Does Your Husband's Bad Mood Affect You?

yes. we set each other on edge with just a look. His mood goes all over and through me. I used to let it affect me all day, now I recognize it for what it is and go my own way. I used to take it personally and think what did I do to him. Now I think - what an @ss and I remove myself from his presence. I usually feel much better within a few minutes.

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Maybe its his time of the month and he's "manstrating".

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No...not because he never has "bad moods" but because I don't let it.
If he's in a garden-variety bad mood, it might tick me off for a minute or two, but generally, I don't let it affect my day.....

And for all the husbands out there--they really need to learn how to TAKE CARE of themselves when they are sick! I;m not your mom, I'm your wife! You know where the Tylenol/cough syrup/cold meds are!

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The longer we are married, the more I realize his mood is exactly that....
his mood. I no longer let it affect me.
It took me awhile to come to this realization.
I started noticing he got grumpier his last birthday when he hit a milestone
What I do is leave him alone when he rants like this & goes off.
I go to another part of the house or weather permitting take little one outside.
He's turned into that quintessential "grumpy old man" before his time.
I constantly tell myself "it's not my mood. It's his." then try my best to go
about my happy day. Much easier when he's not home ALL weekend. :)
I try to do things that make ME happy.
The worse his mood, the harder I work to make ME happy.
You cannot change another person & I think as women we have to tell
ourselves that someones crappy mood/attitude is not a reflection of
us or anything we have done!
When he is moody or crappy before he leaves home for work, tell yourself
(as soon as that door closes) that you are happy, you will have a great
day w/your kids & that is HIS mood......not yours.
Now you just go and have a great day! Enjoy every minute of it honey.
You deserve it! :)
Oh and one more thing.....my girlfriend would say "Is the monsoon in so-and-so place your fault? Was the earthquake in so-and-so country your fault? No! Then his mood is not YOUR fault either!". Hope that helps :)

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YES! You know that saying "if momma ain't happy no ones is happy"... well, in my house it's "if daddy ain't happy, no one is happy"

I'll be honest, I sometimes hate going home because people at work appreciate me more than my family, people come into my office give me hugs tell me how I've made their day (which makes mine) then I get home to so much negativity... Maybe this posting is affecting me a little heavy today

Hugs going out to you Sally, you are not alone...

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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You just stated one of the big issues in my relationship. I am a naturally happy person, and I want to be around happy people. I can't stand people who think it's okay to put all their bad moods and negativity on other people.

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yep, on an hour to hour basis. I often asked if he was this way as a child too. He says since he remembers... bad.

When he is in a good mood, I have to ask if he got into the Rum again. He gets a little miffed about it, but he cant get too angry, because he already used that card.

Usually I try to be upbeat and happy despite him, though it IS very hard to do it a lot.
Just this morning as he is leaving for work he has the door open and is standing in front of the storm door. He is staring at me (on the couch with crying children cause he is leaving) and wildly gesturing at me. NOT saying anything. I asked him "yes what did you need" and he went off. "why do you talk to me like I am a customer, cant you see I am trying to leave and R is standing here?" I say yes I see the baby and what would he like me to do? grow a third arm and leg to hold him, or put down the crying girls to open the door like a gentleman so he can walk out un hindered by children?" WHY is it so hard for a grown man, with several college degrees, bordering on geinus, to figure out HOW to up a door and hold a child at bay, in order to get out of it... you know what he says to me on the way out? Be sure to close the door (meaning the inner one) WHAT?? seriously.. does he think I live in a barn? Anyway this is going on over 5 years. I dont see much change. I do love the guy to death, despite the crazy mood swings. He is homesick and hates winter. I have to give him some slack.

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YES, one of the hardest parts of marriage is not letting one bad mood create another. It is SO hard! When my husbands in a bad mood, he will try to tell me I'M in a bad mood! It's like this sick transference effect, I hate it! And he get's really agitated if I stray from having a pleasant demeanor for even just a moment. It's hard. No one can be Miss Mary Sunshine ALL the time.

