16 answers

Ear Piercing Uneven, Crooked, Daughter 8 - Chicago,IL

Hi all,
Well, the other day I let my 8 year old daughter get her ears pierced. Many of her friends got it done a year ago, and she really wanted to do this. I think deep down I wasn't ready, but my daughter seemed to be. I was at the mall, called my husband, and he thought it was OK. I was with a friend and her daughter was with us. We went to Claire's. Well, they pierced her ears, and now one of them is slightly lower than the other. It is bothering me, and I think as she gets older she will resent that I let her get them pierced and they aren't even. I checked the dots before they did it, had my friend check, but I was nervous, it was getting busy and people were staring. The girl kept erasing the dot and redoing it because it just wasn't looking right. Finally I thought it was OK. But honestly in my deepest gut I thought . . . we shouldn't be doing this.
OK, so my daughter loves it. She's happy. But I'm upset, and obsessing, because the earrings are not even. They are slightly off, and I just don't know if they are off enough to let one close and re-do it. I will be asking friends their thoughts, and if enough people say they are too uneven I will either take them both out, or take just the one out and let it heal and re-do it.
You know, as a mom I feel like a loser right now. I want her to be happy, and although she's happy now I feel like I failed her. If I could go back in time, I would have said not now. I'm the adult, and as a mom I need to feel ready too, and I tried to push my fears aside because so many young kids get their ears pierced and she was excited. And you know I don't know if I would ever be ready BUT at least if she had been older she could have looked at the dots herself too and cared for the new piercings herself. I feel like I ruined her sweet little lobes.
Has anyone else had this experience? Has anyone else let their daughter's ear heal, and then had it repierced? Does the healing leave a scar on the ear lobe?
My little girl cried right before they did it and I said, honey let's go . . we don't have to do this right now. But she said . . no mommy, I'm just nervous and I want to do it.
Honestly, she was too young in my opinion (too late, I know), and the place got crowded and they sit the kids up front in the window like spectacles. It was the wrong environment and time. I regret it terribly. If the piercings had looked more even, I think I'd feel OK.
BTW, my husband thinks they look fine and sometimes when I look at them they seem OK. But other times I see one is lower. Her ears are not the exact same on each side, so I think that plays into it.
Thanks for your feedback. I have been crying silently about it, and although I know there are MUCH worse things that could have happened, I just feel like I've failed her.
Thanks for any help. Please share your experiences and advice.
Gratefully yours,
Tracy

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I just wanted to thank all of you for your responses. I have never posted on any sites. This just sent me into a panic and I needed guidance and am thrilled to be able to come here for advice. Your posts have uplifted me today and I truly thank you all for that. I know it must all seem so silly, but I just want to do right by my little girl. I will check with several other friends who will give me honest feedback (don't worry - I won't let my daughter know they are checking whether they are even). If they say it's fine, I'll let it go. If they say it is better to correct it then I will take one out and re-pierce it once completely healed in a calm setting with a store that I am comfortable with AND with my husband there.

A friend once told me that we grow with our children. Yes, I've had a lot of growing pains this time. I will give an update once I know what the next set of action is. My husband said we can't do anything now, so let's figure out what we need to do within the week. Thanks again, and I am still welcome to suggestions and experiences if anyone would like to post.

UPDATE: We left the earrings in. I asked several friends, and I went to a different Claire's after talking with a manager there and they all said it is fine. Her ear was more swollen after getting them pierced, and now the swelling has gone down and it seems better. Although I can see that they are slightly off, it is not a big deal and I'm glad my daughter is happy with them. If my daughter is happy, then I'm happy, and I'm thankful to you all for your kindness and words of wisdom!

Tracy

Featured Answers

hi
let it close up.. why?? because like her, when I was her age, I had one ear that was done lower and yes.... it does show up today.. grrrrrrrrr
I wish my mom had noticed ............... and if she did, she did nothing about it...
thing is.. I don't wear heavy earrings., but IF I did.. then that one hole that is lower would definitely appear as if it's almost torn... the hole is just so close to the lower lobe..
let hers close while she is young.. this way, the hole might dissapear whereas as an adult... they might close up a little.. but the hole still shows.. :(

More Answers

As a kid I had much the same experience, at about the same age (9). They weren't dead center, they didn't quite match... but I loved them.

Several years later I got them professionally done at a piercing parlor (professional piercer... that's ALL they do, all day, every day... trained/licencend/portfolios of work/ education in anatomy for veins/nerves/etc.

They look SO much better. They're higher (centered), and match, and are gorgeous. The previous holes from the gun at Claires are still there, sealed up. They're annoying, to be frank.. the sealed channel is still there... so I can't just reach up blindly and slip in posts... I have to do it quite carefully and with a mirror.

BUT I've always been thrilled with my mum for letting me get my ears pierced... and as soon as the placement actually started bothering ME (several years later) I had them redone. Easy. And a good lesson learned at a time when I was capable of learning it.

My mum probably could have been "Whoops, honey, we need to get that redone... stuff happens... no big deal." and I wouldn't even have noticed... but as it was... I didn't notice anyway. I was just thrilled with my "beautiful ears".

So take a breath and relax... whether you redo them now... or in several years... they're beautiful to your daughter and you are obviously her hero. Bask in it. And then do what makes the 2 of you happiest.

Updated

As a kid I had much the same experience, at about the same age (9). They weren't dead center, they didn't quite match... but I loved them.

Several years later I got them professionally done at a piercing parlor (professional piercer... that's ALL they do, all day, every day... trained/licencend/portfolios of work/ education in anatomy for veins/nerves/etc. which isn't as important for ears but is vital for other locations).

