Elderly Care

I would have your husband and sister (and you if possible) take her to her doctor to discuss the issue. The doctor can do an assessment of mental state and give your hubby and SIL a reality check. The doctor probably would know of some home health care providers (don't know if she needs THAT level of care) or you could also look into a website like www.SitterCity.com to look for someone who can do in-home daycare.

She is in need of contact with other older adults. See if there is a weekend meeting at a Senior Center. You can get a caregiver. It is time to take her to a good geriatric specialist and get a diagnosis. She may not have Alzheimers but might have a treatable medical condition that will reverse most of her symtoms.
She may have had mini strokes in which case physical therapy can help her be better oriented. An exercise program also helps to get the mind on track again.
I see from where you live you have excellent chances to find a really experience accupuncturist who can help her. She needs a weekly visit to get her body/mind in better shape.

my grandparents lived with my aunt and uncle. they had someone come in every day to help out. my grandma had dementia. that sounds like what is going on with your mil. If your hubby and sil don't want to help then you should get the ball rolling. contact your mil dr and and ask for a referral to a company.

I used to work in a nursing home as an activities director. I'm familiar with this type of behavior amongst the alzheimer residents. Sounds to me like alzheimers or some sort of dementia. She is going to need 24 hour care. For her safety. She will get it in her head to walk somewhere. In her mind it'll be to her sisters, to the store, or whatever when in reality she's walking somewhere else. Has she been evaluated by a professional? There are safety precautions that your husband and his sister need to take with her. If it's alzheimers it will just get worse as time goes on. It may become really difficult to care for her. I would do some research of your own, maybe gather it all and show it to your husband and sister-in-law. I don't think they want to be sitting there later on saying, "if only had done something to keep her safe". If something horribly was to happen to her. Alzheimers is not an easy disease and it will take it's toll on everyone. The better informed the family is the better chance they have. I'm not sure if they are available where you are but there are such things as adult day cares. Maybe have them get with her doctor to see if they have any suggestions. Could always hire a sitter if need be. Check out home health agencies. Good luck.

It's called respite care and medicare should cover it. If your SIL wants to deal with your MIL's progressive dementia - sure, go for it - she will be burnt out very quickly. But for you, I'd recommend looking into home respite care.

Where do you live? Is there a Visiting Nurses organization there? When my father was ill that's whom we called and were very happy with them. They cater the care to what you need, as much or as little, medical if necessary, hospice when the time comes. They can give suggestions, too, if you're not ready for that.
If not Visiting Nurses, perhaps something similar in your area?
Best of luck. It's a tough road for which no one ever prepares us.

This is such a tough situation to be in. My MIL is a very mentally unhealthy woman. She is diagnosed as a paraniod schizophrenic and over the last 3 years has begun showing more and more signs of dementia. In September she was in such a bad state that we honestly thought she was going to die. My FIL wanted to keep her home and let her die at home, my husband and I forced him to take her to the ER. Come to find out, her hallucinations were coming back and she was self medicating, basically she overdosed and was toxic. She was in the hospital and rehab facilities for about 2 months and then released home providing that she have around the clock supervision. that lasted for a few months then my father in law decided she didnt need it anymore. We live in London now so we are not there seeing her on a regular basis, but I constantly worry about her safety and well being. My FIL has a "If something is gonna happen, something is gonna happen" kind of attitude and my husband and his brother basically say there is nothing you can do to change them. My advice to you, calmly tell your husband your thoughts and say that you are concerned for her safety. If she is to be at your house on the weekends, she needs to be with one of you at all times. They need to come around on their own time and unfortunately sometimes something bad has to happen. Just make sure you are part of any family discussion regarding her care and again calmly voice your thoughts...sometimes an objective opinion matters. Good Luck!

Hi,
I Beg you to take her to a neurologist.
Dementia is only a symptom, it is not a diagnosis, and what you're describing is very much like my mother who has Alzheimer's.
Symptoms of Dementia are also caused by brain injury, or another kind of illness. This is NOT a joke, force your family to bring her and get evaluated. Alzheimer's patients have a long hard road ahead of them, get her checked asap so she can get medications and help.
Also sign up for membership to the following group:
____@____.com
The people on this list are mostly family members who have taken care of their loved ones with Alzheimer's. You can ask ANY questions and not worry about reactions. There is a list member who is a PhD nurse specializing in Alz and often guides the list members with informed educated answers. She also has pamphlets she has published that are shared with newcomers. Do this for your family, especially your daughter!!
Good luck!

Sounds like alzheimer's or hardening of the arteries. God bless you. It is very difficult to take care of senior citizens, who hallucinate/forget. Hallucination is next. Also, it's not a case of just forgetting...She's not living in the present, which is why she couldn't remember where the keys to her house were. Someone definately has to be home with her, just to make sure she doesn't leave something on the stove on. You can get visiting nurses or someone from a service like "Beck N Call." Someone to do the dishes and cook for her while you're out. They will even play cards with them.

First, having gone thru this several times, I will tell you there are always
members of the family in denial. Are you home a lot on the weekends, or
do you leave her alone for several hours. If you do leave her, I think it is
in the best interest if you can get a companion for her. Unfortunately,
Medicare does not cover this.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your SIL will get some help when something
happens to make her realize the severity of the situation. Is she safe
at your SIL house? Are there young children in the home.

You will have to check and see if Medicare will cover an aide. Does your
MIL take care of her personal needs; showering, toileting, etc. If she cannot
take care of herself, Medicare might cover an aide for a few hours a few
days a week.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and his sister. Sounds like
you are me! The level headed one. Good luck.

she needs an aid she could cause a fire or something how about adult day car they have programs she could go too they even pick them up in ny

or a college kid to baby sit

Hi,

I'm in a similar situation with a 91yo father I take care of exclusively, also losing his memory. And I'm a caregiver professionally for mentally challenged adults and I specialize in Alzheimer's care. So I know what you're dealing with.

Here's a terrific website that supports caregivers: caring.com.

Bless you for taking on this service to your MIL. There's no better place for the elderly to be than with people who love them. They took care of us...now we take care of them. :)

"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA