10 answers

Ex Not Following Court Orders

My question is if my ex just doesn't think he has to follow court orders. He has gotton away with doing things when he felt like it or not at all. All they say you need to do this or don't do that anymore. Just a little slap on the hand but nothing happens and he gets away with it. I spent so much money on lawyers to go through a divoce custody battle I do not have much more. My ex is suppose to have taken a parenting class within a certain and I don' t think he has a the place is not aloud to tell me any info. Also I am suppose to be getting medical reports from his doctors frequent. I recieved nothing. He has been in the mental hospital at least 5 times that I know of and has been emtional abusive and unstable. He is supposing to be take medicine but chooses not to and the courts don't care that anything can set him off again. I have to wait till he has another manic epsoide and ends up in the mental hopsitl again. I can't do anything. He is bi polar and refuses to take meds. they just say you need to. He has 3 kids that has visits with him i am worried about. I fought it but had no choice but to allow these. I am worried about their safety but can't do anything about it. What and who do I go to enforcing him these parenting classes and medical records to me. He needs to realize he has to follow orders not what he chooses.

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

You really don't know what I have been through with my ex of all the threats bullying put downs to my children. He neglected his kids. Did not take care of them when he had them. He overdosed them on medicine cause he wasnt watching. Their was inappropriate sexual thinggs going on and I have the right to know what the medical records say. Yes i did take my required court class for parenting in the first few weeks. this class is court ordered and different one because of what he has done to the kids and he thinks he can get away with anything.He is untouchable. My kids are all in therapy because of this. My son is talking about sucide and his dad doesn't care. So you don't know the whole story of what kind of dad he is or his family.I have fought for 10 months and had pictures of stuff he was doing I had a limited case manager that only heard his story and wouldn't listen to my parents. I wrote down a journal of all the things he has done and they didn't care. they stopped the supervised visits.
I wanted to know if their was something else I can do other than spedning more money on lawyers.

More Answers

There really is no nice way to put this. Either suck it up or pay your lawyer and go back to court. The parenting class you keep going on about is a one night course in Missouri. He probably already did it and considering you don't seem to know it is a simple course makes me believe you didn't take it either. It is required of both parents.

In the three and a half years since my divorce my ex has done stuff that makes your seem like a fuzzy bunny. The courts will do nothing until he seriously hurts one of the kids. Sad but true, end of discussion.

Yup, read your response, he is still a fuzzy bunny. You really don't get the system do you? Stop crying and work on empowering your children. Sorry to be the one to tell you but they are the only ones who can protect themselves. The ones that break the law have become the protected class. The sooner you accept what you cannot control the sooner you can start working on what you can control. I am sorry I am so harsh but you need to wake up.

3 moms found this helpful

As I a person who works in Mental Health with numerous court contact, I find it INCREDIBLY shocking that you were able to get a court order to say that they are required to turn medical records over to YOU. I have seen numerous things where the information needs to be released to the court for monitoring purposes, so they can make sure he's doing what he needs to. Maybe at the most, they might say that you are allowed to know whether or not he is attending his appointments. However, his medications, anything discussed, whether or not he was hospitalized, and detailed information, I really have difficulty believing you were court ordered a right to. You might want to clarify with an attorney that this is what it actually says. HIPPA and privacy laws are very strict with this and I do not know of a single medical facility that will release medical information to an ex-wife because they don't want you using the information against him. Not to mention, you have no legal binding right to him or to know anything about him except in relation to your children. Having a mental illness alone does not give you a right to that information because of the POTENTIAL it has to affect his parenting. His behavior towards your children is what you have a right to. So you shouldn't have a right medically to know what is going on with him, just a right to know whether or not he is harming your children. That is probably why your not getting any information, and will probably never get information. The Court may be getting the needed information though, which are the ones who actually need it.

1 mom found this helpful

The medical records release sounds like a very fine line. The privacy act prohibits a medical facility to release the records to you. Have you shown them the court order?

My sister is on meds and all the doctors and police say is that she is an adult and if she chooses not to take her meds she can. The only time we can do anything to her by means of police action/protection is if she is a threat to herself or someone else, not a potential threat.

I believe your attorney is the best place to get answers for your state or county. I believe they will not stop him from visits with his kids because he has a right to see them.

I am sorry I am of no help or can't say anything positive, but I think their are too many laws in place to protect him and his privacy.