They look SO much better. They're higher (centered), and match, and are gorgeous. The previous holes from the gun at Claires are still there, sealed up. They're annoying, to be frank.. the sealed channel is still there... so I can't just reach up blindly and slip in posts... I have to do it quite carefully and with a mirror.

BUT I've always been thrilled with my mum for letting me get my ears pierced... and as soon as the placement actually started bothering ME (several years later) I had them redone. Easy. And a good lesson learned at a time when I was capable of learning it.

My mum probably could have been "Whoops, honey, we need to get that redone... stuff happens... no big deal." and I wouldn't even have noticed... but as it was... I didn't notice anyway. I was just thrilled with my "beautiful ears".

So take a breath and relax... whether you redo them now... or in several years... they're beautiful to your daughter and you are obviously her hero. Bask in it. And then do what makes the 2 of you happiest.

3 moms found this helpful

Well some would say you were really late getting her ears pierced and some would say you shouldn't have done it at all. But what other say really doesn't count. Your daughter wanted it done, your husband said yes, you had fear for whatever reason. I lied to my aunt so that she would peirce my ears when I was 9, my mother never got her ears pierced out of fear and didn't want me to get mine pierced. It sounds like you are projecting your fear on her and that is not fair. She is happy, your husband thinks they look fine. Maybe you see them as a little off because you didn't want her to have it done so you are looking for any flaw you can find. I seriously doubt that any one will notice a slight difference. It is really hard to get them perfectly aligned since ears are not identical. Relax, it is done and she is happy, be happy for her and enjoy the holiday season.

2 moms found this helpful

I had a few piercings come out crooked. My frist ones were even, and were done when I was a few weeks old. When I got older I started getting more holes (13 pairs) and a few of them were crooked. Didn't really matter much because I was the only one who could tell.
If your husband says they look fine, I think your just obsessing. If she likes them, then just leave them alone. I would not recommend letting one close up and re-do it. I would just leave them alone, afterall your ears aren't completely level, and you don't hold your head straight all the time either. Just beware that even when they close up they leave a mark on the ear. I have a bunch that are sealed up but you can still see where they were.
I think you just need to breathe and relax about it, and remember she loves them!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi TJH :-)

I've read through your post and mostly, I sense that this is all about YOUR worries and concerns and fears and self judgment. Your daughter is HAPPY with the whole thing and hasn't noticed anything "off".. so first, lets celebrate that this was a positive event for her!

Now, lets help you! You seem to be going through all of the self doubts and self judgments about being a good mom, a good person, listening to your inner wisdom, but my guess is, no matter WHAT the final decision was.. as in perhaps it being you decided she was too young and your daughter got upset etc.. you would STILL be judging yourself that the decision was not correct. These feelings are coming from deep within and not so easy to heal in "in the moment".

Why not make a list of ALL of the times you have made GREAT decisions... like having a beautiful daughter and being a WONDERFUL person in her life.. as well as ANY time you've had to make a decision and the outcome was positive. Generally, when we are under stress, we NEVER look at the positives, but instead stress over the negatives and highlight them and then think THAT is ME!

You are a good person, or you wouldn't be here asking for help! The best way to set examples for our children is to work with healing ourselves and our own level of self esteem. So enjoy this Thanksgiving day.. be thankful that your daughter is happy as a lamb about her new pierced ears! Be thankful that she came into this world and chose YOU to be her mom and be thankful that you are a wonderful person and doing the best that you can, each and every moment! You are not a failure, this is your own judgement against yourself, so take some time today to go INTO your heart where the beautiful loving YOU exists, and give yourself some love. Your daughter's ears are perfect, and so are you!

Happy Thanksgiving,
hugs,
A. www.amyfreundbodytalk.com

2 moms found this helpful

This exact same thing happened with our 9 year old a few weeks ago. I noticed immediately after her piercings were completed that one was higher than the other. The girls at Claire's told me that it was due to the swelling and that they will even out in a week or so, but if not, to come back and they'll redo them...but I had to wait atleast a full week. Well, when the time came to redo them, my daughter outright insisted that she was fine with her ears the way they were, so we left her alone and figured that if she wanted them redone when she was older, she could do it on her own. I must admit--now that she's had them pierced the whole 6 weeks--it's incredibly difficult to tell that they aren't exactly even.

1 mom found this helpful

sounds like this is more about your ambivalence about the piercing itself rather than horror over the uneven-ness. i'll bet most folks' piercings aren't exactly symmetrical. i wouldn't know. i'm the only gal i know with NO piercings whatsoever! but i think you are creating a lot of unnecessary angst for yourself. she's happy, she pushed herself through fear to get it done, and it's a fait accompli. relax. when she's older she can decide to let them close and get 'em re-pierced if she wants.
don't cry! you're not a failure!
you'll have WAY better stuff than this to feel like a failure over<G>.
;) khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

I had my ears pierced when I was 9 and they were crooked (turns out my ears aren't even). Only my grandma noticed. It wasn't much of a big deal to me and no one commented until I pierced my ears a second time. Then my mom complained the second ones were crooked because the two holes were closer on one ear than the other. I notice it now if I wear certain earrings, but frankly it's more annoying that my ears don't match. I've had many ear piercings since then. If you take them out before they heal, it won't leave much of a mark at all. The longer you wait, the less well they heal. I didn't wear earrings in one of my holes for two years and they didn't close (after having them for about 7 years). One of them I haven't worn earrings in for almost 20 years and it has only partially closed (after having that one for about 5 years). The one I had for 4 years is closed but has a scar. The one I had for less than a year, you can't see. Hope this helps.

Call Claires tomorrow and see what their policy is about re-piercing. I imagine they will just redo the one ear and you can be done with it. I dont think when the 1st one it heal,s the 1st piercing will even be noticeable, maybe just a little dot.Take Dad or an adult friend with so you both agree it is even this time. Good luck

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