Extended/public Breastfeeding....

ADDED after your "what happened?" response: I want to vote you the winner of the best "what happened?" response that I have ever seen on this site in the 3 years I've been here. I hope it inspires others to be as mature and logical with theirs in the future.
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Um, you won't like my answer much....

At age 4, a kiss on the boo boo should be enough. Doing what you did is just like giving candy to a crying kid, it really isnt the right payoff for an owie. It's teaching them that they have to have an "instant gratification" when something stressful happens to them.
I'm all for breastfeeding, but yep, I'd be totally grossed out watching a 4 year old do it at the park. Sorry. She's too old to be on a bottle and she's too old to be on the breast. Personally I think it's crippling and delaying emotional maturity.
Added:
I wouldnt call a mom out for it tho, those bitches were rude.
Added: I really, really liked JL's articulate answer.
but also believe that the women that confronted you were in the wrong and should have minded their own business, they could have gossiped to themselves about it quietly. But you are setting yourself and your child up for discriminating glances and confrontations. I again want to say that the way we heal our childs wounds should not be with a prize. It is almost a gateway drug in and of itself. Picture this in the future: "Man, that freaked me out, I need a drink now!" or "Gosh, that was so stessful I need a Zanax to calm me down!"
We all need to learn how to cope with pain and disappointment within ourselves by learning to calm ourselves down without "something" other than our own minds and spirits. This takes years of practice/experience and much easier to learn at a young age.
Tender, soothing words for an upset child is much better than an "oral" fix.

38 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't be nursing a 4 yr old. Your husband's comment says it all. Our breasts are for feeding our children. You weren't feeding your daughter. You have taught your daughter to expect the breast when she is hurt or upset and like the majority of adults in our country, I honestly find that strange and unnecessary. I get that you don't care but if you choose to continue doing it in public you should expect rude comments and icy stares.

27 moms found this helpful

I honestly would've thought it was odd, but I wouldn't have said anything to you about it.

However, there is a HUGE difference between nursing out of necessity & for nourishment than nursing a 4 year old for comfort, which can be given in several other ways.

At what point do you actually teach her to soothe herself? Is it just "easier" to let her do what she wants because you don't feel like arguing? How is she is ever supposed to learn to self soothe? She's 4, not a baby Do you plan on letting her out of your care ever? What will she do when she's 10 & falls down? Playing in a soccer game at age 6 & she falls down... what happens then? Do you pop a boob out then? When & where do you draw the line? I think at some point it's a disservice to the child & cripples them.

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Telling my 5 yo DD that babies get their food from a breast is different than explaining why a 4 year old, who eats, is potty trained, can run, talk & sing her ABC's, is attached to her mom's breast. I don't think those moms should've yelled at you, but I also think you shouldn't be surprised that people are offended. It's not common & it's not necessary.

I know it's a woman's right & all that. I nursed DD, I get it. "Breasts are for feeding" as per your DH... BUT you weren't feeding your DD. You were pacifying her, plain and simple. At some point I think it becomes more about what's easier & convenient for mom, rather than mom teaching the child how to learn how to cope.

26 moms found this helpful

Those woman were rude. Period the end.

If I saw you breastfeeding a 4 yr old, I would think it's more for you than for the kid.

You admitted it yourself - you're not feeding this child, you are giving the breast as a pacifier. It's not like we live in a third world country, where food is scarce or we're going through a famine. There's no reason to breast feed a kid past the age of 2.

But, I would never say that to you or yell or scream in public. I would shake my head and go about my business.

22 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't be in that situation b/c I think 4 is WAY too old to be nursing. Sorry....my opinion.

And breasts may be for feeding...but you didn't mention that she was hungry. Can't help but wonder who was being "soothed" more -- you or her.

21 moms found this helpful

Added: You were not feeding your child. 25 minutes of crying warrants going home anyways. If you have your mind made up, why are you asking our opinions?

How they handled it was wrong. IMO, you nursing your 4YO in public is also wrong. It is your choice and you could have gone to your car. Yes, you were nursing, but not a baby. They probably didn't want to explain to their children what was going on. 4-8 minutes is a long time to nurse a 4 year old in public. You should at the very least have covered up, they shouldn't have had to ask you. You are entitled to raise your children however you want, but you can't expect other people to jump on the bandwagon. Again, just my opinion, which is what you asked for.

21 moms found this helpful

Huh? I don't get it. Your kid got tore up on a metal climber, and got a knot on her head, and was crying hysterically, and your instinct was to whip out a breast and feed her, NOT take her to the ER to make sure she didn't have a concussion or something more serious going on?

That's a new one to me. Didn't know breastmilk has those kinds of miraculous healing properties. Lucky for you, she was okay. But if she was as bad off as you say, (my baby was HURTING) common sense is you don't stay at the park...you high tail it to a nearby clinic! I know one thing, I don't think that would have been my course of action if my child were in accident at the park.

And as for the women, they had little boys. If you had been using more discretion, you would might have had a little more sensitivity for others in the park and taken into consideration that some moms might not want to be put on the spot with having to explain why that adult woman is exposing herself publicly...even if it were to breastfeed.

REMEMBER: Not all women breastfeed. Not all children are breastfed. Not everyone is relaxed about the human body and bodily functions, let alone do they share these details with their young children.

If it was those young boys' first time seeing the female breast, let alone a grown child attached to them, that would be pretty upsetting for a young boy, or any sheltered child for that matter.

Legally okay for you? Yes.

Presumptive, rude and insensitive of you? Yes.

