June 08, 2009,
E.K. asks from Kalamazoo, MI on April 25, 2009
So I am really nervous about the delivery to say the least. I really wanted to ask people not to come up to the hospital until after its over. My husband is upset and seems to think this is very rude, even though his parents live only about 5 min from the hospital. Am I being unreasonable??
L.Y. answers from Saginaw on April 25, 2009
Labor is not a spectator sport.... When I was in labor one of my friends showed up (really close friend), I was put on a petocin drip and I was an evil mean person... it was not fun for her or my husband to be trapped in a room with me. The good news is I returned to my normal self right after my daughter was born.
You will not know what you are going to behave like until you are actually there...
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R.H. answers from Cincinnati on April 26, 2009
Not unreasonable AT ALL. Delivery is a big deal. If you're already nervous about it, the last thing you want is a bunch of family coming in and out asking how you're doing and blah blah blah.
You never know what is going to happen when baby decides it's time to come. You and your husband need to focus on YOU and BABY. That's it. No one else. Hubby needs to be there for YOU, not running in and out telling family how far along you are. He needs all his attention on YOU. YOU need all your attention on yourself an baby.
Delivering a baby is work. It's your body and YOU will be the one doing all the work. Quite honestly, hubby doesn't have to do a great deal. I think he needs to get some perspective on what is actually going to happen. Have you guys been going to prenatal classes?? I hope so. The instructors typically do a pretty good job of preparing hubby for what is to come. For mom, even though the first time you have NO idea what to expect... you do understand that there is this ever growing life inside of you that needs to come out! I remember I was keenly aware of the fact there were only a couple of ways that baby COULD come out... and both seemed like a lot of work. ;-)
I did NOT want any one at the hospital other than my doula and my husband. He respected that. My parents respected that. They were an hour and a half a way and didn't come until my sister called them and told them baby had arrived. My sister was living very close to the hospital at the time. I called her when we left for the hospital, and then she actually was at the hospital later for an appointment of her own and happen to arrive right after baby was born. So it all worked out.
You are not unreasonable. This is one of the few times in life that yes, everything is about you and you should have it your way.
I know this is long, but I want to say one more thing. One responder mentions that you shouldn't trample the rest of the families happiness in welcoming the child. While, yes...they are welcoming the new child into the family ... you are in NO WAY trampling their happiness by requesting they stay away for a little while.
Family bonding (meaning mom, dad, baby) is VERY VERY VERY important. You will have just gone through a HUGE ordeal. Not to mention it's work for baby too!!!! You and baby are going to be TIRED. Those first moments, hours, between mom and baby and dad and baby are very important. Baby is learning who you are and who will be taking care of him/her. Bonding is important. That will be hard if baby is being passed around from person to person.
In addition, you need to think about IF you will let people hold baby right away and if you do make sure they WASH THEIR HANDS! Asking for some alone time with your new little one is not rude. It's being a MOM! You're FIRST priority is you and baby. Other family members are NOT your priority. They will get their time... but those first moments/hours/day between mom, dad, and baby ... you will never get those back. Ever. Use them wisely.
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S.C. answers from Lansing on April 26, 2009
I've skimmed over a few responses, but haven't read them all. I agree with most of what I've seen so far. This is YOUR deal. If you don't want anyone there, then they should respect your wishes. When my son was born, everyone was there. My parents and step-parents, my husband's parents, my husband's sister and our niece, and my two best friends. They were all in the waiting room. I ended up having a c-section and they all came into the recovery room immediately after. It was too much. I was very shaky from the drugs and giving birth (c-section or vaginally) is traumatic. I just wanted to be alone. This is not rude. It is rude of others to not respect your wishes at a time like this. They can be there and your husband can bring the baby out to see them, but if you don't want visitors for a while, don't back down. If I have another child, I'll have a repeat c-section. No one will be invited. I'm going to do everything differently the second time around. If they insist on coming, they will wait in the waiting room and my husband can take the baby out to them, but they're not coming into the recovery area. I'm thinking we will call them when it's all over and I'm settled in my room...a few hours afterward. Another thing, if you're planning to nurse, you'll want to try it first thing. I wasn't able to do that with ten people standing around me. Sorry to rant. I hope my story helps in some way! Best of luck to you!
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J.O. answers from Grand Rapids on April 27, 2009
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This is your first child, you do not know how long the labor will be or how your body is going to react. I feel that the birth of a baby is between the parents. You should not feel like you have to entertain the whole family while in labor or delivery. I feel it is appropriate to let the family know when you are going to the hospital but that they should wait for you or your husband to call them to let them know "It's a boy/girl!" and when it will be OK for them to come to the hospital or if you wish to wait until you get settled in at home that would be fine too. I don't like the thought of a bunch of germ filled people breathing on and fondling a newborn baby. Good luck!
