June 08, 2009,
E.K. asks from Kalamazoo, MI on April 25, 2009
So I am really nervous about the delivery to say the least. I really wanted to ask people not to come up to the hospital until after its over. My husband is upset and seems to think this is very rude, even though his parents live only about 5 min from the hospital. Am I being unreasonable??
L.Y. answers from Saginaw on April 25, 2009
Labor is not a spectator sport.... When I was in labor one of my friends showed up (really close friend), I was put on a petocin drip and I was an evil mean person... it was not fun for her or my husband to be trapped in a room with me. The good news is I returned to my normal self right after my daughter was born.
You will not know what you are going to behave like until you are actually there...
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R.H. answers from Cincinnati on April 26, 2009
Not unreasonable AT ALL. Delivery is a big deal. If you're already nervous about it, the last thing you want is a bunch of family coming in and out asking how you're doing and blah blah blah.
You never know what is going to happen when baby decides it's time to come. You and your husband need to focus on YOU and BABY. That's it. No one else. Hubby needs to be there for YOU, not running in and out telling family how far along you are. He needs all his attention on YOU. YOU need all your attention on yourself an baby.
Delivering a baby is work. It's your body and YOU will be the one doing all the work. Quite honestly, hubby doesn't have to do a great deal. I think he needs to get some perspective on what is actually going to happen. Have you guys been going to prenatal classes?? I hope so. The instructors typically do a pretty good job of preparing hubby for what is to come. For mom, even though the first time you have NO idea what to expect... you do understand that there is this ever growing life inside of you that needs to come out! I remember I was keenly aware of the fact there were only a couple of ways that baby COULD come out... and both seemed like a lot of work. ;-)
I did NOT want any one at the hospital other than my doula and my husband. He respected that. My parents respected that. They were an hour and a half a way and didn't come until my sister called them and told them baby had arrived. My sister was living very close to the hospital at the time. I called her when we left for the hospital, and then she actually was at the hospital later for an appointment of her own and happen to arrive right after baby was born. So it all worked out.
You are not unreasonable. This is one of the few times in life that yes, everything is about you and you should have it your way.
I know this is long, but I want to say one more thing. One responder mentions that you shouldn't trample the rest of the families happiness in welcoming the child. While, yes...they are welcoming the new child into the family ... you are in NO WAY trampling their happiness by requesting they stay away for a little while.
Family bonding (meaning mom, dad, baby) is VERY VERY VERY important. You will have just gone through a HUGE ordeal. Not to mention it's work for baby too!!!! You and baby are going to be TIRED. Those first moments, hours, between mom and baby and dad and baby are very important. Baby is learning who you are and who will be taking care of him/her. Bonding is important. That will be hard if baby is being passed around from person to person.
In addition, you need to think about IF you will let people hold baby right away and if you do make sure they WASH THEIR HANDS! Asking for some alone time with your new little one is not rude. It's being a MOM! You're FIRST priority is you and baby. Other family members are NOT your priority. They will get their time... but those first moments/hours/day between mom, dad, and baby ... you will never get those back. Ever. Use them wisely.
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S.C. answers from Lansing on April 26, 2009
I've skimmed over a few responses, but haven't read them all. I agree with most of what I've seen so far. This is YOUR deal. If you don't want anyone there, then they should respect your wishes. When my son was born, everyone was there. My parents and step-parents, my husband's parents, my husband's sister and our niece, and my two best friends. They were all in the waiting room. I ended up having a c-section and they all came into the recovery room immediately after. It was too much. I was very shaky from the drugs and giving birth (c-section or vaginally) is traumatic. I just wanted to be alone. This is not rude. It is rude of others to not respect your wishes at a time like this. They can be there and your husband can bring the baby out to see them, but if you don't want visitors for a while, don't back down. If I have another child, I'll have a repeat c-section. No one will be invited. I'm going to do everything differently the second time around. If they insist on coming, they will wait in the waiting room and my husband can take the baby out to them, but they're not coming into the recovery area. I'm thinking we will call them when it's all over and I'm settled in my room...a few hours afterward. Another thing, if you're planning to nurse, you'll want to try it first thing. I wasn't able to do that with ten people standing around me. Sorry to rant. I hope my story helps in some way! Best of luck to you!
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J.O. answers from Grand Rapids on April 27, 2009
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This is your first child, you do not know how long the labor will be or how your body is going to react. I feel that the birth of a baby is between the parents. You should not feel like you have to entertain the whole family while in labor or delivery. I feel it is appropriate to let the family know when you are going to the hospital but that they should wait for you or your husband to call them to let them know "It's a boy/girl!" and when it will be OK for them to come to the hospital or if you wish to wait until you get settled in at home that would be fine too. I don't like the thought of a bunch of germ filled people breathing on and fondling a newborn baby. Good luck!
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K.D. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
The birthing experience is a beautiful and wondrous event, however it is also a very personal and exposing event. If you are not comfortable with having other people there, you have every right to say no.
If family really want to be there then tell them they can wait out in the waiting room. Your husband is not the one going through this you are, so you get to decide.
I wish I could tell you how to change your hubby's opinion but I think some men just don't get it. If you still don't agree by time your labor rolls around and it's really important to you then tell your Doc and your nurse that you don't want visitors till it's done and they will regulate the flow of people.
Congratulations!!! And I wish you an uncomplicated delivery with a happy and healthy baby and mommy :)
K. SAHM of 3
K.H. answers from Detroit on April 27, 2009
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. However, if you would like to compromise, tell them they can come up to the hospital while you are laboring but that you'd like them to wait in the waiting room and not in your room. Most hospitals won't let them be in the room while you are actually giving birth, but will let the families hang out with you if you want prior to the actual birthing time.
But, if you don't want them there until after the birth - that's perfectly reasonable too!
L.N. answers from Benton Harbor on April 26, 2009
Its your delivery and you can choose what you want. Personally, I can't imagine NOT having a room full of loving, smiling, excited family just waiting for the miracle! My family is my life and I was just so blessed that they wanted to be right there with me. I think people get a little put off when they can't be involved.
M.H. answers from Detroit on April 26, 2009
No I don't think you are being rude although others may think differently. What people don't understand is that after you have a baby the last thing you want to think about is company. That's your time to bond with your baby, rest, etc. I know after I had my baby, my parents, sisters, nieces, in-laws etc came up to the hospital and I was so frustrated cause number one I had a c-section and all I wanted to do was rest not have visitors. I wish I would've told everyone to wait and visit when I got home cause it was exhausting. Do what you want to do, the hubby will understand eventually:) Good luck!!!