E.K. asks from Kalamazoo, MI on April 25, 2009
So I am really nervous about the delivery to say the least. I really wanted to ask people not to come up to the hospital until after its over. My husband is upset and seems to think this is very rude, even though his parents live only about 5 min from the hospital. Am I being unreasonable??
L.Y. answers from Saginaw on April 25, 2009
Labor is not a spectator sport.... When I was in labor one of my friends showed up (really close friend), I was put on a petocin drip and I was an evil mean person... it was not fun for her or my husband to be trapped in a room with me. The good news is I returned to my normal self right after my daughter was born.
You will not know what you are going to behave like until you are actually there...
1 mom found this helpful
N.R. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I hope your husband can understand that it is YOU that is going through the delivery!!! My husband and I didn't even tell anyone when we went to the hospital when I was in labor. We called people right away after my first son was born and after my second we called in the morning, since he was born late at night. Labor and delivery are different for everyone. If I have another baby I might actually wait a day to call and have that time with my husband and baby all to myself, just to enjoy that time. I was exhausted after my first and wish I would have gotten some rest after delivery and waited to call family later :) My personal opinion is that it should be up to YOU since you are the one giving birth!
K.D. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
The birthing experience is a beautiful and wondrous event, however it is also a very personal and exposing event. If you are not comfortable with having other people there, you have every right to say no.
If family really want to be there then tell them they can wait out in the waiting room. Your husband is not the one going through this you are, so you get to decide.
I wish I could tell you how to change your hubby's opinion but I think some men just don't get it. If you still don't agree by time your labor rolls around and it's really important to you then tell your Doc and your nurse that you don't want visitors till it's done and they will regulate the flow of people.
Congratulations!!! And I wish you an uncomplicated delivery with a happy and healthy baby and mommy :)
K. SAHM of 3
M.H. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I do not think it is unreasonable to ask people to come to teh hospital after the delivery. I delivered both my children with just my husband at my side and no-one pacing outside teh door. I would not have had it any other way.
You need to stand your ground on this one, you are not being rude, you are the one going to do this and you should choose how it's done.
I would say do not even call people until the baby has arrived. If his parents are five minutes from the hospital they can be there five minutes after the birth, no big deal.
You need your husband to be concentrating on your needs, not worrying about anyone else in the room or waiting outside, they can wait until you have delivered.
Do it your way, he should be more concerned with your wants and needs right now, not those of his relatives, you need his full support.
Don't worry too much. It seems really scary before the first one, and it is not going to be easy, but you will get through it and it will be so worth it. Eventually it will be a distant memory and you will have the fruits of your labor to enjoy for a lifetime. Just think, if it were that bad we would all only have one child.
Good luck :)
T.A. answers from Grand Rapids on April 25, 2009
You are absolutely NOT being selfish or unreasonable to want to go through labor and delivery with just your husband in attendance! I never wanted anyone there either, not even my mom.
You stand your ground with this or most likely you will regret it, and shame on him for trying to push this on you! You just remind him that he only has a supporting role in this, YOU are doing all the work, experiencing the discomfort, and are the one being exposed to the world! LOL tell him that sure everyone can come to the delivery if he gets naked too! Good luck to you and God Bless you, you will do great!!
A.A. answers from Kalamazoo on April 25, 2009
Absolutely not unreasonable! Labor is a very personal, intense time and you need it to be how you will be most comfortable! Don't give in on this or it will make the experience less than you have hoped for. Hopefully he'll come to understand and fully support you. This is one experience that should all be about you and your needs!! Best wishes for a wonderful delivery!!
B.B. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
I have had 3 kids...
For the 1st baby I had my next youngest sister in the room (she was 16 and we called it birth control)
For my 2nd my mom drove from PA and watched our 3 yr old. Just me and hubby in the room.
For our 3rd my youngest sister was in the room. (She was 19,and newly married... :-) Life lesson)
Personally I would NEVER have my inlaws at the hospital... Not even MY DAD... It is a personal private thing. You want to celebrate it, but I think that it is indecent to allow a situation to progress where men, that are not your dr or hubby, will see you in a very private emotional state. (Naked and sprawled...lol)
It is not rude...
It is normal...
Untill not too long ago NOONE but medical people were allowed to be present for a delivery.
Just tell the inlaws that YOU will CALL them when YOU are ready.
You will want to rest BEFORE everyone comes to see the baby. You NEED to rest Before anyone comes in. Daddy needs to have bonding time with just baby and mommy BEFORE there are outside influences.
Trust me, He will be proud, and emotionally exhausted and really will not want to have to entertain... Brag, yes, but only for a few minutes at a time.
If you don't want anyone there, tell them... Don't leave it up to your hubby to tell them. Just tell them its your first child and could take a long time... (my first was 23 hrs from the time they BROKE the water 5 hrs after induction till delivery)And you would not be able to relax if you knew they were waiting that long... Relaxing = faster delivery. Just tell them that you'll call when you are at the hospital so they can pray for a speedy delivery... And then AFTER the birth, when you are ready.
With our 1st it was 1 am when she was born and we didn't call anyone till the next morning after a couple hours of sleep... After our 2nd the calls started a few hours after birth. With our 3rd I called a friend who was leaving town the next day about 30 min after I popped out a 10 lbs baby au natural and asked her to come in about an hour... He was born at 5 pm ...
Each baby is different and each delivery is different.
You do not know what to expect right now...
Put your foot down so you are more relaxed and if hubby has a problem with it e-mail me and I'll give you my # so he can call me and maybe get an experienced unbiased opinion on what YOU really will need after and during this miracle.
Relaxation and peace (and a water tub in my opinion) lol...
Hope you have a GREAT delivery...
M.C. answers from Detroit on April 25, 2009
Absolutely not unreasonable! You are the one having the baby--you choose who you want at the birth. It's a very personal thing just like conception. You need to feel safe, secure and comfortable when you have this baby. You will be surrounded by labor support staff--all of whom are well trained and supportive, so breathe, and relax. I had my first baby 14 years ago and had my son 3 years ago, and I will tell you this--the epidurals of today are so much better than when I had my daughter. My son was a painless birth. I'm having another baby soon and would never consider not having an epidural.
Good luck with your new bundle of joy,