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K.D. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
The birthing experience is a beautiful and wondrous event, however it is also a very personal and exposing event. If you are not comfortable with having other people there, you have every right to say no.
If family really want to be there then tell them they can wait out in the waiting room. Your husband is not the one going through this you are, so you get to decide.
I wish I could tell you how to change your hubby's opinion but I think some men just don't get it. If you still don't agree by time your labor rolls around and it's really important to you then tell your Doc and your nurse that you don't want visitors till it's done and they will regulate the flow of people.
Congratulations!!! And I wish you an uncomplicated delivery with a happy and healthy baby and mommy :)
K. SAHM of 3
K.H. answers from Detroit on April 27, 2009
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. However, if you would like to compromise, tell them they can come up to the hospital while you are laboring but that you'd like them to wait in the waiting room and not in your room. Most hospitals won't let them be in the room while you are actually giving birth, but will let the families hang out with you if you want prior to the actual birthing time.
But, if you don't want them there until after the birth - that's perfectly reasonable too!
L.N. answers from Benton Harbor on April 26, 2009
Its your delivery and you can choose what you want. Personally, I can't imagine NOT having a room full of loving, smiling, excited family just waiting for the miracle! My family is my life and I was just so blessed that they wanted to be right there with me. I think people get a little put off when they can't be involved.
M.H. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
No I don't think you are being rude although others may think differently. What people don't understand is that after you have a baby the last thing you want to think about is company. That's your time to bond with your baby, rest, etc. I know after I had my baby, my parents, sisters, nieces, in-laws etc came up to the hospital and I was so frustrated cause number one I had a c-section and all I wanted to do was rest not have visitors. I wish I would've told everyone to wait and visit when I got home cause it was exhausting. Do what you want to do, the hubby will understand eventually:) Good luck!!!
T.I. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
no I dont think so you have to do whatever makes you feel right. I had the moms and my sister and husbun in the room with both of my kids and I really did not even know they were in there at the time, where I had the kids at the rooms are very big so there was lots of room for people. maybe thet could be in right up till you have the baby they leave and come back in after the birth. I really liked haveing people to talk to thro. the labor. but really you have to do what makes you happy.
L.W. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
It's not unreasonable to ask that no one come to the delivery room/that you don't see anyone until you are ready once the delivery is over.
However...it is unreasonable to ask that your parents/his parents/immediate close family not even come to the hospital if that is what they want to do. You do not need to see them, but if you are asleep with an epidural (like many typical long first deliveries)...what is the harm of your husband having a little support? Just let your husband know that you need him to be completely available/present/by your side when you are awake, but that it is ok if he is nearby (ie hallway/nearby waiting room) talking to his mom and dad---for example---for some support while you are asleep and only dilated to 4 :)
Chances are, nobody is going to come to the hospital anyhow if you let them know you want privacy in the delivery room (I only wanted my husband in there too!!!), but by making "coming to the actual hospital" an 'issue', it leaves room for everyone to interpret it as rude. Again, just tell your husband that you and the baby are his first priority and to not be away from you for too long if anyone decides to come to the waiting room of the hospital.
One last thing...try not to be nervous. It will be an incredible experience and the labor/delivery section of a hospital is filled with AMAZING nurses that will ease you and your husband through it. You will never do anything more exhilerating in your life!!! Look forward to it and the experience will be that much better! God bless :) The best is yet to come!
J.R. answers from Saginaw on April 26, 2009
I see you have a lot of responses but wanted to add mine. With the delivery of currently our only child (currently expecting #2) I told all family members I would call them when I dialated to 7. That didn't happen. I was in full labor at 4 cm since baby didn't drop all the way and the cord got wrapped around his head he was stuck! I had to have an emergency c-section to get him out. It was awful for my husband to have to call everyone and state "Get here, we're going into surgery" and having the family show up not being able to understand until the baby was born what had happened. If they are there even in the waiting room, if anything was to happened the family is there to comfort you and your husband, good occasions & bad.
P.A. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
i don't think that's unreasonable at all. what are the people going to do, wait in the waiting room for hours???? doesn't sound like fun does it? some people believe that the birthing experience should be between the mother and the father and no one else b/c it can cause distractions. people coming in and out of your room while you are laboring can cause you to stop laboring, or interupt it. this is about what YOU want. yea i know i sound mean, but the baby isn't coming out of your husband. i wish you a quick and easy delivery!!!! hope this helps...
