21 answers

Embarrased Daughter with Small Bubs Help

I have a daughter that turned 15. She is embarrassed because she doesn’t have any bubs yet she is almost flat. Is there anything she can do to help her grow them, any advice of what she can do to not feel so embarrassed?

Thank you

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Featured Answers

There is nothing that she can (or should) do to make them grow. She is still young, and her body is still developing. There is time yet!

Instead of focusing on what she doesn't have, I would focus her attention on beautiful actresses (Kate Hudson, Debra Messing, Gwyneth Paltrow, Goldie Hawn come to mind) that are also very small busted. Show her that small busted can be beautiful, clothes fit better, and boys won't like her just for her breasts (because sometimes they do).

4 moms found this helpful

I agree with Heather.. A padded bra will give her a little boost.
Remind her that the girls with the opposite problem of too much breasts, are just as embarrassed and there really isn't anything they can do.
She needs to love herself, just the way she is. We are all different, that is what makes us special.

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I agree with Heather.. A padded bra will give her a little boost.
Remind her that the girls with the opposite problem of too much breasts, are just as embarrassed and there really isn't anything they can do.
She needs to love herself, just the way she is. We are all different, that is what makes us special.

4 moms found this helpful

I think all girls are self-conscious at some point in their lives, about some aspect of their appearance.

My best friend and I laugh when we go shopping for bathing suits (and bras) because she buys the ones, "with the boobs built-in." She's barely an A-cup, but any time we go dancing with our friends, she (and another friend of ours that's VERY small-chested) are the ones that seem to get all the the attention.

The reason: they're in great shape, and they have ATTITUDE!!!!

That being said, my friends and I have been married for many years, and our husbands love us (and are attracted to us), no matter what our body types.

Please reassure your daughter that God made everyone different, and that people will love her for who she is on the inside, not how big (or small) her boobs are.

4 moms found this helpful

There is nothing that she can (or should) do to make them grow. She is still young, and her body is still developing. There is time yet!

Instead of focusing on what she doesn't have, I would focus her attention on beautiful actresses (Kate Hudson, Debra Messing, Gwyneth Paltrow, Goldie Hawn come to mind) that are also very small busted. Show her that small busted can be beautiful, clothes fit better, and boys won't like her just for her breasts (because sometimes they do).

4 moms found this helpful

She can wear a padded bra and tight T-shirts. It's hard, but you will have to help her to love her body for what it is. We all come in different shapes and sizes and have to love who and what we are. Remind her that she can get away with wearing things that other girls just can't look good in. As long as she is confident, she should be okay, though that is going to be very difficult.

Also, keep in mind that this does not have to be a permanent situation. Her body is still growing.

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I once worked at a bra specialist boutique. They have bras with removable inserts/padding that will help give her a little more shape in her clothes. Also you would be surprised to see that simply finding the right bra at a specialty store (not Victoria secret or dept. store) will help every woman feel better about their chest. Exercises that focus on upper chest may help some.
Most importantly, be sure to tell her she is beautiful the way she is, even if they never get bigger. Emphasize things about her body she already likes. It is very important at her age. If she is into fashion, remind her that high fashion models are often shaped more like her. Tell her from somebody who knows (myself) big "girls" aren't always better... back pain, trouble finding shirts, etc. If possible get her around positive female role-models a little younger than you (maybe late teenage, early twenties) that will encourage her to be confident in her own skin. I am almost 24 and work with young girls. Sometimes they need to hear positive things from someone other than mom because they feel you "have" to say those things.
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Just some words of encouragement for her. When I was 15 I was flat also. I wanted boobs so bad. I don't know what happened but somewhere around 16 or 17, they started growing and I am now a D (which I am just fine with) lol. Tell her not to worry, they will come.

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One possibility might be to focus on some other feature of hers that is especially great -- her big eyes, long eyelashes, thin waist, long legs, beautiful hair, beautiful hands, whatever she is justly proud of and gets comments on (or should be getting compliments for if all the kids around her weren't too busy worrying about their own boobs) and spend some time with her celebrating that and figuring out how to accentuate it with particular colors or cuts. The feminist in me wants to tell her and you to please just not worry about this, but I was 15 with no boobs once myself and telling 15 year old girls not to worry about how they look is like telling politicians not to worry about what the Pharmaceutical Industry will think of their votes on healthcare...

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Here is another opportunity to prepare your child for life's frustrations. Do not emphasize body shape and size. Remind her not to compare herself to others as you always lose. Help her to see what is good in her. Make sure her dad loves on her and gives her hugs and kisses - yes, even when she acts embarrassed - have him steal them anyway. If she doesn't hear from her dad that she is beautiful (make sure he doesn't add the phrase, "the way you are" as it sounds like she is less than perfect), she will seek that from the first boy who comes around. Remind her that there is nothing wrong with her and that sometimes people are just mean. If someone repeatedly says something to her, have her say, "and ...?" As if to say that she is not affected by their comments.