A park complete with a half clad female stranger offering her breast to a child shouldn't be another child's first entre to the human anatomy (and depending on how they perceived it, first entre to human sexuality). Sorry, but that my friend, is NOT your right. Know your audience and act accordingly ....PLEASE. Heck yeah, those moms had a right to be angry. While there are laws that protect breastfeeding, there are also obscenity laws too.

Use discretion in the future. The world doesn't revolve around just you.

20 moms found this helpful

Those women were extremely rude and out of line. However, it would have also seemed odd to see a 4 year old nursing to me. I would have never said anything, but I would have thought it out of place. What in the world is your daughter going to do in kindergarten when she falls down on the playground. She needs to have other methods to cope when she is upset.

19 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry but at 4 years old a child needs more tools to soothe other than a breast being shoved into the mouth.

What would I have done? I would have been appalled but would have kept my mouth shut. I would have been thinking how inappropriate it is that the only way a kid can calm down is to have the boob.

18 moms found this helpful

I am all for breastfeeding, even breastfeeding past a year old. And I am sorry those women did that to you. However, I think nursing at 4 is a little much even if it is just for comfort. She will need to be comforted all her life at different times and at some point she will need to find a different way to feel comforted without nursing. What age will that be? 5, 10, 12? You would not pull a bottle out to comfort a 4 year old even though I know many that would have gladly taken it at that age. So, even though I completely disagree with what those women did and it was very heartless and I would never do that, I do agree that you should not be nursing a 4 year old.

15 moms found this helpful

I am sorry. I am going to be blunt.

I am one of those politically incorrect people who think it is disgusting to hear about let alone see a Mother breastfeeding any child over the age of 1 (when the child can lay in your arms and still look like a baby)...at 4 yrs old it is uber creepy!

15 moms found this helpful

You won't like my answer either. I agree with EVERYTHING Grandma T said.
I think those other women were perfectly within their rights to want you to stop publicly breastfeeding your preschooler. What you do in your own home is your business, but when you make it public, be prepared to be confronted about it. Your four year old should be able to be comforted with a hug and kiss- she is FOUR!! I have a four year old, and I cannot fathom, even in the deepest depths of my brain, him breastfeeding!!- let alone, doing it in public! I probably would have confronted you if I was in the park and saw you doing that. I have impressionable boys that would be overly curious about what you were doing. Why should I have to explain why a half grown child is sucking on her mother's breast at a park?!
Bring on the hate pm's! For the record, I breastfed all my kids.

Added: to all the anti-Americans, if you don't like our extremely tolerant, wonderful, land of opportunity, maybe you should go live in another country where you can comfortably breast feed your teenagers in public. Just an FYI, in many countries, you could be arrested for simply stating your disgust for your country. Have a little respect for America, or LEAVE!

14 moms found this helpful

Yes they were rude. If it were me and my 4 yr old could not be calmed down we would have gone home to care for his injury. Food for comfort (I don't care if it's breast, bottle, sippy cup, junk food, etc) is a very bad habit to get into at 4 your love and comfort should be enough to calm her she should not rely on food for comfort.

14 moms found this helpful

I agree that the women were rude but it is not the norm to see a 4 yr old BF. It looks wrong... however you want to view it.

You should have at least gone to the car in privacy. I would not have said anything to you but I would have shaken my head in disgust.

To each his own.... but IMO a 4 yr old should not be on the breast and there is some insecurity with mom and child with regards to letting go.

Instead of the breast... if your child was indeed "HURTING" then you should have taken your child to the Dr to make sure there was no concussion or some damage. Your breast should not be a pacifier.

14 moms found this helpful

They were out of line. Breast were made for feeding nothing else. They are not genitalia.

That being said. 4 is about old to not be able to calm down without a breast or a bottle.

You need to help your daughter realize that yes, it hurt and it was probably scary, but a hug and a calming down is more appropriate for a child her age. If she could not have calmed down with a hug, I would have given her a choice. "Do you need a hug?" "May I hold you till you calm down?", "or do we need to go home?"

Personally I feel like when a child can go to the fridge and pour their own drink or get their juice or milk box., it is way past a bottle or the breast.

You cannot keep them as babies forever. Most children by this time, would have more independence. For the kids do not know when it is time to go to the next maturity level and we as their parents have to help them.

Those women were bullies. I am glad your husband helped.

14 moms found this helpful

Ditto Grandma T.

The sight of a mother nursing her four year old isn't going to harm another child, so those mothers were out of line and rude. Their children need to learn tolerance and acceptance.

That being said, you really should wean her by kindergarten. There is a point at which we need to conform to societal norms, or it really doesn't help our children. Additionally, kids should begin to learn to self-soothe at 4, not have someone jump in to make them feel better every time they experience a minor hurt or inconvenience. Real life requires us to be able to deal with things, and she's old enough.

I'm all for comforting kids, and in two decades of parenting, I've only seen one child (and she was 4, coincidentally), who was never forced by her mother to endure any displeasure or discomfort, and she was insufferable. There are multiple ways to "spoil" a child.

13 moms found this helpful

Let me get this straight; your child fell down & got really hurt. Daddy was there but brought her to you to *fix* the problem. So basically Daddy, child & mom all need to learn some coping mechanisms. Why couldn't Daddy soothe her since he was their 1st? What if you weren't there, Daddy wouldn't have been able to whip out a breast.

I probably would have had to take several double takes & ask my DH to pinch me to see if I was *dreaming* this. I don't think this is appropriate at all, except if you are nourishing your infant or toddler.

Coddling & nursing are 2 different things. One is meant to soothe & the other is meant for nourishment. You, Daddy & 4 yr old should really have a talk about this & decide what's best for your family & your childs future.