C.L. answers from Saginaw on April 26, 2009
Hi Erika, you should be as comfortable as possible when you give birth to your child. I had my son 2 years ago and we told nobody anything until he was born. I orignally did not want anyone to visit right away at all, but I ended up allowing my inlaws to come over the night he was born. (I am more comfortable with my inlaws than with my own family.) My family came by the next day. It is not rude and your husband is not the one having the baby, so this should ultimately be your decision. Take care and try to relax about the birth as much as possible. - C. :)
R.G. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
You are not being unreasonable. this is your special day and whatever makes you comfortable is what matters. Tell them they are more than welcome to come up and see the baby after the delivery. They don't need to be there while you're delivering. Explain to your husband that you want to enjoy this special time with him in private. :)
Good luck and God bless.
M.H. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I do not think it is unreasonable to ask people to come to teh hospital after the delivery. I delivered both my children with just my husband at my side and no-one pacing outside teh door. I would not have had it any other way.
You need to stand your ground on this one, you are not being rude, you are the one going to do this and you should choose how it's done.
I would say do not even call people until the baby has arrived. If his parents are five minutes from the hospital they can be there five minutes after the birth, no big deal.
You need your husband to be concentrating on your needs, not worrying about anyone else in the room or waiting outside, they can wait until you have delivered.
Do it your way, he should be more concerned with your wants and needs right now, not those of his relatives, you need his full support.
Don't worry too much. It seems really scary before the first one, and it is not going to be easy, but you will get through it and it will be so worth it. Eventually it will be a distant memory and you will have the fruits of your labor to enjoy for a lifetime. Just think, if it were that bad we would all only have one child.
Good luck :)
K.M. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Whats the big deal if there there or not? They can't be in the delivery room with you anyway. This is what I would say to your husband its your first child and you would like to have some peace and quiet. You want him there but you want thave the first couple hrs or day to yourselves with the baby. After that they can come visit. Family are all excited because its your first so they want to share the experience with you and they do understand even if they will think your being rude. They also want to enjoy the experience but they want to see tha baby just as much as you do. So just relax and think about it talk with your husband come to some agreement.
M.W. answers from Detroit on April 28, 2009
Hi Erika, Stick to your guns, delivery should be you and your husband. Giving birth is a very private moment. Who wants their mother and father in law present when your legs are in stirrups and your whole bottom end is exposed. For all 3 of my children it was only my husband and I. We called family after the babies were born. I am a labor and delivery nurse, the first hour after birth is spent making mom comfortable, assisting with breastfeeding so baby gets latched on, getting mom a shower and clean bed to rest in, fluids to drink and something to eat. Besides the frequent blood pressure checks,vaginal blood flow checks, babies bath etc... Family can come up an hour or 2 after the birth, nothing will have changed that much with the baby other than he or she will be cleaned up. You and your hubby will need time to bond with baby, take pictures and make phone calls. Good luck. Stick to your plan and tell hubby to be patient, visitors are welcome later on. M.
N.W. answers from Detroit on April 27, 2009
I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital except our parents...AT ALL. now... a ton a people did come, and I was kind of pissed. I wanted that first couple of days with my baby and privacy.
I don't think you are unreasonable... and while my parents were in the waiting room...(and I ended up with a c-section)...they would have left for delivery. Here is the thing...the hospital will do what you want. No need for grandparents to be there. They can see the baby once you get to your room. In about 2-3 hours.
That first couple hours, you shouldn't have to share.
J.K. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
When my daughter was born 7 months ago, we made the decision not to call our family until after she was born. I got to the hospital at 6:00am, and she was not born until 9:00pm. My husband told me while we were at the hospital that there were a bunch of people in the waiting room for someone else, and they were all very excited. Well, five hours later, their relative's baby still hadn't come, and their balloons were deflating, and half of them were sleeping. I didn't want my family worrying about me, especially since she took so long to come out after I went into labor. I also didn’t want them spending their day in a waiting room, wondering what was happening. My parents lived less than five minutes from the hospital, and they were very surprised and excited when I called them to tell them that their first granddaughter was born. They did not seem upset at all, and were by my side within 10 minutes of calling them! I figured, why make them worry about me and the baby, and I knew that I didn't want anyone but my husband in the delivery room. You will do what you think is right, but my experience was a good one. Good luck!
PS: I got an epidural, (which I HIGHLY recommend) and the nurse literally had to wake me up and tell me it was time to push! I didn’t feel a thing!
H.A. answers from Detroit on April 28, 2009
My DS is now 6 months old, but I was in your shoes when he was born. I was extremely nervous about labor/delivery; we were called about wacky lab results taken earlier in the day and told to report to the hospital in an hour to be induced-unexpected shock! DH agreed long before that we wouldn't have a crowd in the delivery room, but with induction it was easier to say, "We don't know when the baby is coming for sure, so we'll call you when he's here." B/C DS is first grandson on either side, both sides of parents visited after we were admitted, after that DH called with updates. We explained that we didn't want everyone to be sitting in the waiting room just waiting when they could be comfortable at home. All family members were receptive to this. good luck!
