Eating Out at Restaurants

My husband and I had the same problem with our son. What I found is that taking them out of the restaurant while they are throwing thier tantrum has worked for me. Not only will that let them know you will not tolerate the behavior but also allow the other patrons to enjoy thier meal. I would always explain to my son that if he did'nt behave we would sit in the car until daddy is done. At her age I hate to say it will only get worse. They need more and more attention at this age and they do not know how to express themselves. Unfortunately unless you are going to more kid friendly places you may not enjoy your weekly dinners until she's about 3. Your husband may not want your children run your lives but that is kind of what happens when you have kids, things change. Good luck!

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With our older two we used to take a little storage tub that we kept in the car. In it were toys that we didn't use at home to make them special. Things like Play-do and little cookie cutters, wikki sticks or things like that are great. It helped that they weren't regular play things and such. Our two year old has just started hating sitting in the high chair and wants a seat at restaurants. It think it's time for us to find the box again.

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I would suggest allowing (or requiring) your husband also to help enforce the rules of sitting when at a restaurant. We have the same tradition with our son Nicholas, 21 months. To prevent it becoming possible for him to get down from the table, I always use a high chair with a waist belt. He never questions it because we always do it like that. Otherwise, it seems you are doing all you can with the toys and snacks to prevent boredom, etc. I can understand your being stressed about this and hope this helps. Kind regards, M.

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There comes a point where you just have to pick your battles and maybe surrender gracefully to her at this point. It's pretty unrealistic to expect a toddler to sit still for more than 15-20 minutes at a time 'just to eat'. After all, there's a big new world (restaurant) to explore! It's also good to continue to go so she learns, but only you can decide if it's worth the battle. Most parents I know just temporairly stop taking their children to restaurants between 18 months-3 years.

If your husband is adament about continueing to go to restaurants, make him help! You're a team - he needs to step up and do his job. When we go to a restaurant, my husband gets 'walk the kid' duty. Our 5 year old is now great at restaurants but it was rocky for awhile (18-24 months). Our 2.5 year old is just now getting good at restaurants. Basically what we do is order as soon as we sit down (look at menus online before leaving house). We go early and try to be there around 5-5:30 so by the time the food comes they are eating at about the normal time. As soon as we order, my husband takes the 'antsy child', lately this has been our 2 year old and goes for a walk around the restaurant or even outside. I stay at the table with the 5 year old and the baby. When the food arrives, they come back, she sits down and eats. We don't inhale our food but we don't linger, either. We know we have about a 20-30 minute window at the table once the food arrives before she starts to act up. She's done eating in like 5 minutes and crayons/stickers/magna doodle only keep her entertained for so long.

One of our favorite restaurants to take the kids to is Joe's Crab Shack. They have an actual playground complete with climbing structure, slides, etc outside. Hubby takes the older kids outside to play while waiting for the food. :)

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First of all, I'm a bartender in a family restaurant, and thank you! I wish that there were more parents that actually cared about the diners around them! When I was a kid I was brought to the bathroom for a time out, and if it continued after that we went into the lobby or right outside the front door for another time out, and if it escalated form there, which I only remember happening once (and it was my brother), he was taken to the car while the rest of the family finished eating.
Good Luck, and thanks!!!!

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You're both right. I think both of our kids were that age when we took a short hiatus from dining out, not completely, but less frequently for sure. You can try walking around the lobby area with her while you wait for food to come. If you stop going all together than your husband is right too - you want to keep living your lives as well. Try to pick family friendly restaurants and go earlier if possible. We have started a tradition of only going out to lunch on Saturdays - it's less stressful.

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I'm not sure if you're still having her sit in a high chair or just a booster seat. One suggestion would be, if the restaurant has them - sit in a booth and get a booster seat for your daughter. Have her sit between Daddy and the wall. If she wants to get out of the booster seat, at least she'll be pinned between daddy and the wall.

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I think it is just a stage that they go through , 15 - 19 months is about when my kids started that . Once they became really active , they would not sit still for anything . Keep going , she will grow out of it !

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my question is does your daughter just act out at one or two restaurants? My middle child would act out only at certian places when we went to eat. Chi-Chi's and Tumble Weed. I think that it had something to do with the environment or maybe the music they play during the dinner time. She still to this day will act out if we go to Tumble Weed. (Chi-Chi's closed down) So we go other places when we have all three of the kids. Other than that I have not had problems with them when we go out to eat. They take their own coloring books or books to read or look at pages. We do a story time until our dinner arrives at the table. I have the fear of if we go to the "kid friendly" restaurants that they will think that it is play time during dinner time. With the age of your daughter I would just take some toy keys or a favorite teddy bear. Have on hand some animal crackers or cheerios. I let my 16 month old play with a straw. Sounds weird but it keeps her happy. I have also seen parents that will take the children to the lobby or the hallway and walk with the child if they are not wanting to sit in their seats at the table.

