Dog Guilt - What to Do

I really hope that you will find another family for him who can give him the time and exercise that he needs. You shouldn't feel guilty. If you were wanting to put him to sleep instead of going to the trouble to find him a place, then you could feel guilty. Instead, you are seeking to improve this dog's life. And that is commendable.

I hope you won't listen to anyone who chides you to keep the dog, trying to make you feel guilty. That really irritates me when I hear "well, you bought the dog, and you should have thought of these things before getting the dog." Pah-leeze!!!

D.

9 moms found this helpful

I urge you to give him to a terrier rescue. He deserves to be with people who have the time and energy to give him what he needs.

I liken this to adoption for babies/children. It's an act of love to plan an adoption when the birth parent is unable to meet the child's needs.

7 moms found this helpful

come on people, it is a dog. her children should come first and anyone who says otherwise is insane! it is cruel to you, your children and the dog to keep him. either find a great home for him or take him to the shelter. please remember that the dog is an animal, not a human being and you need to put your actual family first.

we had a dog that we got a few months before we got married. Marshall was a daschund/shi tzu mix. he was an adorable dog. but after our son was born he became very moody and even snapped at the daughter of one of our friends. after the dog ate a $500 dental device that was medically needed for our infant son we decided the dog had to go. some think we were so cruel for putting our son ahead of the dog, we no longer talk to those people.

6 moms found this helpful

well, honest answer: he is what you've created or allowed him to become.

That said, perhaps it would be better to hand him over to a rescue unit. He deserves a happy home....& you deserve to be free of this guilt. Peace....

6 moms found this helpful

We had a rottweiler who was a wonderful dog... she truly was. I found though, that I was yelling at her more than anything. Just for a being a dog. it was like having another child!

We ended up finding her a home in the woods, seriously, the people live in the woods and have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD for her. They even go so far as to get her a dog cake on her Birthday. they love her far more than I had the time or energy to devote to her. It broke my heart... but she couldn't have ended up in a better place, or with better parents.

We posted on craigslist to find her a new home. we got flooded with e-mails. I chose who I did because she was insistent she needed Gracie... and I believe she did. she had just lost a dog, they had another one who was now lonely. It worked out wonderful for everyone...

you can love someone (or dog) as much as possible, but sometimes, its just not the right time to devote your love.

maybe as they grow?

You are not a bad person for doing this. don't beat up on yourself too much.

5 moms found this helpful

I think that being held hostage by a dog is just ridiculous, look into finding him a good home, try posting something on craigslist or whatever local website you may have, I'm not one to think getting rid of a dog is okay because it's inconvenient but I also don't think arranging your life around an animal is healthy either.. do what you can to make sure he gets the home he needs and the sanity YOU need. Someone out there is looking for an active dog, you just need to find them :)

4 moms found this helpful

If it is not working for your family for whatever reason, then look into a breed specific rescue. You may have to make a donation for them to take your dog and you should also be 100% honest with them about the dog. Whatever his good, bad and uglies are you should tell them. We have a rescue Pug and we adore her. I can tell you on the receiving end of a rehoused dog, it's not the end of the world for the dog. Our Pug was from an exceptionally abusive situation and she's older than the hills (10+) so she took a while to adjust especially with my husband. Now she is totally part of the family. A good rescue family can make any rescue dog happy. Stop feeling guilty and take charge of the situation for everyone's sake. No one needs to be unhappy. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Dont feel bad ur children should always come first when i got pregnant with my first baby we rehomed our dog bc i knew i wouldnt have time for him he was already a fulltime dog. I posted it on facebook and explained why i was rehoming him and a old highschool friend actually took him and emails me pics of him all the time. I would try that before a kennel just because you may still still hear from the new owners of your terrier. good luck

4 moms found this helpful

I was in this same situation just 6 months ago. I did volunteer work for a rescue, and we ended up with three pugs. The third dog came after the other two were older, and she just never fit it. She had tons of energy, was unruly, and bossed the other two around. They had fights, there were a lot of issues. We worked really hard to turn her behavior around. And when we had the time to devote, it was working out OK. She was way better. Well, then the baby came. We gave it three months, then another three, then another two. The dogs were fighting at least once a week, they were so jealous and started picking fights with each other all the time - it was like a pecking order - they once knocked my son over while brawling, my husband was getting really frustrated (he got bit a couple times). The dynamic was out of control. And we were tired, and stressed. And all we did was yell at the one dog, Jasmine. She started everything, was always barking. Just out of control. I know it was our fault, we allowed the situation to become bad and the pack to become unbalanced. So we came to a point where we had to realize as much as we wanted to try to make it work, it wasn't happening. Our son had become our priority and all three dogs were miserable. So we rehoused Jasmine. She went to a friend that lives 1000 miles away, but she was willing to meet us 1/2 way. I know she is being loved, and I get updates on her. She doesn't fight - she is so much happier. And we now can manage the two older dogs better. We work really hard to take them on walks and play with them. It's still really hard, some days I honestly feel like they're just a burden, but I'm hoping I'll come around. They have been our dogs for 8 years and were our "babies" before the real one.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. And I had people that didn't support me, that didn't think I was trying hard enough. All I can tell you is everyone's stress is relative, we all have different capabilities to juggle, and it doesn't make you a bad person. We had a friend that has a 4 year old, four dogs and two cats. And they manage just fine. But they are also much better "pack leaders" - I had to recognize I was not, and this little dog was just too much for us. I don't believe all behavior is able to be "trained-out" - just like people, some dog breeds and individual dogs are just more work. And terriers are a handful! I would first try to find a friend or family, but yes, the terrier rescue will ask all of the right questions to potential families, and make sure the dog is properly rehoused. You have to know your limits, and if you're being stretched too thin, you have to make some changes for your own sanity. Will rehousing this dog give you more time to devote to your family? And make everyone happier? If everyone is suffering, it's the right thing to do.