C.B. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Technically nothing can stop his folks from coming to the hostpital. If you aren't at odds with them I don't see a reason why they shouldn't come. But I would suggest to them to come after the delivery. No one knows how long it will take anyway, so it's better to invite them afterwards, when you're no longer nervous and cleaned up some and the baby is cleaned up.
The experience is between you and husband before anyone else. He needs to understand that and, as mentioned, it can be a long time to wait. Many have lengthy deliveries and some go quickly. It's just as rude to ask people/invite people to sit sit sit if it ends up being a long delivery. Stalemate!
M.A. answers from Detroit on April 27, 2009
Absolutely not are you being unreasonable. This is your baby. You are entitled to have your wishes respected on this subject. With my first one I was so happy to have my mom there. With the 2nd, same thing. 3rd baby there was quite a few people in the room and I wish I could have kicked everyone out. I felt like I had to entertain everyone and everyone wanted to see the baby and it was so chaotic. I just wanted to have some peace and quiet with my husband and new baby. It is not rude and if you feel strongly that you don't want anyone with you, then that is how it should be. Good luck and congrats on the baby!
Y.U. answers from Jamestown on April 25, 2009
Nope. Not in the least. My midwife told me that I had NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to invite ANYONE to my labor/delivery that I don't absolutely want there. In fact she said that having people there I wasn't comfortable with could actually make my labor longer/more uncomfortable because I would unconsciously tense up and tension is no good for pain or short labors.
You didn't invite the in-laws to the conception and there's NO NEED to invite them to the birth. You aren't even obligated to tell them you are in labor until it's all over and you've had a chance to take a shower. Your husband can tell them that everything happened so fast and he totally forgot to call because he was by your side waiting on you hand and foot the whole time and he didn't even get to take a bathroom break because he was so involved...that's if they even notice they weren't invited to watch the birth, they'll probably be too busy making goo-goo eyes at their new grandchild to even think about it. Put your pregnant foot down on this one. I can't even think of what the male equivalent of giving birth would be, passing a kidney stone? Would he want a bunch of people to come hang out with him while he's passing a kidney stone?
As for labor. IT SUCKS. I'm not going to lie to you. I hear there are women who enjoyed every contraction and I've been hearing all about orgasmic birthing lately but those women are (crazy) lucky bitches. I was in labor for 12 hours and my water broke before I even started to have contractions, which apparently makes it that much more painful. I didn't have an epidural and so I felt everything and it was REALLY uncomfortable. It was like running a marathon and then being beat up at the end. BUT, having said all that, I did it. It's done. Labor lasts a finite amount of time. I think that's the most helpful thing I was told before I went into labor, it only lasts so long and then you're done. That baby is coming out, no two ways about it. Every contraction you have, as much as they may (or may not) suck, is one less contraction you have to have. Every time you push (and I pushed for three hours) that's one less push. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT. And then it'll be done and you'll be way to busy to think about it.
And seriously, you have my permission to kick your husband in the shins the next time he mentions inviting people to the hospital to watch you push out a baby.
D.P. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
I've read most of the responses and there is excellent advice in all. Most importantly, is that you are in the driver's seat about who is in the delivery room. If your husband feels like he would like supportive people at the hospital, then work that out with him. Consider this practice for when you need to explain to either or all of your parents why you are adhering to the advice to put the baby on their back to sleep - or why you are choosing cloth/disposable diapers - or why you aren't stressing about potty training - or why you have decided to bottle/breast feed your baby - you get the picture. Discuss these things with each other first because you are a family now - the inner circle, so to speak.
I hope that you have a safe and speedy delivery! My mom gave me one piece of advice that was priceless and I use even now - to stop and look at my tiny baby every day because he won't be this tiny ever again, not even tomorrow. Now, my son is almost 8 and my daughter will be 5 very soon. They won't stop growing - they won't get smaller. We can only go forward, not back.
Enjoy every moment!
A.N. answers from Kalamazoo on May 09, 2009
I completely understand, I just had my first baby in Feb and I did not want people at the hospital either. This time is about you, your baby and your husband. Delievery is tough enough, you don't need a bunch of other people there to worry about or have to deal with. And after delievery you will be so tired, and it's a very special time that you and your husband should take alone to get to know your new baby. There will be plenty of time for everyone to meet the baby after you've had your time.
T.A. answers from Grand Rapids on April 25, 2009
You are absolutely NOT being selfish or unreasonable to want to go through labor and delivery with just your husband in attendance! I never wanted anyone there either, not even my mom.
