Ectopic Pregnancy - Burleson,TX

I am not going to start by saying I know how you feel or bless your heart.. I am sure you are tired of hearing that. Although I am very sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling.I have had an ectopic pregnacy also and was 9 weeks along. The difference is I ahd not been trying to conveive for two years like you. I was too devestated (it is so weird and unable to explain)the feeling of being pregnant one minute and not the next. I went in for a sono (my husband,mom, mother in law,sister in law,best friend and god son) were all there. This would be the first grandchild on both sides and as soon as he started the sono I knew something was wrong. HE just set there and said nothing until we asked. He turned off the machine and said there is a problem. We could wait till Monday to remove it or do it then(Friday) I wanted it done then. I did not want to think about it all weekend over is there any other way we save our child. After he reassured us that this was the only process that was an option we went in for surgery. When they got in there they saw that I was further along than they thought and they ended up removing the entire right tube. They said if we had waited 24 more hours it would of ruptered. I am very thankful I chose not to wait. My doctor was so sincere in his emotions. HE cried with us and called that evening when we got home. HE said wait 6 months and give it another try. We did and 6 months later we convieved our precious little girl Kanyon.IT will happen with time. Keep strong in your faith. God has a plan for us all. LOve your spouse and your son. They are the ones that need you now. (even though they may not show it). I will keep you in my prayers. There is a website and every time I get depressed and start thinking that so many things are wrong in my life I go to this website and it makes me so appreciative of every moment I have with Kanyon.. Please dont think I am in any way implying you dont love your son I just think sometimes we need something to remind us the life we have is actually wonderful even though the cards we are dealt at that time might be (well you know) the website is http://www.nilmdts.org/start.php. I dont know if this will help at all but thank you. This is the first time I have gotten to tell my story and it has been two years. You have truly blessed me today and for that I hope it brings a small smile to your face.

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Hi A.,

I know exactly what you are going thru! I have had 4 miscarriages in the last year. (no ectopic though) I went thru intensive testing and found out that my husband and I aren't gentic capable of having more children without severe risks. We are extremely lucky that we have the one daughter. Truly a miracle child. The crying will stop - once you get to acceptance.

My marriage in down the drain due to the miscarriages and stress. I am about to lose my husband to one of his coworkers.I have mentally dealt with the miscarriage but I neglected my partner. My biggest advice (and if I could do over) I wouldn't try to get pregnant so soon and concentrate on my marriage of 8 yrs. Take comfort in your marriage and little boy.

I know there are miscarriage support groups online and in the Arlington area. They are free and held at local churches. I suggest you and your husband attend.

I know you need encouragement. Going thru this, I have found out I am a lot stronger than I ever thought. If you ever need more support you can email at ____@____.com

LOL L.

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A., I am so sorry to hear about your struggles and recent trials. The first thing that came to my mind after reading your request is a recent talk I heard from one of my christian leaders. He spoke of "staying on the boat." At first I was wondering what he was talking about, but then he went on to explain. Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a storm with waves crashing around us. The boat we are in is our faith, or our gospel (Jesus Christ). Sometimes we think we just can't stand the storm anymore and we just want to JUMP!! We think our faith isn't helping us here and it may be better to abandon it. What our leader was telling us, is just at the time we think to abandon ship, that is the exact time we need it the most. Stay in the boat, A.! The Lord is the only One who can see you through this--rely on Him by pleading with Him through prayer. We don't understand His timing or why He allows us to go through bitter times of despair. One day we'll see the whole picture, but for now we have to trust that we'll make it through and be stronger for it. Things will get better. Jesus calmed the sea and he can calm your's as well.

1 mom found this helpful

A.,
I am so sorry for your loss. There is always hope. I had 2 ectopic pregnancies within 4 months of each other. One in each tube. The drs (and I saw several) told me my chances of having a normal pregnancy after 2 ectopics were very low. One dr. told me 15%. They all recommended in vitro. 6 years later I got pregnant naturally and had a beautiful little girl. Good luck.
C.

Hi A.,
I have had two ectopic pregnancies. With the first one my right tube ruptured and I had to have it removed just like you with an emergency surgery. The 2nd happened a few years later on my left and I caught it early because of my history of the first. They gave me injections to "dissolve" the baby inside of my tube so it would not rupture like the first. Both where very spiritually/emotionally and physically draining. In between them I had a miscarriage. We lost 3 babies in 4 years. I too love Jesus and prayed for 5 years while we where trying to start a family. We ended up adopting two boys while they were infants through I local agency. I am not one to say that I always wanted to adopt. It was very hard for me to let go of my dream of carrying my children and couldn't understand why I couldn't.
The lord changed my heart and now I wouldn't change a thing. It was a cross road that I reached in my faith. I learned that in spite of it not working out as I wished God was to be trusted. What do I suggest? Move as close to him as you can and don't be too trusting of others and their options even though they mean well. Keep yourself emotionally guarded. He will guide you in the direction that you need to go. Don't be afraid to share your hurt/anger and disappointment with him. Don't try and be a "strong Christian woman", admit that you are weak and allow him to be strong. He loves it when we are real with him and he sure can handle it. And if you do get pregnant, make sure that your HCG levels are checked until you are far along enough for a sonogram to see if the baby is where it should be. I truly feel for you and I'm so sorry that you are struggling. I'll be praying for you.
C.

A. - I have to be honest, I have never been in a situation like yours. However, I wanted to just share some support, as I have plenty of experience with not understanding when bad things happen. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you...to think about being pregnant one day & not the next, it makes my heart hurt for you. But I KNOW that God has a plan for you and your family. He has a plan for each of us & there are times that we certainly can't see what that plan might be, but it's still there & it's still perfect...God doesn't make mistakes. Keep praying. Pray with your husband. Pray with your family. Pray with your church. Find support in people who love you & who love God & you WILL get through this. You may be able to look back on this tragic loss in a year & see the silver lining...then again, you may not. There are some things that you will never understand the "why" of until you get to heaven. But be reassured that God IS in control & He loves you & your family more than you can imagine. I will keep your healing, both emotional & physical in my prayers. God bless you & your family!

A.,
I'm very sorry you have had to endure this. I do agree, you need to give your body and your spirit time to heal from this loss.

I would recommend finding an ob/gyn who specializes in high risk pregnancies when you do try to get pregnant again.

Just know that God is with you through the good time and especially through the bad/hard/difficult times as well. What you and your husband have gone through - God will use that to make you stronger, and through this He will bring people who experience this type of loss so you can minister to them... like no one else.

Perhaps God is opening another door as well. Just because you may or may not be able to have natural children... there are so many kids out there who need a mommy and daddy. Perhaps you can take this and allow God to open the door to foster care or adoption.

Also grief is to be expected- there are many stages and you should expect to go through each stage- hopefully you have someone who can sit with you or that you can talk to when you need.

Jesus is our source of hope.
D.

A.,
I have not been through an experience of an ectopic pregnancy. I have had my fair share of miscarriages though -3 of them! I know how it is to feel so alone and helpless in these type of situations. I have read your other responses and these women have given you some great advice and support - I just love this site! Read and re read what they've said and take it to heart and remember you are not alone!
You will be in all our prayers!
God Bless, K. G

I have not had a tubal pregnancy before but after 2 perfect pregnancy with my daughters I lost our third daughter at 19 weeks. She was due December 19th. The lost was very hard and shocking. Emotionaly it is getting easier but I still have days were I cry because I miss the memories that I would of had with my third daughter. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. It was very hard for me to turn to god during my loss because I was so angry about what had happened. Just keep your faith in God there is a reason for everything and I will pray for you.
K.

I am so sorry for all of your losses. I had an ectopic pregnancy a year ago. This was an abdomen ectopic pregnancy so thankfully I didn't lose a tube. I also had a daughter who was stillborn at 38 1/2 weeks in November of 2006. I know how much sorrow and pain you are feeling. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own undertanding." Proverbs 3:5. This is the scripture that sustained in my time of grief when I felt I could not even breathe. I also attended a support called MEND www.mend.org. It is Christian support for families who have experienced the loss of a baby by miscarriage/ectopic, stillbirth or infant death. I am praying for peace. You know the Lord is so close to you when you are suffering.

I had an ectopic pregnancy two years ago and the doctor that had been my OB/GYN for 20 years who always asked when I was going to start having babies basically came in after surgery and said we had to remove your ruptured tube and your other one isn't in great shape. Either consider in vitro, adopting or having no kids at all and just go be with your husband.
I was devastated because I waited to get married and was 36 years old and have always wanted kids.
We went immediately to the in vitro doctors he recommended and within two months I was getting a tubal - something necessary for me before going through IVF - and then a year later we were going through the shots and everything to get preganant.
We implanted two embryos this past February and I'm proud to say I'm now the mother of 2-month-old twins and have four eggs frozen for later use if I need them.
If you're older at all, don't hesitate going to talk to someone. You only have so many eggs that you're born with and I almost waited too long. Your chances of IVF working go down dramatically at 38 years old.
Good luck and keep trying as long as you think your tubes/you can handle whatever happens. IVF basically skips the whole tube process, so it takes that out of the equation.

