Don't Know If I Can Continue to Be Catholic.Is Anyone Else Upset with the Church

I'd just like to point out that the molestation of young boys has NOTHING to do with being gay. There are plenty of priests who are probably gay and they are NOT the ones molesting children.

That said, I (also Catholic) am sickened and saddened by these things and even more so by the cover-ups that followed them. I too struggle with what the right reaction is. I wouldn't leave my FAMILY because of the actions of some distant relatives, which is really who those priests are to me, BUT I wouldn't continue associate myself with family members who condone the actions of those relatives... does that make sense?

HTH
T.

This is a decision only you can make. I am also a cradle Catholic and have no intentions of leaving the faith. I agree that some priests have done some unforgivable things, but there are many wonderful priests out there. Every week I hear on the news about a teacher having an inappropriate relationship with a child, but I do not intend to home-school my children. Celebrities constantly get DUIs, divorces, beat their wives, cheat on their spouses, etc. but I do not intend to stop watching TV or movies. Just because you practice your religion, does not mean you condone what some priests have done. And, every religion has "leaders" who do inappropriate things and disappoint their members.

My grandmother always said religion was a great thing until people got involved with it.

That said, I would encourage you to focus on doctrine. Does the Catholic doctrine fill your spiritual needs? If so, switching religions may not be a good idea because, as previous posters have mentioned, there is NO religion that has perfect people in it. EVERY religion has people who break the rules, some far more visibly than others. And ALL religions try to protect their own. Again, as long as people are involved, religion will not be perfect.

I'm Jewish and I've quit certain synagogues over what the rabbis did. When I was 13, I quit because I thought the rabbi was brainwashing children (and I was precocious enough to tell both the rabbi and the director of education EXACTLY what I thought of them). When I was an adult, I had a part time position as the rabbi's secretary and I quit when the rabbi did something I thought was against every principle in which I was raised to believe. What I didn't do was quit my religion because, despite the flawed people (including me), it fed my spiritual needs.

You have very legitimate concerns and I don't know that this was a good answer for you. I'm certainly not excusing what these awful pedophiles did; it's horrendous. I taught in Catholic schools for nine years and met many wonderful people, including priests, all who daily lived their faith. My personal experience is so at odds with what I read in the papers and my heart breaks. And all the while I hear my grandma in my mind telling me it's not the religion but the people...

Good luck in your quest for spiritual peace.

one issue i have had in my adult life with the catholic church is that they seem to put priests in this elevated state where they stand between us and god. i was taught that you can speak to god yourself, not needing an "interpreter". i fear that the catholic church elevates priests to an almost godlike state. the reality is that priests are people, and people are flawed. this goes for any religion. every aspect of every religion has the capacity to be flawed, from dogma to rituals to the bible itself. make your religious experience about YOU and GOD. accept that man sins. priests are just people. so are those responsible for trying to hide these things. human. flawed. sinners. i can't imagine being a devout catholic and having the church you love so much betray what you believe in. but it's man. not god.

You'd be naive to think that this only goes on in the Catholic Church. It is just more publicized because the Catholic Church is universal. I am sure this could happen in any religion/faith community. Heck it doesn't even have to be a faith community. Have you ever seen Dateline's old show "To Catch a Predator"?

Protect your children and be their advocate. Don't throw away your faith because of a few bad apples. What would that be teaching your children?

If you decide you no longer trust the Catholic church to guide you and your family and help shape your children's morals I hope you seek another Church home. Because other religions allow and encourage their leaders to marry -it's a very different population of leaders. My husband left the Catholic Church and is now a very involved leader, deacon, missionary for our Protestant Church. Their is such a feeling of trust in my church, we are one family who sees each other nearly every week and celebrates each other and It is a wonderful thing to know these other adults are there to help guide my children and we all have similar values we are teaching our children. And I know when I give money to my church it is NOT being used to pay lawyers to defend pedophiles. It is being used to upkeep our building, pay our minister, and go to Mission trips!

I am not Catholic...I am Southern Baptist...but believe me the Catholic Church does not have a monopoly on people within their ranks who are hiding sinful lives!!! I think God expects each of us to live a life that is good and upright and that we not hurt others and especially not young, defenseless children. (I Must say...as a couple of the other Mom's have already said...pedophiles..which is what these priests are...are not necessarily Homosexuals!!! They simply are perverted and want to have sex with younger children...regardless of their sex in a lot of cases. It is the age of the victim...not the sexuality of the victim that entices them. I too believe that homosexuality is a sin but I also know that I have good friends and associates who are homosexuals that I think are wonderful, caring people that I am proud to know!!)
You will never find a church..regardless of the religion that is filled with perfect people...churches are filled with sinners...who have been saved by grace!!!
If there are other reasons that you are questioning your connection to the Catholic Church...such as whether you believe what they teach..etc...then yes, you need to go a prayerful study of the Bible and find a church that adheres to what you feel the Bible is teaching. Otherwise...you should stay with the church and work from within the church to make it better!!

