Edited Version of Personality Clash?

As a child who had some "personality conflicts" with teachers I can say that didn't happen until 4th grade (continued through high school so that may be a little insight of what you have to look forward to, LOL). Every kid should LOVE their kindergarten teacher! I would consider switching teachers - I know that is drastic but he is in his first year of school and you don't want him to hate it.

I remember my first grade teacher was labeled as "mean" also.... she was very strict, but ended up being one of the best teachers I had.... I actually had an opportunity to work w/ her as a teacher after I graduated from college..... she really was a great teacher! I would just stick in there & maybe talk to his teacher about the label & see what she says about it. :) She is more than likely establishing the authority in the class room.... if she doesn't, then the kids will run over her! Blessings....

My three year old recently had a similar experience with his preschool teacher. One of the two teachers he didn't like. When I discussed problems with her, I decided I didn't like her either and I pulled him from school! I'm sure it's not so easy once they hit kindergarten, but trust your son's instincts. Maybe go talk to the teacher and see if you can get a vibe on her personality, etc.

We were at Best Pals in CAve Creek.

Hi J.,
This exact situation happened with my oldest son...but, the teacher was young and I think, very inexperienced. She was continuously sending home notes about my son's behavior in her class. I had him moved to another classroom and I got only nice reports of my child's behavior...so, in answer to your question..there can be personality conflicts...but it sounds to my as if this teacher is expecting too much from a %5-year-old. Good Luck with this!!
J.

THe teacher does not have a right to keep you out of class. I have had some experience with teachers that are not doing what they are supposed to. My guess is that if this teacher has a reputation, it is deserved. But I'll bet that no one is doing anything about it. First, talk to the principal about it. Then ask to observe - which you have the right to do. Then write letters to the school board and maybe ask to go to their meeting with some of the other parents who agree with you. Then, after you have gone through all this, if it is still happening - get him out of that class! It can ruin his opinion of learning and school that will last a lifetime! I had an experience with a 3rd grade teacher who had a terrible reputation. Many of the parents would take their kids to another school for that year because of it... but no one had ever complained in writing to the school board, so they refused to do anything about it... Until, one day, a father walked into the classroom to get his child for a medical appointment and witnessed her hitting him. She was "retired" that year. But she had caused some diagnosed (by the school system - which you also have the right to ask for - free) depression in my son and he hated school after that year. Please WRITE the school board so that the offending teacher will have PERMANENT marks on her record - but document actual events. Ask your son (and his classmates through their parents) for details. (i.e. hitting hands with rulers for not knowing how to tie shoes or humiliating them in class when they forgot it was time to go to gym).

All kids can have a personality clash.. My oldest is 14 & I have a very hard time with her because she is very strong headed (like me) & if she doesn't get along with her teacher then it ends up being a bad year. If you can I would pop in the classroom every now & then just to listen to the teacher & how she talks maybe she is just a loud teacher so when she talks he might think she is always yelling & that is why she is mean.. If it doesn't get any better I would definately talk to the principle about getting a new teacher for him..

i had the same problem with my sons teacher when he was in second grade. i asked the teacher if i could visit the classroom and she said no. i went to the principal and he also said no, i went to the superintendent and i was armed with the school policy and procedures manual which only costs 10 dollars form the state school superintendents office. i was told that i could visit the class room but that i had to give notice as to when i was going. i decided to do an unannouced visit. i had my husband go to the office as i stood outside the room door. i called him on my cell phone and told him to check us in at the office at the same time i opened the door. the teacher had been literally screaming her head off as i was standing outside. when i opened the door her back was to me and she picked up a chair and threw it across the room. the kids were scared. i just walked over to my son and took him out of the room. as i was going out my husband was coming in and we went to the principals office. he didnt beleive us. there was no other elementary school in our town but i started calling all the parents. that teacher no longer has a teaching certificate. she didnt really target my son but he always told us that she yelled a lot to them and that she was realy mean to his friend. that sh grabbed him and pulled him off th e floor by hsi amr and put him in the corner and that he was scared. at first i thought was jsuta story mys on ws embellishing something he dreamed of but the comments coninued every day so i decided to look into it and im glad i did.

I sure do believe that. My 2 year old had a personality clash with her daycare teacher and started having fits at daycare. The only thing that helped us was to transition her to another class. She still cried when we had to enter her old class for something three month afterwards. The teacher also had the greatest reputation and experience. Still, she was not the right one for my child. Trust your kid!
Jen.

Hi J.,

My suggestions: (and it's a bit long)

Talk to his teacher. Ask her questions...in a respectful, really wanting to know how she works with and guides her students. Understand that teachers have an incredibly difficult job today....even with kindergarders:), and some of the more experienced (older) teachers who have been doing this for a while can get set in their ways and just don't nurture our children in a way that we would like them to be nurtured when they are out of our care. Then there are the amazing teachers that we wish would follow our kids throughout their entire education:) The point is, we need to work with all sorts of people, philosophies, and personalities throughout our life...so understanding where they are coming from might help you figure out your next step.
Then, ask your son, "how is your teacher mean?" "what does she do when _____ happens?" Helping him open up more about exactly what is going on in class could also help you understand what his "mean" really is. You can also ask, "what one thing did she do today that was really cool or nice?"
See if you can talk to other parents if they are experiencing the same issue. If the teacher really isn't a good fit for your son, see if he can be changed to another class. Though we want to encourage our children to learn how to make the best of an imperfect situation and learn how to work with all sorts of people, it's also important that your son is having fun in school and on the right track to a lifetime love of learning...so if he cannot get the extra attention he might need right now, a different teacher could be an option. But before you make this decision, really try to work with his current teacher and also help your son transition into a new environment with a new teacher. It could be that he just loved his Preschool teacher so much, that any other teacher is just "mean" :) Also, he's not only having to transition into a big kid school, but also transitioning into being a big brother at the same time.

