Ediquette for Introducing 6 Yr Old to His First Gay Person

Same way I introduced my kids to my gay friends.....
"Sally" this is my friend Scott. Scott this is my daughter "Sally."
What are you gonna do? Say he's your gay friend? Really, you're over thinking this.

13 moms found this helpful

I believe the proper etiquette is to not point out they are gay, ya know, like treat them like everyone else.

I mean would you introduce your single friend as your single friend, your married friend as your married friend, your heterosexual friend as your heterosexual?

Chances are your son will never know he is gay.

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yikes. not necessary. Answer the questions as they come up. You are opening several cans of worms by bringing it up. Just introduce him to your friend, like you would any other.

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Why does it have to be a big "to-do" to introduce them to someone who's gay? Why would it even be mentioned? Just introduce them to the person and let it go at that - don't even discuss sexual orientation - you wouldn't for anyone else. As if I introduced my husband (when we were dating) as "This is Vince, my heterosexual friend, take a good, hard look at him, he's heterosexual." Just as you wouldn't do that - you wouldn't say "Hey, here's my gay friend, take a picture, etc." as if you're looking at the bearded woman at the circus.

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You are WAY overanalyzing this.

First of all, introducing your child to anyone should come naturally, no matter what sexual orientation, race, handicap, etc. Why would you mention this as something different to your child and call attention to the difference, whatever it is?

Your child has probably met someone gay already as well.

I am sure your gay friend will not be conversing the differences of gay and straight and what they do with your child.

If YOU present this as a "situation" and "different" to your child, only then will your child see it as "different". Just introduce the guy as your friend from your childhood and that's that. No big deal.

8 moms found this helpful

Uhm...you introduce them. That's it. There isn't much to handle. You address the questions as they come up. You don't need to explain anything. I know several gay people. My children have met them and "the differences" have never been commented on by either of my children.

We own a rental property and our tenants are a lesbian couple. They kissed goodbye one day while we were at their house doing some work. My son asked why two girls kissed like that. So THEN we addressed it. I just explained that many women like men, but some love girls instead. He asked if there were boys who kissed boys like that and I said yes. His response (of course) was "Ew!". So we talked a bit about respecting others and how it was ok if he didn't understand it.

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It won't be an issue unless you make it an issue.

Just say, "This is my friend Tom." Or "This is my friend Tom and his partner Rick."

If your son asks, "What's a partner," just say, "That's the guy he lives with. It's sort of like being married." End of story. Really, a 6-year-old will not care about this one way or another unless you signal that it's an issue. So don't.

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Do you introduce your straight friends like this: "Son, this is Tom. He likes women." If not, then who cares that this new friend is gay?

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Huh? Just introduce your child to your friend, thats it, there isn't anything else to consider.
:)

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Who discusses sexual orientation with a 6 year old?

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The etiquette is the same for introducing your child to anyone else. You're over-thinking everything. Your friend is gay, not from Mars.

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How will your son know that he's gay? It seems unlikely that your friend is going to walk in and shout it out. Don't say anything to your son unless he asks. Otherwise, you might be making a situation where none really exists.
I know my 5 1/2 year old wouldn't even be able to distinguish a gay person from any other person. People are just people at this age...

6 moms found this helpful

I would say just introduce this friend as you would any other friend. He is, after all, just a normal person. If your son has questions I'm sure you will hear them and then you can answer them as appropriately as you can. I really don't think this is something you need to prepare your son for, or make any kind of issue of. If other parents get upset, oh well, THEY're the odd ones!

I have some first-hand experience with how judgmental people can be about homosexuality, and it truly saddens me (my ex-husband, with whom I have three children, has been openly gay for 2.5 yrs.) But to kids, it just isn't a big deal, so I'd say: let it stay that way for your son.

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Is your friend bringing a partner to the house with him? If so then I do agree you might want to broach the subject. Say something non chalant like oh hey I have a friend coming over later and he's bringing his boyfriend/husband/partner. Ya know how mom and dad are married and we're a man and a woman...well some people are to are girls when they are girls and boys when they are boys....done and done.