You and your husband will have to understand that there might be times where you will have to ask for your dinner to go. Because of the lil' one. That does not mean that your child is controlling your life. This is just the way life can be at times. If it is not enjoyable to you explain this to your husband. Does he help you with your daughter during the waiting time for the dinner and ect.?

You could save some of these evenings for just you and your husband. Ask if a family member or friend will watch her for a few hours and make a date night once a week or so. Once you have children your world is wrapped around them. Not saying you should not have an adult life also. But in ways it is very true. Just don't get to far and let the control you.

Good luck and think about Date night. Or see what restaurants is she getting upset at.. is there something there that she is uncomfortable with? Is it just to crowded? To loud? Just some things to look at.

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I would continue going to the restaurants but go early when there aren't as many people. If you continue going, she will eventually learn how to behave.

I was a divorced Mom with a 2 year old and had to take him with me to events and luncheons. I practiced at restaurants. I agree with -consistancy being the key.

If he acted up or wanted to get down- we would pay a visit to the 'bathroom' where he would get a very stern conversation and a time out. (you have to do it every time)
AND SOMETIMES I HAD TO TAKE HIM HOME- WITH MY DINNER IN A TO-GO...
Eventually, all I had to say is, 'Do we need to go to the bathroom?...and he would say- 'No...not the bathroom'...lol
eventually there was no fuss at the table...

I could take him everywhere- he saw that it got him attention.. everyone woyuld tell him how good he was and bring him extra dessert- or crayons.... that kid even went to five star restraunts when he was three...

so....good luck..It takes patience- courage and consistancy....

Yea, stop going out for a bit and let your husband realize you have a kid. No point in eating out and letting your child drive you crazy. Why not try take-out. Or go out to lunch when she might be in a better mood.

I think we all go through this phase. :)

Sorry if this is a duplicate answer, but I didn't want to read through all 23 responses. :) My husband and I just decided that the easiest thing to do was to go to buffets for a while. We only eat out once a week, too, so we could vary the buffet and not get too sick of the food. Our youngest is now 2, so we have been able to reintroduce regular restaurants. The reason the buffets worked was because there was no waiting. We immediately got the food and that occupied the kids so we were able to enjoy our meal without constantly telling the kids to sit down, quiet down, and turn around. :) We did find that certain restaurants were better for keeping the kids entertained than others. My daughter LOVES music, so even when she was younger, the music at Texas Roadhouse would keep her behaving. She would dance along to the music and not act up.

When we really wanted to go to a nicer restaurant, we would do a date night and leave the kids at home with a sitter.

Get a sitter and enjoy that one on one time with your husband. I am the same way...don't enjoy myself either when it's that type of situation with my little ones..and then the question becomes, "why". Why do you and your hubby go out? To enjoy a nice meal together, right? well, seems like you aren't meeting the goal any more.

Nothing wrong with getting a sitter for 2 or 3 hours one night a week so you and hubby can have dinner together.

K.,

I can only tell you that I believe that this comes with that age. My son is going through the same thing, and I have decided for my own sanity, to only go places that are child friendly when he is with me. In these types of places, you'll find other parents who have children and who understand that kids can sometimes be loud and have some "extra" energy they need to burn off.

My daughter was the exact same way at restaurants at that age! And strollers. And anything that would confine her. We did not stop going out to restaurants because it was our favorite thing to do, but we did pick different restaurants. Don Pablo's ALWAYS worked well because it is a loud place any time of day, and the chips were a great diversion. Plus anywhere you sit, you can see and watch the other diners. Luckily, this phase passed very quickly for us, but for a while there, we chose very loud family oriented places.
If she wasn't behaving and sitting still, we would leave. I had many a meal ordered and not touched, while I sat in the car with her and my husband paid and boxed everything up. Best of luck!

As long as you're not going to restaurants that don't have predominantly adult diners, but have other families, then I believe you should keep taking her. Being in the situation is the only way that she learns how to behave in those situations. Most parents, myself included, understand that this is something all children go through and we simply smile thinking "wow, at least it's not my kid this time". Relax and use those times as teaching times and enjoy your dinner:)

There comes a time when you just have to take a break from eating out! Usually it hits around the age of 2. I only have 2 children but this has happened with both. It has just been easier for both my husband and my sanity to order in for 6 months or so, until the kids can mature alittle. The other advice is to give them something new to play with. That way they will be so enthralled with the new toy that hopefully they will leave you alone for awhile and allow you to eat in relative peace.

Just a thought on your husband's concern that she will "control" you...

Is it that he's worried that she will control him, OR worried that he won't be able to control her. I think that some parents are so worried about their kids "calling the shots" that they attempt to control them at a young age. It's not right for your kids to control you, but it's equally not right for you to control them.

