20 answers

Drinks After Work?

Scenario: Do you think it is ok for a married man to go “catch up” with a single female. Almost like an afterthought in the last sentence of his text my spouse includes female name = another males name implying they will not be alone together just the two of them but there will be this other guy included in catching a drink after work.
Normally my spouse catches a drink with friends/ or co-workers and I don’t question who will be there because I trust him but today I asked because I am going to a movie with a friend of mine. My rule (for myself) is that I wait until kids are settled in and close to bed time (or after) before I go to hang with friends because I get so little time with them during the week I want to spend quality time with them each night that I couldn’t get if I grabbed drinks or a movie right after work.
Moving on-so today he ask about going to drinks, being home by 730. I asked with whom because I already made plans with my friend and HATE unplanned, last minute oh BTW I am going out is that ok?
It makes me uneasy and I feel it’s inappropriate-am I wrong?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

He didn't go! Said he respected my opinion and came home-gotta love him. My husband is not perfect by any means but is learning to share responsibilities with the kids and the house. It took his father (of all people) to ripe into him before Easter but things are looking up!

Featured Answers

Just him and a lady? Hell no. But, since there's other guys there, I'd have no problem with it. My husband does it often--their only chance to talk about their company without having extra ears around to hear them. Good for fellowship.

I'd be elated if my husband's out-for-drinks got him home by 7:30. My husband usually doesn't get drinks until closer to 9, as they have long days.

4 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't have a problem with it.
But my hubby and I have been together for over twenty years and he has never given me a reason NOT to trust him :)

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I'm blessed to have a hubby that doesn't want to "catch a drink" with anyone, ever. That being said, I would have a problem with this. I don't see it as not trusting my husband, I see it as not trusting the WOMAN, or the situation (alcohol). There really is no point in it. If they want to "catch up", they can chat on the phone. Now this is just MY OPINION, but I don't like these situations. It opens the door for something to happen. Everyone says "I trust my husband", but I don't trust the woman. These are situation where they are "casually" getting to know each other and hang out...why? What's the point? He's married with a family and THAT is where he needs to be. You play with fire, you can get burned. Everyone thinks its innocent...until something comes of it, then its too late. And we ALL know of men and women both who have had affairs with co-worker and "innocent" friends, and how did it start? Probably "catching a drink" after work. Just my opinion. Good luck.

9 moms found this helpful

When my husband asked that question a few years ago I told him yes - cause his guy friend was going to be there too - and then he didn't show up so it was just the two of them.

I thought it was wildly inappropriate and was not pleased. In all honesty it started a downward spiral for us - he felt it was innocent - I felt it wasn't (not necessarily on his behalf but the girl - why does she want to get drinks with a married man???) and we almost divorced over the aftermath. I feel I should elaborate before someone calls me crazy and thinks we almost divorced over drinks. My point is the drinks led to phone calls which lead to texts which lead to her buying my hubby gifts which lead to me becoming a crazy lunatic lady and us in counseling for 6 months while we tried to work through it. In the end it worked out but it caused a lot of unnecessary anxiety and I know he wished he'd never started down that path.

Ok - hope that sounds less like an over-reacting crazy lady wife.

So - if I was you - either accept that you trust your husband and nothing will come of it - or decide you don't trust him - don't like the situation - and try to put a stop to it. Jealousy is a bad, bad thing...trust me...I watched it almost rip us apart.

Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't have a problem...but he needs to reschedule since you already had plans!

6 moms found this helpful

Just call him and tell him your concerns, right? No biggie. No red flags. Just talk about stuff. Why go around wondering, when he can just clear it up for you (and us too!)

:)

5 moms found this helpful

Just him and a lady? Hell no. But, since there's other guys there, I'd have no problem with it. My husband does it often--their only chance to talk about their company without having extra ears around to hear them. Good for fellowship.

I'd be elated if my husband's out-for-drinks got him home by 7:30. My husband usually doesn't get drinks until closer to 9, as they have long days.

4 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't have problem with it.

But If you already had plans to go out and he knew this.. and now this will make it so you cannot go do your plans.. I would first remind him of my plans and consider.. he invite his friend to your home for them to have some beers, or find a sitter so you both can go out and do your thing.

I do not see a problem..

4 moms found this helpful

I had drinks after work, sometimes being the only woman there. Your post doesn't give me the reason you're paranoid about this one. I see no red flags. You say he catches drinks with co-workers and friends. How is this time different? You trust him with co-workers/friends why don't you trust him this time? Sounds like he gave more info because you asked for it. Sounds like he's trying to be transparent about his activity.

Yes, it's OK for a married friend to catch up with a female friend. Geez, at one time half my friends were men and some were married.

Perhaps if he's to continue having drinks with her, you could meet up with them one of the times so that you can get to know her. Some of the officers that I worked directly with, i.e. rode in the same car, would take me by their home and introduce me. Other wives from time to time would join us for drinks. That seemed to allay suspicions.

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I would not bring up the female ex co worker factor because you trust your husband - but I would bring up that you are not okay with it because you already had plans.

3 moms found this helpful

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