Ectopic Pregnancy... Again

I have not had experience with this, however I have had experience as an only child, and am not having the experience of having two children. Being an only child is not as hard as you think. I have the strongest bond with my mother, one that I don't believe I would have had I had a sibling. However I can see the dilema as I am learning all of the things that were not in my life, from watching my two sons grow together. However I would like to reassure you that being an only child isn't horrible. I was brought up with many wonderful friends, and currently have a sister of the soul and our bond is closer than that of her and her biological sister.
Don't beat yourself up, do what feels right to you. You son may miss out on a brother or sister, but he will gain a very special bond with you and your husband, with friends who will fill that void.

-K.

Hi!
I've never had an ectopic pregnancy, but I have had the HSG test. It showed that my tubes were fine. When my son was 3 (he's 7 now), we tried to conceive, but after a year, decided to try fertility drugs. I got pregnant on my first round of Clomid, but at my first ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. We tried again for a year, with Clomid and injections, etc. with no result. Then we went to try invitro. About mid-cycle invitro, I was told I was not responding well, and would need an egg donor. We later decided to adopt. Before we got past the initial paperwork, we conceived!!! I'm now due in May, and as surprised and excited and anxious as I have ever been!
So anyway, I think its worth it to explore as much as you can and go ahead and try the HSG test and see what it says. Then at least you'll know and you can plan/decide from there...
Good luck.

A little about me: 38 year-old working mom with one amazing seven year-old. Expecting my second in May!

Check out WebMD.com on the proceedure. You get a lot of good info & EZ to read without a PHD in medicine.
I've been pregnant 6x & only 1 kid...( 1 ectopic )
feel free to rant & rave at me - been there - done that - bought the T-zhirt. You do have an option or 2 - I know how you feel - give it a little time. Bug your OBGYN to refer you higher up the ladder to an infertility clinic. The fact that you had 1 healthy kid = hope.
Hang in there!

Have you ever thought about adopting?

I can not offer any advice about your ectopic pregnancies but was struck by your last statement "should I let my son be an only child". There are many children in need of parents and perhaps you could consider adopting. I know this is the same as carrying your own child but I know several people who have adopted children of different ages and feel blessed to have them in their lives. This includes people who have had a child and then have adopted a 2nd. Something to consider?

C.

I am sorry you have had such a hard time. however I am afraid I don't have an answer for you. You will have to talk to your Dr and your husband and then make the best decision for your family. Your son will be fine if he is an only child. Siblings can add a lot to a child's life, but so can extra attention from his parents. None of us knows what the future holds, just live each day the best you can, be thankful for the wonderful family you have and make decisions you are proud of.
Take care
J.

L.,

Get medical help if you absolutely have to have a second child, but think hard about the balance in your life, which seems to be good now. And, by all means, don't have a second child for your first one to make his life more complete. Attempt to have one ONLY if you really want one. Remember, your son will only be jealous and upset the day you introduce a baby and it will completly change the relationship you have with him now, not to mention he'll be at least 5 or 6 when baby comes along, so won't be interested in his sibling for a long time ... until they're adults, if ever! Plus, keep yourself healthy for the sake of your son as he needs you now. I had to make the choice to have a second one, and given I am also a full-time working Mother and had my baby late, I opted for private school for my son. I turn 47 next month and have a wonderful just turned 4-year old boy who's very happy. He's active, is making friends, and he'll have a great life even without a sibling. Weigh the pros and cons, but whatever you do don't jeapordize your relationship with your own son because you feel you absolutely have to give him a sibling! Think life balance, then decide...

I've had an ectopic, so I know what you're going through. It was terrifying and excruciatingly painful on so many levels. I am very sorry you are going through this difficult time...

I've had and HSG. It wasn't painful until afterwards with massive cramping. It was good to know my other tube was open and they said often their patients become successfully pregnant afterwards because the procedure flushes out the tube. I wasn't that lucky, but you might be! :)

If that doesn't work you would probably be a candidate for IVF. I have yet to take that step as I have two kids to be responsible for, have to gather the money, and am kind of chicken (I hate dealing with hormonal fluctuation and am scared of twins!!!)

As far as whether or not to have another child given the circumstances... well that's really up to you and your hubby. Having good long heart to hearts with him, with yourself, with anyone else who is really close to you, and prayer if you are Spiritual at all is what I would advise.

I'm still not totally convinced one way or the other for myself and it has been 3 years, but my children are from a previous relationship so there is a strong desire for my hubby to have one of his own and I would love to share that experience with him. So we'll have to wait and see. I'll probably go fro IVF this Summer when my responsibilities are considerably less.

I hope that helps a bit. -A.

You're asking some questions that only you and your partner can answer. Should you try again? It sounds as if you really want to. Should you try in Vitro? That may be the wise choice given your risk and history. Have you considered adoption? There are so many kids who need stable, loving homes. You have a lot to consider, and it would seem the person to mull these options over with is your husband. Hope you find a clear path.

You do sound like a perfect candidate for IVF. I know a lot of people who go the IVF route and it works out great. As far as the only-child thing goes: my stepson had a brother who was 3 years older. The older brother passed away when the younger one was 3 years old (in a traffic accident). So my stepson is now an only child. I know it pains my husband every day to see him go through life without his brother (among other things that are obviously also painful.) But, this is his reality. And at some point, acceptance of our reality is a lot of what life is about. My husband and I are trying to conceive. But even if we do, my stepson will be at least 9 years older than any new children that come along. I'm just saying that if your child turns out to be an only child, you just have to make the best of it. I'd give anything just to give birth to one child... regardless of whether that child is an only child or not. There are so many things that we cannot control. And I am just like you in that I strive to control everything.