13 moms found this helpful

First those ladies should NEVER have said what they said to you. That was completely inappropriate. However, your child is 4. She should be able to self sooth or come to you for a kiss on the owie. Not breastfeed. You as the parent should set the boundaries and help her understand that she is a big girl. I would say the same thing if I saw a 4 year old with a bottle or a pacie. Just not right. And yes it would bother me to see a mother nurse her 4 year old.

13 moms found this helpful

I think 4 is plenty old enough that you should be able to calm her down w/o a boob (or breast). She should be able to understand what you are saying to her and should know that a little bump won't hurt her.

13 moms found this helpful

People who say "only in America" obviously haven't been out of the country. I think we're pretty tolerant here. Trust me, you don't go to other countries and see moms comfort nursing 4-year-olds in the park. Unless maybe you're in Zimbabwe. Seriously, people. Think before you speak.

12 moms found this helpful

I wasn't going to add my answer to the myriad of others, but here goes...

First off, those women were rude bullies. It amazes me how people think that this approach is in any way constructive, and it makes me angry when I hear of people being treated this way. So I'm sorry that this happened to you... I also disagree with anyone who say that if you can't handle this reaction you should hide away in the car. I think that you realize that folks aren't going to always be supportive of you choice to (extend) breastfeed, but you don't expect to be attacked for it.

I guess what struck me about your post is the reaction to your daughter getting a bump on the head. While I breastfed both of my kids, I just don't understand extended breastfeeding to the age of four. I will also say that I think kids are pushed to grow up and "cope" too early, and for me there is a happy medium.

If extended breastfeeding is being used for closeness/comfort, ok... but to cope with an accident I don't get it. I agree with Grandma T. a kiss and a hug and some cuddles should be enough to comfort her. How will she handle getting hurt when you aren't there to breastfeed?

11 moms found this helpful

Nursing "for natural feeding purpose" only applies in our culture to babies. Extended nursing is very bizarre to lots of us, and since it does entail verbal, independent children who eat food sucking on breasts it NEEDS TO BE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR HOME. I may not have been glaring and yelling at you at the public park (but maybe) but I would be DISTURBED and most of the other park patrons would be equally disturbed. We have nude art in our house by the way and are not prude, it's the comfort suckling at 4 that is disturbing.

Your whole argument is that your baby was hurting. That has nothing to do with health and nutrition. We all have 4 year olds getting hurt at the park.

The whole "extended breast feeding builds confidence and security" thing does NOT hold water to those of use who have 4 year olds who never "need to nurse". It triggers a sympathy for your daughter's delayed development to be honest, which is what's disturbing. Median age 4 to self wean? DOUBT IT or it wouldn't be bringing this fire storm. You're very wrapped up in your philosophy, but you're out there in the world with people whose kids have been self soothing since infancy and can't fathom treating a 4 year old this way, since it's your choice and you are in charge of your daughter.
And these people saying "Only in America" are high on crack and have never traveled. As an air force brat and traveling clothing manufacturer, I've never seen a kid this age publicly nursing in Tokyo, Germany, France, England, Italy, Ireland, Turkey, India, Bali, and those are the only places I've been I can think of right now, but I don't know of where these exotic worldly creatures speak where moms are publicly nursing 4 year olds...

11 moms found this helpful

Your question is "what would you have done?"
Your daughter fell, she cried, she ran to you... this set the scene for the audience.
You gave her the breast to calm her.
This is SO rare and most people would not know how to dialog about it to their children. The other moms were somewhat horrified by it, they got each other riled up and then decided to come tell you that you were wrong in doing what you were doing in a public venue. They were exasperated thus causing you to be exasperated.
I nursed till age two when my boy finally stopped the last of the comfort nursing on his own.
In this certain situation, and I've tried to imagine what it would be like to nurse a 4yr old (with all my might), I would not have given the breast in public like that for that reason. If your 4 yr old is still surviving on breast milk and it was an actual feeding time and you were picnicking in the park, I might think about it differently.
But your daughter should have been calmed with a hug and kiss in this situation.
I would have glared back at the nosy moms tho and said something snippy like "don't knock it till you've tried it" or something to that affect. With 4 years of breastfeeding under your belt I'd think you'd already have a cache of responses for those that discriminate against you, surely this wasnt the first time.

10 moms found this helpful

Those women were very rude and immature.

Now, the first thing that came to my mind when I read this was: Your four year old should learn how to cope WITHOUT the breastfeeding. I'm not saying stop feeding her altogether, but that you all need to come up with a way for her to be calm during a time of pain than to breast feed. Being comforted by the breast will end eventually, and you don't want her being at a loss of how to cope with things after you have stopped breastfeeding.

Just my thoughts on that.

ADDED: I'm sick of seeing the anti-American comments. THAT is ignorant. Stop disrespecting YOUR country- the best country in the world.. I mean, really... did we have to bring "America" up in this? NO! There are ALL kinds of people EVERYWHERE... not "only in America". You are quite fortunate to be here, we have it made compared to millions of others!!!

9 moms found this helpful

Wow, I'm very sorry this happened to you. This is the kind of thing that makes me embarrassed to be an American.

I hope you can shake it off. The only thing that matters is what YOU think is what's best for your family.

:(

(I guess I would've done the same thing. Where's the point in confrontation?)