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I understand her pain. I was flat-chested. I wore a training bra (the not-even-a-size-A size) from the girls' section until I was about 20 and started putting on weight (very skinny until then due to being very active, met my husband and stopped the activities). Kids were cruel, especially the boys. The girls weren't so bad. This is backwards from what I hear. You need to find out WHY she is embarrassed. Is it because her friends are "always" talking about it? Are the boys calling her a "carpenter's dream"? (this was the one they called me most - for the punchline anyone can email me). I also had the added problem of 2 younger sisters who developed in middle school. They were both a size C before 8th grade and the older of the 2 never let me forget it. She would introduce me as her brother since I had short hair and a "boy's body", as she put it. If it is just her own opinion of herself, then she needs to learn to stop worrying about what she can't change.

Having larger breasts will only give her problems in the opposite area. My sisters got called worse names (slut, boys would make lewd comments, etc.), simply for being big-breasted. They hadn't even started dating, yet.

Yes, it can be hard for her even without the media's influence.

Remind your daughter that she has a lot more freedom since she doesn't have to wear a bra. She can wear almost anything without worrying if the buttons are going to close. I got a LOT of cute clothes that my sister couldn't wear simply because her chest was too big! At 16, I always got the cuter swimsuit because without the large breasts I could get away with less material without my parents feeling it looked too sexy. She had to buy from the adult swimsuits and she wasn't allowed the hot ones because she was only 13, just the one-pieces like our aunts wore. I could do SO MANY MORE activities since I didn't have the bouncing breasts. Both of my sisters now have HUGE breasts: one is in a DD and the other is in a EEE. Thankfully I am only a C. My sisters are both considering breast reduction surgery because their backs just can't take the wait anymore.

When she starts a pity party about how small she is, remind her of what that allows her to do. She can jump on a trampoline without having to wear special bras first! She needs to learn that the kids who are saying things to her are only trying to make her feel bad so they can feel better. As hard as it is to learn, people can only make us feel bad if we let them.

If she is still flat in her twenties, then she can see a plastic surgeon, but I wouldn't do it yet since she is still in puberty.

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I think Americans place far too much importance on breast size. It's bad enough to get it from men, but women can make a person feel bad if they are small chested too...and an impressionable girl doesn't need her mother making a big deal out of it. Find ways to build up her self confidence that doesn't have anything to do with her bust size. I'm barely an A and had such a tough time with it growing up (and my pregnancy and breastfeeding have not help one bit!), but honestly now I realize that my breasts have very little to do with who I am and how people perceive me, and I definitely know my husband wanted me and not my boobs!

How about focusing on her intelligence, or kindness, or creativity as her positives rather than her physical attributes?

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I got made fun of for being flat chested til I was 18. Then suddenly hormones kicked in and boom! 36 C now who's laughing, lol. Sorry that probably wasn't too helpful, but maybe she just needs more time. If not, well be supportive of her, and reassure that she is beautiful no matter what.

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Without having read the other responses, I will tell you that I didn't get "boobs" until I was over 16 years old. And, not really any that counted for much until 17. It's ok. Tell her the longer she waits for them, the perkier they will stay longer! She won't know what that means now, but later she will.

My brothers used to pick on me a lot. It's ok. Tell her it's better to laugh it off. And, you can buy her heavily padded bras if she is very self concious and that will give her more appearance.

I understand being self conscious as I grew up that way and it was only made worse by my brother, step brother and step-monster ... oops I mean step-mother poking fun at me. Kids at school aren't much nicer. However, this will give her the opportunity to learn that the ones who really like HER for who SHE IS don't really care if she has boobies or not!

Good luck!

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I hate to say it, but it is what it is. I didn't fill out until college. My friend never did (still could wear a training bra...usually doesn't need one at all). You're just going to have to teach her that God made her exactly how he wanted her and that she should love herself as much as He loves her! I always hated being small (I'm pretty short), but my Mom always told me that "good things come in small packages". Seemed cheesy at the time (still kinda does), but she just wanted me to love me for who I was. This kind of self acceptance comes easier the older she gets, so she'll get there, but her teen years may be tough. Other kids can be cruel. Just love her through it!

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I enjoyed reading all the comments.

