Dreams!!

Hi H.,
I read the other responses and have suggestions on both night mares and night terrors.

My son started having night terrors when he was about 10 months old. Really scary because he would go into convulsions (every childs terrors may be different). I was on the phone at 11pm to the pediatrician who said not to worry but still bring him in for a check up. He was and continues at age 9 to occasionally have night terrors but not nearly as frequently as when he was younger. It does seem to happen more often if he goes to bed too late. The Dr. said they don't understand a lot about night terrors other than they are related to sleep walking and they think they are caused by part of the nervous system that is still developing in kids. The Dr. had us make sure we had locks on the doors going outside that were high enough that my son could not reach them as his did become terrors with sleep walking (sleep walkers can end up out in streets without realizing it) As our bedrooms are upstairs we also put a gate that he could not open across the top of the stairs. It looked like he was awake, eyes open and him yelling 'I want my mommy' over and over but if I tried to hold him he would just push me away screaming 'no, no I want my mommy'. Very scary and hard for everyone involved.

There are several ways I deal with all of this. One is if I can get to him as soon as I hear him starting to wake up and go in and sing to him, I sing that mommy loves him and is right there and sing his favorite songs, usually at this point he will let me rub his back and will often go back to sleep. If he gets past this point sometimes I just follow him around while he cries and yells for me, sometimes he answers questions and it seems to be his fears coming out. I also try to wake him. His fits were becoming so scary and had me in tears that I asked the Dr. if it was ok to try and wake him, she said it was fine if he would wake to do so. I actually use a cold wet rag as nothing else will work, he barely comes out of the sleep and just falls into my arms and goes back to a restful sleep. As with the terrors themselves each kid reacts differently to be woken. He has never remembered any of the episodes in the morning however it has affected his desire to have sleep overs as when he has had sleep overs the kids always stay up late. He has had night terrors at friends, the parents knew the circumstances and called me immediately. What my son does now is call me at 11 or 12 at night when everyone is going to sleep for me to come pick him up because he doesn't want this to happen at friends homes. He is 9 now and it doesn't happen very often any more. The Dr. said it can continue up to age 15 but not very often, again just the nervous system finishing development they think.

On the nightmares. I agree with the other parents that they are just working things out at night that bother them during the day. My son and I bought a dream catcher, Indian circle woven in the center usually with feathers on it, to hang by his bed. The story is that the dream catcher catches the bad dreams before they happen and send them to the center of the weaving and gets rid of them, it catches the good dreams and lets them move down the feathers to the dreamer. I think the psychological part of this works for my son. He feels more at ease with his dream catcher when he goes to bed, we even have one at his grandmothers. Realizing this is folklore, for a young imagination it is a nice tool to help him relax. Again singing, and even with my horrible singing voice it helps him when any of the night mares/terrors happen.

Good luck with this. As a parent it is very hard to see this happen but do know they generally outgrow all of these very young and I think the best advice is getting to sleep early enough and on a relatively regular schedule, we have a very irregular schedule but always try and get to bed early enough that he has not gotten to the point of being too tired.

SarahMM

If it's happening about 60-90 minutes after she goes to sleep, then it's night terrors. She may not be awake even though her eyes are open. My 4 year old son goes through this every now and then and there's not much you can do about it. Just hold her tight and calmly talk to her. My son will even have the hallucinations and the other night "saw" something all over the room (like spiders or snakes). It is very frightening for the parents, but they won't remember the incident in the morning. If it's happening often, then talk to her doctor.
If it's happening later in the night, then yes probably nightmares. Check out www.nightterrors.org for some info about these sleep issues.

Good for you for being there to comfort your daughter and continue to create the safe place she needs. Do these dreams happen when she naps as well as at night? The more you can recognize the patterns for these dreams, the more you will be able to her help get through them. While children have the same sleep stages as adults their development can bring challenges that scare the heck out of loving parents. Go to www.sleepfoundation.org and learn more about night terrors and nightmares in children. And again, good for you for being so present for your child. Blessings and peace.

About this age my son was also having bad dreams on a
regular basis. I was told this was probably happening
because he had such a great imagination and it was working
through the night too.
I bought a small water bottle and wrote Happy Dreams all
over it with smiley faces and filled it with water. I told my son it was a special spray that we would spray all over the room and he would have happy dreams. It actually worked
most nights. You could also use air freshener and just
cover the label and make your own label. Good Luck!

My daughter is now 6 and still occasionally has nightmares. She used to have them a lot more when she was younger. My mom gave my brother a teddy bear to "protect" him at night. That didn't work with my daughter. I made her a dream catcher but that did not help either. We tried a spray bottle of "monster banishser" (or whatever you want to call it) in it (water). My MIL gave her a "special" bear. We gave her a good night care bear which finally helped alittle. I found a Sweet Dreams Care Bear which seems to work great for her. She has only had one nightmare since we got her the bear and it was not in her bed. She also insists on having prayer and if I forget she reminds me. She asks to have a good sleep with good dreams and no bad ones. Maybe one of these or one of the suggestions from the other great women on this site will help. Please let us know what works!

Hi H.,
Sometimes kids clear energy when they sleep at night and all of us come here with lots of "old stuff" to finish.
That's part of why we do continue to come back life time after life time. What may help you is to send thoughts to her when she's sleeping that form a focus of safety & calm. Reminder her before she goes to sleep to know that she is SAFE. Real important. And for you.....you've got to understand that she's NOT a victim. She is choosing what's happening in her world just like you & I do. Her power to choose started before she got here.
Make sure you are breathing and not suppressing her or you by feeling the need to cover up what's uncomfortable. Talk about it with her.......she understands everything.
Best, J. Sexton www.tag-youre-it.com

I don't know how severe the dreams are but you may want to talk to your doctor about night terrors or research that on the internet. Good luck!

