Emotional and Behavioral Changes in My Son Who Just Started Wearing Glasses

Hi N.!
I have not experienced this with my own step kids, but when I had to get glasses, my mom helped me cope with showing me good people wearing glasses. Superman and Spiderman both wear glasses when they are incognito! My mom basically searched magazine racks and photo books (internet was not around when I was a kid) and pointed out how distinguished the stars and such looked while wearing glasses.

As for the attitude change, I cannot help you, but perhaps help with his self esteem, which might help in the long run!

i have not had to deal with just wearing glasses... but when i hear he is the youngest in his class that sent up red flags for me as my dauughter was too... she did very very well keeping up until 3rd grade when her reading and multiplication tables just could not keep up with the others... dont rule out holding him back. i wish i had done so even though she was doing well in K.
it is so much harder to hold her back now in 5th grade...
L.

Has anything happened at school that he isn't telling you about? Ask him why wearing them bothers him.

also, recently in my son's kindergarten class someone my son plays with started wearing glasses and my son asked if he could get some too. I asked him why and he said they were cool. My son is also very shy and barely talks in class but he really liked the idea of wearing glasses because "That way I can see better than everyone else" ...heh. Smart kid :)

Hi N.!

I'm not sure it's because of the glasses that your son is acting "weird"

I have a 5 year old son who's in Kindergarden. He is acting the EXACT same way for the past couple of week or so!!!! If I ask him to do his homework, he'll turn around and almost yell "I know! Stop telling me!" Totally weird, out of character behavior.

I am a regular parent volunteer in his classroom, almost a daily visitor, and his teacher says that they are ALL acting that way right now! She thinks it's the feeling of Spring.

When I asked her about MY son, and if she noticed any changes, she said there was a change. My son would always be one of the first one's done with the assignment, but lately he can't seem to concentrate enough to get anything done in the allowed time. She said it almost seems like he's "spacing out" occassionally. I appreciated her honesty, but YIKES!

I've been paying extra attention to him, and I just decided yesterday that I think it might be allergies that is affecting him. This weekend I'm going to try to a few "tricks" on him. But, I noticed in his eyes, that they ARE a little bit "spacey" at times. And "cranky", BOY OH BOY is he cranky off and on.

Anyway, my son is NOT adjusting to anything, yet appears to be acting the exact same way as your son. In your case, I'm sure that he is having some soft of an emotional adjustment to his new glasses. BUT, remember he is also acting like a whole Kindergarden class in Modesto!!! So, it might be something else :o)

Good luck!

:o) N.

N.,

it's very possible that your son's quiet behavior stemmed from his inability to focus at close distances. (farsighted) The glasses may be a distration in part because he is now able to see more clearly. You may want to ask him more specific questions about his behaviors and leave out the glasses. More to the point, ask him if perhaps he didn't hear you? And if he did, how is it that he's not doing what is asked? Focusing on the behavior, not the glasses. See what he says.

Good luck,
L.

Dear N.~ Please check out the life and work of Meir Schneider. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Healing-Life-Vision-Arkana/d...

Also, Radio show host Lena Burman (tuesday program at 1pm called, Your Own Health and Fitness) has radio archive of a show with an interview of Mier Schneider.

Big Kudos to you for reaching out on your son's behalf.

It's only been two weeks -- sometimes they just go through little phases. The behavior might not even be related to the glasses, maybe it's just something he's trying out. If he's always been that well-behaved maybe this is good for him. You want a kid who can be a little feisty at times - they usually do better in life.

I'm not saying to discount his feelings about the glasses, but he and especially the other kids will probably get used to them really soon, if they aren't already. Kids seem to be pretty accepting these days, at least in good schools.

p.s. - Because I was always so worried about what others thought of me when I was young, I have made it a big point to teach my kids not to give a ---- what others think about them. The only thing I emphasize is that they must always be kind and caring, but other than that, to hell with others' opinions.

Basically I would not worry about this little change in behavior. Every time I obsessed or freaked out about some behavior in my kid it quickly turned out to be nothing.