9 moms found this helpful

They were completely out of line and rude, I can't believe they had the gall to yell at you while you were trying to comfort your hurting child. And your poor daughter is probably embarrassed or scared by them approaching you, also. I do however agree that it wasn't right for your to nurse her out in the open like that, knowing how uncomfortable it makes people. And there have also been a lot of "only in america!" responses--my husband works with people from all over the world. We have friends from Japan, Korea, France, Australia, Costa Rica, etc. and NONE of them have nursed a preschooler. A lot of these foreign women I know actually formula fed their children, and were floored when I was still nursing my boy at 17 months. don't be hatin' on American culture so much :p

9 moms found this helpful

Ultimately these women were out of line and it's awful that they made you feel so hurt. I'm a pacifist at heart and I don't like it when people have hurt feelings so I'm sending you a hug!!

However, I will admit that I personally don't understand extended breastfeeding either and I had I been there I would have been uncomfortable with your actions as well. The thought also crossed my mind that at 4 she does seem a bit old to not be comforted by anything but the breast. I certainly wouldn't have yelled at you, that's for sure, and that certainly doesn't set any sort of good example for their children to see.

In the end, I agree that they could have handled it differently and as another mother/woman/human I am sorry that you were hurt today by rude people.

9 moms found this helpful

You and your husband have to realize how rare it is that you nurse your 4 year old??? Yes? And if it were your 18 month old, they wouldn't have said 1 word, and you wouldn't have received glares. I would have NEVER acknowledged you and your daughter. I do however believe that situation could and should have been done privately. You could have walked away with her and taken her to the car for that 5 minutes. Your feelings wouldn't have been hurt, and the other people wouldn't have been shocked.

9 moms found this helpful

I don't agree with the fact that they confronted you the way they did.
I also think that it is gross that your 4 year old needs to breastFEED to be comforted.

My 3 year old gets a 'special shake' to drink at night to help her unwind and relax for bedtime. And she gets hugs and kisses for comfort if she hurts herself.

To each his own, but in my opinion, something like you were doing will never be considered normal and universally accepted. Sorry.

9 moms found this helpful

I would have done EXACTLY the same thing. I am shocked that people would be offended by that.

I think of breastfeeding as the same thing as giving the baby a bottle. If its an acceptable place to give a bottle, its an acceptable place to breastfeed. For example, its NOT acceptable to sit in a toilet stall or on a bathroom floor to give a baby a bottle, so you shouldnt have to do that if you are breastfeeding.

I try to be considerate around teenage/college age boys and older men, but otherwise, I nurse in front of anyone. I do it discretely, but feel if they dont want to see, they should not look.

Why should my breastfed baby/toddler (she is now 16 months) and I hide away in a bedroom during social gatherings to nurse - even if it is for comfort and not nurishment? Being a parent to a young child is isolating enough as it is.

I dont use nursing covers because I live in Texas and its hot. Why should my baby have to drink milk in a sweltering tent, when formula babies dont have to?

Its uniquely American to have such negative views of public breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding.

9 moms found this helpful

they're lucky that you're a nice person (and that you were up to your..er...boobs in kids who needed you<G>) because that was completely wrong and out of line.
i can't STAND that so many women have decided that all other women should nurse according to THEIR criteria. i was shocked just the other day reading a thread full of women yawping about how offensive it is to them that other women let their kids drink from a bottle past a time when THEY would do it.
unfortunately it seems to be endemic. whether it's nursing, or co-sleeping, or using a harness, or thumb-sucking, so many mothers are quick to apply their own PREFERENCES to other women's decisions.
i can understand you leaving due to the discomfort of their censure, but i'm sad that you felt you needed to.
bitches.
khairete
S.

9 moms found this helpful

This is an issue of legal rights colliding with social norms. Breast feeding a 4-year-old is out of the social norm in this culture. Many people feel it is offensive...and it has nothing to do with the sacredness of a mother doing what is natural>. But where do you draw the line? When does doing something that is natural in a public arena cross the line? When does it become selfish? Should your rights impede the rights of those who don't share your beliefs? What about those moms in the park and their rights?

And while you have rights to do this, you have to know it is going to be at a great sacrifice not only to yourself, but to your child/family. I say is the sacrifice worth it in the long run? Does your motive outweigh the repercussions?

Sounds like you already know that breastfeeding in public is controversial in general. Especially breastfeeding a grown child. While the art of breastfeeding has gained more popularity in the last decade, I think the majority feel beyond the age when a child is old enough to self-feed and eat solids is extreme if not off the beaten path.

Knowing this, your expressed surprise and disappointment is a bit confusing and hard to take. By continuing to do this against the norm (not talking about legal rights, but cultural norms here) you are purposely bucking the system, flying in the face of others, and publicly challenging anyone you come in contact with when you choose to nurse. This comes with the territory when you do the unusual. So why the anger, surprise, and even judgement of those women?

Sorry, but while I'm supporter of breastfeeding, I can understand why those women were offended. You broke from the cultural norm, and by your choice and action, in affect challenged them and even illicited a response from them with your actions. You have to know each time you do this in public, you are going to get verbally attacked. But when they took you up on on your challenge you got offended. Makes no sense. What do you expect is going to happen when most if not all the moms with the exception of you, wean their children by the time they are 2 years old?

Sounds like you are still bothered by their reaction. If you think you're going to sway opinion or garner support in a park or here on mamapedia on this issue, good luck. This is just one of those things that's going to illicit a firestorm.

If you truly are hurt and surprised, perhaps if you don't have a thick enough skin to deal with people's opinions, or aren't as strong in your convictions as you think, head back to the car, or find a family bathroom to take care of your child if you don't want to have to deal with people's reactions.

I personally think you do this because you do get negative reactions. There are places to go and things you can do to be discreet. But the whole situation as you describe it sounds more like a publicity stunt at the expense of your family. I think based on this fact alone, you might want to reexplore your reasons for carrying on this practice when your child is well old enough to be weaned. Sounds like attention seeking, not something you are doing to meet your child's physical and emotional needs. What child needs to be stigmatized and watch her mother get verbally assaulted in public for something that is socially out of the norm? To me, you are not breastfeeding her for her needs. It sounds like it's all about your own.