You stand your ground with this or most likely you will regret it, and shame on him for trying to push this on you! You just remind him that he only has a supporting role in this, YOU are doing all the work, experiencing the discomfort, and are the one being exposed to the world! LOL tell him that sure everyone can come to the delivery if he gets naked too! Good luck to you and God Bless you, you will do great!!
S.W. answers from Lansing on April 26, 2009
You are not being unreasonable at all. It's all about you and what you want, not about what everyone else wants. Yes it's nice to have the love and support of your family there, but if you don't feel you want them there and keep in mind you will not be at your best, then it's fine to tell them that. We let everyone know before hand that we didn't want anyone at the hospital when we had our twins because there was so much that could go wrong and we didn't want everyone there trying to tell us what to do if that was the case. And things did go wrong with me and not them thankfully, but it was nice to not have to worry about having to run back and forth to tell everyone what was going on and my husband could just be with me. It's not rude, do what you feel is best for you:o)
Good Luck with the new baby
D.H. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
As a labor & delivery nurse, I've seen people do alot of different things with visitors.
Being your first baby, it may be a very long process once you get to the hospital (although everyone's different). If you go up in the middle of the night, let people sleep. Odds are they won't miss anything. You have to do what you're comfortable with. If your water breaks but you're not in labor much, you may want some company. You can always kick everyone out to the waiting room once you get active. Check with the hospital about what their policy is during labor. At my hospital, we allow 3 people at a time..so people have to trade off. But it is ALWAYS up to what mom wants. She may want some visitors and not others. I personally think it's nice when visitors don't come up until later...let mom labor, let mom and dad visit with baby after delivery, feed the baby, etc. We have an older doctor that says "whoever was at the conception can be at the delivery." LOL And, how many family members is your husband talking about? Sometimes it's the whole extended family and friends.
Ultimately, it has to be what you'r comfortable with, not your husband. Also, don't call anyone until you know for sure that you're staying....there are times you go in and get sent back home.
S.M. answers from Saginaw on April 26, 2009
Hello Erika, You are the one who is going to be in labor. All of your attention and focus should be on that only if it is what will make you the most comfortable. Your husband should support you!! In all aspects of this. It is not a time for family gatherings with you. If they chose to wait in the waiting room with no interaction from you, that is totally different, as your husband also needs support at this time, and he can do the interacting with his family. The birthing room should be under your control as to who is there. Good luck, this will be best day of your life!
K.T. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
My parents drove 45 minutes for the delivery...they popped in and out of the room AS NEEDED (always out if I was actively having something going on), but for the most part they were in the waiting room for close to 24 hours.
While I can't speak for your inlaws, my parents respected my privacy for the actual pushing and such. I was relieved that they were there to offer support and provide an extra person for my husband to talk to (as your husband might need the emotional support), but they primarily talked outside my room. Plus, I think the medical personnel would not allow them in the room for the entire time anyways.
Having said that, your inlaws are just five minutes away. They could just as easily come after as stay in the waiting room for the whole deal. If your husband needs to talk with them, they are a phone call away. In the end, you and your husband may need a little private time to acquaint yourselves with the new kid on the block before allowing others in the room.
C.M. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Honestly, for me...I wasn't sure how I would feel, but when I was having the contractions and pushing out my baby, I didn't care who was there and who was watching! you could have invited i the entire town to watch and I wouldn't have cared as long as they were quiet. All that I was focused on was pushing as hard as I could and seeing my baby. I'm sure everyone is different, but I actually appreciated the people that were there. It was nice to have so many people helping :)
A.C. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
You are not being unreasonable at all. This is YOUR body, YOU and YOUR husband's baby. This is a special,wonderful time for you two to experience and share together. No one should take that away from you. Do what you think would be comfortable for you!!! Whatever you do don't back down. You may regret them being there after the fact, but you won't regret them NOT being there. I didn't have anyone there for my first birth and very thankful I didn't. We just had family visit the day we got home. I'm now expecting my second and don't want anyone there again. It was a great experience that my husband and I cherish together. Good luck with everything!
S.H. answers from Grand Rapids on April 30, 2009
My dad and stepmom drove me nuts during my first delivery! They actually stood outside the delivery room door and complained that my baby had been born 25 minutes ago...how come they weren't allowed in yet??? Um, hello! Afterbirth! Not to mention that I was trying to nurse for the first time. Second time around, we only told my step-sister (who was in a different hospital having a scheduled c-section) and my mom. Everything was so peaceful! My mom just quietly stepped out in the hall when it came time to deliver and she waited so patiently. I say you do what you feel comfortable with. Whoever thinks it is rude can just deal with it!
S.J. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
No you are not being unreasonable. Everyone should respect your wishes and wait until you are ready for visitors. Good luck.
P.R. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Your baby.....your rules but speaking as a grand parent, We wanted to be there and go through the thrill ourselves..so think carefully.