Good luck! And don't feel guilty, you wouldn't be a caring person, or an animal lover if you weren't having this dilemma :)

3 moms found this helpful

I have had my dog 9 years, since she was 6 months old. She can be a royal pain (so I have had thoughts of rehoming her in the past), especially when company is over and my husband isn't home, (because she is good for him, but barks at company if I'm the only one here.) So, when I have people over, she goes into her kennel with a chew toy, I don't feel guilty over that! However, we train her and maintain the upkeep. Really, training can be only a few minutes a day, a little exercise in the morning and at night, whenever you feed her, make her do a command before you put the food down. It IS possible to get her under control, you just have to be creative. The number one reason animals are euthanized in shelters is due to behavior problems in animals in growing families who no longer have the time for them.

Is there any way you can a neighborhood teen/kid to walk your dog? Once the dog get's his excersize he will be better behaved. Terriers need to get out their energy, they act out due to boredom. Don't forget also, that training can be as simple as a water squirt bottle and redirecting him to a different activity.

I have worked at a vet, and terrier rescues usually have about 10-15 dogs waiting for homes at any given time. Many of the dogs have been in the rescue for years, and the medical/training/food needs are almost always payed out of pocket by the foster parent.

We once had to get rid of a dog and it was so sad, he was a country dog that wanted to run and herd and we lived in a tiny apartment. We gave him to a friend with a small farm... that dog is an absolute heaven herding goats and his new owner treats him like a king. So, while I tend to think it is best to train and work with the pet, sometimes, finding a good home is better. I would find a home yourself over contacting a rescue if you cannot commit to the pet, rescues are so overloaded anyways. An older terrier will most likely do best with a family of older kids too. Good luck, I know it's a tough decision to make!

3 moms found this helpful

I don't know what type of dog you have...what type of Terrier is he?

It sounds to me like you need to get your life in order...sorry - but if you have two kids and can barely find the time to eat...you need some time management skills.

Dogs need attention too. They are a pack animal and need to be part of the pack and your family is that pack. If you don't have time for him - give him to a rescue organization so that he can get the love and attention he deserves...you "care" for him is different than "I love my dog" and I LOVE my dog...I can't see not walking him every day- taking the kids with me.

When we had our old dog (he died in Dec 2008), I had one kid in the backpack and one in the stroller...when my older son could walk around the block, the younger one was in the stroller...it got me out of the house every day...which helps EVERYONE!!!

Since you don't want to dedicate time to the dog, find a rescue foundation that will take him in for you.

GOOD LUCK!

3 moms found this helpful

You're a busy mom and sometimes dogs DO slip down the totem pole after kids arrive.

We had a "non-kid" type dog, too, so I can relate a bit.
But my husband or I did find time to walk him every singe day of his life.
My husband starts work at 4 or 5 a.m. but he would still do the walk some nights at around 8ish when my son was getting a bath, etc.

Can someone watch your kids for an hour while you take the dog out a few times per week?
Can you do a 20 minute walk before your husband leaves for work?
Can he?
Do you have a doggie daycare in your area? I'll bet 2 busy days for him every week would make a difference.
Sounds like you don't want to get rid of him or let him turn into a vegetable.
Good luck...hope you find something that can work.
(with our dog, it wasn't the amount of time that was important for his walk--it was the routine. So even a 10-15 minute walk would be better than nothing, right?)

2 moms found this helpful

I put my dog on the treadmill. At first I put him on with his leash. Then eventually, I didn't have to use a leash anymore. My dog has done as much as 8+ miles in a day. It's good for him and calms him down.

Is it possible to gate part of the house off so the kids are playing on one side, and he on the other? That's what I would do for nursing times.

If you don't have a treadmill, you could find one for sale used. When my last treadmill broke down, I really wanted an elliptical trainer for me. But I realized my dog can not use an elliptical. So I put the dog first!

My older dog has skin problems. I have had to cough up 500 dollars this month alone to get him well. He is getting better! But we are far from over.

