Don't Pay This Question Any Attention!!!

Works both ways, just depends on your family dynamic. My kids help my mom with stuff and so do I.
If it wasnt for Grandma none of you would be here, right?

ETA: Grandparents especially LOVE it when their grandkids help out tho... my mom loves to brag about her grandsons and my MIL has some really sweet granddaughters that are in their 30's that often take her to lunch and take her shopping, she totally THRIVES on that stuff.

7 moms found this helpful

In my extended family, we all help each other out. Parents help kids who help grandparents. I help my nieces and nephews. My mom helps me and my kids. I help my mom. My kids help their aunt. It goes on and on. We each help each other.

Isn't that the way families are supposed to work?

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We all help out in my family. Grandma needs her fence fixed? Well, load everyone who can help out up! We will toss some burgers on the grill and while Grandma watches the young'uns, everyone else gets that fence fixed. :)

Same with health issues. When I was 13, my grandma had to have surgery on both wrists, rendering her helpless for 3 weeks. It was during the summer, so it was easiest for me to stay with her and do the cooking/cleaning. But during the winter, she broke her hip... So my aunts, mom, and cousins who were able to drive would check up on her daily, and help her out with the animals. Even now, when she isn't able to get out and about as much as she used to, everyone helps.

Its not just her either. ANYONE who needs help in my family knows that we are ALL there for each other. :)

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I don't understand why it should be one or the other. I would expect anyone who is able to step up.

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Whoever is most capable or perhaps a combination.
A 40 year old could have a 70 yr old mom and 90 year old grandmother. Both 70 yr olds and 90 yr olds can have significant health problems. So, the 70 yr old may not be in a condition to provide assistance for the 90 yr old.

3 moms found this helpful

I would say it is a privilege to help your own parents who took their time and effort to take care of you when you were a baby and child. It may not be easy but neither is raising us as children easy. However, if there are others who are able and willing to help or their own grown child can't do it for various reasons then whoever is willing should help out. I think their own kids should see that they are cared for though.

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I agree that whoever is the most capable with common sense, time and location, can be the organizer or touch stone for anyone in the family that wants to help. My husbands grandparents lived up the street from us for over 20 years. As they needed help we all helped. His grandfather had lots of savings investments etc and wanted to stay in his own home. We were able to do this with hired caregivers and family members. At one point my mil explained to the family that they were going to need to dip into the inheritance. It was unanimous, that every person said to use all of it if necessary for his care. He lived to be 103!

What an amazing treat to have him all of that time. My husband spent 2 years staying with his grandfather overnight at least 3 times a week. It was an honor to help in any way.

I hope that all families are willing to help each other.it was a special time in all of our lives.

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Anyone who can help should help. Children of any age, grandchildren of any age.

I try to remember that the way my kids see me treat my parents is teaching them how to treat me in my older years.

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I took care of both of my grandmothers as they aged starting at around the age 10. I come from a culture where that is simply what is done. One grandmother was extremely difficulty to deal with and refused medical care. It was emotionally very, very difficult. My other grandmother was slowly succumbing to cancer, but I did not know it. I cooked for her, cleaned the house and spent time with her. It was an extremely important experience for me. I learned so much about loyalty and love and family by helping to take care of her. I was the only grandchild who was able to do this. Some lived far away and some chose to simply be far aware emotionally.

I expect to take care of my mother and to have my children help with this. It is an honor to be able to do this. My MIL lives far away from us but lives with my SIL who makes great sacrafices to take care of her. I am very, very grateful she is able to do this. When we can afford it, my husband travels there to help as much as he can. I wish it was more.

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Whoever is able and available should help. One problem is who will the grandparent let help. I have 93 year old grandmother, I am always offering to do this and that for her, but she always tells me "oh your mother does that" or "your aunt will take care of that" . Well my mom is working 40+hours and is having a bot of a hard time, my aunt hurt herself and is about to have surgery. SO FINALLY I got to do something for her today, I took her to the dentist and then when they needed to make another appointment I made sure it was made when I will be available and told my grandmother I WOULD be the one taking her. At this time, I have been laid off and my kids are out of school, so I feel I am the most available and the most able, so I want it to be ME to help her.

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I don't think there is necessarily a standard in this case. If anyone is going to help them out, it should be whoever is the most capable at the time. Who can devote the time, resources, money, etc to making sure they get the help and care that they need. Usually, it is their own children. But if a grandchild is in a better position to help, there certainly isn't anything wrong with that.

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Anyone who is willing and able should be helping out in some manner.

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Anyone who has the means and time to help should be. I can't see how it matters how distant the relationship.

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In my family all generations pile in. Kids, grand kids, great grand kids.

Ex)
Great grand kids (10 and under crowd)weed, Tom sawyer painting fences, etc.
Grandkids (15-30s) mow lawns, clean house, wash & service cars, cook, etc.
Kids (30s-60s) LTFP, legal, medical, housing, etc.

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This is a highly subjective question.

My grandparents had 8 children, all of whom worked FT. Most of my aunts and uncles lived at least 1/2 and hour away from my grandparents, but my family lived 5 minutes away by car. In the summer time my sister and I took turns riding our bikes to my grandparents' assisted living apartment and we helped care for my grandpa (who had Parkinson's) and to help my grandma with her chores.

On the weekends my aunts and uncles took turns visiting, helping, running errands, etc. Whatever needed to be done was done. There was no fighting about it.

If we love our parents, we will take care of them. If we love our grandparents, we will take care of them. If we are not selfish, we will take care of those who took care of us.