Of course if your child asks questions then answer them. Be matter of fact, don't go into anything negative, just list the facts.

If this is not the case and your friend is coming over by himself, I wouldn't say anything at all. If your son asks questions afterwards then again, be frank but matter of fact.

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Introduce your child to your childhood friend. You're all set.

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Wait for him to ask.

I think it's great you want to be supportive, but you certainly don't introduce other guests in your home by describing their bedroom activities - so I wouldn't recommend that here, either.

Any other "difference" is due to the individual, not the orientation. I think trying to give a heads up on that is just asking for disaster, AND a complete misunderstanding of your acceptance of people as they are.

But a HUGE KUDOS to you for wanting to do the right thing.

6 moms found this helpful

I don't think there's any need to prime your son to meet a gay guy, because it doesn't really matter if they are. I wouldn't bring it up at all, or introduce him as "my gay friend." Just like I wouldn't introduce someone as my fat friend, my Hispanic friend, my autistic friend, etc. It's just a part of who they are, so for something like this, only answer questions after they're asked..and even then, keep it simple.

5 moms found this helpful

The proper ettiquitte would be to introduce him like this
"Jimmy this is my friend Bob he likes to bang guys and not girls"
Oh you ask how.....let M. tell you...

I'm a bit sarcastic today. I don;t see sexual preference as something you even mention to kids? Why does your son need to know who he likes? Is he bringing his husband/bf with him to meet your son? If so then say Jimmy this is Bob and Ron...same as you would for a straight couple. If your son asks how come they are two boys that are married you don';t get upset and simply say that two people can fall in love no matter what the gender.
my daughter goes to school in a "gay area" meaning the area is known for having a lot of same sex couples as parents. I knew this and never addressed it because its not an issue. She came home a few weeks after school started and said "hey did you know sarah has two mommies and no daddies" and I said oh thats awesome she must be so happy to have two mommies who love eachother. She said you can marry a girl and I said of course you can silly. You marry who you love...end of conversation.

If you're going to tell him not to bring it up in school you're telling him its wrong.

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What would he notice? Just introduce him as a friend. If he brings a significant other over, then introduce him as a friend.

4 moms found this helpful

I don't think there is anything to discuss. It's not like he is missing a limb or is blind. In a case like that you may need to explain in advance so your son doesn't say anything rude or disrespectful. But in a case of sexual preference, I don't think any pre-explanation is required or necessary. If he is bringing a partner, just tell your child that he is bringing a "friend" and leave it at that.

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I suggest that you're over thinking this. Introduce him as your friend just as you would any other friend. Acceptance means you don't have to explain anything. Your son is not going to know that he's gay unless you tell him. Why does he need to know?

All of us have differences. Do you explain that "Suzy" prefers older men to younger men? Again, acceptance means you don't have to explain.

My daughter had a friend whose mother is gay. My daughter didn't know she was gay until she was in high school and I let it slip. Even then she didn't know on her own. I knew nearly from the beginning that she was gay. I didn't feel the need to tell my daughter. It just wasn't important for her to know.

As you've said, he might go to school and stir people up by mentioning that he's gay. At 8, he doesn't have the social skills to know which people accept gay and which don't. Neither does he have the knowledge to differentiate gay from straight. It's just not important that he knows. Let him accept your friend as he is without labels.

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Why would it even come up? Is he coming over with his boyfriend or something, do you expect them to be making out on the couch? Just introduce your son to your friend like you would anyone else. There's no need to talk about his personal life.
That kind of conversation can happen when and if your son notices something "different" about your friend and asks you about it. But again, why would he at the age of six?

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I am in agreement with most other people. I think as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, he probably won't even notice.

I do understand why you might want to prepare him though. I mean who wants a six year old yelling out, "Why are you kissing that man?" But, chances are if he's going to do it, he's going to do it, regardless of how much preparing you might do.

If you're friend is a good friend, he will laugh it off. Probably has happened before. Just introduce them like you normally would and prepare yourself for any questions that may follow. :)

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Just introduce him as your friend.
That is what he is.
Beyond that, you don't have to put an adjective label, on your friend.