9 moms found this helpful

i think you did the right thing. they shouldnt have yelled at you like that. that is the point of breasts and i bet if you had gone to the park with a low cut top none of them would have said a word to you. what a bunch of rude women!

8 moms found this helpful

I would've told them to pound sand.

How long I choose to nurse my child IS MY BUSINESS!! We are probably one of the ONLY nation's in the world that stop nursing between one and two years..

I personally wouldn't want to breast feed or nurse past 2.5 but that's MY preference.

If your breasts were NOT exposed, this should NOT have been a problem and other mother's needed to just butt out.

8 moms found this helpful

Wow!, those ladies are just nightmares. I love the fact hat your husband had your back.

I just weaned, my baby is 2 1/2 (well actually she kind of weaned herself) So i am very familiar with the comments and the glares. I didnt so much feed publically but i was very open about the fact that i was still breastfeeding at night.

I would have done just as you did with a little change......It would have been me going over there standing up for myself...... and shaming those terrible biotches for their awful behavior.

***its definitely not "molestation" i wanted to add. How ignorant!
NOBODY has a right to tell another mom, unsolicited, how to parent their child, without a serious chance of backlash.

7 moms found this helpful

Those women were the ones out of line! I wish I could have been there to give them a piece of my mind! People decry the high infant mortality rate in the USA and doctors begrudgingly admit that breastfeeding is best, but there is little to no actual support for breastfeeding! Meanwhile infant formula commercials abound all over the place; hospitals give their implicit endorsement to formula by handing out free samples. Women are free to openly bottle feed whenever and wherever they happen to be, but the breastfeeding mother is shunned and told that she is being inappropriate. It is an outrage and it is just plain WRONG! Our culture needs to change its views on breastfeeding, and breastfeeding in public in particular. Unfortunately, being on the front lines of cultural change is never easy. Just know that you are doing the right thing here and that it is those other women who have a problem, not you. I’d be awesome if you could stage a nurse-in at that park, maybe send out a call for breastfeeding moms in your town to join you there next week? Best of luck to you!

7 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't care if I was in the park when you did this. I would not shake my head in disgust. I wouldn't care if all your breasts were exposed. My little boys are quite used to the human form, and I don't think they would bat an eyelid either.

The women who yelled are immature and thoughtless and should care more about their own business and less about a harmless bit of boob. For goodness sakes, they're not 14 year old boys! IMO our beautiful bodies should be more accepted, and ot treated like something that must be hidden - like we've all got something that half the population doesn't. It's all just so childish.

7 moms found this helpful

I probably would have raised and internal eyebrow to see a mom nurse a four year old, only bc I have one and I can't imagine him on my breast :D BUT I would not have said anything, and hopefully would have not even let it show on my face that it was different than what I was used to. It is perfectly legal to breastfeed publicly with or without a cover. I get so disturbed that people think this should be done in a car or restroom all the time. I don't eat every meal in a car, and never in a restroom!! yuck!! I think our society is so oversexed we have a hard time separating something so pure as breast feeding from something sensual. I do the year thing but plenty of people go to about two or so and I know some do longer as well. I agree with the mamas that teaching your child to learn to self soothe or just get a kiss, some ice, I know that isn't actually your question, I just thought that was some good advice. But the fact that anyone felt it was ok to publicly accost you is just so beyond out of line, sorry that happened!

7 moms found this helpful

These women are psycho! Sorry, 18 months old isn't too old. I probably would have been too shocked too respond but later thought that I should have put them in their place. I breastfed my children for 2 years normally and I still nurse my 13 month old in public (mostly to stop him from crying, not because he needs nourishment). I'm not sure what I would do in your situation but I'd probably want the women to take their rants away from my kids (I have 5 children.) My children all wanted to nurse when they got hurt and that's perfectly okay even in public. These women need to mind their own business and worry about taking care of their own children. So sorry your family had to deal with that. Good grief!

*added* I read it wrong. I thought you were nursing your 18 month old. Nursing your 4 year old in public will upset people. If you were living in the jungle with tribal people, that would be totally acceptable because that is more the norm. Good luck to you!!

7 moms found this helpful

I do not personally agree with extended breastfeeding, but I would never approach someone who was doing it! That is your business! Although my almost 4 year old isn't breastfeeding, he sees my breasts occasionally when I'm dressing and I don't think he'd even flinch seeing another women's while breastfeeding their child.
I don't feel like it is any of their business! That was way out of line!

7 moms found this helpful

***ADDED***
I didn't just 'visit Europe' I lived there for 6 years and married a European man. They absolutely breastfeed past 2 years as a standard norm, because they know that is what is best for healthy well adjusted children. Most Moms will nurse past 2 years, and seeing children older than 1 y/o breastfeeding at a playground, restaurant, waiting room, shopping store, etc was VERY common. I am most familiar with Germany, Netherlands, and the Czech Republic/Slovakia.
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I would have told them to shut their rude, intolerant hateful mouths and concentrate on teaching their own children manners and tolerance since they had none. Then I'd go on to say that just because they allow their husbands to control their breasts doesn't mean my husband feels the same need since he was actually educated what breasts are REALLY for. This would start into another argument of me calling them ignorant and seriously lacking common sense that they would include breastfeeding as molestation, call breasts the derogatory term of boobs AND that they didn't need to look at my breasts and project how gross/disgusting theirs were just because they don't have enough self esteem.