He has gotten extra attention lately (the glasses) and he may subconsciously figure that since that attention has died off that getting attention for being silly or ornery is better than getting little or no attention. Unfortunately, the attention he's experienced by being a good student and well-behaved probably pales to the attention he may be getting from his peer group now. Never underestimate the power of the peer group! Make sure you catch him being GOOD and comment positively on that and, when needed, gently, but firmly, correct the unwanted behavior without drawing too much attention to it. He will eventually take his cue from you...If you are matter-of-fact and treat this with an appropriate amount of concern, then he will eventually give up the drama and move on, also. Make sure he understands how fortunate he is to be able to have glasses and to be getting this extra help. Lots of kids in this world go around without glasses and miss out on lots of beautiful things. Show him pictures of beautiful people who wear glasses. My children are grown so I am not familiar with the public characters, celebrities, etc., that appeal to this age group now, but I'm sure they're out there. This is a perfect opportunity to repeat the concept of his caring more about what he and God think than what others think. For some reason he's going to need glasses so he needs to thank GOD that he has eyes that can see and get on with life. He's got a whole lifetime to deal with that concept...he might as well start now. Finally, my husband is a high school teacher and he wishes he could talk to all parents before they start their children in school...especially boys. He says most kids really need to be 18 years of age during the majority, if not all, of their senior year. If not, they are usually struggling through-out their school years and really don't mature enough to deal with high school until it's over. This has more to do with emotional maturity than with intellect or physical size. Just a thought. I will be praying for you. Joy T

N.,

My daughter has been wearing glasses and an eye patch on her left eye since she was 10 months old (she was born with a cataract, which imhibited sight development in that eye). Because she was so young, she is now used the glasses, however, when she wears her patch (6-8 hours per day) I notice a huge difference in her behavior and general disposition. She acts out, is not able to concentrate, and withdraws. Well, it finally dawned on me that when wearing the patch, her vision is pretty restricted, making it hard for her to navigate her way through normal function. I say this because perhaps your son needs some time to physically adjust to how his vision changes when he wears his glasses. He may even be experiencing headaches from useing his eyes in a new way. I would give him time to adjust, but keep reminding him what kind of behavior is expected from. I also would suggest getting in touch with your school district's low vision coordinator. If only to talk about ways your son and his teacher might make the transtion easoer for him. I've learned alot through our visits with the low vision teacher at my daughter's school. Another possible resource would be the Blind Babies Foundation. I don't have their info right now, but they provide free consultation and support service for children with visiual problem, not just the blind. Good luck!

Hi N.,
My daughter is also far-sighted and wears glasses so I can relate.

I found storybooks for her at her preschool and at the library to help her open up positively to the experience.

Also, whenever I notice a positive role-model wearing glasses and one she may relate to from her level, I point out that that person also wears glasses the way she does.

I say it naturally without making a big deal about it or giving her the feeling that she's "different" but more like, hey, glasses.

Some people made a big deal about her glasses in a patronizing and condescending way, not to be mean but because they want to be nice. That really wasn't necessarily helpful; mostly this occured with my neighbors and people who're acquaintances to our family. They don't really know us well enough to know how we operate as a family. I let them say what they have to say and leave it at that.

I've noticed that this attitude from me has helped my daughter to adjust positively to her experience of wearing glasses naturally. It took time for her to get used to them but only because they were cramping her rough and tumble play-style. After a few months she requested to wear them more often and even takes better care of them herself now.

Maybe your son is feeling a little uncomfortable with all of the unexpected, new attention. I think maybe a more low-key approach in general could help better and give it some more time: probably like a few months and then he'll be in his groove with them.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Friendly Greeting from Another Parent to a kid wearing glasses (ARE COOL!!!),
M.

N.,
My son started wearing glasses then too. We figured out that he could not participate in some of the games at recess because they would fall off. SO, we had him leave them in the classroom for recess. Also, I wonder if your son is acting up because he is trying to distract people from his new appearance, or if someone made fun of him, and he is afraid to tell you.
W.