This is a personal decision. And EVERY church will have something that you dislike about it.

If you are unhappy where you are, spend 2 months and visit different churches each week! That way you will get a good feel of what the differences between religions are and perhaps you will find a place that feels like "home" to you!

Good luck!

PS> And if you don't believe that being gay is a sin, then you may just have to stay catholic..... Bible believing, reading, and following churches will not agree with you. THE BIBLE STATES THAT BEING GAY IS A SIN. Now, this does not mean we judge these people. We still love them and show them God's love and pray that they will see the error of that way of life, BUT it is still a sin all the same......

I just wanted to say that this is an interesting question and I'm actually impressed with the responses...I guess maybe I expected people to be a little harsher and answer with uneducated responses, but that is not the case...yay moms! ;) Usually I'm not so cynical, but lately these hot topics have caused some uproar!

Anyway, I do think it's a pretty personal decision and I kind of liked the analogy that Thea gave about family and disassociation, very pointed I thought. I think that sadly the Catholic Church has been a hiding place for pedophiles, not because of anything that the Church believes or disbelieves but because it's a place where a single man who "likes" children is not strange, but faithful. THere are not questions asked about these men b/c he's a priest, so I think these pedophiles are seeking refuge in churches and schools where they can be hidden. Now, the cover-ups, that's a different story. I guess I don't have much advice except that I can certainly understand your frustration and I hope you find some peace in your decision. If you are seriously considering other religions, and I honestly never do this, but look into Orthodoxy. Our churches began as the same church and then later split and we are very similar. One of the major differences is that our priests are allowed (and encouraged) to marry and start families. We are not perfect either but I thought I'd throw it out there! In fact, I've never tried to "recruit" (LOL!) before but we have the same reverence for the Virgin and our ceremonies are all similar! In the end, do what you think is right and I don't think you could be judged for staying faithful to your church.

C.,
questioning your religion is for many a very painful process. No religion has perfect people so no matter what your decision, make sure it is a prayerful one and a Spirit lead one. Are you ready to let it all go or are you still committed to Christ but can no longer do it in the Catholic church? I can think of number of books to recommend but some are really heavy reading. One such book is "A Woman Rides The Beast". If you are looking to be convinced that the Catholic Church is not a place to call home for a Christian, this is one.

There are pedophiles in all walks of life. Has nothing to do with one's religion. I am catholic, and continue to be so, but I also believe in gay marriage, in equality, and I also believe to never ever leave my children alone with a priest. The church is a building. It's not my connection to God, but we do go to church to take that 1 hr a week to ourselves. Again, children are never left alone with anyone at church. The vatican is not the direct connection to God, at least for me. There are so many things I don't agree with the catholic church, but the catholic church is run by people with their own agenda. Not by God. I will not turn my back on my religion or my God, but I will never agree with some of the things the catholic church preaches about. One day we will see changes happening. They're just not happening fast enough.

I hear you loud and clear. I left the Catholic Church in 2000, our new priest looked right at me and told me that because my husband did not convert to Catholicism and that we were married outside with a JP, the church did not recognize my marriage and therefore would not baptize me 2nd child.

OMG are you kidding me????? But wait, he also said that anyone who came to my wedding was a sinner for "allowing the sin to take place". It was the last day I stepped foot in the catholic church. For a few years I foundered but now I am very connected. I have found my spiritual home, http://www.rsintl.org/.

They are not a church but a spiritual home. No matter what "religion" you are, they focus on your spirituality. They are definately something worth checking out.

B.
Family Success Coach

First of all I'm not catholic, however, I did want to give my opinion. My uncle (dad' brother) married my aunt who has always been catholic and probably like your family. They are in their 50's. Anyway, about 8 years ago he left the Catholic church for the same reason. My uncle converted for his wife and was heavily involved in the Catholic church. Now, my uncle has went back to the Lutheran Church where he was raised as a child. My aunt told my grandma she would go with her husband but hardly does. My uncle is even an elder in the church and heavily involved. He goes every Sunday, usually without his wife. He went every Sunday with his wife when they went to the Catholic Church. My grandma thinks she doesn't go because her dad was so heavily involved in the Catholic church and she doesn't want to respect him while he's alive.