Best wishes.
C.

1 mom found this helpful

get a new lawyer and seek supervised visits. While they can't make him take his meds you should be able to get supervised visits if him being off the meds puts your children's safety at risk.

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Go apply for emergency custody (if you don't already have it). If you already have it, ask the court what you would actually file if you wanted to refuse visitation for safety concerns (like you would emergency custody if you didn't have custody already). Have you contacted child protective services and discussed any of this with them? They could be your alley in this.

1 mom found this helpful

I had problems with my ex too, so on one hand, I know what you're saying. On the other hand, I was on the other end of the stick, so to speak. He tried telling the court that I didn't attend my required "Children of Divorce Workshop" which I clearly had because there was a copy of my certificate of completion in the court file (provided by the administrators of the class). He tried getting our son's school in trouble for not providing him with a separate permission slip allowing our son to walk to the park with his class even though he was notified and gave verbal permission. You name it, he tried to tattle and fry me for it. Nothing he said was proven to be founded. He was just angry and clinging to the ability to drag my butt to court.
I understand your concern for your kids and things are a little different in your case, Were the classes you speak of ordered, or suggested? I only ask because my ex tried to force me into therapy to get the family back together and I refused. I asked for a divorce and they couldn't force me to take him back.
Now, as far as the medical records being sent to you...I think you're barking up the wrong tree on that one. YOU do not have the right to his personal and private health information. Those things are protected by law. IF there is a court order that he must disclose anything, it would be to the court or a guardian ad litem for purposes of evaluation, but even still.....you would not have the right to that information and the court could get in trouble for disclosing it.
You don't have a right to know if he's been on prescription cold medication, bi-polar meds, you don't have the right to know under which circumstances he was hospitalized or how many times. Even if there was a court order, I honestly can't imagine one that says to a treating physician or facility..."You must report to the ex wife frequently." They will protect themselves from being sued well before they report to you.
It's just like the parenting classes. You don't know for sure if he actually went or not because they are not allowed to give you that info.
So, you're assuming he hasn't done it, just like my ex assumed I hadn't done it.
In these cases, you have to be very careful about assuming.
The court will make their decisions based on proveable facts and the law. That's it.
Even though this is all very real to you and it's your life and you're frustrated and concerned for the safety of your kids....some of this stuff might just seem like control freak nagging.
I let my ex have enough rope to hang himself because he looked like such a nut job by the time he was done. He's taken me to court 50 times to get custody of our son and he's never gotten it. He always came off as more wanting them to make me tow the line as opposed to anything else.

You need to focus less on what he is or isn't doing and focus more on the situation at hand. The safety of your kids isn't going to change even if you both take 100 classes. Let that go. You'll look like a doofus if you keep barking about it and the court already knows he went. It happened to my ex husband, it can happen to you.

You care about your kids so document everything. You have every right to request separate legal counsel appointed for your children. Be prepared, however, that you will have no access to any reports from counselors, doctors, etc that your children might be taken to see and the attorney for your children works only for their best interests. You have to be willing to give up complete control at that point. You have to be willing to put what is best for your kids above and beyond anything you want.
I fear you won't be granted a special attorney for the children given that your ex isn't trying to prove you unfit and take them from your custody. But, you can always ask.
You need to keep your cool, mama.
I would suggest getting counseling for yourself to help you keep these things in perspective.
Emotions can be so raw.
Like I said, I was on the receiving end of the hostility. It became clear, not just to me but to everyone else, that my husband thrived on the chaos and his identity got so wrapped up in the battle and the war that he just couldn't let go of it and he used the courts as a way to keep it going.
If he wasn't obsessing about court and what I was doing every day, what was left for him in life?
You don't want to come off sounding like that.

I hope this didn't come off the wrong way and you understand what I'm trying to say.

I wish you the best. I really do.

1 mom found this helpful

"Their was inappropriate sexual thinggs going on"

What does this mean??? Inappropriate with your children? If so, this is a matter for the police and district attorney.

Like one other poster said, find a new aggressive attorney and pay the money to get things taken care of. You can't put a value on your childrens' safety...find the money somewhere to pay for legal counsel.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with the other posts, but would like to add this: document, document, document EVERYTHING that happens. Everytime he doesn't follow the court orders write it down (date, time and what happened). This will help you if and when you decide to go back to court. Good luck!

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