Expecting Mom with Non Sleeping 19M

I'd echo the suggestion of putting her back into her crib. I have a 3.5 yr old who prefers to sleep in a crib and so he is even though we've had the toddler bed sitting in his room for 2 years now. He feels more secure in there. When I know he's suppose to sleep (and can sleep) and there's nothing wrong with him, I put him in the crib and then put earplugs in my ears so that I don't have to listen to any yelling or I even go outside and do some gardening, etc. No matter what, he always stops yelling and then goes straight to sleep. Of course, he can't ever remember fighting me about going to bed the next day when he wakes up. Miracles won't happen right away but if you can stay consistent then she will learn to sleep when you tell her to. Good luck! Another thought, is she getting enough running around time during the day? Maybe you need to get someone to tire her out. She needs at least 1 hour of outside running around time.

I agree w/A. D! It may sound harsh, but right now she is in control. Another idea is to put a gate in her doorway so she can see out. Make sure her room is safe and cozy and let her wear herself out! She will fall asleep (eventually). If you have to go in a few times and lay her back down do it very calm and lovingly and do not speak to her only say "night night". Trust me she is old enough to know who is boss and she will eventually get the hint! It is better for her in the long run. Good Luck with baby #2 and I always try and remind myself the days are long but the years are short!

My youngest is my bad sleeper. He is two months past his third birthday and still often comes in my bed early morning. But I did finally get him going to bed awake ok and basically sleeping through the night. I had to do it the hard way and follow the nanny advice. The first night put her in bed and sit next to the bed and tell her it's ok, time to go to sleep, and rub her back or hold her hand a little. Once she calms down, continue to rub her back, but no more talking. Then slowly move to holding your hand still, then eventually, you can start inching away from the bed. Once she is asleep, sneak out. The next night you might do the goodnight routine, kiss, hug, tell her goodnight, then this time sit sideways so she can see you, but don't talk or anything. The next night sit backwards. The next night stand next to the bed, keep this progression towards the door until you get to the night you are standing outside the door. Hopefully this will be enough, but if not use the minute technique until she's ok. That is this, which also works for waking up at night: The first time she crys, go to her and tell her it's ok, go back to sleep. The next time she cries, wait two minutes and go comfort her but don't talk. The next time, wait three minutes and say from the door, you're ok, go back to sleep. Keep adding minutes and using minimal words. Eventually it isn't worth the effort for her to keep waking up, but she still knows you are there. Hope this was helpful.

I didn't know if you had read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth, but it has been a great help to myself and several friends (including those with twins). It is broken up easily, so you don't have to read the whole thing to get ideas for different problems or age groups, and it's flexible--gives you several ideas for what you can try, based on your own theories and feelings about your kids. Hope you find it helpful!

Oh, A., I feel for you. I just had a baby 5 months ago and it was bad enough with the sleeplessness from being pregnant, let alone getting up with your other baby! We also had trouble with our daughter going to, and staying in bed when we put her down at night. We did try the Supernanny approach, but it got exhausting real quick and she was so stubborn, we did it for literally hours. We ended up putting a door-knob thingy (not sure what it's called) on the inside of her door so she coudln't get out. It sounds terrible and I felt bad about it, but once she really knew that she couldn't get out, she eventually just gave up and went to sleep. Now that she's older (2.5), we let her know that as long as she stays in bed, we won't lock her door, but if we put her down and she tries to get out, we have to lock the door. Most nights now she stays in bed and we don't have to lock her door. Good luck and it will be over soon...except then you'll be up with the new baby...it never ends...:)

We used a little "winnie the pooh" tent in our daughter's room for a few weeks. She thought it was fun and went right to be and stayed there all night. At daycare she naps on the floor, so she was more used to that then a comfy bed.

Have you thought about a side car or a mattress in your room? It seems she wants to be close and that is probably what she will need at this stage in her life. When baby comes, the closeness will be more sparse.

Ask Dr. Sears is a wonderful Web site and has extensive research on sleep.

Good luck and know that this too shall pass...

J.

This is not a perfect answer, I am the first to admit, but it may give you some sleep and much needed sanity. We had the same problem with our first. My oldest son did great at first in his big bed, but then just couldn't stand being alone, he would sneek into our bed int he morning and then it started getting earlier and earlier until no one was getting any sleep. Our answer was to let him sleep on the floor in our room. We have a lot of space so he has an air matress next to ours, but I think he would be fine just on the floor. He is allowed to stay in our room as long as he stays on his bed and does not wake us up in the middle of the night for no reason. You will have a whole new problem to deal with down the road, but for us it has been worth getting the sleep we need and I'm sure he will be happy to share a room with his brother when he is old enough to do so.