I seriously do not shy away from confrontation when it's necessary and this would have definitely been high on my lists of things to go into confrontation mode. I would have also not have left the park... I would have continued to glare right back at them while my children enjoyed themselves.

My daughter self weaned at 4.5 years old and if I were in a similar situation - you bet I would have allowed her that quick nurse in public. Nursing for love and comfort is like a child lugging around those annoying blankets or stuffed animals that they cannot go anywhere without. Due to the fact that I was my child's lovey/comfort there was no yucky sucked on fabrics crawling with germs being brought everywhere - just the occasional nursing if necessary.

When your child is old enough to ask for a hug, kiss, a cup of water - do you deny them that simply because they are able to make their needs known? No - I bet you don't... so why would an extended nursing Mother deny her child something simple, natural and loving - just because they asked for it or because they no longer were small enough to look like an infant? I really wish some of you Moms would grow up and think of what you say before you type it.

6 moms found this helpful

I might have thought, "hrm, that's kind of an old child" but I nursed my DD til 2.5, though by then she was usually only nursing at night so we were home. I think the bigger issue is that they thought it was appropriate to berate you and scream at you in public about it. No one calmly came to talk to you. While it's not the norm here, I think their reaction was uncalled for.

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I only have 3 words; ONLY IN AMERICA.... (and such a shame, I'm sorry you were exposed to such ignorance)

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Hi, Mom:
If people don't like to see nursing Mom's, they need to control themselves and look the other way. There is no excuse for being mean spirited to anyone in our country.

They don't mind looking the other way when people are fighting and using drugs.

No wonder we have a sex crazed society in America, women have lost what it means to be a woman, we want to be men.

Just a thought. You don't need to defend yourself.
D.

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No one should yell at you, that is rude, but it is inappropriate to breastfeed a 4 year old in public. If you want to do it, it's for the privacy of your home. But breastfeeding or no breatsfeeding, I think everyone's missing the point: If she has been screaming for 15-25 minutes in "full meltdown" as you say, it's really time to go home anyway.

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Wow, whatever happened to MYOB????

I am embarrassed as an American that other mom's had the ignorance and audacity to approach you directly over a personal choice such a public breast feeding.

I am very empathetic to older children nursing, b/c I had one. My first born self weaned around 5 mos. I was sooooo sad and cried and felt rejected.

My 2nd baby I encouraged to wean by 2 years of age and that went well. We only nursed at night anyhow.

But baby #3 ???? I started to wean around 3 years of age and she would still latch onto me if I was nude at home, say getting into the bath. Nursing brought such comfort to her and she loved the closeness, the taste, the smell of me. It all soothed her. These memories are so hardwired into her that just the site of my breasts until the age of 8 yrs old could bring a look of want on her face. And she would want to be close for a good, long hug.

We each are so different. There is unfortunately no magical age that self-soothing kicks in. The bell curve would place weaning and self-soothing around the world at age 5. In the US only do parents insist on getting their kids off of bottles on their time schedule, not the child's.

Sorry you ran into such judgemental women.

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They were totally out of line. If they were uncomfortable they should have left. What you were doing is completely natural.

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I would have told them to mind their own business. Americans are so messed up about breastfeeding. I chose to wean at a year, but it was my choice. Not weaning yours is your (and their choice). Breastfeeding is a protected right in PA and you have every right to breastfeed wherever you have the legal right to be. I find Bush/Cheney stickers offensive, but people have the right, ya know?

I breastfed wherever, whenever. Breasts are for food. You keep on truckin', mama.

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I could be just as immature as them and say "whose being the bigger boob here?"

While I don't personally approve of nursing a child past 2 or 3, but that's MY personal decision and not for you or anyone else to make for me as I won't for you. If your breast was NOT out for the world to see - it's NOT their business.

Just brush them off. Let it go. They aren't worth your time or effort.

I would find other ways to have my child consoled after an accident or boo-boo personally - but again - MY PERSONAL opinion - whatever works for you...

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Wow! These ladies are EXACTLY what is wrong in our country right now. People YELLING, SCREAMING, and TANTRUMING about their viewpoint. What did they seriously think was going to happen? They could browbeat you into submitting to their ways? Where are we again? Oh yeah, the land of the Free? Every freakin' subject of substance is approached in this manner by far too many and they get the attention in the media! I'm all for the well thought out debate and like to hear others view points a lot can be learned and accomplished. This behaviour could be the downfall of our country. Nothing gets done when people SCREAM at the top of their lungs and bully from their extreme point of view!

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Those moms were way out of line. I can't believe some of the things people think they have the right to say to perfect strangers. While I would've been uncomfortable with what you did, I would've shrugged it off and said to myself, "to each their own" and kept my back turned to give you privacy. Molestation? Give me a break...

But, to answer your question, what would I have done? First, I would've comfort nursed in the car, but perhaps that wasn't practical or feasible. Second, I would've covered up with a blanket without having to be asked. Then, when those rude, obnoxious, self-righteous twits were done yelling at me, I would've given them my best smile and said, "Your opinion of me is none of my business. Next time, please keep your opinion to yourself."

I'm sorry your trip to the park was cut short by those rude mamas.

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Grandma T said everything I wanted, so "ditto."

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WOW. I can't believe people yelled at you and were so rude and mean to you. I am pro-breastfeeding and would never have even said anything to you. I was not able to breastfeed my kids (but really wanted to), so I'm the mom who gets her feelings hurt when moms made comments to me about using formula. I can't imagine there are people that rude out there and I'm so sorry you ran into them. That was completely uncalled for and none of their business. I have never seen that happen before and I am sad to hear that there are people like that out there.

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Rude people period.

