Divorce is hard on children. There's no way around it, even under the best of circumstances. Mom and dad aren't married anymore, they don't live in the same house anymore, (in this case even the state)...
I think resuming dating too early or bringing new prospective partners around your children too soon and too young can completely devalue the seriousness of any romantic relationship.
Marriage is supposed to be forever, but often it's not.
A dating relationship that might seem promising can end if one person or the other feels it's not going to work out. On to the next one...."there are plenty of fish in the sea."
I think for kids who grow up with parents who date lots of different people in front of them, they can grow up either not trusting relationships at all or not trusting themselves to be happy without one.
I've known several women throughout my life who absolutely cannot and will not be without a man for longer than 15 minutes, and that's not much of an exaggeration. I know of one woman who has had numerous live in boyfriends and been through several marriages...all in front of her kids.
If you were to ask her, she would tell you that each and every one of her relationships was "serious". Serious can be a very relative term especially when you look at it from a kid's perspective. If you're not careful, even marriage can be seen as not serious to a kid. Oh, it's serious all right, but for how long? Serious is not the same as permanent.
So, in the midst of all that, how does one teach their children about vows and committment or what a serious relationship means?
To me, it seems obvious in those instances that it's about sex and adults wanting to get it on. For as long as it's fun for them.
Kids aren't dumb.
They are, however, impressionable.
I think you and your ex-husband should be very careful with your children.
This is not being judgemental because I don't know you, but you had a boyfriend, broke up, married someone else and had kids, divorced, now you're back with with a previous boyfriend, you don't want your ex having women who aren't "serious" around your kids, but you think your ex is getting back at you for asking you to wait 6 months and you don't see anything wrong on your end of the equation.
That's kind of baffling, actually.
I just think you should be careful. I have no doubt you love your children so why not get through one period of adjustment at a time for their sake? For your own sake? You just got a divorce. Why would you be thinking about marrying someone else so soon? Love is love and if it's meant to be, your boyfriend will be fine with not rushing things. What's the hurry?
I mean no offense whatsoever, but I think you should wait. Not because your ex said so and not because I say so.....
You're raising a couple of boys and you want to show them that women are for more than coming and going. If they love her they'll wait. If they love her, they'll respect her.
What kind of men do you want them to grow up to be based on the example you set by the kind of woman you are?
I mean no offense. These are just things for you to think about.