We were there to say hi and chat till the labor got intense then went to the waiting room till mom was ready for visitors.
S.S. answers from Saginaw on June 08, 2009
You are not being selfish or unreasonable AT ALL. I encountered the exact same problem when I had my daughter 4 1/2 yrs ago. My family kinda knows the drill and only comes if asked to while someone is in labor, now my husband's family is the complete opposite. If they get wind someone is in the ER with a sliver, they all run up there. But anyways. This is how I handled it. My MIL and SIL showed up while I was in labor and I asked them to leave. I was not mean, but very direct about it. SO.. they all sat in the waiting room. As long as they are not physically in your room, I would not worry what they do. If they lurk in the hall, then the nurses are likely to ask them to go find the sitting room. Same thing with after the baby is born. You AND ONLY YOU can deside who/when to have visitors. I would explain to your husband that while you completely understand the families excitement, you would like to wait a bit after delivering before being bum-rushed with family. If he continues to press the issue, then I would flat out tell him its your body and your decision as to how much company you want. You can notify nursing staff of your wishes and I almost guarentee they will honor them.
V.G. answers from Grand Rapids on April 26, 2009
For either of my deliveries I asked that no one come up during the delivery. Of course our parents (and we have three sets) didn't understand until I explained it to them. Once I gave my reasoning, they were fine with it and were understanding. If you're comfortable with this - check with your hospital to see if there is a waiting room on the OB floor that they could wait in, or could they wait in the cafeteria during the final stages of labor and then you could call them when the baby is born and then again when you are ready to receive visitors (if you're not comfortable with them coming up right away). We had considered this, but both of our moms decided that they would stay more occupied at work and wouldn't pace as much as they would in a waiting room. My dad was completely understanding and said that he would just wait to come up until I was settled into my room afterwords. GOOD LUCK, and everything will be fine. Remember - you are the one who has to go through the delivery and you need to be as stress free as possible, and comfortable. Stick to your guns!!
R.M. answers from Saginaw on April 26, 2009
Absolutely understandable. You are NOT being unreasonable. If they are telling you that it's rude to not let them in the hospital, they are being selfish themselves. This is a 'family event' but it is your experience as a Mom and it is ultimately up to you who you want there. I personally only wanted my husband no matter who lived closely. I guess I wouldn't have minded who was waiting down the hall, but still would have preferred no visitors until I was in my own room and away from the labor and delivery. You cannot predict how things will go for you. They are 5 minutes away and can come up as soon as they get that call if that is what you want! Don't let them pressure you. Also, tell your husband how much you need his support at this time!
R.A. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
I felt the same way when I had my baby. So my husband and I told people they were more than welcome to come and hang out in the waiting room at the hospital and that my husband would be the only person to stay in the delivery room with me. Then my husband would go out to the waiting room and tell people they could come see me a few at a time during the day. This included both of our moms. It worked great for us and our visitors all seemed fine with it, including our moms. I figured that my husband and I made our baby ourselves, and we were going to be the only ones there to see him come out! Good luck
C.P. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Here's what I did - When you start, until about an hour or two after you actually deliver, you'll be in labor/delivery. After the baby is born you will be moved to a room. I told my husband (and luckily he was fine with it) I wanted the delivery part to be just us. His parents ended up waiting for 4 hours (I did go very quick it could have been worse) in the waiting room and after we were moved into my room I allowed visitors. There is no reason the first precious couple of hours can't be for you and your husband.
C.H. answers from Grand Rapids on April 26, 2009
My parents came to my 1st delivery, but that is only because it was almost 30 hours and I ended up having a c section. They knew that I did not want anyone in delivery besides my husband and they respected that. No on was offended that I had done that, but I had also been saying it since the beginning so it wasn't a mystery. It is such an amazing moment. I only wanted to share it with my husband. You need to do what is right for you and not worry about other people. You don't get a "do-over" if you are pressured into making the situation uncomfortable for yourself. Do what YOU want!
T.T. answers from Lansing on April 29, 2009
You are not being unreasonable. Having a baby is definitely something that is private and personal, not to mention you are going to have so much going on in the delivery room as it is that if you want as little a distraction as possible, do it. I have had two kids and done it both ways, some were offended some not. In the end it's about what makes you comfortable, after all you will be the one going through the labor not anyone else. Hubby doesn't count as going through it just because he will be there in the room.