If your kids are not safe. Never mind. But since you obviously care, try to get him the exercise he needs and see if that doesn't turn it all around.

Actually, we have had our dog in the kennel since he came to us and he was born and kept in a kennel at the breeders. My dog loves his house and puts himself back in after he's done playing. We've only recently been able to have him out more without constant supervision. The kennel is not torture.

2 moms found this helpful

I am one who has always had dogs whether it was when I was growing up or once I moved out on my own.
I got my first dog while pregnant with my son. After my son was born I was working full time and going to college. She was home and adapted very well. I would tie her up on a run once I got home for an hour or so and she was happy. She has since passed on. Within 2 months I got another dog who is a lab/pitbull mix. I was pregnant with my daughter. If anyone knows the typical lab and pitbull they are balls of energy. My daughter is now 4 and last year I added a shepherd/cattle dog mix to our family.
As others have said they are pack animals. I know you are looking out for the best of your dog, but me I look at my dogs as family. I would not give up my dog any sooner as I would my kids. If you can make time for your kids you can make time for your dog.
My kids have always been told if they pick on the dog and the dog snaps at them they get yelled at. It is their way to show that one they mean business and want left alone or 2 are trying to see where they fit in the ranks of the pack. If the dog follows the their rules of the pack they will not leave any marks. My son was bouncing on the one dog, she would typically slowly get up and move so he wouldnt get hurt but she was tired of him bouncing on her. I was in the room, she growled, I looked at her and she had snapped around and grabbed the bink out of his mouth. That was it. It startled him enough that he didnt do it again and she never let out another growl when it came to him. If they snap out of fear or are meaning to hurt then they are gone. In that term means if my husband is home he would snap its neck right then and there. So if you think its out of fear then give him to a rescue, if its just because the kids wont leave him alone then you can force the issue with him and the kids and they will learn.
BTW I now have my 4 yr. old and 9 yr. old and during the day/early evening I watch my 5 month old, 3 yr. old and 6 yr. old nephew. And yes my dogs still get walked and played with.

2 moms found this helpful

Is he neutered? My mother's terrier was the same way and calmed down tremendously when she finally neutered him. This was only after he bit my son who was a little over a year at the time. Now, he's pretty mellow. Just a thought.

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Here's a question - is there a kid in the neighborhood who would run him ragged for you for an hour a day for a few bucks? My nephew does this when his neighbor is out of town. Runs the dog after school and it is so tuckered out there is no energy to chew. Also, is there a reason that walking the dog and taking the kids is mutually exclusive? Could you put the kids in a double stroller and off you go for a while? Maybe visit a dog-friendly park?

What did the trainer say? Could you give the dog one floor or area of your home while the kids stay mostly in another?

If you do decide to rehome him, offer to foster until and adopter is found. That takes the burden off the rescue, who is probably overwhelmed with other dogs. Some will do a curtosy listing for you.

1 mom found this helpful

He would probably be happier, with a person that does not have kids.
Not all dogs, like children, nor get along with them.

Your Dog is not happy.

Or you get a Dog handler to try and help.
That way, you know you tried to problem solve it, before getting rid of him.

Find him a home that is good for him. Screen the people who may want to adopt him.

When I was a child, we had a German Shepard. Super good dog and very protective. Too protective. The neighborhood was scared of him.
But we had to get rid of him. Although we had a yard etc., he was really needing more.
We gave him to a friend, that had a farm.
He was VERY happy then. He had a whole huge acreage, to live on and a family (without kids) that loved him. He WAS happier. We saw him and visited him. His new owners, were very good people.
That is, key.

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We have a 20 month old lab. He is the sweetest most gentle dog and we just love him. I do walk him a minimum of one hour a day, everyday, off leash in the woods. I take him rain or shine, year round and it is a big committment. He gets to run, sniff, swim and get all his doggie needs met. I think the amount of exercise he gets directly contributes to his wonderful temperment.
Have you checked into doggie daycare? I know it can be a bit pricey but maybe you could do it once or twice a week. It would give you a break and maybe your dog would be better around the house.
Good luck

I agree that doggie day care is a great solution for now.... maybe even a permanent solution if it works out.

Also agree about contacting rescues for that breed, and just be very open and honest about the dogs needs and behaviors.

we are in a very similiar situation, and im very frustrated. i am looking into doggie day care myself.

we keep ours outside most of the day, as long as the weather is appropriate, on a very long leash, and he seems happier, but the cold weather is coming, so its probably going to be doggie day care.

Try petfinder for local rescues.

Good Luck!!!!!

Reach out to your trainer and vet - finding him a home on your own will have a much better (and possibly faster) answer than a shelter or a rescue. Breed specific rescues won't take a dog who has bitten a child, in case that's ever happened (even if by accident). When dogs have this type of anxiety/high needs, they tend to deteriorate very rapidly in a shelter environment. Good luck! A new home where the dog can be himself and where you can find some relief in your home is a happy ending, even if bittersweet.