My sister and I were so different- I had the straight hair and she had the curly and we wanted what the other had. She was blond and I a brunette (now she dyes her hair brown.) She was also flat chested. I needed a bra at age 10 and had a 36" C bust by age 14. I had MEN hitting on me. Usually creepy men. My sister, although she always wanted big breasts, saw first hand all the problems I had (especially finding clothes that fit me. Aside from binding my breasts I almost always have to wear clothes several sizes too big.) My sister also had trouble finding clothes but learned what styles worked and what didn't, whereas it wasn't that simple for me.

Now she is nursing her third baby and she finally has a C cup and is finding that she MISSES having a flatter chest. Of course it will probably get better later for her, but for me...unless I have surgery or loose a huge amount of weight I'll never be smaller.

My grandmother had a C cup at her heaviest weight and was totally flat at her lightest so that may play a big role too...

S., mom to 4 daughters all of very different body types!

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C.,
there is still time for her to develop but it might be that she will not turn out to be a big size.. She can start using padded bras. it helps. and she also should take vitamins she might be lacking to help her growth spur.

1 mom found this helpful

I was an A cup until my mid-20s. I bought padded bras that helped me look closer to a B-cup. I eventually graduated to an actual B, and now, after 3 children, I am a C--but I'm also 20 lbs heavier than I was in my 20s. So if she is very thin, that has a lot to do with it. One advantage is that my C's now aren't that droopy (even though I'm 43), I think mostly b/c they haven't been that size since I was 15! I read recently that Victora's Secret has come out with a new bra that adds TWO cup sizes--you might want to take your daughter to check it out. They've done amazing things with bras these days. I agree with all the posters who say to talk to her about accepting herself for who she is, and that she is beautiful just the way she is, but I also know that at 15 it can be very hard to see yourself as 'different' from everyone else. The right bra could really make all the difference. I think it's time for a Mother/Daughter Shopping Day! Have fun and best of luck.

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Look back on the family history for yourself and your husbands family. See what the family say's happened with them at the same age. It may be that they were late bloomers also. If not have a physical done with the Dr.

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It is hard to be a girl and not look like you want! I think every girl feels that way about some part of their body!
When I was 17, I went and bought one of those horrible, chemical hair straightener kits and fried my curly, brown hair. When my sister was 16, she went to a beauty shop and paid $60 to perm her straight hair. My parents sat us both down and really had a long talk about accepting yourself for who you are! Make the best of what you got and don't be so superficial that looks pre-occupy you, they said.

Every person likes something about themselves and dislikes something else so much they pay to change it. Talk to your daughter about this. (I disagree very strongly with the person who said she could have plastic surgery after 20 to fix these...)

I try to make the most of my 34 nearly A chest. I have a few nice padded bras that make me look like an A, almost B chest. I wear nice, good fitting (NOT tight!! that sends another message to boys, in my opinion) v-neck and scoop neck tops, dresses and sweaters. Throw on a small, brightly colored necklace and viola!

Three benefits: 1) I never have to worry about my chest falling out of my top! 2) When I started dating, I knew the guys were interested in me! not my cleavage b/c there wasn't any
and 3) at age 48---my back feels great! I never have backaches or shoulder pains from being top heavy.

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if she puts on a little bit of chunky weight she will get some. i suggest though not fatting her up but teaching her to be comfortable and confident in the skin God gave her. there will always be something she wants to change and really these days she can with enough money. but teaching her to love herself as she is will not only help now but when she gets older and everything starts to fade and sag...she will still be beautiful with her confidence glowing. teach her well.

1 mom found this helpful

i was still waiting for mine to grow in when i graduated high school! it was frustrating for me, but it was nice to know that the boys who liked me were interested in more than just my body. i never really liked the padded bra idea, just because then you feel more self conscious, (are they even... do they look right...oh no! one went flat!) not to mention that everyone will notice the difference in your figure when you go to swim or sleepovers...

1 mom found this helpful

Well. You can't make them grow in. I'm proof of that. I am still flat chested (totally flat... have a very difficult time finding bras that don't cave in...) and I'm almost 42. I've had 2 kids and barely had an increase in size with my 1st one and no increase with my 2nd. I am the only A that I know while pregnant. Difficult to find nursing bras too.

I used to pad my bras with tissue... now they do it for you IN the bras. Go to Nordstroms, Macy's or any Dept store and have a sales clerk in the bra section help you find a nice padded bra. Maidenform was always good for me. Not the pushup kind of bra... but padded. You can now find even swim suits with it.

You will just have to instill confidence in her to deal with the other girls/ boys saying things. I did.... that is why I started to pad. It doesn't add much, but it was better than the totally flat or caved in look I had otherwise. I will say it took MANY years to get the confidence I needed. I still would like a breast inhancement, but just don't want the pain, or spend the money, or possible side effects and damage implants can cause, or Dr mistakes.

Take care and good luck.
L.

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