D.S. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
erika sounds like your husband is hooked on the hollywood version of having a baby, husband goes in ,and comes out, and announces what it is to a whole group of others, with our first i too wanted it to be special between me and my husband, the way to do that is to call them afterwards, but dont make it a big deal , if they want to sit in a waiting room let them do what ever, he wants to be the one to announce to them what is going on is ok too, just enjoy and congrats D. s
J.H. answers from Detroit on May 04, 2009
You are NOT being unreasonable! When I had my first baby, I only wanted my husband in the room - no one else. My entire family respected my decision and were fine with it (at least they seemed fine!) Delivery can be a very private experience for many. Many of your bits and pieces are very exposed and I know I didn't want my in-laws or male relatives around that. Plus, the hospitals really limit the number of people allowed in a birthing room these days so it's just easier for everyone to wait until after the baby is born. What my husband and I did was set up kind of a phone tree. He immediately called my mom and his mom as soon as the baby was born and they called other relatives. Don't let anyone bully you into being there when you're not comfortable with it! It's YOUR body!
M.W. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Absolutely not! And if he won't support you make sure the nurses know that he's the only person allowed in the room and trust me they'll kick everyone else out! You've got a lot to deal with during labor and you need to keep it as light and stress free as possible. Also it isn't a woman's most flattering time either, so being self conscious is the last thing you want to worry about when pushing out a baby is supposed to be your focus.
Honestly when you're in the pushing phase you could march the US Marine Corp through the delivery room and it wouldn't phase you. BUT, it is going to bother you up until that moment, which adds stress to you right now.
Tell your husband it isn't rude and many hospitals won't allow anyone other then your husband and maybe a birth coach into the room without special permission. This is not a time for family coming in to gawk. And if people want an audience that's fine, but its up to the mom to decide what her comfort level is. He's not the one who will be striped naked exposing himself to the world, sweating, pushing and doing all it takes to get a baby born.
It sounds like his mom wants to be there and he's being pressured by her. You might just want to send your in-laws an invitation to come visit AFTER the baby is born. Make it up really cute and see if you can find a cute way to word it, decorate it, whatever. But be clear that you want them to visit but not until you're feeling more like a human being again! You'll be so tired afterwords that you'll be thankful for visitors to keep baby happy while you get some much needed rest. Also remember that many babies are born in the middle of the night, so they might be sleeping anyway. Also labor will take many many hours as this is your first baby. Maybe having them bring food and stuff to relieve your husband through this marathon and any last minuet things that you'd need would be a good activity for them to feel useful and actually HELP you out instead of adding stress.
Blessings, this is a WONDERFUL time in your life and don't let this stress you out. Just have the conversation with people so they understand your wishes and be sure the nurses know so they can back you up and you should be fine. Labor and Deliver Nurses are bulldogs, they aren't to be messed with, so if they're on your side you're in good shape! :)
A.E. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
I think it should be your choice but I found it really helped my husband to have the family in the waiting room. I had a long labor and by having my parents and his it allowed him to leave the room for a few minutes without me being left alone. Plus my husband was very happy to go out to a room full of people and announce the birth of our daughter. That was his moment!
N.R. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I hope your husband can understand that it is YOU that is going through the delivery!!! My husband and I didn't even tell anyone when we went to the hospital when I was in labor. We called people right away after my first son was born and after my second we called in the morning, since he was born late at night. Labor and delivery are different for everyone. If I have another baby I might actually wait a day to call and have that time with my husband and baby all to myself, just to enjoy that time. I was exhausted after my first and wish I would have gotten some rest after delivery and waited to call family later :) My personal opinion is that it should be up to YOU since you are the one giving birth!
A.A. answers from Kalamazoo on April 25, 2009
Absolutely not unreasonable! Labor is a very personal, intense time and you need it to be how you will be most comfortable! Don't give in on this or it will make the experience less than you have hoped for. Hopefully he'll come to understand and fully support you. This is one experience that should all be about you and your needs!! Best wishes for a wonderful delivery!!
M.A. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
Erika there is a happy medium to what it is that you're seeking. It's a wonderful time for you and your husband, but remember, you aren't the only ones accepting a new child in your life!
Ask the family that if they'd like to be there, to be there in the waiting room. Once you are ready, you will have people come in by pairs, or whatever it is that you decipher.
Keep in mind, if you have a C section, your husband will be the only person in the room with you. And then your family will have to wait until you are in recovery, or in your room to visit.
My mom, sister, Aunt, and boyfriend were all with me from the time I started labor until I delivered (emergency C section). It was nice to have the added support in case my boyfriend freaked out, passed out, whatever. It was nice to know that (in delivery if needed) I had an extra Coach who could "report" to the family and not leave me alone.
I ask you to please reconsider your decision, and perhaps think about maybe asking your family to stay in the waiting room until you are ready. Otherwise, your trampling on their happiness too.
B.B. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I have had 3 kids...
For the 1st baby I had my next youngest sister in the room (she was 16 and we called it birth control)
For my 2nd my mom drove from PA and watched our 3 yr old. Just me and hubby in the room.