Hi N.,
I have not been through this with my kids, but I myself had to wear glasses as a child and it was hard. I actually had an astigmatism and in those days they would try to correct it by making you wear an eye patch over your "good" eye, which as you can imagine caused no end to teasing on the playground. It was awful.

Anyhow, I am wondering if your son might be having a slightly different reaction than I did, being that his classmates think his glasses are cool. Maybe he is really coming into himself at this point? Think about it, up until now he has not really been able to see very well, so that may account for some of his shyness - he was simply being cautious. Also it's hard to play a lot of the games kids like to play, if you don't see very well.

In any event, I can't blame him for not wanting to wear glasses - the red-hot moment that I could afford it, I got lasik surgery. I think glasses are kind of a big hassle, especially if you're a kid and are used to playing on the monkey bars and running around. But, he is too young for lasik now, and he needs to see. You might experiment with contacts - I know he is young, but a girl in my daughter's kindergarten class wears them and they seem to work out ok for her.

I wish you and your son the best. Glasses are a tough transition but at least now he can see!

No, not exactly, BUT, I will hazard a guess. Now that your son's visual world has new limits, he may be a little disoriented. I would be very gentle in just re affirming the limits of behavior that you have always set for him. and DO NOT worry. If he senses that you are concerned or anxious he may be fulfilling a prophecy... assure him that all is well and there is a time for adjustment to any new thing and that you think he's DOING GREAT! and then when he's out of bounds, just gently pull him back in. I have four boys ages 15-24. I love little boys! All best to you! K.

I can relate to your son! I started wearing glasses about the same time and then in the first grade they discovered that I had a lazy eye. In order to get the eye muscles to work in that eye they had to put a patch over the good eye. Oh yeah-I had to wear it to school. It wasn't considered cool either. The good news is that now that I'm older and my eye doesn't wander all over because my Mom followed through with everything I am totally greatful to her. I also turned out ok-even though I gave my parents a run for thier money through all of this. I picked fights, got kicked out of school for punching a kid that wouldn't stop calling me a pirate and many other things that probably worried my parents. They were very patient with me and explained why I had to do this, how I would benefit in the long run and that because of this I was special to them. I think the being my Dad's "Special Pirate Girl" really helped the most. Kids will pick on other kids for just about anything, thier name, thier hair color, you name it. Remind your son that those kids are being bad and that by being bad you get punished and people look at you differently. That helped me and is helping a lot with my four year old who has been hanging out with a much older crowd at the sitters. He has been trying out a few choice words and told me that I P'd him off the other day. Once I counted to 100 I explained to him why that is bad and if he continued with his bad behaviour I would have to punish him. I then told him that he has a choice-he can be his normal good self and I will keep spoiling him, taking him to gymnastics and other things, or he can be bad and spend a lot of time in trouble and in his room. I then left him to think about it for a while. In about an hour he apologized and said he chose to be good. Now, when he acts up I remind him of his choice.
I hope that helps! Good luck-boys can be a handful.

Hi, i have a child who had to get glasses and a nephew with childhood glaucoma who will indefinately loose his eyesight. All of this could just be a trial period for your son and just a coinsidence, but it could also mean other things. His not listening or misbehaving surprising enough may actually have to do with his hearing, i don't know if you've had it checked or not but this may be an issue. Eye problems be it vision or something else are also so sometimes gateway symtoms of other illness, i'd talk to his pediatrician to be sure. Most likefully it is a sign of his age and a test of how far he may be able to go with the excuse of glasses. Our wonderful children are way smarter than we ever give them credit for:) I wish you the best and hopefully it all comes to pass, let us know what you find out my prayers are with you and your family.

Hi.

Yes, this is a common situation for children, especially at this age. They are learning how to handle differences. (*Also, in my experience, he may be dealing with general social/emotional issues related to being the youngest one in his Kindergarten class.)

I am passing your email on to parents who have a 5-year old boy with glasses in our Hummingbird preschool. They are great and I assume they will contact you. Good luck. Situations like this are not easy. Our hearts break for our children sometimes. If you wish to contact me again, I can share my experience as a mom with you about my children hitting bumps in the road like this (not about glasses.

