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Effective Discipline Methods for 5 Year Olds

What are some effective discipline methods for a 5-year-old? I don't know what's gotten into our daughter, but it seems a new phase/stage is brewing and it's driving my husband and I crazy. Our daughter is normally loving and polite, but lately has become very mouthy, makes faces when she doesn't like what we're saying, disregards direct "commands" (for lack of a better word), doesn't listen, etc.

Time outs no longer seem to do it. Taking away television/computer priveleges no longer seem to quell the misbehavior, either. Talks don't have any lasting effect. Besides spanking, what have you moms done to nip this in the bud? For the most part, she's ok when she's just one-on-one w/ my husband and I. But when we're with extended family/friends or even out in public w/ strangers, it starts and doesn't let up. We're frustrated!

BTW, absolutely nothing has changed recenlty in her life in regards to a new sibling, a new home, a new schedule, sleep time, etc. OH, and we are very careful about what she watches on TV; no bad behavior to mimic there, either...

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By saying besides spanking, you really are not looking for discipline advice, times outs, taking away TV/computer priveleges. These are not working because they are not discipline their punishments, The idea is for a child to think I'm not doing that again, cause they don't want to bare the consequences, punishments, don't give most children that thought. J.

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What really gets my kids, is when I give them chores for punsihment :o). It helps me and their attitudes! If they get really mouthy or disrespectful, and nothing else works...they get to do a chorse they don't like. It's something new so it hasn't worn out yet. Or taking away something like dinner out, playing outside for the evening, etc. My kids are super stubborn and normally don't care about punishments. But this one seems to work. Or also just sitting them on the couch in front of a non-cartoon. News works if it isn't too graphic. They get to sit for how old they are and if they can tell me what they did wrong and apologize, they can get up. I know thats kind of timeout, but a little different.

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Since she acts out in public with family and friends etc- I would tell her before hand of the way you expect her to carry herself. Tell her what is expected of her and if she chooses not to behave, she will have to face the consequences. Decide beforehand with your husband what the consequences are. For ex. if she is acting out with her cousins, give her a warning, if she continues- follow through and LEAVE and go home. Sometimes kids just have to push your buttons to see how far they can take it with you. Hope this helps.

M.

2 moms found this helpful

That happened when my girl turned five also. I think they start bonding and following their friends more. A great book to read is, Hold on to your Kids by Gordon Neuefeld Ph. D. It gave me a whole new perspective.

2 moms found this helpful

My mother-in-law used to use "goody tickets" to redirect behavior. The idea is to give your daughter a "goody ticket" when you catch her in the act of behaving correctly. The payoff is that she needs to cash in those tickets for privileges like computer time, tv time, play dates, a special something you'd normally pick up while out shopping, stuff like that. Any thing fun must be "bought" with goody tickets. When your daughter can't "buy" her privileges, her behavior (hopefully) will change.

This worked very well on my otherwise well-behaved eldest son. For my younger son, we had to combine it with LOTS of time in a "bed and clothes" only room, since he was very stubborn about not following family rules.

Another idea you might try is, during a calm moment, you and your husband explaining that when you ask her to do something, the correct answer is always "yes, mom" or "yes, dad." That's it. End of story, period, amen. ANY other response is disobedience and will summarily punished. If your daughter has a concern, she may voice it AFTER she does whatever you ask. In this way, she acknowledges who is in charge (you and your husband) but she also gets a chance to express herself. If she has a good point, you can take it into consideration for the next time.

As for the misbehaving out in public, I discovered my sons, particularly my youngest, did this because they knew I would punish them less if we were out and about. Once I caught on to this, the best solution was to simply leave. If we were at a birthday party and my son(s) got sassy, we thanked the birthday child and parent and left. No fuss, no muss. Their "warning" was given in the car before we joined the party. If we were out shopping and they misbehaved, same thing. We simply left. Once we were home, they got a firm talking to (yelled at on a bad day) and time in their rooms. This was followed by age appropriate chores.

This technique was tough because I had LOTS of interrupted shopping trips and events (you can sit in a quiet room or the car, if it's truly NOT feasible to leave a party early). But, my kids did catch on and they improved.

As for spanking, I reserved that for when they did extreme things, like let go of my hand and run across the street or a busy parking lot. I think this happened once, so I guess the spanking was effective.

Last but not least, check out the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic." It'll give you great ideas that you can use with a smile and really ease the tension in these types of situations. I've used the "Teaching with Love and Logic" concept in my high school classroom for the last several years and it works like a charm.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

What really gets my kids, is when I give them chores for punsihment :o). It helps me and their attitudes! If they get really mouthy or disrespectful, and nothing else works...they get to do a chorse they don't like. It's something new so it hasn't worn out yet. Or taking away something like dinner out, playing outside for the evening, etc. My kids are super stubborn and normally don't care about punishments. But this one seems to work. Or also just sitting them on the couch in front of a non-cartoon. News works if it isn't too graphic. They get to sit for how old they are and if they can tell me what they did wrong and apologize, they can get up. I know thats kind of timeout, but a little different.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like a cliche but I used to count. The key is to follow through with whatever you are saying needs to be done immediately. No counting two and a half, and then going back to warnings when you get to three.

Example, "I am going to count to three and I want you standing in front of me by three." When they don't do what you say, you have to do it anyway, bring her over to where you want her to be. Ditto with putting something down, getting into bed etc. They quickly learn that you are serious, and the "thing" will happen whether it's under their steam or yours.

Don't make a big fuss when doing it, but calmly say "OK" if she doesn't do something at 3, then carry out what it is you need to have done. Mine rarely argued because they knew I'd given them fair warning and time to comply.

Even as teens, they now know that when I start counting I really mean something, although there's lots of sighing and eye-rolling now!

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, keep skipping the spanking. No one deserves to be hit, no matter what phase of life they are going through.

First ignore the words and faces that you do not like. They are just words and faces like any other. It is our attention to them and dislike of them that gives power to words such as those.
Create clear family rules. Come up with them together so that every one feels a part of the rule making. Keep them limited to about 5. These are family rules, so the grown ups in the family must follow them too. Let her know that you will not continue the conversation until she can speak to you calmly and kindly. It is fine for her to be mad at you but she cannot be rude (and neither can you guys when you are upset at her).
Take a moment to check how the grown ups in the family speak to each other and the rest of the world. You are the models to your kids. You/we must be the people that we would like our kids to be.

Another strategy is to walk away. Let your daughter know that you would like to hear what she has to say, but if she continues to speak the way that she is you will excuse yourself.
If direct commands are not working, try choices.
"I need to go to the market, are you ready now or do you need 5 minutes to finish what you are doing."
If the command is "get dressed" or "clean up" and she refuses, then she is stuck. She cannot move onto the next activity. No movie, book, toy, game, park......until what she is doing gets resolved.
"You need to clean up, is there any part that you would like to keep out and work on later?"

Stay calm, stay focused and state clearly what you want and how you feel when you are not heard.

B.

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

1 mom found this helpful

My son is the same way... impossible to discipline because he doesn't care what you take away except.... Reading at bedtime. That's the one thing he freaks out about if we take it away. You have to find your daughter's one thing and that is what has to be taken away to show how serious you are. Aside from that, you also have to change the way you to deal with her behavior. Instead of punishing, try positive reinforcement. Make a chart for her. For every day she acts correctly, she gets a sticker. After 10 stickers (not necessarily in a row) she gets a special treat or present. Do this for a couple of months and it will help. Also you have to figure out when the behavior starts and why. Ignore her or don't answer her if she's rude or making faces. If she's bad in public have a discussion before you go out about the behavior you expect. Let her chose one of the activities you are doing so she is more likely to behave when you're out. Part of it is the age... at 5 they start acting more independent and they pick up a lot of crazy things from the kids at camp and school. Just keep reinforcing what is correct behavior and she'll get it.

Good luck! I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

By saying besides spanking, you really are not looking for discipline advice, times outs, taking away TV/computer priveleges. These are not working because they are not discipline their punishments, The idea is for a child to think I'm not doing that again, cause they don't want to bare the consequences, punishments, don't give most children that thought. J.

1 mom found this helpful

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