Could she be getting overtired? Sometimes kids' waking up can be a sign that they are too tired when they go to sleep. Have you read Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby (I think that's the title)? The doctor in that book says that sleep begets sleep. When we were having trouble with my daughter at one point, we moved her bedtime way up and she started sleeping through the night again. Just an idea.

Do you have a nightlight? Is she afraid of something? I would say rocking might be an ok thing-to get her sound asleep. Do you read to her at night or have a routine. Those things might help her to wind down. If there is no room to rock her-then maybe snuggling with a book would work in her bed. Co-sleeping is not wise-it surprises me that a doctor would say that. Is he a pediatrician? or a parent? My son used to bring his pillow and blanket and lay on the floor next to our bed. It worked for him I guess! The crib idea looks great, too. There is no magic age for leaving the crib. I slept in one until I was 6!

Okay this really isn't too hard to fix. You just need to take the time to sleep train her. I know there are a few good books out there about it. We used Good Night, Sleep Tight the no cry solution by Kim West. It won't take you long to read and the book is great. It took us three nights to sleep train our daughter when she 6 months old and then with our son we did it from the beginning and he is 6 months now and sleeps 7-7. And we put a little gate in the door of our toddler when she moved to a big girl bed. Then she could see us but couldn't get out to get into stuff. And too she maybe isn't ready for a big girl bed. I know the book suggests keep them in a crib as long as possible. But if you get the book I know you will get sleep in a matter of weeks. Hope this helped.

Have you tried a different bed or do you have access to a different bed? My daughter was similar, we moved her to be toddler bed and she hated it cried every night unless we were there, etc.. Moved her to a double bed in another room and sleeping problems got much better!! It seems weird but that's what worked for us!
Good Luck - your gonna need your sleep with baby #2 on the way! Just remember patience! (Easy for someone on the other side, but I've been there and I wasn't always patient!)

I think your daughter is still quite too young to grasp the concept of a new sibling entering the picture and cosleeping will give her the security she needs in order to cope with the anxiety about the future she detects in your family that she cannot articulate to you. If you give in to her demands to cuddle now, it may not be what you would prefer but I do think you can rest assured it will make things tons easier in the future once the baby arrives. She will most likely want to have her own space when the baby arrives, rather than having to share a bed with mommy and the crying baby...and that will be the time to make an even bigger deal about her very own bed in her very own room--and by then she'll be old enough to understand the greatness of it all. Two months makes a huge difference in a toddler. I know what it's like not getting sleep and I really feel for you. It is almost impossible to get through your days on close to no sleep and there is not time for you to do anything for yourself. Is it possible for you to hire a babysitter for the mornings so you can sleep? That way when you wake up you could put your daughter down for her afternoon nap and then have the house to yourself for a couple hours...and actually relax uninterrupted.

Get another crib and put her back in a crib so she can't get out. Let her cry it out a few nights. Good luck!!

I'm a little surprised your dr said to go ahead and let her sleep with you if she wants. I don't think that's habit she needs to get into with baby #2 on the way. Maybe she's not ready for a toddler bed. Try either putting her back in the crib (which may not work for you since baby is coming) or put her in a pack n' play in your room so you can reassure her if she wakes up.

It may sound harsh, but show her that you are the boss. Bedtime is bedtime, and she needs to stay in her bed. My sister gave in to her son, he slept with them for 4 years! Yuck! I know some moms just love that time with their babies and young toddlers, but get real. Cuddle, hug and kiss them all day long, but bed time is not the time for it. Be in charge and do not back down. Put her in there and shut the door or put up a gate if you have to. Discipline her when she gets out of bed for no good reason. The only time my kids are allowed to get up is to go to the bathroom. Even my ten year old knows once the light is out I don't care if he forgot his favorite stuffed animal he can get it in the morning, he's not to get out. My youngest is three and she pretty much followed our boys. When they go to bed she goes. And we have no problems ever with her. My four year old will have bed dreams and come up to our room at night, but this is like 3 4 in the morning. We will either get up and comfort hima nd put him back to bed, or just throw a pillow and blanket on the floor and tell him to lay down and go to sleep. Lately if he has a bad dream he comes up and finds a blanket and pillow in the closet and lays down without even waking or needing us. I just think if we coudle our kids too much they will have a harder time being independant and self sufficient. I play hard with them during the day, hug them lots, tell them how proud I am of them, read to them, and all the things they need, but 9 oclock I am done. They are in their own rooms, in their own beds, and that is my time, and my husbands time. I could not imagine sharing a bed with my kids too. That's totally got to get in the way of being intimate. Which let's face it is probably why most moms let their kids sleep with them anyway.

