8 answers

Ex-boyfriend from High School That I Have Not Seen in 20 Years Comes into Town.

I Have an ex-boyfriend from high school, I will call R, just to make it simpler. He sent me an email he was going to be in town (with his five year daughter)for business and to visit his family who (Siblings) lives here. He is married, I have never met his wife, but have exchanged Xmas cards. She was not with him on this trip. i Don't know why. At any rate, I have not seen R in 20 years and was curious, you know, and so I told my husband about it. My first thought was to invite R and his daughter over for some coffee on a Sunday afternoon with my husband here too (my son and his daughter could play) but R said he had to drive out to Palm Desert to see his mom, so how about lunch on Thursday with the kids? Or, R textedd, or you could all (I thought meaning my hub and son) come to Thursday evening dinner, and his brother and sister would be there too with their families, etc. (this is all through texting.) My husband said oh, go meet him for lunch. So we were going to meet on Weds but R texted me said Thursday was better. So I said Thursday lunch was good. I went to the store, got some kid-friendly coloring books for his daughter and mine, made a plan for a lunch to meet at a kid-friendly restaurant. Two hours before (noon was our scheduled lunch), he TEXTs me, 3 times, saying his morning meeting got canceled and moved to noon. He apologizes explaining, then texts me later, saying he is now in a waiting room, waiting to meet his client. Could we meet later, in the evening? I am so not a texter, so I called and left him a voicemail saying I understand, but I would have to bring my husband and son with me, and to call me and give me a idea what time later (mu husband and him are in similiar businesss).

I do not hear from him until 4 pm with another TEXT saying, he is so sorry he doesn't foresee this happening (us getting together) as he is on his way to another meeting (coctails and apps) and won't be back at his brother's for another hour or so. Then he sends me another text, saying he scheduled 2 meetings that day, one at 8am, another at 5pm and the one in the am goofed him up. I felt so weird, you know, I texted back OK. This morning there are two new texts, one that says he is so disappointed that we never got to get together and he overscheduled himself, and another saying he will back in town March 9th, and hope we can still stay in contact and get together then. I did not respond. I don't think I am going to unless he picks up the phone and calls me. I ask myself, why do I care even? Keep in mind, this person was in my life for 4 years as first boyfriend and friend when I was young.

My sister thinks that me saying I am bringing my husband had something to do with, and R must have marital problems. I don't know, but the whole thing really kind of irratated me
and i feel like why bother? I was so looking forward to seeing someone who was special to me from my past. I feel like saying him, look you are a flake, forget it. I am too old to deal with flakinesss. i don't know...any ideas? Thanks for letting me vent.

What can I do next?

More Answers

I'm friends with some of my ex boyfriends. I would totally want to meet their kids if they had any. I think our society is odd for expecting that if a person of the opposite sex doesn't marry us and stay forever, that we have to totally drop the friendship and never see them again. If this is someone you cherish, then stay in touch. I'm not a texter myself, but I also don't like cell phones, so email works best for me. But some of my friends use texting almost to the exclusion of any other form of communication. It's just the times we're living in. I didn't think he sounded flaky from the sequence of events you described. He was only here a short period of time and probably genuinely over-scheduled. I'm sure he'll make sure you get some time on the next visit.

2 moms found this helpful

This is way to complicated. Persoanlly I'd drop it. Sometimes things belong in the past. Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Forget it. If he is interested in becoming friends with you and your husband, then let him give you a call next time.
The texting things bothers me too. It's so impersonal. I tend to text message when I don't feel like talking on the phone, or I don't want to talk to that particular person at that moment. Like I said, just forget his number!
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I would say it's not worth the risk of upsetting your household. I would invite him & family to an event of your families choice a picnic at the park or a bbq at the house and if he shows great if not forget about it and wish him well with his life. Don't waste to much time or emotions on him not worth the hassle.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, K.,

I don't consider myself a "texter," but I accept this technology as one mode of normal communication now.

If your ex-boyfriend tries to get together with you again and you don't have to bend over backwards to meet him, I think that it would be reasonable to get together with him.

L. E


If he's being that flaky then it's probably not worth it. It is cool, however that your husband does not have a problem with you seeing him. At any rate, I would just let it go. You are married now and so is he and if he can't seem to make it to one meeting with you after all those attempts then it sounds weird to me and maybe you should just drop it. Hope that helps.

A. K

Hi K.,
If the opportunity arises again, and it's convenient for you, then I'd say meet him with your husband, or another mutual friend you had in high school, or your sister. Leave the texting out of the equation when it comes to making your decision, it's a common enough form of communication these days, especially for people in meetings (and teens) and R doesn't know that you are not comfortable with it. My cousin and I tried to get together on a recent business trip she had in the area - and her meetings went long, and she was expected to go out with the client etc. etc. She was in the area long enough, that we finally did get together for lunch and had a great time. When it's a business trip, your time is not your own AND he also had family who made demands on his time. Best of luck, Linda

As a married woman, I think it's a little weird to meet an ex-boyfriend, especially one you were with for 4 years. It seem too complicated, let it go and go back to being happy and uncomplicated with your husband. Good luck.

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