Enough Is Enough

My sister-in-law had the same problem with one of her daughters. She just would not go in the toilet. She didn't want to go in her pants though and would just hold it in for days if the pull-ups were taken away. So, my sister-in-law just put a diaper on her when she needed to go. I am sure at this point your son knows in advance that he is going to poop. So, tell him that when he needs to poop, he needs to let you know and then you will put a diaper on him. At least diapers are cheaper than pull-ups. Then he will be able to decide on his own that he is ready to poop in the toilet, just as my niece did.

I think the important thing to remember here is that kids don't do this just to be defiant. They are simply afraid for some reason to take that big potty training step! I am not saying that it isn't frustrating, I have potty trained two kids myself and KNOW it is, but I just think we lose perspective sometimes as adults because it doesn't make sense to us why they won't go! I don't think it is something that necessarily requires punishment, just something he needs to work out. Good luck with this and let us know how it works out!

We had the same problem with my son at pretty much the exact same age. He was completely potty trained for pee, but refused to poop on the toilet. When I knew he needed to poop, I would put him on the toilet and he would literally hold it in until I let him off and then would find a spot out of my view an poop his pants. Turned out he was afraid to poop on the toilet. NOT afraid of the toilet, just afraid put his poop in there. Pediatrician said it happens like this sometimes. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but at his Dr suggestion, I literally shadowed him for days on end. Every time he would go off on his own to poop, I was right there, placing him on the toilet. He would refuse to poop there, but since I was following him around, he had no opportunity to go anywhere else. Finally, after about day THREE (Can't believe he had it THAT long) he was doubled over holding his tummy because he had to go SO BAD. I told him he needed to go poop on the potty, put him there and he finally went (mostly cause I think he couldn't hold it any longer). But after he finally did, I made a big deal about how he finally saw it wasn't such a big deal and not scary to go poop on the potty. From then on, he's been fine. It was just that first initial time (and fear) that he had to get over. Hope this helps! Boys can be VERY strong willed!

Hi S.,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time potty training your son. What I did was put a pair of underwear on my son and told him there were no more diapers and I didn't have any money for them anymore. I told him everytime he went on the potty and pooped he would get a special surprise. You can determine what your surprise will be. Also everytime he had an accident or in your case went somewhere else, a favorite toy would be taking away. He needs to know you are in control. Also maybe he thinks that is the only way to get your attention. Do you play with him during the day or read etc..? I am by all means not saying you ignore your child, but you know what I mean :) I agree with the other moms in having him HELP you clean it up if he has an accident. Hope this helps and good luck.
In regards to body image, I am totally with you on that one. I used to be 120 lbs, now I am 172:( Also yes friends are hard to come by, where do you live? May be whe can meet up. Let me know. Hope to hear from you.

Take care,
S.

Ok if he poops at certain time and you know hes going to have to go put him on the potyy and make him not get off till he goes. If he is 3 some children especially males don't start training or be able to do both till 31/2 so you are lucky if you can get him to do it.

My 3 1/2 year old was actually trained to poop on the potty before he always peed there because we found somthing he really wanted for a reward. He got a matchbox car for every poop on the potty. It didn't take long. I do think as they get older (above 3) they get more stubborn and get more into power struggles. Good Luck!

Take him by the hand to the pottychair. This is like the naughty chair on Suppernanny. the concept that is. Take him back there every time he gets up. When he stays on the potty, big hugs.
Explain to him that this is where he is supposed to go and anywhere is not acceptable. One step further would be that he clean up where he otherwise insists on going and takes care of his dirty underwear himself. He'll get tired of that, hopefully, and start following the expectations. Let him know you and daddy don't just go anywhere. "Big boys use the potty, not babies". Being compared to a baby may not be to his liking and he may find incentive in that to quit his behavior.

I feel for you. I have two boys (8 & 11). My 8 year old potty trained in 3 days and has had very few accidents since. My 11 year old still has issues with taking the time to go #2. I tried everything, too. I even took him to the Pediatrician when he was 6 and had a ultrasound done that revealed he was 'holding it in'. He got backed up and apparently its like he always has the sensation to go #2 but is constipated. So he learned to ignore the feeling... We made a big deal about him going to the bathroom so there wouldn't be any accidentd but I think that made him even more defiant. As he is becoming more aware of his body image, he is getting better at 'prevention'. But I firmly believe HE will make the choice to address the situation and no matter how much you push the issue, its his body and he gets to decide....good luck!!

Hi S.,

I had the same problem with my daughter. She was potty trained for months, but would not poop in the pot, she would ask for a diaper and if we wouldn't give her one she would put one on herself or not go. Then about 2/3 weeks before her 4th birthday I started telling her that once she turned 4 that was it she could no longer poop in a diaper, I would tell her everytime she asked for one and happly put one on her, but remind her that once she turned 4 that was it no more diapers. (and no I couldn't stop buying diapers I had twins in them and they all wore the same size) then one day I was leaving and saw her walking into the bathroom and she never said anything so I left. A few seconds later my husband called and asked where she was, I told him in the bathroom, he went in there and she hap pooped all by herself never said a word to anyone. She just needed a deadline and it was about a week before her 4th birhtday, never have had a problem since :)

Yes - it is frustrating! We've been through this once with our now six year old boy. After lots of different trials, none of which were successful, he finally announced to us "when I'm 3, I'll pee in the potty." Sure enough, on his 3rd birthday, he started! Poop was another matter completely. Nothing worked, he held it all day and then pooped in his pullup at home after pre-school - usually went to hide in his room. We did follow the advise of his pre-school teacher, who suggested that when we notice he needs to poop, to tell him that he needs to go into the bathroom to do that (still in his pull up, but at least he was in the right room!). He responded well to that, and around his 4th birthday (I KNOW -- it took a long time!!) I reminded him that we wouldn't be able to start kindergarten when he was five if he wasn't pooping in the potty. I told him he had a whole year to work on it. Well, that was the magic bullet for him! He was so excited about going to kindergarten that within 3 days, he was pooping in the potty! We were lucky to stumble onto that motivation for him. But - the key here is -- HE had to decide on the timing....HE had to decide he was ready. Not us.

We're now in the same process with our almost 3 year old boy. In general, I think boys are a bit slower to potty train. Neither one has EVER been bothered by a wet or dirty diaper --ever! I received some great parenting advise our first time around struggling with this...in all the "battles" or "power struggles" (or however you want to phrase it) in parenting toddlers/pre-schoolers, there are two issues you will ALWAYS lose in - what goes into their mouth, and how it comes back out! :) Once I realized and accepted that - meal times AND potty training become more tolerable. He'll figure it out -- just try to be matter of fact ("the bathroom is where we poop"), reward the behavior that you want to encourage, and don't make ANY negative reactions/comments when he poops else where. Just matter of factly state, "next time, honey, please go to the bathroom when you need to poop. It will happen eventually -- the trick is to stay patient and keep our cool in the meantime! Hang in there!! :)

we had the same problem as well. i told her one day that we didnt have any more big kid diapers, but we took her baby brothers diaper and laid it across the potty. and told her she could poop in that diaper. she did and once she realized she could do it sitting down she didnt need the diaper.

we had the same problem since recently but it was due to her getting sick. She would take a bath to go pee or poop on the floor so we told her she can't pee in the tub anymore it cost too much money so she started going on the potty but wouldn't go poop so we told her the dogs are going to start going in the house &/or bug would come and bite her butt if she kept going on the floor and it almost worked but when she got sick with you know what I told her I cn't clean that up it will make me sick you have to go on the potty and she did. I guess just the right lie works.

i've heard of moms making their kids clean up messes they make on the floor.....i think it might work, then he would see how yucky it is and that's why poop goes in the potty so we can flush it down. also, don't buy any more pull-ups. they're just a crutch....i had problems with my daughter in the pooping dept of potty training also. but, i found that if i ignored the 'accidents' (which they really weren't, b/c she'd wait til she was in bed for a nap each day to do her business) and really went crazy (in a good way!) when she pooped in the potty, she cooperated a lot better. we also rewarded her with M&M's, b/c she loves chocolate. i'm sure you could use whatever favorite treat or thing your son likes. i found not reacting to the messes and being ecstatic when she used the potty worked well for her.
on the other hand, i also have a son and know that boys and girls (and kids in general) are so different and you just have to find what works for your son.
anyhow, best of luck!! he'll be using the potty like a pro before you know it!
=)

I think punishing him for this will only lengthen this behavior. 3 & 4 yr old boys sometimes go through things like this, and the less you make of it, the better. Anything you can do to reassure him and express your confidence in him as a getting-to-be-such-a-big boy-now will help, but it may take time. He has to decide it's important to him and you have to try to resign from this power struggle. I know it's driving you nuts! Hang in there, S.. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!

I agree with everyone else. The only other thing I can think of is having him be involved in the clean up process when he goes on the floor, etc. Slap on a pair of latex type gloves and have him clean up part of the mess.

Sorry! I know how frustrating it is.

C.

I agree with the previous entry...give her a deadline and tell her no more pull-ups after that. My son was stubborn about both peeing and pooping but once I knew he had the ability to do both I told him I was taking the "diapers" away and that he had to wear underwear. I did have to throw away a few pairs of underwear that he pooped in but it was worth it because eventually he just gave up and started using the potty. Good luck!

Really the more you push it the more he'll fight. He'll get it if you give him time.

We had the same problem with our son. He peed in the potty but refused to poop. This might sound weird but my son loves playing games on the computer. He loves the noggin and Nick Jr. website and various other games. We have laptops at our house so we figured we would put his little table with the laptop in the bathroom with him. He sat there on the potty nice and relaxed playing video games, and before we knew it he pooped. Yes we had to put the computer in there a few more times but by then he was so used to the potty that we had no problems with tellling him to just go without it. I don't know if it is an option for you but if you could think of something that he normally likes to do but can not because he is in the bathroom, try giving it to him when he is in there and it might work out for you. Treats work great also. We actually pee trained our son using gum. Every time he went pee in the toilet he got a piece of gum. Not sure if your son is old enough for the gum yet but its different and something that kids normally would not have.