I had a friend that had two of these. She had some sort of surgery to correct; she ended up pregnant with her first little one. He is now over a year old. Ask your ob about some different options.

hello A. i had an ectopic pregnancy and ruptured my right tube but i now have a healthy 3 year old with one tube. Email me and i can probably answer any questions. ____@____.com

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. And now the physical loss as well. I have not gone through what you've gone through, but I have lost a baby. His name was Logan and he would be 6 if he had lived, so I kind of-sort of know your pain on that end, although each loss is different and unique. I have been a part of a non-profit Christian organization, MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death), for 6 years now and it helped me tremendously and I think it can help you, too. Check out their website and see if you think it would be for you. It's: www.mend.org
We meet for support groups on the 2nd Thursday of each month in Irving. We also have other types of support, too.
I hope this helps a little bit.
You're welcome to write me back if you want. My e-mail is ____@____.com
I wish you the best.
~B.

A.,

I like some of these other moms want to make sure you hear this - God will touch your life at the right time - even though today it may not seem so.

I shared the same experience as you in 98 - it was truly devastating. I was a wreck for a very long time. I never thought I would be okay again. You will - with your trust in the Lord - and prayers...you will.

I got married on 2000 to a wonderful man who had a child from a previous marriage so I did gain a child....who was 5. We tried from the moment we were married to conceive. The hardest part was the many miscarriages. I felt that I was not meant to be a mom....

Oddly, we had a miscarriage Labor Day 03....at this point....I had really decided I couldn't handle another loss. November 7th - my hubby's bday....I had a positive test....NOT SUPPOSED TO TRY FOR 3 MONTHS!!! I was shocked....

I have a beautiful 4 1/2 yr old son.....what a blessing....all in God's time my friend....all in God's time....

Have faith - and trust in him....don't ever give up - it will be okay.

So sorry to hear about your loss. I have not gone through that , but my mother did. She and my step-father "tried" for many years..(if it happened, it happened),they always thought it was him. She got pregnant at 33 years old. Had an etopic.she didnt lose her tube, but..they cleaned it all out. A year later she had my brother, another year later had my sister....NO problems. Im sure it is hard, try to think positive, the DR's only know so much, nothing against them. I'm sure MANY women have concieved after such a terrible situation you had and are to going through. It has only been 4 days, your going to be emotional. Time will help heal. Keep praying and hang in there and take care.

A., I am so very sorry for your loss. While I did not have any miscarriages nor ectopic pregnancies, I can share a similar fate.

My DH and I had tried for 5 years to get pregnant and (through many prayers and medical intervention) we were finally successful in December 2007. At that, we were told we were expecting boy / girl twins. We were over the moon.

At 32 weeks' gestation in July 2008, the doctor couldn't find the boy's heartbeat and the doctors delivered the girl via emergency C-section. Our son was born sleeping. To say the least, we were beyond confused and I had never, ever felt such sadness in my life. How were we supposed to mourn the death of our son, but celebrate the joy of our daughter's birth? And my faith in God was sorely tested. This is NOT how it was supposed to be for us.

I pray every day, trying to find answers to why God decided to take Noah but leave Julia. Our daughter is an absolute gem, but not one day goes by that I don't think of her brother --- he was supposed to be here, growing with her, sharing in our family life. God had other plans for His angel, and I might never know what they are. I cry for Noah, but not every day like I used to.

Have hope and faith that somehow, some way, this will be easier to handle. I will never get over the loss of our beautiful son, but I also know that we'll meet again someday and in the meantime, he's got a busy job being his sister's guardian angel.

Take care, and hugs to you.

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you and your family.

I understand the toll on your faith. While going through infertility before concieving my 5yr.old ds, I had a lot of anger that I directed at God. I went to conseling by myself to help me work through my feelings of anger and resentment at God and my body. It helped a lot.

You need to take this loss like any other. Day by day and minute by minute if necessary. You will need time to grieve. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, so to speak. It will get easier. The blackness and gloom will subside, eventually. Try not to worry about what this means for your future fertility. You don't really know right now what will happen with all that. There may be treatments out there you aren't aware of to help with concieving again and carrying the baby to term once you are ready. Try to focus on your sweet and energetic son and all the joy he brings to your life each day. Focus on your blessings as he is surely the biggest. Try to push negative thoughts from your mind.

Just keep praying for God's help to get you through.
You will make it and you will feel happy again.

Good Luck!

A.,

I've been through miscarriage too. We had 2 before my daughter and 1 after. It was 3 years and 2 months from when we started trying before Mallory was born. The verse I always held close was Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a promise fulfilled is a tree of life." It was so, so hard for both of us. I have gone through testing, and the only thing we have been told is that we have a possible incompatibility issue, and if we do continue to try, about 1 in 10 pregnancies will be successful. We want another child, and we will continue to try to have another one. God is bigger than statistics. The best comfort is the one fulfilled promise he gave us, Mallory Hope.

Solomon tells us in Ecclesiates how terrible and unfair this world is, and he is right. Someday, everything will be perfect, and life really is very short. Love your little boy, and pray for another miracle.

I'm so sorry for your losses.