I had problems with my ex too, so on one hand, I know what you're saying. On the other hand, I was on the other end of the stick, so to speak. He tried telling the court that I didn't attend my required "Children of Divorce Workshop" which I clearly had because there was a copy of my certificate of completion in the court file (provided by the administrators of the class). He tried getting our son's school in trouble for not providing him with a separate permission slip allowing our son to walk to the park with his class even though he was notified and gave verbal permission. You name it, he tried to tattle and fry me for it. Nothing he said was proven to be founded. He was just angry and clinging to the ability to drag my butt to court.
I understand your concern for your kids and things are a little different in your case, Were the classes you speak of ordered, or suggested? I only ask because my ex tried to force me into therapy to get the family back together and I refused. I asked for a divorce and they couldn't force me to take him back.
Now, as far as the medical records being sent to you...I think you're barking up the wrong tree on that one. YOU do not have the right to his personal and private health information. Those things are protected by law. IF there is a court order that he must disclose anything, it would be to the court or a guardian ad litem for purposes of evaluation, but even still.....you would not have the right to that information and the court could get in trouble for disclosing it.
You don't have a right to know if he's been on prescription cold medication, bi-polar meds, you don't have the right to know under which circumstances he was hospitalized or how many times. Even if there was a court order, I honestly can't imagine one that says to a treating physician or facility..."You must report to the ex wife frequently." They will protect themselves from being sued well before they report to you.
It's just like the parenting classes. You don't know for sure if he actually went or not because they are not allowed to give you that info.
So, you're assuming he hasn't done it, just like my ex assumed I hadn't done it.
In these cases, you have to be very careful about assuming.
The court will make their decisions based on proveable facts and the law. That's it.
Even though this is all very real to you and it's your life and you're frustrated and concerned for the safety of your kids....some of this stuff might just seem like control freak nagging.
I let my ex have enough rope to hang himself because he looked like such a nut job by the time he was done. He's taken me to court 50 times to get custody of our son and he's never gotten it. He always came off as more wanting them to make me tow the line as opposed to anything else.
You need to focus less on what he is or isn't doing and focus more on the situation at hand. The safety of your kids isn't going to change even if you both take 100 classes. Let that go. You'll look like a doofus if you keep barking about it and the court already knows he went. It happened to my ex husband, it can happen to you.
You care about your kids so document everything. You have every right to request separate legal counsel appointed for your children. Be prepared, however, that you will have no access to any reports from counselors, doctors, etc that your children might be taken to see and the attorney for your children works only for their best interests. You have to be willing to give up complete control at that point. You have to be willing to put what is best for your kids above and beyond anything you want.
I fear you won't be granted a special attorney for the children given that your ex isn't trying to prove you unfit and take them from your custody. But, you can always ask.
You need to keep your cool, mama.
I would suggest getting counseling for yourself to help you keep these things in perspective.
Emotions can be so raw.
Like I said, I was on the receiving end of the hostility. It became clear, not just to me but to everyone else, that my husband thrived on the chaos and his identity got so wrapped up in the battle and the war that he just couldn't let go of it and he used the courts as a way to keep it going.
If he wasn't obsessing about court and what I was doing every day, what was left for him in life?
You don't want to come off sounding like that.
I hope this didn't come off the wrong way and you understand what I'm trying to say.
I wish you the best. I really do.