But in the morning I have the opposite problem, most of the time he is too chipper for me! I'm not grumpy in the a.m., I just start out slow and quiet. I prefer to get ready quietly and reflect on the day ahead... I actually rearrange my schedule to avoid my husband in the morning- I time it so I'm downstairs alone while he is in the bathroom and all that. I even get up earlier to make sure I time it all right. I just couldn't take it, he speaks too loudly in the morning, wants to tell me about what he dreamed about, what song is stuck in his head, some story he forgot to tell me yesterday about a person at work... ugh! I haven't told him I can't stand this but there were just too many times when I wasn't responding 100% to his level of wakefullness and it turned into "what's YOUR problem?" Nothing I just like to be quiet in the morning! It's the only quiet I get all day!!!

Ah, thanks for the opportunity to vent. What were we talking about again?

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On occasion it does, but not often. We have a general rule in the house that "you can't be mad just because I'm mad." If I'm at home and he's pissed about something, I take it as a "he needs some time to himself" moment and I go do something else. Eventually he comes around and is his sweet self again. On the other hand, if he's pissed about something and starts picking on ME, then it's ON.

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My husband very rarely gets grouchy, but when he does LOOK OUT! We, the kids and I, try to just stay out of his way and not provoke him. We have a code :) "don't poke the bear" and when one of us realizes he is grouchy we will warn the others.
I try not to let it bother me. We all have our moments. The only time it really does get to me is if he takes it out on me or the kids for no reason.

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grrrrrr, my husband can be the same way. We have a 3 month old daughter and both of us will be in the living room (we've been up for over an hour) and my husband will come out and I will say "good morning" to him. He will say "whats so good about it." then huff and puff on how our house is a mess and what do I do all day, sit on my butt. (I became a stay-at-home-mommy when she was born). I used to work 3 jobs (2 nanny jobs back to back during the week, then babysit most fri-sat nights on top of it. So he is pissy about having to be the only income coming into the house.

I got up the nerve & went off on him this weekend because I am sick and tired of his piss-poor attitude towards me and his daughter. It was like I was living with a zombie. I put him to work too, cleaning around the house.

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This might be TMI but (with my husband) he becomes unbearably grumpy if his physical needs have not been "relieved" for a while! Its ridiculously easy for me to improve his mood .... ;)

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I am totally with you --- whatever his mood is whatever my mood. He's grumpy I'm grumpy. He's pissed I'm pissed. He's happy I'm happy. This week for us has been rough too, as he's working on his own business and is super-stressed and I'm his 'secretary' of sorts. One yell of a cuss word from his mouth and I am pissed for the next hour at least.

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My husband is very rarely in a bad mood, but when he gets grumpy it definitely affects everyone in the house.

I have learned to just go to another room and essentially act like he's not there. I used to let it put me in a bad mood also, but I realized that our GD was suffering because now EVERYONE is in a bad mood.

So, I decided not too long ago to let that mood be his, and not let it rub off on me. So now as soon as I see it, I go into the other room and just carry on as if he's not even home. It doesn't take long and he'll be okay and then all is well.

I think the best thing is just distance (even if just from the bedroom to the living room) and a bit of time to readjust the attitude.

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In my house, I am the Morning Grinch. I seclude myself until I'm on my second cup of coffee because I don't trust my brain to think nice/true thoughts. It's bad. 10:00pm is when I'm just getting my groove on. If only I were the dictator of the world...I'd abolish the 9-5:00 work day.

But any how.

Yes, my husband's bad moods do sometimes effect me BAD (as do other people's moods). Granted, my husband was in a bad mood for three years (and did not sequester his angry little self). And I'll tell you what, I latched on to his moods like a lock-jaw dog. I would NOT let it go. "Huh huh, you're going to be sour, I'm going to be sour. Let's be miserable, yay." THAT got TIRED. See, I can take other people's feelings (not to be confused with actions/behaviors) really personally. "How dare you have an off day / that must be my fault / I can make it better, let's find a way for me to be in control."

