Dress Code

If the school policy says no holes, then it should stand. I have two teenagers and their "school" jeans are not allowed to have holes through them. It's a terrible "trend" that looks awful and there will be some that take it too far. You need to respect the dress code and let the school teach.

I don't understand your response. I suggest you stop being defensive and make an appointment to talk with the appropriate person at the school about this issue while keeping an open mind. The person who called you is the person with whom to start. Call and tell them that you do not understand the policy and ask to make an appointment.

Before going to the appointment observe other students before and after school to see if in deed other students are wearing jeans with holes in them. Do not just take your daughter's word for it.

Recognize that it is important for your daughter to learn to follow the rules, even when she doesn't agree with them. And show your daughter that you respect authority and their right to make and enforce rules. Also show her the appropriate way to go about changing rules when changing the rules are important to you. .

When making the decision of whether or not to work towards change, consider the amount of time and energy you have to give to trying to make change in comparison to the likely amount that it will take. Always model respect for the rules in place and for the authority that enforces them as well as respect for yourself and your daughter.

Let go of your anger and defensiveness. Hear both sides before making a judgement. Apparently you have decided that the school is wrong. Let go of that decision and start over. When we talk with people in anger and with an already decided opinion we get nowhere. An open mind and a calm manner will solve almost any situation.

Another focus: I would ask why your daughter was caught. If the hole is as you described something else happened to bring attention to her. I suggest that the possibility that the "real" problem is not the hole in the jeans.

An aside: I'm 67 years old. When I was a senior in high school the dress code said that girls could not wear patent leather shoes and that their skirts had to be below the knee. Pants in any form were not allowed. One day a popular girl came to school with her skirt hemmed to a point just above the knee. She was told to either take the hem out or go home. She took the hem out. I was irritated, thinking the length of her skirt was not important. My mother said that teens have to rebel in some way in order to become a separate individual and go on to become adults. It's better to rebel about the length of their skirt than about many other things such as drinking alcohol or having sex.

This idea is over simplified but it does illustrate the importance of having rules to help teens form boundaries that will enable them to have success as adults.

It should be the kid and the parent's responsibility to know and dress within the dress code of the school they attend. I agree that it isn't fair that your child was singled out but it is a good teaching moment for you as a parent. Life really isn't fair. Let's put your example into everyday adult life. Every person driving on the road doesn't get pulled over every time they speed. The people who don't get pulled over are the ones who consistently follow posted speed limits.
If I were you, I would cut your losses and not try to fight "The Man" because you may make matters worse for your daughter. Most places of employment have strict dress codes and they have nothing to do with trends or fashions. Schools' jobs are to prepare our children for life, and I think it is responsible for us as parents to support that goal.
I am sorry that your daughter was made an "example" of a poorly enforced rule, but try not to take it so personally.

As an educator, I think it is important for you to keep in perspective what the school is trying to achieve. A dress code is set to help keep students appropriate at school and to help keep the setting focused on academics. Middle schoolers are pubescent and will try to show as much as possible. I work in a middle school setting and our policy is reevaluated annually and we have the same policy. Setting a dress code based on popular style is not what is best for kids - it is like the philosophy of if one is doing it everyone should. Just because the Gap is selling it doesn't mean 12-14 year olds should be wearing it. I am sure that everyone was informed of the policy at the beginning of the year and most likely either you or you daughter signed for this policy. As for the fact that she got caught and no one else did - let's put this in perspective. Each hour, each teacher sees on average 25-30 students. In a given day that is 125 - 150 students. Each class has lesson plans, homework, behavior problems, emotional problems, tardies, attendance, questions, labs, etc. etc. If the first thought in a teacher's mind isn't "Oh look a hole in her pants!" (which more than likley students are going to hide anyway) then it is probably understandable. Also there are many teachers who do not follow policy no matter what and would never say anything about a student's clothing. That should really be the issue. Why aren't all teachers enforcing this? I don't think that going to the school board will get you anywhere. It may be cathartic, but this policy is really in the best interest of your child - why would you fight that? Simply because she got caught breaking the rules?

You can't fight the dress code policy. And by trying, you can make things worse for your daughter and for yourself for the future.
You may need to do more looking around and more shopping for the jeans with no holes. She might NOT be able to get her favorite brand for school.

I substitute teach at a middle school and high school. I see hundreds of kids every day with no holes in their jeans. They are out there.

In our schools, kids have to wear closed toe shoes---never flip flops. The kids don't like it---but they wear their flip flops all over the place on the weekends and summer. It's part of the rule....and even though every Target has 20 times the flip flops as they do closed toe shoes, the rule still stands.

You and your daughter need to accept the policy. I can tell that you are really upset....but now is your chance to teach her respect for rules and for authority. You do not want a 16 or 17 yr. old girl who does not respect authority. Trust me on that one.

I understand that you are upset. I do see your point, although I do not agree with it.

Dress codes never follow trends and shouldn't. If they did could you imagine some of the things our kids would be allowed to wear! And whoever you talked to is unfortunately right. They cannot and will not ever catch all kids who are not following the dress code. There are too many kids. This is why we as parents have to make sure our kids are following the guidlines.

I'm sorry your daughter is embarassed. Maybe the two of you should sit down and read the dress code together and insure all of her clothes meet the requirements. If they don't those can be her weekend clothes and maybe she can get a few new things for school. What teenage girl wouldn't like that.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

I agree with Catherine. Trying to change the rules so what she wants becomes acceptable is the equivalent (in my mind at least) of the trend of piercing your face (nose, lips, tongue, eyebrows, etc - not your earlobes) and tattooing yourself in multiple visible places (neck, wrists, legs, etc) and then complaining if you don't get hired for a job where you deal with clients or the public. Fashion is fashion... it doesn't mean you can expect everyone else to find YOUR style fashionable. And anything that could be considered a distraction could easily be against dress codes for school.

Find a "fix" for the jeans (leggings underneath, patch iron on underneath, or sew closed, etc) or shop for some that are acceptable. They are not THAT hard to find. I wear lower rise straight leg boot cut jeans myself and they have not a single hole in them. Levi's. $32 at Belk's. It's not that hard. She may not be happy about it, but it's a life lesson. In the "real" world, if she wants any sort of "upscale" or job with responsibility, she'll have to put aside her personal preferences and join the ranks of the "boring" types and wear appropriate work attire. Might as well start now figuring out what "appropriate" is.

If the school has a policy, then you and your daughter should follow it. It should not matter what everyone else is doing. If your daughter told you that everyone else was drinking, smoking, or doing drugs, would you say, "oh, all right then" even though it's against your rules, and against the law? It is important for you to teach her that the rules are there for a reason, and that they should be followed. The school has enough work to do, teaching your child academics and curriculum. It is not the school's job to monitor your child's clothing choices, and it is unfair for you to make them do that. Do you want the people handling your child's education to be busy all day with taking care of dress code violations. If I were you I would want to cause less trouble for them and do my part to follow the rules I chose to adhere to when I enrolled her in the school.

Also, do you really want to make so much effort going to the school board or whoever to fight for you child to wear clothes that have holes in them? That really sounds crazy to me. As parents, I think there are much more important cause to spend our time and energy on.

This has been a rule in the middle schools in most areas for years and years. Most likely your daughter had to read over these rules at the beginning of the year and sign a paper saying she read them. Kids in the schools (middle and high) try to get away with a lot of stuff. The staff does what they can to encourage rule following. Should it be a one at a time thing? No. Is that the way it is? Yes. These people are not trying to single your daughter out. They are trying to teach her that she must follow the rules like everyone else. It is no different than how the real world works. Lots of people speed but not everyone gets caught at the same time. Take a step back and consider for a minute that maybe this is a lesson your daughter needs to learn and learning it now in a safe environment where consequences are minimal is much better than learning it out in the real world where it may cost her much more.

My son is in first grade, and they also have a rule about no holes in your pants. They sent out a dress code manual at the beginning of the school year. So when we went out and bought new jeans we picked them out with no holes in them. It's hard enough when he wears out the knees. You have to remember that your daughter hole may have been small and on the knee, but if they don't have the policy in place, you will have kids that will wear jeans with holes in unappropiate places. I wish they would add a policy that there pants need to be at there waist. They are there to learn, and dress coded in school are just as much a part of growing up, as dress codes at work. The school system is trying to get your child ready for the next stage in their life.

I think I see your point more than some of the other posters - I'd be upset if the school called me out of work to come get my daughter and she was not the only one wearing these types of jeans at the school. Like you said, if they are enforcing a rule that was never enforced before they should do it for everyone. I also wouldn't try to fight the dress code, I really doubt anything will change. I would also let the administration know it is NOT ok to single out my daughter for any reason.

My guess is that the school has to draw the line somewhere, and any "hole" in jeans, irrespective of where the hole is, is where the line is drawn. Sorry to hear that you had to be called at work, but I understand the school's position. If your daughter was allowed to wear with the hole in the leg above the knee, then what next? The hole near the rear? The best defense the school has is to not allow ANY holes, period. Same goes with the jeans that hang low, tops that show midriffs, spagetti strap tops, etc. Best to not allow at all, then to have to use discretion as to the degree that is allowed.

Our school has a dress code that specifically states no holes in pants are allowed. My kids are aware of that and therefore know that if they get a hole they are responsible for mending it, or they aren't allowed to wear those jeans to school. I say follow the school dress code policy and don't fight it. I am on the school board at my kids' school, and from my experience, if you go to the school board asking for the dress code to change to accommodate this "fashion trend", you will get shot down. If you think that the school singled her out, perhaps you should meet one on one with the principal to discuss your concerns.