If he acts like a flaming gay guy who is very obvious and your son asks why he acts like that then... you can just say everyone is different and your friend has a great warm personality and is very articulate.

Chances are, your 6 year old would not have a problem with meeting your friend.
BUT, your "small" town might. Or they may not even notice.

It is up to you, whether or not you tell your son now at his age.
Or not.
To me, the more you label your friend, the more it will seem like a big deal to your son.

3 moms found this helpful

I LOVE, LOVE, the one moms comment about your friend being gay, not from Mars! Gave me a chuckle!
Anyway, one of my mothers first cousins is a lesbian and as we were growing up, we were never told about it. We would ask, 'why isn't Aunt Diana married?'... my mothers response was 'because she doesn't want to be married' and it wasn't until I was in my twenties and had seen her and the same 'friend' for years and years, did I finally put it together myself. I never came out and asked anyone about it though. It was just an 'oh, ok, I get it' kind of thing. So what. They have been together for probably 25+ years now. Why do you even need to bring up your friend being gay? If your friend has a partner then you introduce your friend and 'this is so-and-so's friend Jo Shmo', that's all you need to do. Gay isn't as taboo as it used to be.

3 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't even mention it, unless this friend is going to be bringing and hugging/kissing on his partner in front of your child, then just say that this is his partner.

OR... unless he is like, very flamboyantly gay, super strong lisp, feminine acting and all that, that may make your child wonder why he is acting 'silly'. Then, I would just tell my child that "Uncle Ted" is really into theatrics and sometimes likes to do things differently than we do.

I have worked in the salon industry for years, so I know plenty of gay men who you would never suspect to be gay, and plenty of overtly flamboyant ones who love putting on a show for attention. So really, it just depends.

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"This is my friend _______________"

And, if the other parents get upset...it's not you or your son's problem.

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Maybe I'm not clear on your question. Does your friend cross-dress? Because there isn't any one thing that makes someone look gay. I would simply say "Son, this is my friend so-and-so. We've known each other since I was your age-can you believe that?" If you think he might have some questions, just let him know ahead of time that he can ask you anything when it's just the two of you. That way you can explain things in a way that makes sense to him, and goes along with your belief system. But my guess is he won't even notice anything, because there isn't anything to notice.
My kids know that there are all types of families...different colors, two moms, two dads, only one parent, adoptive, foster. They are all the same, they are all family. My kids also know that people fall in love with people regardless of gender, ethnicity, age. We also have friends and family that are gay, and my kids have never even asked about it; I honestly believe that it hasn't even crossed their minds as being anything other than normal-because we have never given any idication that it isn't (because that's what we feel). Good luck, and go with your gut!

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Why would you introduce your friend in any different manner than you would introduce anyone else. Kids are very accepting until they get a message from their parents that something is "different" or wrong.

And why would you care what your son tells classmates about your friend? Are you ashamed or embarassed of your friend? That's what I'm getting from this post.

I don't think you're that good of a "friend" to your friend.

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When I met my SS's then-gf, the first thing they said was "this is GF's mom" not "this is GF's lesbian mom." Had we met her and her partner they would have introduced them as such but a first meeting? It really wasn't important. Just say, "This is my friend, Bill."

Then I would wait for your child to ask and then explain it very simply. One of our friends is transsexual. Used to work in a preschool. The school said he had to leave when he started to transition because it was "confusing for the children". Truth was, you ask any of the kids and they said, "What? A's a boy." They already knew. I hope that one day A gets back to teaching kids because he's great with them.

Sometimes it is we adults with the hangups, not the kids.