Another idea....what has your gut been telling you about our education system or his school? My kids are in a public school...and we are fortunate enough that it's based on a non-traditional philosophy, but I feel that our country's education system is really lacking in so many ways. Most kids get a good education, and most schools are great, and there are alot of incredible teachers out there....but these great schools and great teachers get lost and pressured into "performing" instead of really teaching the whole child. I have friends who are teachers and they get very frustrated that they can't really teach the way they want because of the system.
Plus I feel that sending 5 yr olds to school all day is assinine - despite all the research I read on getting an early start....5 is still too young to start school. In Japan children start school at 7 yrs old! Yes, they are more structured, less down time,less play and social time, more of a conformity culture....but children still start later and end up ahead academically of U.S. kids.
So where's the balance? I don't have an answer...it's not easy, but I beleive it needs to start with parents who are willing to question those in charge, work with those in charge, and even challenge the system until our children get the education they deserve. I know this seems like I'm on my soap box - and I guess I am a bit :)....but having 4 children - and yes 2 of them started at 5 (before I thought differently), one started school at 6, and maybe my youngest I'll homeschool until she's older. I know that you want to make the best possible decision for your child and I know the stress or worry that comes along with making those decisions...even the "is my child's teacher too mean, and what can I do about it?" You know your son the best. You are being a responsible mom.
Talk to his teacher, talk to your son, talk to the other parents, talk to the school counselor, research homeschooling, put your 5 month old in her sling or stroller and volunteer in his classroom, look at all the options, think in mindfulness and then go with your mamma gut intuition.

Much good energy to you and your family,

A.

I recommend you sit in during a class and see what is going on. Sometimes children say someone is "mean" for a varity of reasons. Maybe she is just correcting him to sit still. Always talk to the teacher to see if you can get insight.

You said that your son's teacher is "known to be mean". Does this mean that other parents have complained about him? Do you have some reason to believe that his reputation for being "mean" is legitimate? If so, I would absolutely transfer your son.

I have heard about "personality conflicts" between older kids and their teachers and, while some cases are because the teacher is truly terrible, many times it is because the child has behavioral issues that the teacher is unable to handle. HOWEVER, your son is only five years old and, as someone else said, should absolutely be loving his teacher and his school experience. He is too young to be having problems with a mean teacher simply because of his behavior...heck, ALL five year olds act up, the teacher should be able to handle that.

If you have no solid reason to believe that this teacher is bad, then I would maybe give it a little more time. Perhaps he is having a hard time being away from you and that is making it difficult to accept his teacher. Maybe even meet with the teacher to get his perspective as to why your son is unhappy with him. If you don't get a good answer, or if you simply dislike the man, then switch your son out of his class immediately. Again, he's only five, so I doubt you'll be setting some terrible precedent for him in the future (i.e. a teacher challenges him and he complains to you so you transfer him).

More than anything, trust your instincts. I've never heard of a kindergartner who didn't completely adore their teacher and, probably, neither have you. Talk to your son and ask him why he is unhappy. But no matter what, if it doesn't feel right to you, get him into a new classroom.

Hi J., just from my personal experience. I have meet teachers who can appreciate what "boys are made of" more than others. It seems to me that some people are blessed with the knack of loving children and some just do their job.
Take care, wish your family well.
S.

Hi J. -

Yes, it is very possible that your son and his teacher have a personality clash. If you son is the inquisitive type and asks her "why" when being given an assignment or when she is explaining something, some teachers have a problem with being questioned. They don't seem to get the fact that children are here to give us the opportunity to view life in a different way. Talk to your son and get more information. Ask him why he says the teacher is mean and take the information he gives you back to the teacher. If you don't stick up for your son's rights, no one else will. I'm not saying you need to start a "war" at the school, however, as an adult, you will be more able to assess the teacher's ability to be flexible and open. Good luck - I've been there, done that - sometimes it's not easy.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger

As a teacher and soon to be parent I can see where you are struggling. I don't know how long your son has been in school but my guess is probably not too many weeks now. Have you talked with the teacher? I think that is your first and most important step is to contact her to see what the exact problem is and how you can work together to fix it.If need be sit in on class but you are not going to get a true measure of both your son's behavior and the teacher during that time as both could act completely different. As a new kindergartener it may be a big change for him and things might subside over time. In my experience I have had students who are not thrilled at the beginning of the year but by the time they figured me out as a teacher and what my expectations were they did just fine. Rarely there can be a clash between a student and teacher but it is very young to see it. I would try different things before switching classrooms. Good luck

Try going in to volunteer or show up early to eat lunch with him one day and so you can see for yourself.

BTW, as a teacher just because there are blocks for instruction (which is good as far as no interuptions and no pull-outs) doesn't mean parents can't come in to help or she couldn't do small group rotations like I did for reading and math along with the whole group instruction.

Have you talked with the Principal? I'd insist on switching to a different teacher. You do not want your son starting out his entire school system with a horrible experience. Most kids love Kindergarten.

I would move your son without hestitation. This initial experience with school is forming his entire first impression of school, which he could potentially carry with him for life. It is not his responsibility to conform to this teacher, it is the teacher's responsibility to work with individual personality types. Move him to someone "known to be nice."