You are right...its not fair...but it is the rules. Unfortunately if the school tried to "keep up with the trends" they'd have to change their code every few weeks.
Keeping to the rules with what to wear to school is a good lesson in the end. Dress codes at most businesses don't allow for a whole lot of trendiness, so it is good practice for your daughter to find outfits that she likes within the confines of the rules.
I don't know what the big deal is with a hole above the knee, except that some kids would push it further and come to school with their booty hanging out of a hole, and that's what the school is trying to avoid here. They probably wrote the "above the knee rule" so that they didnt' have to get specific in their code.
You could try to fight it and change it, but by the time the school board decided to listen to your argument, then had the necessary meetings it would take to rewrite the policy, after they approved the rewrite, holes in jeans most likely wouldn't be the trend anymore and you'd be on to the next thing.
Pick your battles...

I think this is your opportunity to explain to your daughter that although we may not agree with policies, they are there for a reason. Whether or not we agree with them, we owe the school principal respect, and we owe it to our friends and the school community to set a good example. This is a life lesson that will serve her well - face it, someday she will get an unfair parking ticket or other such thing, and it will do her no good at all if she's been lead to believe that rules she doesn't like will be changed for her.

Would it be acceptable to take the jeans to a seamstress and have material sewn in behind the hole, so her leg doesn't show through? That way you wouldn't have to buy new clothes for her, and she could still follow school policy.

Ok. I have a 19 yr. old daughter and 6 and 9 yr. old sons. I have learned alot by the 19 yr. old! haha First off, Was the hole in the butt? Because I do know that if it was, that has always been a rule. Along with the spaghetti strap tanks. LOTS of the girls wear them with their bra straps hanging out and some are sent home(depending on what teacher and mood! hahaha) I can`t give you any real advice-just my own experiences. I would just drop it. They will NOT budge on the rules.

Updated

I also need to add that middle school age kids will try to get away with showing as much as they can! This is a VERY difficult age! (not saying your daughter is trying to show) They love to see what they can get away with and how far they can push! I also feel this is the age where they will "over exeggerate" . I know, I was one of the parents that went in thinking she was "being picked on" and when it came down to it, I was the "fool"! ha. I commend all Jr. High teachers! They have one of the hardest jobs! I know I couldn`t deal with that many of that age! hahaha
Again, not saying your daughter is one, just watch her friends "dwindle" as they go! Lots will be heading down the wrong path. So, maybe this was a good call here and will make her scared to break the rules.

Ah well, one more reason I am all for school uniforms... less room for interpretation...
If you indeed do not want to make this more of an issue for your daughter, review the dress code with her and purchase a set of "acceptable" clothes that she only wears to school. It is not true that all clothes nowadays have some sort of holes in them. You can stick with slacks, plain jeans (again, go by your dress code) or acceptable skirts and plain,solid shirts. This may not be the "cool" way to dress, but will keep your child out of trouble. She can change into the clothes that she likes after school.

One of the things about dress codes and school uniforms is, that even if you dislike them, they do teach children that they have to dress appropriately for the occasion. I would love to wear my favorite clothes to work, but fact is, I would probably get fired over it...
Good luck!

It is frustrating to see inconsistencies in the enforcement of a rule. However, teaching your daughter that its okay to break the rules unless you get caught will be something that will come back to bite you.

Explain to her that you're disappointed with how the school is handling this, but from now own she will dress according to the dress code, even if every other kid gets away with it. And then go before the school board and try to change the dress code or at least get them to enforce it fairly. Its important to teach your kid to respect the authority of the school, but fight to make sure that things are fair for her and every other kid that gets caught. Good luck!

I don't know if going to the school board will change anything. Especially for this school year.
As for what to do, it would depend on the 'offending' reason. If the reason was that her bare knee/leg was showing, then I'd pay some leggings/longjohns/panyhose and have her wear them under her holey jeans. This is what we used to do :-)

Or, buy a fabric patch and iron it over the hole, then decorate the jeans up so that your daughter is comfortable with them. You could also try ironing the patch on the underside so that it showed through the hole. Not sure if that would solve the ISS issue or not.

M.

My son is always the one who gets caught. Lately, kids in class have been saying (loud enough for the teacher to hear) for him to stop talking - only he isn't talking. Yet, he still gets in trouble. He is dealing with it.

It stinks to be a middle school student! He will live through it. So will your daughter. Pick your battles. This one is stupid (on the school's part) but may be more trouble than it would be worth. There will be others. Trust me.

S.

in my opinion depends on the size of the hole and what the dress code actually says. You can probably go to the school website and look up exactly what the dress code is. i understand what you are saying about all the jeans having holes in them but i would say if the hole in the jeans is large enough to stick two fingers through or if it is getting close to the crotch or butt area it should definitely not be worn to school. so if it is not a large whole and it was that way when you bought the jeans then certainly set up a meeting to discuss the issue with someone on the staff, if you want to go further then start a petition with other parents and students and present that to the school board