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I haven't read your other answers, but since I live in a place that has a large gay population, and lots of friends who are gay/lesbian/transgender, I will tell you that you probably don't need to say a word about it to your son. Kids are very accepting by nature, and only learn their prejudices from the adults around them. Your friend is just that - your friend. Why would a child need to know what your friend does in the privacy of the friend's own bedroom? If it comes up, you or your friend can simply say that your friend dates men, or has a boyfriend or husband. I think you may be surprised at how little your son will react to this information. If your son goes to school and talks about it, so what? If other people in 2012 are upset by the mention of someone being gay, it's their problem, not yours! I commend you on wanting to raise your son to be open-minded and tolerant in a community where others may not be. It's just as easy to spread love and tolerance as it is to spread hate. :)

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In child care we have to have a resource file on hand when parents ask this kind of question. We have a list of books to refer to the parents that would gently introduce the idea of a child making new friends who may have 2 moms or 2 dads. They can be too much information or they may be just right. I would tell you to go to the local library and talk to the children's librarian and ask for a list of books on the subject you need to research. They should be able to pull each of the books they have in the library up and copy them off for you. They will also have some that they don't have but will need to get on inner library loan.

It can be simple and it can be hard. I had 2 different gay roommates in college. One moved to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and has happily been with one person since meeting him. The other one is still happily single and lives about an hour away.

I would tell the kids I have a friend coming to visit then as things unfolded I would answer their questions as they came up. The friend that lives close to me is very effeminate and is obviously gay to adults. To kids he is just a fun guy.

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My daughter's godfather is gay, he had been in and out of her life due to living in different states until she was about 4. When he and his boyfriend moved to our town and she actually got to interact with them, it never even phased her that he lived in a house with other men (he had a gay roommate who also had a boyfriend). She's grown up understanding that being gay is not something to freak out about. I did kind of worry about an ordinary comment being blown out of proportion though, like you do.

When she started elementary school, I volunteered to be a class mom a few days out of the week. We were working on an art project, the kids were supposed to draw something they liked to eat. One little girl was ahving a problem figuring out what to draw, so I aks her (trying my best to be PC) Well, think about the foods that your Mommy cooks, or your Daddy, does your Daddy make anything you really like?" Her reply "I have two Mommies, I don't have a Daddy..."...I don't worry about the comments anymore! :)

hes only 6..sounds like your making it a bigger deal than it should be-just let him be known as a friend of the family-no biggy..

i see you already have this figured out. just wanted to add my two cents anyways... homosexuality is sexuality. a 6 year old shouldn't be concerned with that. i'd suggest you take this viewpoint when dealing with homosexuality yourself :) because what people choose to do in the bedroom really shouldn't be an issue otherwise. I would answer questions with questions... example. "mommy, why does scott just kiss john" response: "why does daddy kiss mommy?" aaand just take it from there. (the point is: because they love each other. period.)

I would introduce him as your friend, and if he brings a boyfriend over I would introduce the boyfriend as his friend. No need to say "partner" or "boyfriend" at this age.

My cousin is gay and when we were little he would bring his boyfriends to our family events. They were introduced to us as "his friend" and we didn't think anything more of it. They didn't hold hands or kiss at our family events. Us younger kids thought he was so cool, and we often liked his boyfriends just as much.

When we were old enough to know, he told us himself. Because we were so used to seeing him with his male friends and we loved him so much, it didn't make a difference (but it did help us understand why he only brought male friends to our family events). It was no big deal.

I'm not sure that really young kids need to know about being gay or lesbian. It's not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's a concept over their heads. It definitely should be addressed if questions arise, just like questions about sex are usually answered if questions arise. The whole subject can be approached later on.

If your child is too young to handle the subject appropriately (e.g. not running and telling everyone at school, not freaking out about it, etc.) then they are too young to know. Just my opinion.

Introduce your friend as your friend and leave it at that. I'm sure he's not going to be wearing any tee shirts that say "I'm gay!"

He has likely already met gay people he just didn't know it and obviously neither did you. Don't over think it. Unless you friend comes dressed as a drag queen your son will likely not notice anything unusual about him.
If your friend is more of a stereotypical feminine gay guy and your son does ask questions then just be open and honest.

Being open and honest would entail some focus on the fact that many people in this country are bigots and homosexuals are treated as second class citizens or worse. He will hear slurs against gays at school soon if he hasn't already so talking to him about this over the years is very important.

Just enjoy seeing your friend, don't use him as an educational experience. Then when it feels right start talking openly with your son about what it means to be gay and how some people feel about it. It's tough to exist in this country without encountering lots of chances to discuss stuff like this with your kids.