Best regards,
M.

M. Bostick

Director / Owner

A Children's Garden

610 East Dunne Avenue

Morgan Hill,CA 95037

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M.A. degree student @ Pacific Oaks College

Sant a Cruz Cohort

“ Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~ ~ Albert Einstein

I remember when I first got glasses. I see small children walking from school and some do have glasses. He needs to understand that glasses help him see better. I was teased by fellow students when I got mine. Try an experiment, knowing he can't see, tell him what's better with or without. Have him look at a picture with words on it, and what his reaction is.Maybe he will understand the importance of wearing them. He needs to understand that there is no reason to get himself in trouble, his vision like other children just have bad vision at a young age. I have little cousins about his age with glasses also.
Maybe a story of bad teeth you gotta see a dentist to fix the problem will help him understand.

My older son started wearing glasses full-time at age 3 and there were some significant changes with him, as well. His manifested in his potty training (he had been fully trained for 6 months and just started having tons of accidents). We were as patient as we could be and eventually it subsided. We figured that the main problem was that now that he could actually SEE (what an amazing thought, right?), his perceptions of everything were changing and he was way overstimulated. Sure enough, after a few weeks, maybe a month even, things went back to where they were or needed to be, at least. We also had the same concern about age -- he too is the youngest in his kinder and was in preschool, so I understand your concerns about that as well and being sensitive about his readiness and maturity. I'd say just continue doing what you're doing, it sounds like you really can't do anything more and just be patient. Evenutally, the super-stimuli he's experiencing will become his reality and he'll be able to better focus on those things he was focusing on before. Hang in there! And one piece of advice I have is that when his glasses get bent out of shape, don't even TRY to fix them, take them to get adjusted right away; we've learned the hard way, several times! Good luck!

I had the same trouble with my son who is 10 now and started wearing glasses in 1st grade. What worked for us was we would let him pick his glasses on his own. We allowed hime, with us in the waiting room, to go into the eye doctor's office by himself for his exams and he felt more like he was part of the decision about what he had to put on his face. He wears his glasses so much that he falls asleep in them. As for the behavior and the silliness change in class that comes along with be being the youngest in class he is feeling the need to make the older children notice him. My son too is the youngest in his class, he went from preschool at 4 to a private K class and was then allowed to skip regular K at a public school. He still has some silly moments every now and then at school and I remind him that if wants to continue to be a class with the big boys he needs to act like a big boy. Give it some time and allow your son to help make the decisions that he feels are going to affect hime with his daily routine. Good luck.

I've been in the optical industry for 15 yrs:

Congrats on diagnosing your son and getting him glasses as a mom with a daughter who is deaf in one ear(found at birth with infant screening)the statistics are that 10% of all children have an undiagnosed eye disorder and we should be having our children tested before they start school and by someone more qulified than a pediatrician. The ages of 3-5 are very important in our childrens learning and self esteem and it is important that all their senses be at their optimal.

I have seen many new children who get to REALLY SEE for the first time go through an adjustment period. Many suddenly can see all of life that they have been missing. Your son may have been shy before because he couldn't see many things and maybe if in a classroom setting sat there hearing the teacher talk about stuff but didn't really see what they were discussing(I don't know how severe your son's eye correction is). As another mom said he may be going through a phase he would have without the glasses....or now that he has glasses he is more confident to express himself.

I would recommend putting the glasses in his cubby during recess(if his RX is a strong one then investing in a pair for sports and recess with safety in mind is a good idea).
When he gets a little older and can handle contacts(needs dexterity) I would recommend doing the one day contacts(no cleaning(children are not capable of keeping them healthy) and maximum oxygen to the cornea these will be great for sports activities and can be thrown away after each use.

There are many great optical shops now that specialize in childrens eyewear. Make sure you get a great fitting pair and that he will be growing quickly...also something durable for your little guy with memory metal is ideal. If he picks them out with your help he will learn to love them especially if he can see and participate beter in life.

Good luck with your little guy!