I would think that adults can figure it out fairly and whoever has the time and the means to help woudl jump at the chance. Those who are busier will need to give up something in order to help.

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Who is available?
Who is qualified?
Who cares enough to step up?

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Anyone and everyone should help them! We should all take care of the elderly people in our lives. :)

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Everyone should do something if they are able. I visit and check up on my Grandfather who is 91, twice a day. (On my way to work and then on my way home) I also get whatever shopping he needs. My sister cleans for him 2-3 times a week and my mom cooks for him and takes care of his meds and my dad drives him wherever he wants to go. lol Even my daughter does little jobs for him like sorting out the recycling etc. We get pleasure out of doing it because he took care of us when my parents were at work and he used to take us for great days out, we had so much fun. Sadly him needing our help is going to be for such a short time in the scheme of things (ill health and dementia) that it is a pleasure to take care of things for him. He is the best. :-)

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When a family member is in need of help, be it caring for their home, self or whatever we all pitch in. it gives evrryone a chance to be there for them amd learn a little more about the past. Sorry everyone,unless their elders were abusive to them should help.

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I feel that anyone who is able should be willing to gladly help out any way possible. :)

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I think it is their own children but grandkids (especially adult ones) should be willing to help out as well.

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Sounds like a great opportunity for everyone to chip in! My husband's grandmother is 96. My FIL (68) is a great help to her, but her oldest daughter is 76 and in poor health. So, it depends on a lot of things...Clearly they won't live forever, so help while you can!

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It depends on who is most capable of helping out. My GM and my GMIL are in their 90s. The expectation is that their children (our parents, aunts and uncles) should be the ones helping them out as they are healthy and either retired or their kids are grown vs. we grandchildren, who are working and busy with young families. That said, my FIL lives in another state 8 months a year, his brother lives far away all year and his sister is kind of useless. We are the closest relatives, so if there's an emergency or even just errands that need to be run or things that need to be done around the house, my husband does that and is happy to do so. But if she needed major care, that would be up to her children to arrange. I do have friends whose parents AND grandparents are in poor health so it falls to them to help care for both of those generations as well as raise their own families. But for the most part, I think that children should care for their own parents if they are able to but allow the grandchildren to participate in helping out too.

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Without knowing the details..... I think grandparents should be checked up on, visited, etc by children and grandchildren.

As far as full out financially taking care of them..... if someone is able to do so without changing their own lifestyle and they want to help out it is fine.

Call me cynical but I've seen and heard some grandparents act as if they are "entitled" to rely on their children and grandchildren to care for them. It is up to the grandparents to set themselves up financially for their older years, not rely on their children/grandchildren for a free ride.

I have close contact with my parents and I have helped my dad out a little here and there. My mom is pretty well set. However, it is clear that I was not brought into this world to be their retirement plan.

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Of course they should, in any way they can. When I was a child we made weekly trips to gramma and grandpa's house. Mom usually brought some pre-made meals and a few groceries. When we got there mom would do some laundry and wash floors. Dad would mow the lawn. They helped them stay in their own home as long as they could. When they could no longer live on their own they came to live with us. When their needs for care became too great they eventually had to go into nursing homes. After my mom passed away I went to my dads house regularly and helped him make meals for himself. After he had his stroke he came to live with us until he eventually need to move to a nursing home. I hope my kids will care for me someday...

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If their children are decent and able, then their OWN kids of course. If they have a close relationship with grandchildren and those kids' parents won't step up to the plate and show respect for their own parents by helping (remember they'll be in those shoes one day too!!) then the grandchildren may do it out of pure love or a sense of obligation.

Impossible to answer, since we don't know the specific situation. The answer would depend on so many variables -- Is this a money problem where kids or grandkids do or don't have money to help the grandparents? Is this a matter of who should move in with the grandparents or who should go to live with them? Is it an issue of anger over the adult kids expecting the grandkids to do this, or grandkids wanting to do it and adult kids being jealous of that?....This can't be answered generally except to say, the person who WANTS to do it should do it, or the grandparents will definitely feel the resentment and anger of someone who is forced to help them but does not want to do it.

It's sad that there is even a question about this. Shouldn't the focus be on the grandparents' needs and not on who is "expected" to help? What a recipe for years of resentment.

This is a question that I CAN answer, it should be the ppl who WANT to help her! NO ONE wants someone to help with their care who does NOT want to be there! If the question is a financial one then the $$$ should be divided equally between the children & if the Grans want to help out then, by all means they should do so. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out the way it should & in fighting ensues. When I lived in FL I was the one who helped out my mom & stepfather, after I moved to AL my SF passed & my sister INSISTED my mom move in with her (she is broke so mom was footing the bills :( ) we found a place with a small house in back & mom was coming here but @ the last minute my sister wrote a letter & had my mom sign it that due to limited funds (she wouldn't have had to spend a penny here) my mom was staying with her, by that time she had taken over ALL my mom's finances, now my mom has moved back to her own place & when TS Debby hit the area I couldn't get in contact with anyone other than my neice on FB, I found out that NO ONE had been there for weeks so had no idea how she was!!! I have called the local Senior Help Line & now she has someone in the place with her, so what I am saying again is this; the ppl who want to will & the ones who really don't - won't ... the neice & nephew have since gone over & I caught hell on FB via the neice from my OTHER sister...sigh...Good Luck! I hope your GM, GP have already made their OWN plans for care when they need help!

In reading I am thinking that maybe this was not the answer you were seeking but it gives you another slant on the, 'what ifs' perhaps...