Look up night terrors on the internet. My daughter started these around one year. Now, just turned four, they have gotten better. She gets them when she is over tired, stressed, or the routine has changed in some way. Night terrors are different from nihtmares as it is when the body is still active so it reacts. Regular schedule, lots of quality sleep (aka: good naps) help. Also, try Hylands Forte Calm.

Hi H.,
My son turned 2 a month ago. My husband read in one of our child development books that it is about this age that nightmares start; something about brain development...I don't remember the exact details, and I don't have the book with me, but just know that nightmares around this age ARE normal. As others said, it is their way of working things out also.

A lot of people suggested bedtime routines that include prayer, happy thoughts, that sort of thing. I also agree with that. My husband and I just started this routine where we do "appreciations" or "thankfuls" with my son while putting him to bed. We each say something to each other, and to our son that we appreciated during the day. We then give him a chance to say something he may be thankful for, or his favorite part of the day. So far he doesn't really participate in saying something, but definitely listens to us, and it seems to make all of us feel good.

Having kids seems to bring up so many lessons for us as parents too. I have found that sometimes a constant behavior issue with my son will lessen or clear when I try to think of how he may be "mirroring" something that's going on with me. You may just want to think about whether there is something in your life that you are really afraid of right now that you have not been able to express or deal with, and brainstorm ways to deal with that. You may also want to think about what it is that makes you feel safe and assured when you are scared; whether it is a belief in a Higher Power, or angels, or merely knowing that your family or friends are there to help...whatever it is, and then helping your daughter develop belief and trust in that. The ideas of having a magic spray or dream catcher can reinforce that too.

Lastly, you may want to build a time in her evening where she can unwind and work things out for herself, so that she does not have to do it all in her sleep. My son is really into "Bob the Builder" videos and watches a little bit every day, and at first we were letting him watch it right before bed. But we have noticed that when he watches TV right before bed, his sleep seems more agitated; whereas when he engages in quiet play with his legos, choochoo trains, etc, and we hear him gently singing, talking, mumbling, whatever, it gives him a way to role play, and kind of work things out, and he sleeps much better!

Dont worry, children often have nightmares, you have to look at the world from her eyes, she is 2 1/2, there are a lot of things that are every day for you look scarey to her, be careful not to let her see your fear or worry for her, she will pick up on that and be scared, smile at her and tell her she is ok, if you are scared then she will feel she needs to be, try to show her things are not scarery, watch her and see what she is most timid about, and show her she is ok, dont push her to do things she is not ready for, my little neice was scared to swim, she is 3, she put her toes in the pool and thats it, they took time wih her, she had all the gear on and finally went in with daddy, we think she was scared because her mom was so nervous and careful about letting her learn to swim and she picked up on it, when mom went in the pool and relaxed, Tori was better,without seeing you together I can not be sure,but one thing I do know is that you are a great mom and she will outgrow this.

Last when I was little I am told I was scared of everything, from bugs to heights to strangers and my mom was woken up night after night by me screaming for her because of nightmares, the good news is that I outgrew it, and your little girl will too.

I hope this helps :o)

Love, C.

On a day when she hasn't woken up from a dream I'd talk to her about them. Try to find out what is scaring her. My youngest is nine and he still sleeps with a light on and still has occasional nightmares. He sleeps so much better at night with the light on. We have a routine, too that helps. We read prayers to keep away the bad dreams and to help him not be afraid of the dark. When cars go by or airplanes go by, when he's been sleeping, he wakes up really scared. I wouldn't worry too much and I wouldn't go to the doc about it. Good luck!!!!

I know this may sound strange, but I have heard of food allergies causing nightmares. If they don't go away, you could try taking her off of wheat and/or dairy for a few days and see if it improves. Also, I agree with the "Praying over them" idea too. Saying calm positive words over your children, and relying on God to help is a great reminder and encouragement for all of us- a good way to start a rest.

I think this is normal. You need to figure out how to be proactive and preventative so you all can get some sleep. Have a night light in the room and have her sleep with a blankie or stuffed animal. Put your picture near her bed so she can look at you when she wakes up and feel better. Play soothing music. We had a "magic" spray that we sprayed in the room to scare the monster away. It was just lavendar linen spray --- but it had a placebo effect. What is going on during the day? Does she watch tv? Did something happen? After the bedtime routine, before she goes to bed, talk about the day so she can work it out before she goes to sleep. End on a good note and talk about her favorite thing that happened that day. Hopefully that will put happy thoughts in her head. I have nightmares myself --- so do my boys --- so I'm sympathetic.

Are they night terrors versus nightmares? My little girl had these that started about the same age. The Dr said they were most likely night terrors that she would not remember in the morning. I know they are very upsetting. The Dr said it can come from lack of sleep or irregular scheduels or disruptions intheir regular schedule. If when your child wakes screaming does she seem distant? Does she respond to you or does she get more upset when you reach for her and try to comfort her? If so they are most likely night terrors and the best thing to do is try as hard as you can to help keep a schedule and make sure she is resting enough and when she does wake up calmly talk to her but don't reach for her, wait til she responds then tuck her back in bed. She should outgrow these soon. Good luck!!

So, its not scientific, but I had a freind dealing with the same problem and one night she decided to read to her daughter from the scriptures after her bed time story. It worked. The little girl obviously had no idea what her mom was saying, but my friend had reported this to me after two weeks of success. Worth a try if you are that kind of family. Good Luck!