For our 3rd my youngest sister was in the room. (She was 19,and newly married... :-) Life lesson)
Personally I would NEVER have my inlaws at the hospital... Not even MY DAD... It is a personal private thing. You want to celebrate it, but I think that it is indecent to allow a situation to progress where men, that are not your dr or hubby, will see you in a very private emotional state. (Naked and sprawled...lol)
It is not rude...
It is normal...
Untill not too long ago NOONE but medical people were allowed to be present for a delivery.
Just tell the inlaws that YOU will CALL them when YOU are ready.
You will want to rest BEFORE everyone comes to see the baby. You NEED to rest Before anyone comes in. Daddy needs to have bonding time with just baby and mommy BEFORE there are outside influences.
Trust me, He will be proud, and emotionally exhausted and really will not want to have to entertain... Brag, yes, but only for a few minutes at a time.
If you don't want anyone there, tell them... Don't leave it up to your hubby to tell them. Just tell them its your first child and could take a long time... (my first was 23 hrs from the time they BROKE the water 5 hrs after induction till delivery)And you would not be able to relax if you knew they were waiting that long... Relaxing = faster delivery. Just tell them that you'll call when you are at the hospital so they can pray for a speedy delivery... And then AFTER the birth, when you are ready.
With our 1st it was 1 am when she was born and we didn't call anyone till the next morning after a couple hours of sleep... After our 2nd the calls started a few hours after birth. With our 3rd I called a friend who was leaving town the next day about 30 min after I popped out a 10 lbs baby au natural and asked her to come in about an hour... He was born at 5 pm ...
Each baby is different and each delivery is different.
You do not know what to expect right now...
Put your foot down so you are more relaxed and if hubby has a problem with it e-mail me and I'll give you my # so he can call me and maybe get an experienced unbiased opinion on what YOU really will need after and during this miracle.
Relaxation and peace (and a water tub in my opinion) lol...
Hope you have a GREAT delivery...
M.C. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
Absolutely not unreasonable! You are the one having the baby--you choose who you want at the birth. It's a very personal thing just like conception. You need to feel safe, secure and comfortable when you have this baby. You will be surrounded by labor support staff--all of whom are well trained and supportive, so breathe, and relax. I had my first baby 14 years ago and had my son 3 years ago, and I will tell you this--the epidurals of today are so much better than when I had my daughter. My son was a painless birth. I'm having another baby soon and would never consider not having an epidural.
Good luck with your new bundle of joy,
B.B. answers from Saginaw on April 26, 2009
Erika, you are not being rude or unreasonable to not want anyone there during delivery. I made the same request to my friends and family. In fact I didn't even tell most that I was in labor and at the hospital until after everything was over. Don't feel like you're being rude or unreasonable. You need to be comfortable in the delivery process in order for it to go well. Good luck!
L.O. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
you do not have to have anyone in the room iwth you.. just the dr if that is what you prefer.. even hubby can wait in the waiting room.
It is your choice..
Labor hurts.. but it is not the worst pain I have ever had... Personnally I thought that bladder infection pain was worse..
However the epidural will take away all the pain and you will be much happier as will the dr and everyone else.. Get the epidural. It is hard to be cheerful wehn you are in pain.. Everything was much better once I got the epidural. Fro my second child I was trying to be brave and waited a while to get the epidural.. not a good idea.
J.H. answers from Lansing on April 26, 2009
Childbirth is a very personal and individualized thing. My parents (with whom I am very close) live two hours away, and I called them as soon as things were really starting to progress. They were in the room visiting with me through part of the labor and to be honest with you THEY seemed very uncomfortable. I chose not to have an epidural, and it was hard for them to watch me be in pain. When the nurse had them step out so she could check me, my husband I decided to have them wait the rest of the time in the waiting room. I think it was a relief for them - they wanted to be there for me if I wanted them there, but it was a hard thing for them to watch. I can't say anything about in-laws because both my husband's parents had unfortunately passed away before our children were born. My husband went and got them as soon as things were cleaned up, and it was perfect that way. I am a rather private person so in my case the fewer people there watching, the better!
You are definitely not being unreasonable, but maybe there is a compromise in this somewhere. If your husband really wants them there, maybe they could visit a little with you during the labor, but be moved to the waiting room when things become more intense. Good luck with everything and I suggest you do whatever feels right!
A.S. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
I think your right i gave birth to three kids. Everyone came after i had the kids. YOu don't want a punch of people Thats looking at you when your in pain. people she respect that. I felt more comfortable. My sister had her mother in laws there and it was so busy. people talking like your not their. That's how my sister felt. If they want to wait in the waiting room and your husband can go out to have some support. but tell them i don't want people in the room. tell the nurse. they will make sure no one somes in.