GRATEFULLY, my husband has not been in a consistently-and-targeting-you-bad-mood for a little while now. He still get's to be a real pain in the rumpus / has feelings, but is willing to acknowledge his behavior and choices as his own and isn't living in a parallel universe where he doesn't have to be accountable but I do (for both our behaviors). Our marriage would not have survived another year had he not gone through some sort of transformation. *I* am not sure how attached I am to his moods anymore. It's hard to tell where your roof leaks when it's not raining, yah know?

I'll tell you what. It is EASY for me to spin out. Hard. If I'm not very careful I'll ruin my own day over someone else's issues (imagined or real). Which is pointless and difficult. (Imagine a dog with a rope, shaking and growlin')

So, that's what I'm trying hard to not do. Ephie is practicing personal ownership of her emotional well being. I choose to be happy, regardless of life's twists and turns. Today I am succeeding 100%. Two days ago, not so much.

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I try not to let his mood effect me but sometimes it's hard. It's something that you have to just make an effort to not let it. I try to ignor him when he get's too moody!

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My husband and I recently quit smoking. I quit a few days before him. We are both miserable LoL BUT when he is in a crappy mood it definately sets me off.

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It does, as hard as I try not to let it. The longer we are married the better I am getting at detaching from him when he gets in one of his moods. Usually the moods are completely unfounded and caused by something any rational person would call ridiculous. I used to work so hard to try to make him feel better. Now I just go out. I take my son and whichever stepkids want to get a break from dad and we go to the library or McDonald's or the mall to walk around. I still have a pit in my stomach the whole time until he comes around. But seeing the kids relax makes it worth the trip.

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Yep. But I am learning to back off. Now that I wake up before him its awesome! I kiss him goodbye while he is still in bed, alarm going off and all. You should try it, best thing that ever happened to our relationship is me having to leave for work earlier then him

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When my husband is in a bad mood, it does affect me, so when that happens or the other way around, we take some minutes away, we don't talk, we let each other calm down, go out or go to another room in the house, and do whatever makes us feel better, otherwise, we will explode for stupid things. The thing is just to let him be.

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Ha, just this morning his piss pants attitude caused quite a conflict. But, we are too stressed out and have too much stuff going on to stay mad at each other. Im over it, moving on....

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OMG, that is so funny Sally, when my husband does anything rude in the morning it totally ruins the first part of my day! I thought it was just me being really sensitive. strange how they can totally effect you, my husband breathes wrong and I am so mad for the rest of the morning. heheh :) It is hard to let it not affect u, but we got to try, we shouldn't get mad at these things , they are small.

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My hubby is so nice and is rarely grumpy, but when he is, you can cut the tension in the house with a knife. I HATE when he's grumpy.

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ah, you've said the impossible words...."why can't he just suck it up"? men, suck it up? be in a good mood when they are sick? lets remember who we are talking about. i know very few men who can "suck it up". its just not in their DNA literally. my husband will also be grouchy in the am and other times and it makes me crazy too! best thing to do, I think, is to "not make him part of your morning". literally ignore him and get out of the house. men are big babies when they are sick. imagine them with PMS and cramps that make them throw up every month. yea, right. ha ha. hopefully you are laughing too?

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Yes... it's almost impossible to ignore and detach from it because he won't leave anyone in the vicinity alone.

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Use his illnes as a reason to let him be on his own in the morning and get an early start out of the house to workout or do errands. Even if you take kids with you for errands. This way you can start your day off on a positive note and he can stew on his own until he wakes up enough. Just a way to avoid it. Yes mine starts his tantrum and my stomach is up in knots as I think to myself "your an adult not 3 control yourself!" If he is irritated with you making the am exit, let him know that it sets you up for negativity and you are just protecting the family psychy.

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Have you considered talking to him about this particular subject? Maybe there's more to what you're seeing or hearing. Often times men do not confide in anyone what's really bothering them. And I hate to say it, but lack of communication is one of the key ingredients that leads to separation and/or divorce. Dig deeper.

My friends husband is like that. She call's it "the Monday blue's." Without fail, she will talk to him during the day, and he sounds like he just lost his best friend...LOL Yes, they argue about his grumpiness, but it never does any good.
It's the one thing that bug's her the most........
She will say to him, "why can't you be thankful for all the things that are good in your life?" He's just a miserable person sometimes.
Take care!