Hi A.,
With our son, we took everything dangerous out of his room, and turned the lock around (or put a childsaftey knob thing on) and let him be up in his room. I'm not sure how that would help with her crying though.... I seem to remember about that age with both of my boys, they were growing and got up crying every night because they were hungry. We would give them a breakfast bar or granola bar or something and they would go back to sleep for the rest of the night and actually slept until like 8am the next day! Hope you find something that works for all of you!

A., you sound like me. My son was 19 months old when baby number 2 arrived. I was adamant that I would have him in a big boy bed before the baby came. I am not sure how your little one sleeps in a crib, but mine slept 12 to 13 hours a night, so when we moved him and he was constantly getting up it was frustrating. In our situation, I let him go back to the crib and didn't end up transitioning him to a bed until he was 2. I kept the baby in a bassinette as long as I could. When we started him in a bed at two, he was much more willing to stay. It still took some training, but we established a routine, the same things every night. Bath, book, prayers and then I rub his head for maybe 2 to 3 minutes. I steer clear of having conversations about him staying in bed, it seemed to only focus more on the fact that he had to stay and then he would only get out. I think this is a tough transition for most kids and I think it depends on the demeanor of your child. Good Luck!!!

you have received so many responses, i couldn't read them all, so maybe i am repeating someone else.

when i was expecting #2, #1 started waking up a lot at night. she continued to wake after the baby came, too, and became a monster at bedtime. looking back, my husband and i were too hard on her. she was really stressed out about the new baby and how it had changed our little life. i wish we would have been more gentle with her.

maybe your husband could just sleep with her? so you could get some rest? i know you are in a very tender place right now, too, being 8 months pregnant! but just remember how very little your daughter is, and how hard this is on her.

good luck!!!!

Hey, A.! I'm right there with you! I have a 17-month old daughter and am due in January with a baby boy. My situation isn't typical as far as sleeping arrangements, but I'll share it with you and see if it gives you any ideas. My hubby has severe sleep apnea and wears a CPAP mask at night. In spite of the mask, he still snores and tends to thrash. I got tired of getting hit in the head in the middle of the night about 5 months ago and we purchased a full-sized bed for my daughter's room. She still wasn't sleeping through the night and was waking up on average 2 or 3 times. We put the new bed in her room for me to sleep on at night and shortly afterwards converted her crib to a toddler bed. She's been sleeping through the night for the last several months and I've been able to get sleep too. I'm sure we'll have to make some changes once the next baby gets here, but for now, we're all sleeping peacefully!

It is amazing how many behaviors my daughter had when I was pregnant with my son and all I wanted her to do is be perfect so that when the new baby came it would be easier to not have to worry about her. Kids know that something is different like the big kid bed transition and find their own way to get your attention. I think she is old enough to be in a big kid bed but would she be more comfortable a toddler bed in a smaller space? Maybe you could try to make the bed seem smaller and cozier so she doesm't seem all alone. Another idea is if you dont want to rock her to sleep lay next to her on the floor and gradually move closer to the door until she can get used to falling asleep alone. Don't be surprised when she wants you even more after you have the new baby. Good Luck and remember she is still little and still needs you.

sleep is hard.

what i want to encourage you to do is trust your instincts. your doctor is a rare person, a very kind responsive person, but she isnt emotionally connected with your child. trust yourself. you will know when shes emotionally capable of staying in her bed. i know you are pregnant and i know it is tiring, but it will be worse if you force your daughter to do something that shes not emotionally ready to do. shes probably feeling nervous about the new baby. maybe shes having some teething issues. try to be as understanding and responsive as you can. maybe she can sleep on a matress or bed in your room so she can still be close to you yet have her own space. :D

good luck.

I agree with putting her back in a crib. My oldest was 3 when we finally put her in a toddler bed. My 2nd came when the first was only 18 months. He slept in our room till he was 1. First in a bassinette and then in the pack n play.

This is just my personal opinion but DO NOT start letting her sleep with you or even in your room. You will never get alone time and at some point you will still have to go through the hassle of somehow getting her to sleep in her room, so you might as well continue to work on it now as to a year from now. When we switched our son to a toddler bed we had a similar problem. He kept waking up and screaming for mommy or daddy. We asked our Dr what to do. We also have a baby gate in front of the door so he can't get out of him room and wonder around during the night. If he wakes up during the night we are supposed to yell from our room "go back to bed it's night night time" ...we usually have to get up so he can see us. tell him to go back to bed and shut our door. our rooms are diagonal from each other. He shuts his door and goes back to bed. Don't pick her up, don't stand there and negotiate.(that's were we went wrong for quit a while) just tell her back to bed and walk away. Let her cry. It really does only take about 3days to a week for them to figure it out and now he is back to sleeping all night, or if he wakes up he is not running to the door for us.

I am definitely a fan of the "Supernanny" approach. If she gets up in the night, put her back in her bed as many times as it takes, so she knows she needs to stay in bed. What does she want? To sleep with you guys? I agree that that's a bad habit to get into, especially when you'll be getting up with a baby soon. I feel really bad for you! I don't know what to say. Good luck to you.

I didn't have time to read all of the requests, but what about putting her back in a crib. I know to some it may seem that they are going backwards, but it's just comforting and safe space for them. Buy or borrow another, or have your baby in a bassinnet for a while and then she may be ready for the big kid bed. My kids were all almost 3 when they moved to the big bed. There were times we had 2 in cribs, but you know they're safe (as long as the reason you moved her wasn't she was crawling out). My dr recommends healthy sleep happy child books. Good luck. Remember, it will be a lot easier to let her cry now and figure out how to sleep by herself then when the baby is here.

My five-year-old had the same night patterns as your 19 month old when he was that same age. A rotten sleeper from the start. Google Kim West or "The Sleep Lady". Her method of the "sleep lady shuffle" worked well for us. I do have to tell you that he has a strong will, that it took a good 6 months before we felt he was sleep trained well. However, we persevered, and it made a huge difference. I know you don't have 6 months, but we did see improvement within the first week. She also has a book that you can buy and we love it. We have a six-month-old and it's really helped us to establish his sleep patterns. Good luck and hang in there! PS - she also has a newsletter you can sign up for with great reminders and tips!

A. - I would like to give you some awesome advise. Unfortunately, I don't have any. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!!! Do not feel bad or guilty like you've done something wrong, and that's why your daughter won't sleep. I have a 26 month old and a 7 month old, neither of which sleep through the night. On rare occassion my 26 month old will sleep through and the 7 month old will only get up once and that seems like heaven to me. Some children are just more determined than others and it's very difficult to get them to stay asleep. I've tried everything with my daughter. I've tried the cry it out method (and trust me - she has will power - will scream for hours on end). Even if I don't go in there and let her cry herself to sleep she continues to wake up night after night. She is not a cuddler and will not sleep with us, which I'm not too sad about, and quite frankly am weirded out that your Dr told you to try that. This will only lead to no sleep for you while she's with you and yet another problem you'll have to solve later when she won't get out! Anyway, sorry I'm not more help, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I feel for you!!!! Good luck and if you figure anything out let me know!

Hell A.,

I have a 15 month old girl and I'm 9 weeks pregnant with baby two. My daughter sleeps through the night. We tried many things to get her to sleep in her crib so maybe some of our ideas might help you. First though, maybe she's not ready for a big bed? My daughter is still in her crib and I'll probably keep her in it for quite some time. With that said, here is what we've tried...

Make sure her tummy is full when she goes to bed (give her a sippy cup of milk or a snack before the bedtime routine). It's possible that she is having a growth spurt and she's just a little hungry. Also make sure she's not too hot/cold.

Also, is she taking a nap/naps during the day? Sleep begets sleep. I've noticed with my daughter that she'll sleep better at night if she's had a good nap during the day.

Tonight when she wakes up, have your husband go in her room and pat her back to sleep. Every time she tries to stand up have him lay her back down (even if she tries to stand 100 times). Have him leave the lights off and not interact with her. He'll just want to keep laying her back down and patting her bottom. She'll eventually get tired of resisting and fall back asleep. He may have to do this for a few nights but don't give in and don't get her out of her bed/crib.