I'm a christian, I go to a non-denominational church, I believe in GOD. Church is a place were I can worship and get fed. I think you need to pray and ask God to direct your decision. There are a lot of great priest, pastors Rabi, leaders of faith. There are also some really bad ones out there who are very selfish and self seeking. We are all human and fall short of the glory of God. Does that make us not go to church? NO, it shouldn't, it reminds us we are sinners and just as the bible says, we need to ask for forgiveness. I think by the Catholic church hiding their sins, is wrong. I think that for any church who tries to hide their sins. What is done in the dark will be exposed in the light. God is the JUDGE, not us. That doesn't mean he didn't give us discernment.

I'm not telling you to leave the Catholic Church. But have you wrote your Pope, your Cardinals, your priest and let them, the Catholic Church know how you feel? That you don't want them to protect these sinful men, and to expose their sins so that the innocent children can be protected. The Catholic Church doesn't believe in abortion but they will support a priest who has molested children, many children??? I think you need to speak up to the leaders of the Church, you are part of the Catholic church, let them hear your voice. I do think they, Catholic Church, is making a lot of changes, and have started the healing process of ridding the church of these pedophiles.

Please pray to God for direction, he will answer you. I'm praying for you!

I am responding to the part of your question "How can I be sure?" Now that we have so much more information about the hideous mistakes and practices of the past, it is possible to be part of the solution. Is your parish deeply committed to the program "Protecting God's Children"? This is a church-wide Catholic program to protect the most vulnerable, our children, and also the elderly. It involves education of all clergy, staff and volunteers, because knowing what to look for and what to do is essential to keeping children safe. It details procedures for appropriate supervision for all church activities. It is conducted by trained church volunteers and gives all church members access to reporting resources whenever questions arise. I too, am deeply sorry for the pain of our children, and am one of many at our parishes, committed to eliminating every opportunity for pedophiles to have access to children. Bless you and yours.

I had the same core issues with the LDS church, and have officially left the religion (had my name taken off of the the Church records). Listen to your heart, if you know it isn't right--it isn't. Don't let your family's traditions make you unhappy and unable to protect your own children..

I agree with those who say this does not just happen with priest and just in the Catholic church. It has happened in Baptists churches, non denominational churches, Lutheran churches, Jewish synagogues - just to name a few not to mention pretty much any place children or those who cannot defend themselves are involved. That by NO MEANS makes it ok for this to have occurred and for these priests to be involved in this scandal. I personally know several priests who are heartbroken over this who are good men who have dedicated their lives to doing good.

As a parent, I will not let me children alone with pretty much most adults, including but not limited to priests and teachers, coaches and family friends and family unless I truly feel they will cause harm to my kids. Statistically, your child is most likely to be abused or hurt by someone they have a relationship with or your family does. So how can you be sure your current priest is safe ... there's probably no way to be 100% sure unfortunately.

I don't think I can ever be 100% sure my kids will be safe, but I do what I can to make sure they are as safe as I can possibly make it for them.

As far as leaving the Church, that is a difficult decision whether you should stay or go. I happen to have found a lot of peace in the Catholic Church and have decided that is where I did want to make my home. It was through several years of prayers, reflections and research and study while trying other churches out however that I came to that decision. During that time I came to understand things I didn't like why priests weren't allowed to marry (they used to be and it caused a lot of issues).

I would encourage you to seek out someone who you feel has a strong faith, Catholic or not, who maybe you can bounce ideas off of and discuss your feelings and try to work through this. The Catholic church is by no means a perfect church, but neither is any other church either.

I will definitely pray for you as you seek out peace and understanding and pray you find the best place for you and your faith to grow whether it is in the Catholic Church or another faith community.

I hate to tell you this, but it's NOT just the Catholics this is affecting. It's EVERYWHERE in every religion. My hubby and I were beyond shocked when a friend of ours confessed that her Protestant Preacher husband of 35 years was recently outed as an actively practicing bisexual. We knew he was always a very soft-spoken man and did more of the domestic duties, but we just thought that was because he was the one that had the "less demanding" job. So again, it's not just the Catholic religion this affects.

I agree with what most of the responses said, "It is not something that just goes on in the Catholic Church." It is in every church. It is human beings. We are imperfect. I, too, get frustrated when I hear these things.

Teaching your children to be truthful and accountable for their actions is what parenting is all about. Keep up the good work!

Can you be sure that your priest is an upstanding citizen? Well, can you do that for your children's teachers, or coaches, or neighbors....even relatives? Just go with your gut, is what I always tried to do.

Blessings to you!