Too bad you had to leave - and while i think nursing at 4 is a little different - unless you were blatantly making a big deal of it they should have minded their own business and let you tend to yours.

:-(

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I love your approach to this. Usually I see the comments about people more or less forcing their beliefs on other people and feeling like this is so about other people's problems. You have your beliefs about breastfeeding and you stick to them- good for you. You also realize not everyone is comfortable around it and are sensitive to that- even better. I feel like some people make the bigger issue about the public opinion, but you make the most important thing your kids and their needs. I love that, it's very refreshing!

I am someone who breastfed, but was never comfortable in public, and am a little uncomfortable when other people do it by me. If I happen to see someone out of the corner of my eye or as I'm passing by at the mall or whatever, I don't care. But we've been at a restaurant or a party and people have been pretty exposed right there in front of us, the husbands included. This just makes me cringe. I never say anything because it is not my place and I get it's their 'right', I just don't like being around it, especially with my husband present. You seem like the perfect mix of someone who intends to do what she feels is right for her kids, but doesn't force that on those around her. I really feel like you have it just right. Your fight is not about making people accept what you do.

I won't even comment about whether or not you should do the extended with your 4 year old, because you didn't ask for opinions on that, and you are her mom and you get to decide. Now for those ladies! Terrible. They were completely out of line. I don't think they should have said anything at all, and certainly not in a yelling tone- in front of your kids no less? Shame on them. Sorry that happened to you. You even said you knew it wasn't the ideal place to do this, but your daughter's needs trumped convenience and they should have kept their mouths shut.

Love your hubby and love your attitude about all of this. I hope you don't get too many snarky remarks on here.

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I just wanted to add my vote that you are entitled to nurse your child as long as both you and the child want. I don't understand the need to be discreet about nursing, that to me is ridiculous. You are feeding your child. Regardless, it's no one's business but your own and no one has the right to yell at anyone.

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The ladies were out of line to confront you PERIOD. That said, breastfeeding a child at the age of 4 years is a bit much but to allow her to nurse just to sooth is not the same a breastfeeding. If you had been feeding her, it would not have been AS bad.

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Its never bothered me personally. I had a hard time with my first and stopped producing when my 2nd was just 3 wks. So breastfeeding is kind of foreign to me. When I read this I looked at my 4 yr old and the thought of breast feeding her is kinda strange. She's just so independent and I couldn't imagine nursing her. If your fine with it then do it. Its a free country and your better than me. If that would of happened to me I would of flipped. Yes its public but who are they or anyone else to tell you what to do. You handled it well

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WOW! These are really negative, judgmental comments! It is your choice to breast feed your children for as long as you/they wish. As a mother who breast-fed two children as infants to a little over a year, I can relate. There were plenty of times when it was not a good time to feed (i.e. in public, or with friends that may feel uncomfortable) but the child needed it. I often had to be the one to leave the room and "hide". I was more willing to breast feed in public with my second so I image after 6, you do what you gotta do.

I think if you were covered there would be no reason for them to say anything to you. Especially yelling and acting they way they were. I am not saying I wouldn't do a double-take lol but I wouldn't care if you fed your kids at my park. If my kids asked questions about it I think it would be a good opportunity to teach them about how families do things differently and that if it is not hurting us then we need to respect that.

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I echo a lot of the responses here that said these women were completely out of line. However, I also feel like 4 is too old to need the breast for comfort. I breastfed both of my kids, although both self-weaned early (I was very sad about it and tried to work through the "strikes", but they were done). I like the fact that you were discreet about it, but I also think that I would think it very strange to see a 4 year old nursing. I would NEVER lambaste you about it like these women did, but I will be honest when I say that I would be uncomfortable with it and would have a hard time explaining to my very curious 5 1/2 year old why her peer (a preschooler) would need to be nursing.

Bottom line, I definitely feel like these women were in the wrong here. However, I think you handled it briliantly by not stooping to their level. I probably would have had it out with them if some random strangers started yelling at me. I don't think I could have kept my cool, so great job there! Good luck to you. You sound like an awesome MOM!!

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I have 4 children. I breastfeed all of them.

My youngest is 6 months old. I am still breastfeeding her.

You can breastfeed your children for as long as you and them like.

Just try to understand that others might find it wrong to breastfeed after the age of 1.
So because of that, maybe next time let your husband watch your other kids while you go to the car/van to breastfeed next time.

If I was there with you I would have slapped them for you while you breastfeed. = )

I hope that the rest of your day goes better.

**************************************************************

Because you have experience,
I would like to ask you if you know what I can do to help my milk supply increase? Because I am getting very low and my little one still needs my milk.
Thank you mama.
= )

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These women don't deserve an explanation. But I might have offered them a blanket to cover THEIR heads with if it bothered them so much.