Have you ever let her cry herself back to sleep? Every now and then my daughter will cry in the middle of the night but we wait about 5 minutes to see if she's actually awake or just dreaming. Almost everytime she'll fall right back asleep.

Your daughter is probably in the habit of someone coming in right away to save her. Maybe you go in too fast and you end up waking her up even more? I would try patting her back to sleep for a couple nights and then just let her cry it out and see what happens. She'll eventually feel comfortable falling back asleep on her own without you or your husband.

I know this sounds harsh but it was recommended to me and it worked. My daughter never cries herself to sleep anymore but when I was first transitioning her to her crib and overnight sleeping she certainly would cry. It only lasted a few days but she's been enjoying long nights of sleep ever since and so have we.

Let me know how things go.

God bless,
K.

I am feeling for you! I have two kids, but mine are 6 yrs, and 7 months. Is your little one breastfeeding? If not, you have to just make her sleep on her own. I did this with my 6 yr old when he was little, when NOTHING else worked. Just it takes about 1 week to train them- that is the hard part (emotionally and physically). You have to put them in the dark room in their beds, shut the door, and leave them there, no water break, no bathroom breaks..etc. basically no giving in to the demand list before bedtime. THen you just walk her back to her room EVERY time she get out of bed, do again, repeat until she finally sleeps alone. RULE #1 don't ever give in, make her stay in her room and sleep- even with her crying.
RULE#2 no giving in to demands RULE#3- nenver be inconsistent- don't one day let her sleep with you then the next try this again.
well- that is what has worked for me for both of my boys- it sucks to listen to the crying, and sucks to repeatedly put them back in the room- but you are probably so tired right now that you can stand to do it without much grief about her crying.
make sure to get hubby to help!
hope you get the rest you need....-D.

We have a second crib at the foot of our bed. Around that age my son would wake up and want to be rocked or come into our bed instead of just falling back asleep like he had been(if he did, he would try to play and not sleep). To fix it for us, if he woke up I would tell him time to go back to sleep and that it was time for everyone to sleep. If he still fussed, I told him again it was time to sleep and he could sleep here in the same room as mom and dad in this crib or in the other crib without mom and dad in the room if he continued to cry. If he did continue I then put him in the other room and left him for about 5 minutes then re offered to come sleep in the other crib. It only took a few consistent tries and now he chooses to sleep in the crib in our room and if he wakes up I just reassure him by softly speaking to him and remind him that its time to sleep and usually that is all it takes, otherwise gently offering to sleep in the other room works quickly now and he goes back to sleep. Not sure if this would work for your situation, but it works well for us and definitely improved everyone's sleep.
HTH
T.

Hi A.,

I can relate completely to your scenario. We have a 16-month old who has NEVER slept through the night and are expecting our third in January. Your story reads so similar to what we are going through. The sleep deprivation is incredible. Recently I was given a book that has been helping me see the situation in a different light. It's called "Raising a Spirited Child". I read the first two chapters, then jumped to the chapter on sleep. The book provides some good insight into why our children aren't sleeping through the night and what we can do to help them "calm their bodies" so they can sleep.

I wish you luck. Maybe just knowing that you're not alone will help ease your frustration.

S. P

would she sleep on the floor at the foot of your bed if you set up a little bed?? my daughter was a bad sleeper until she was 2 (even now she has her bad nights)...buy maybe if you put her mattress or a camping mattress with pillows and blankets she would sleep there...i think my girl gets scared or loney during the night so she likes to sleep with someone (she is now in her sisters room...we put the mattress on the floor)...not ideal, but she sleeps through the night most of the nights (she is 3 1/2)

You may be a little tired and busy to do much reading, but for sleep issues I always recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." She also has a website, www.parentchildhelp.com and does consultations. She is a great resource. My youngest didn't start sleeping through the night until he was 18 months so you are not alone. Good luck and best wishes for the new baby.

your 19 month old needs to be sleeping through the night at least 10 hours straight. my husband and i were up all night until we finally decided to sleep train our 8 month old. now at 18 months she sleeps from 8:30 PM to 8 AM every night without incident. sleep training took about 2 nights. it is well worth it. this video explains everything, it's absolutely wonderful, check it out. it will change your life.

http://www.sleepyplanet.com/