Unless you truly cannot afford IVF, you should probably go that route. But also, be grateful for what you do have!

Dear L.,
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. It's really tough and draining. I know, I really had my share of troubles. Both of my children are absolute miracles. I really would love to have had more children, but every day, I am just so happy and thankful to have been blessed the way I have. You have a beautiful son and a wonderful husband. Try as much as you can to relax and enjoy them.
I had the HSG test. It wasn't really that bad, compared to some of the other things I endured. I would highly recommend that you have one. It will show if there is a blockage in your tube. Sometimes they can be twisted and that will show up as well. It's relatively non-invasive and you will be able to make an informed decision about how to proceed from there.
I am not against IVF, but I know several people who went through it several times unsuccessfully. One of my lifelong friends even travelled out of the state to have the procedures done and was finally told she would never conceive. She was heart broken.
Before you get discouraged, after she and her husband accepted that they would never be able to have children, they spent the rest of their savings building a new house, buying new cars and taking a second honeymoon. Lo and behold, she got pregnant. All by herself. Well, her husband helped a little. (lol)
I would start with the HSG.
None of us like not knowing what the future will bring, but we never really do.

Take care, and best of wishes!

L.,
I am very sorry to hear of your losses. I've never been through an ectopic pregnancy, but had two miscarriages back to back last year. It can be heartbreaking. I'm not sure what to tell you regarding the ectopic pregnancies other than discussing this with your doctor and possibly getting a second opinion.
As for the comment from Muriel that your son will be jealous and upset when you have another baby and not interested in his sibling, I wholeheartedly disagree! I just had my second child and my daughter was 4-1/2 years old when she was born. I was also concerned about possible jealousy, etc. However, those fears could not have been more unfounded. Some children will go through bouts of jealousy and/or anger when a new sibling arrives, but they don't stay in that phase forever. Also, many children love helping and being the "big kid" around the house. Don't be discouraged from having another child because someone tells you it will change your relationship with the child you have now!

L.,

I would try to keep your estrogen lower by keeping certain products out of your diet: SOY and ANY derivitive of, like soy lethicin, soy protein, soy powder, etc. Watch for Parabens in lotions that act like estrogen, fdc red #5, and check to see if your tap water has added floride. Do not drink floridated water, it is a poison and makes people sterile. Sodas and juice drinks are most likely made from floridated water. Dont drink them. Buy hormone free meat from your butcher. Try to find a local farmer or a 4h kid that raises organic chickens - for eggs. Dont get flu shots, they can have murcury and other metals, these metals are also estrogenetic.
Miscarriages can be a Vitamin E and bioflavanoid defeciency.It's amazing how doctors will never look for basic things like vitamin defeciencies. Supplement yourself. Cod Liver Oil is a GREAT thing I wish I would have known about it during my childbearing years. Also sugar destroys vit b, so take vit b complex as well. Almost everyone is defecient in B vits.Not for miscarriage sake but just overall wellness.

Have no fear, your baby will come! keep the faith! Trust God and trust your body. If it were me I'd try again.

Hi, I would go the IVF route. They will do the necessary testing and the accuracy in which they can place the embryo is amazing. If your heart is telling you another child would make your family complete than go for it. Personally if it were me I wouldn't go through another attempt without help. You've been through enough. Best wishes to you.

I think the doctor should do a test to see if you have a blockage in your tube that is causing the ectopics. I am sure it is both physically and emotionally draining on you but I would not try until the test is done. Just let nature take its course and if God wants to bless you again it will happen. My sister had the same problem and they found that she had scar tissue in her tubes that they removed.

I had 3 ectopic pregnancies after I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Obviously I can't have anymore children as I don't have either one of my tubes and I'm ok with that. God gave me a beautiful child. I couldn't ask for more than that. She is an only child and as she got older she had questions and went through the whole "I want a sibling" phase but once I explained that I couldn't have anymore children she understood. My daughter is now 13 going on 14 and is smart, happy, healthy and well adjusted.
Consult with your doctor and find out all of the risks to you and your potential unborn child. Good luck!

My sister struggled for many years thru many rounds of IUI, invitro & God only knows how many miscarriages. The result via invitro, is my nephews who are now 8.5 yrs. My sister also had an ectopic pregnancy that cost her one fallopian tube, same as you. Here's the point of my story....drum roll please....I am now the aunt of a beautiful 'surprise' baby girl who is 19 months old! Conceived the old fashioned way, hence the 'surprise!' With her previous pergnancies & then w/my nephews, my sister was high risk but for some reason, w/my niece, they didn't consider her high risk which I was surprised by. Her pregnancy went very smoothly, labor was the expected c-section as my sister is very narrow hipped & all were surprised she could birth my nephews vaginally. So, long story short....don't give up hope! I have Polycystic Ovarian & conceived both our boys via IUI but early on in the trying stage, I had my tubes checked to be sure they were clear. I'm surpised you haven't done this before. I was in no pain from this just a slight discomfort made all the better by having taken a Valium beforehand! Mostly just to calm me down. I assume you're currently under the care of an infertilty specialist/endocronologist? Our boys are 4.5 yrs apart & we had the same thought....wanting him to have a sibling to go thru life with....good & bad alike. The gap is bigger than we would've wanted but that's just the way the cookie crumbled. And our 8 yr old isn't always too pleased to have a 3.5 yr old brother but that's mostly his personality & need to be the center of everything! Your doctor is the one to tell you if you should be considering invitro. Invitro can be very pricey so look into what your insurance covers. You may consider switching carriers in order to get better coverage. But ultimately, it's a decision for you & hubby & even your son to make. There's always adoption, too. I wish you the best of luck!