My long term goal is for my daughters to grow up and do the right things because they want to, not out of fear of being forced to. They aren't going to learn these things if I control what they can think and do.

Think about it...

K. -

I understand your husband's frustration, but there are ages where it's less than realistic to go out for a nice meal with your child in tow. With both our girls, we just tried to pay attention to when it was getting too difficult, and took some time off or got carry out. They always eventually matured to a stage that allowed us to go out with them again, and developed very open-minded tastes as a result.

There's lots of stuff out there that talks about kids not ruling your life, but that's pretty much the definition of being a parent. You certainly have to work to achieve some balance, and parents need some parent time, but this has to be done with a realistic acceptance of what your child is capable of at a given stage of development.

We aren't always as patient as I'd like with our kids, but we have tried, and at 4 and 8 they are both great in restaurants unless they are REALLY tired, in which case we just need to be home anyway.

Maybe this is a good time to find a trusted sitter and try a night out with just the adults? We've also done that, with a regular sitter gig at least a couple of times a month so my husband and I can just have some alone time.

Good luck!

A.

As part of a couple who also enjoy going out, we also have had this struggle. We have found it best to let our younger cry it out. It only lasted about 10 minutes the first few times. Now both our children sit thru our eating out experience. I know you do not want to disturb other diners, so you could ask the server to sit you in a section with fewer patrons. Or hire a babysitter while you and your husband go out. Hope that helps.

K. M

discipline in a consistant manner. one time, children should always obey, the first time and every time.

this site is by a couple that have a "ministry" for families

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

I know you probably got all the advise you need already and since you already posted a what happened post, I would like to just tell you that we were out the other day and ENJOYED hearing a toddler make noises -- I know that was not your problem but just wanted to let you know that there are people out there that enjoy little ones (when you think they are being bad or noisy)

Not sitting is not something to think others enjoy but it could be something someone who couldn't have kids or (theirs are all grown) might enjoy! Thanks for caring about the other people in restaurants - a lot of people don't! We appreciate those who do!

I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. My oldest also had his times at restaurants where I just felt we should leave. My advice is to do what makes you feel the least insane. It's difficult dealing with a toddler and being pregnant on top of that. Since it's getting nice outside, maybe try taking her out for a minute to get her distracted then come back in. Go to restaurants that are family oriented. And remember, most people around you are parents themselves. They've dealt with what you're dealing with. Unless she's screaming at the top of her lungs, most of us don't mind the crying. Also remember that this is just a stage. It will pass. She might not be feeling well, might be getting a tooth. But if you stop going to restaurants, she won't learn that she needs to behave in restaurants. Just try to make it fun for her while you're there. Engage her in any activity that makes her not get upset. Count the sugar packets. Play with the creamer containers. Just keep it fun for her. Hope this helps, and hope it gets better soon.

Hi K.,

Congrats on baby #2!!!! :) I have similar issues....but my daughter is 11 months, so there's somewhat of an age difference. What I am doing is practicing with her at home and making her stay in her high chair while we eat...even if she wants out. I just keep saying "no" when she reaches for me. I do the toy thing and the food thing as well, but when she wants out, she wants out. And I don't want her ruining meals for people at restaurants either. I would keep trying to go, but don't give in or she'll keep doing it.

Best of luck!
L.

The attention span at that age is too small for her to really be able to behave the way you wish.

My recommendation? Find a sitter and you and husband go out alone once a week for a while.

Just remember: This too, shall pass.

We have 2 toddlers under age 3 so I know how stressful dining out can be! If you stop eating out, she will never learn how to behave in a restaurant and you and hubby will be disappointed. I have 3 bits of advice. 1. Recently we bought them each a new, small toy and waited to give it to them at the restaurant, once seated. They loved the surprise and the toys were elaborate enough to occupy them for a while. You could even take it one step further and let her pick something out herself at a toy store and save it for the restaurant, explaining how she should behave to get her "reward". 2. Make sure you go when your daughter is HUNGRY. 3. When our kids were infants, my husband and I could eat out like the old days, i.e. have a conversation and take our time... Well, it's different with toddlers. All they want is your undivided attention. If you play with her and talk to her about the menu, the people, the decor, etc. she may feel less frustrated. Hope that helps!

M.
Cleveland, OH

Is getting a sitter an option?

If the added expense would be a bother go out every other week. Make it a point to tell the little lady until she behave more grown up she cannot spend grown up time with mommy and daddy. Your husband is right do not let her control you now or she will be setting the rules in a couple of years.

She could also be getting too full and therefore ready to go home before the meal even comes.