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I didn't read the other responses but from your responses to them it seems they may be negative or unhelpful. I nursed my daughter til she was 4 and a half and I weaned her at that time due to pressure. I always had a hard time nursing her in public not because I was uncomfortable but because my family and society were. It was a little easier with my son as he never wanted to nurse as much as my daughter and he just weaned at age 3 and a half all on his own. He stopped nursing in public at a young age, probably sometime around age 2, but my daughter was happy to nurse anywhere until age 4. I was always discrete, but i remember being at the mall and nursing on a bench when my daughter was a baby and someone came up to me and said there was a room I could go to for that, and i said I was fine there. I realized later he didn't say it to help me but because he was uncomfortable watching me or thought I shouldn't be nursing out in public. That was the first of many difficulties throughout the years. I mostly tried to ignore them but as my daughter got older, people and especially my family put pressure on me to hide the fact she was still nursing. She was my first and I did not have a hubby to support me, so I succumbed to the pressure and finally completely stopped nursing my daughter at 4 and a half. She has asked to nurse a few times over the last year while her brother was still nursing and I let her try a few times, but she had forgotten how. If I had it to do over again I would ignore the pressure from others and just do what is right for your child. They are so different. And it has nothing to do with the mother. I had two kids I nursed exactly the same and one wanted to nurse longer and more than the other. My son who is my baby weaned himself and it still makes me sad he weaned so young, but it was his choice and I am fine with that. I wish I had given my daughter more choice. So to answer your question of what would I have done, probably would have tried to not nurse and if I had to, I would have made it quick, sounds like what you did. I wish in those situations we could have some witty remark ready for the Moms or for anyone who try to butt in, but you were too busy comforting your child and being an awesome Mom. So it is sad society feels like they have to dictate how we raise our children and it is sad that people look at bf as something other than feeding or comforting your child. I remember when i first put my daughter to my breast, I had an aha moment. I finally felt comfortable with my breasts and not ashamed of them and knew just why i had them. And it really isn't about exposing yourself as when bf we are more covered than some of the young women and girls I see walking around with see though things on and so skimpy it shows so much more. The difference is that people except breasts as sexual but for some odd reason they don't accept them as feeding vessels. And yes they are both and yes they should both be accepted but sadly in our society it isn't. Please know that what you did was just fine. You did what you felt best for your child, and no one should have the right to tell you otherwise. And if they do tell you otherwise feel free to ignore unwanted advice. It is no different from many of the other parenting choices we all make but for some reason people get hot about them as if the choices we make show that we are good or bad parents. We are all good parents and we all love our kids and we all make the choices that are best for our families and we all should just accept that we will always have differing ideas on parenting as in every area of life and it doesn't make anyone better or worse. It is okay to nurse in public and extend nurse in public just as it is okay to give a 4 yo a bottle in public. Some may not approve of giving a bottle just like they don't approve of bf at that age, and many don't approve of a lot of our parenting choices; my 5 yo still uses a paci, and I know it is likely because I weaned her, and I know most don't approve of me still allowing it. And they have the right to do what ever they feel is best for their child, just like I have a right to what I feel is best for mine. All in all, just keep making the choices which are right for your family and try not to worry too much about what other people think, I know it is easier said than done. But I for one would like to applaud you for doing the best thing for your child in that situation despite pressure from others. it may not be the best thing for every kid but it was for your little girl. And that is all we need to know.

Okay just read a few of the other responses and had to add that some kids do use nursing as their soothing of choice. My daughter did but son never did. It is like a child who had a blanky from infancy. You don't just take it away because they are now 4. My son had a blanky my daughter had nursing as her comfort. If you can't understand that then you didn't have a child who did that, and apparently many or most do not, but I can attest that some do. My daughter had and has a strong need to suck my son did not. He found comfort other ways. A hug and and kiss on his boo boo was enough even from age 1 and he would snuggle his blanky. My daughter needed the nursing to calm down well past that. I stopped nursing her for hurts and such around age 2 to 3, because of people who didn't understand, and I wish I had done things differently. I only allowed her to nurse before bed at age 3 and 4. And it was hard on her. I applaud you again for doing what was right for your child despite the pressure of our society. If I ever have another child like that i will not hesitate to let him/her nurse, but then again I might never have another child who needs that. And that is what people need to understand. Everyone is different, even our kids!

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Without reading the other responses my first response is, forget them! You are doing what you need to be doing as a mother. You are caring for your child and your LO was hurt and you made everything better. Is there anything else that matters in that scenario? NO!

I am currently nursing my youngest (16 months) and while I definately have days where I just want to stop, I refuse to just stop nursing him. It comforts, relaxes, and nurishes him. Why on earth would I quit?

I nursed all three of my children, the oldest two until they were ready to quit and they quit on their own.

In this situation I would have just smiled and said my breasts are doing no harm. I probably would have left afterwards just because who wants to sit and be glared at. I would console myself by thinking they probably have chips on their shoudlers because the 'couldn't' nurse and are jealous *grin*

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What is wrong with people? Why would someone think it is OK to yell at a person but not OK to comfort your child? I am sorry you had to deal with that, but I try to remember whenever I hear these stories that they are the exception and not the norm. I hope that has been your experience, too. You did the right thing.

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I have seen moms tandem nursing an infant and a child in public. To be honest, it grossed me out, but that's my issue and not the other mothers'. In the state where I live, it's legal to breastfeed in public, so if I don't like it I can just leave. Besides, I have my hands full with my own child's development. I don't have time to stick my nose in how other people are raising their kids. I guess certain mothers of toddlers finished their work early, so they have nothing better to do than judge others. Must be nice:^)

I believe that the reason why nobody ever hassled me when I nursed my baby in public is because I went into it completely unapologetically. There was no hiding in the car or nursing in the toilet area of a public bathroom (seriously, I wouldn't eat in a toilet stall, so why should my kid?). Maybe the reason you are getting a hard time in public is because you offer explanations to everyone. I suggest having a couple of wise-acre replies on hand, like "Why, are you jealous?" or "You know what else is 'inappropriate'? Butting into other people's business!" Or, go back to the park with a bunch of other moms who are still breastfeeding their children and have a nurse-in! I have a group of friends who do this and it's awesome.

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I think what you did was fine, though not ideal in public , due to the opinions shown here. You did what you thought was best in the moment. I don't think there's anything wrong with you or your daughter based on what you've written here. Those other women who yelled at you were rude, I don't think anyone could deny that, whether you agree with extended breastfeeding or not.