said that she doesn't have to go to competitions, games or anything like that. I don't really want to put her in anything if she can't go to certain things. Why would I want to get her all excited and then say, "Oh, sorry this is daddy's weekend you can't participate."

How do you handle this if the other parent isn't willing to change the schedule around for the child's activities? Does anyone know of any classes that are just for fun?

Thanks!

EDIT: Forget to mention that her dad and I live a little over an hour away from each other.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Most dance school or gymnastics places have classes on the week nights. They do often have their recitals and make up days on the weekends but most teachers know there are situations like this. If you even go to court again you might add something about if the kiddo has an activity that ends up falling on his weekend he needs to make sure she is able to get to her activity.

As it stands now she'll never get to play soccer, softball, any sport actually. Most of them practice during the week and play on the weekends.

So he needs to come around on this or you guys compromise on his visitations. Either he needs to do a longer visit on school holidays to make up for missing weekends that she has activities or he needs to make sure she is able to attend. He is part of her life too and she needs him to be there for support too.

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Check your custody order...it may stipulate he IS responsible for transporting for such activities during his time.

Try to find ones with minimum overlap of his time.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Call around to the local gyms and dance studios. Just let them know what you're looking for. My daughter does competitive gymnastics, which IS a big time commitment, but all the gyms offer recreational classes as well, which are usually just once a week, and just for fun. Same with dance studios, some classes are for more serious, competitive dancers and some are just for fun.
I'm sorry your ex is such a jerk about it. Hopefully if she finds something she loves and wants to commit more time to, he will fall in line, for HER sake :(

2 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I've had to work with some of kiddos teachers that are willing to let him come every other week, because right now he's in 50/50 custody and dad has him in daycare from 6-6

These are long time classes (he's been in for YEARS), but it's still very hard, ESP if he gets sick, because then its 3 weeks he misses (dads, mine, dads).

What he's still able to be in are

Aikido
Gymnastics
(later) snowboarding

All 3 are individual sports, so there's no team or company (like drama and dance) that he's letting down by not being able to be there.

Yes. I'm paying full price for him to go, even though he's only there 1/2 to 1/4 time. It's worth it for me, just to keep his life SOMEWHAT normal / have fun things he's worked h*** o* to look forward to.

If you have every other weekend or every weekend, there are LOTS of weekday only activities. For dance... Look at different studios. A lot only do recitals 1x per year, but even quarterly, as long as the studio isn't ENTIRELY about the recital (different studios have different emphasis), missing a couple recitals isn't the end of the world

Just my opinion.

((Ny ex and Jo's are so similar, I'm HOPING he'll eventually agree to the same thing, where I can take our son during 'hus' time from daycare to classes, and drop him back off at daycare.))

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I understand that he doesn't want a lot of things scheduled for time that he treasures with her. She's young anyway for such a detailed and event-packed schedule. (That's why they didn't get enough sign-ups for the class you wanted - a lot of parents, divorced or otherwise, don't want to spend their weekends going to endless scheduled events, and it's way too much for most kids her age anyway.

Let her experiment with a few things a couple of days per week. Schools will tell you the problems they see with over scheduled kids, and Mamapedia is full of posts by moms who signed their kids up for stuff, the kid gets sick of it, and then the question is "Do I make her go since I paid the money for these lessons?"

Avoid all that, and let her have time with her father. As she gets older she will have more interest in things that require more of a commitment. It's possible that her father is already looking ahead to those tween and teen years when the kids want sleepovers and parties and football games, and he knows he's not going to see her as much then.

I'd find some low-key classes with very little financial investment and no competitions (unless she's a future Olympian, she doesn't need weekend events). Aside from the time commitment, the financial commitment is much greater when you get into equipment, dance costumes, special shoes, and so on. She should have plenty of down time for unscripted play dates with friends and some fun afternoons with you too.

1 mom found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Your best bet is probably parks & rec classes. Those are more for fun and won't require lots of extra time or money.

Although, I think you may want to check your custody agreement or try to get it changed. Your DD shouldn't be impacted by your ex's selfishness. What if she tries an activity & WANTS to get competitive?

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

My brother has sole legal & physical custody of his children and lives about 25 miles from his ex. My nephew is involved in football, band and wrestling, and my ex-sil hates all forms of extra-curricular activities that take away from her parenting time. (She considers parenting time to mean that the kids should sit at her feet and stare at her adoringly). However, the divorce decree indicates that the final decision on school, extracurricular activities, medical and religious issues belong to my brother. What does your divorce decree say about these decisions? If it is your final decision, your husband can be compelled to allow your daughter to attend extra curricular activities. If you don't see it addressed in your decree, this is something that is worth having the court clarify. As she goes to school, she's already going to have to miss birthday parties and play dates for her father's visitation time. It's not fair to totally eliminate extra curriculars that fall into his parenting time. Parenting time is just that...time to parent a child...part of parenting a child is extra curricular activities, homework, doctor's appointments, etc.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

There are classes that are held only during the week. If you have her during the week there is no need to her Dad to be involved at all. Check with the Y and Parks and Recreation for classes.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Boise on

I know the YMCA offers lots of things, might be a option. I am in this same situation with my oldest son. I set him up for sports, and then tell his dad his schedule for it. Lots of times, its up to me even on his dads time to get him there. He did show up for games that was on his time, but as far as practices, talking to coach, setting up snacks and drinks for games, its all me. I figure I will step up even when its his time with our son so that he can do the sports he wants to. His dads "lets" me though. I would ask if he would let you take child if he was unwilling to on his time and hope he lets you. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Houston on

Horseback riding. My girls took lessons for a year or so before we got our own horse. Shows are completely optional and if they miss a lesson, no biggie. My oldest started at age 6 , rode for years, quit to play soccer and after many soccer injuries is back to riding at the age of 16. At our barn the instructor is very cool with taking a month off, or missing a week.
I took lessons as a child and at age 48 took up riding again after 35 years off! At 50 I learned to jump. So definitely an activity that can be picked up after a time off. We do English hunter/ jumper.

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I just give up on having any of my schedule work during whatever's season. Like Genna played softball, I expected that most of the time I would have to pick her up for any practices during his time. I would have to get her to the games. At least with my ex he is just too lazy to care but doesn't mind me picking up the kids. Pretty much so long as he doesn't have to lift a finger....

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