Hi K....I have found that taking a break from activities is the way to go. You want to set your child up for success in every way. My son went through a phase when he could not handle going to the main library. Many tantrums later, I decided that we would just take a break from it. Not long, just a couple weeks. This has worked with many different phases. And, I have to admit, my son was around the same age (20-22 months) when I found it most difficult to handle him. Now he's 3...i'll leave it at that. I dont want to scare you :)

Good luck!
K.

My daughter went thru this too. we stopped going out for a few months. By then she was over it. I was like you and didn't enjoy it anymore. Why pay for food and a miserable time when you can at least be comfortable at home?

My husband said the same thing when I would cite "staying on a schedule" as a reason to come home early or not go out at naptime, etc. The fact is, life changes when we have children.

You are probably anxious to get out now before your second is born. Try to find family-friendly restaurants. You sound like you are doing all the right things to entertain--this is a normal stage of development. In our family of 2 kids, laps are ok until the food comes, then back to the high chair/booster. Also, one of us (usually my husband) gets up with the toddler and looks around the lobby of the restaurant either before the food comes or after eating. It's not as great of couple time as it used to be, but eventually, they will grow out of the stage.

Good luck

BTW, some ethnic family-friendly places with great food we've found are Sher e punjab in Upper Arlington, Thai Taste in the same shopping center, China Garden in Graceland, and the mexican restaurant on Sinclair, just north of Morse rd.

I know what you are talking about! I have 2 daughters (oldest is 3.5yrs) and eating out was a nightmare from about 18 months to 2.5-3yrs. one think that might help is to not sit her in the highchair and strap her in until the food arrives. It hardly makes for a calm outing to walk around with her before dinner, but at least she may be sitting while you eat. It will get better though!

I understand your pain... it's so frustrating sometimes. i would say keep going out, but bring special toys for her. stuff she only sees at the restaurant-- maybe a color wonder book, magnet boards, cool books, puzzles... so it will be a special treat and she knows she only gets these things when you eat out. she'll get used to the routine, and know what is expected of her. that's how we've handled church, and it works great. our kids have been going to church-- 1 hour every sunday-- their whole little lives. they sit quietly now, and rarely have to go out. i think they just know what we expect... and it's habit. they don't fight it because it's just what we do. i think it will be the same with your daughter at restaurants-- she'll know how she should behave, if you just keep helping her try. if she gets fussy or whiney, take her for a walk to see the kitchen, find the bathroom, walk outside, or whatever. good luck, and happy eating!

I would ask if dinnertime at home is similar. Do you sit together at the table for meals? When my children were small we always sat at the table for meals and they were expected to stay at their seat until they were excused. I believe that is why they knew what was expected of them when we went out for any meal. It is easier to teach children what we expect of them at home and then it becomes their natural way of behaving. I wouldn't say that your daughter is controlling your lives, she is simply being a child. We simply have to be adults in the way we deal with children.

This age can be so tough....My husband and I feel the same way about not letting a child control our lives, but for a while we just thought it was so much easier to get take out and eat at home for awhile. Here are some other suggestions: bring things for your daughter to play with that she has not seen in awhile or is something new. Let her play with the sugars on the table (my daughter loves this and it keeps her busy for a long time! She is 22 months). Also, another favorite of my daughters is to play with ice from the cup.

Hope my suggestions help!

Yeah, I went through this with my two sons too. I know it is hard to have a peace dinner without struggling with your kid to behave. I suggest you all to go to restaurants that have place where your child can play at. You and your husband can talk and watch your child playing at the same time. Not just McDonald and Chuck E Cheese have that. Do you know that Chick-fil-A in Grove City has a cute play place for small kids? Galaxy Golf and Games has a great play place for kids to play and they have pizzas. It works out good for me and my husband. Hope it will work out for you too.

S.

My husband and I have the same trouble with our children. We have 4 year old triplets. We enoy going to dinner once a week. But it gets frustrating when the kids act up. They seem to all want to talk at once. We talk to them about inside voices and getting up from the table, but it doesn't always work. My husband gets so frustrated and angry with them and then it ruins our nite out. If anyone has any suggestion please help.

K.,
I agree with your husband. You can't let a child control your life. Even something as small as eating out. If you have tried talking to her at her level and you still got nowhere, here's how to nip this one:

When she starts to yell & cry, stick her in the car. You stand right outside the car by her so nothing happens to her and she is safe. Let her yell. Pout. Cry. Scream. Whatever. She will eventually see she's getting nowhere. When she's done yelling & throwing her tantrum, ask her if she's ready to go back in the restaurant and act like a big girl. It'll take maybe 10 minutes and you should be good to go from now on. She will then KNOW you WILL do something about her acting inappropriately. Good luck!

She is only 19 mos old. She is not enjoying the dinners out and neither are you. Choose your battles. Children have to learn to behave in church but restaruants are optional. Do yourself a favor and get a babysitter.
K