Does Anyone Sometimes Your Husband Is a JERK?

From your SWH, I fail to see how not washing one pan means that you took it easy today. I would not have any conversations with him until he asks why you are being uncommunicative. Then I would tell him that his parents who have been married "x" number of years were just separated for the rest of their lives (which will probably lessen their time on this earth - my own grandmother and her husband my example), and all he can think of in terms of his OWN wife is that she is his slave.

Shame on him. You say he always acts this way. Why do you put up with it? Don't make excuses as to why you don't get everything done. You don't have to.

D.

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It's time for you to call him on his behavior. He is teaching his children that he has little respect for you and all you do. This is not what he means, I'm sure, but it has to stop.
The only person who can make it stop is you.
LBC

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Honey, my husband doesn't act like that, even on his most stressed out days. Tell him not to take his crappy day or bad feelings out on you! You and he are a team and he shouldn't be fighting against his teammate!

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Stop making excuses for him. He is taking you for granted!! You have spoiled him.

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It's got to be stressful putting your parents in a home to live....

EVERYONE can be a jerk...sometimes...he's stressing over his parents health...cut him some slack today...if it continues, then tell him that he needs to find another way to vent his anger and frustration at the situation instead of at you...

if he's rude to you on a daily basis - then the two of you need to learn how to communicate with each other - as condescending and rudeness isn't teaching your kids anything....

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Yes, yes, and...... yes. He can be a jerk. You are sooooo not alone. MEN! (sigh)

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I used to work days and my husband worked nights and we would alternate being with the kids. I truly think that every man should have to be a stay-at-home-dad, even just part-time, for at least a 6 month stretch. I think it would pretty much eliminate those kinds of insensitive (and frankly, demeaning) comments. My husband would never ever ever suggest that I was lazy or took the day off. The times that he has walked in to a horridly messy house or no dinner is made, I generally will be apologetic, and EVERY time, he dismisses the apology and says he hoped we had a good time at the park, or laughs and says, "You? Lazy? Ha, when pigs fly!" Because he KNOWS how hard it is to take care of the kids, and to add cooking and cleaning on top of that... Anyway, I am sorry your husband said that and I think that it would do both of you good to let him spend some time at home juggling it all, alone. Seriously, go on a vacation with the girls, or go visit your family, sans kids. He needs a wake up call.

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Yes, we're all thoughtless at times. Lots of stress in his world (not that there is not in yours). It's tough when your parents start going downhill. My husband went through an extended period of being less than pleasant. I decided I was going to pray for him and our marriage. I did it consistently for a couple of months and things changed dramatically. He became nicer and I became more tolerant. Good luck, it'll change, just pray.

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It is understandable that he would be snappish today but it's not acceptable if he's like this all the time. I agree with you that it's best not to say or do anything right now because of what's happening with his parents. But in another month or so, I'd tell him that you will no longer be accepting this behavior. Be assertive: not aggressive. That means that you're polite while being firm and direct. Keep repeating until he gets the message. Work hard at not fighting with him because he's going to try to get you sidetracked with a fight. A fight does not provide a solution. It only prolongs the misery.

I urge you to get into counseling so that you can learn ways to handle his behavior without fighting. I urge marriage counseling so that the two of you can learn how to be a team with equal members.

By letting this go on you're not only allowing yourself to be miserable but you're teaching your children that this is the way to relate with each other and they will have similar ideas and marriages as you and your husband.

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don't analyze it too much. like you said, he has a lot going on. now if this is his normal attitude daily, then yes, you have a problem. but IF you can honestly attribute it to his situation right now, then you really have to let it go. listing everything you do just makes it sound like you are really trying way too hard to justify not washing one pan. big deal. let it slide off your back. in all honesty it would have taken him five minutes to take care of it himself. it's not about the pan. hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband makes hurtful comments like that every once in awhile. If I'm in a good mood, I'll reply ," sure, hun!" and secretly roll my eyes, and still leave the dirty dish. If he makes a comment like that on a moody day,my claws come out and I'll respond with a sarcastic comment such as " and u need to spend more time wiping your butt after using the bathroo
so u stop staining your underwear.". Sometimes, they just want to complain about mundane things to let off steam. I wouldn't take it personally. :-)

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I hope you are not just taking this from him. When he says stuff like that to you you need to bounce right back at him. Stand up for yourself!! He is a bully and you are the victim who is letting him get away with it. And I would so be tit for tat with him....be just as rude to him as he is to you about his unfinished 'man's work'. When he gets upset say "yeah-I do know how you feel...kind of like I do when you insult my cleaning."

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Hi, C.:

Your last sentence: "but I do feel bad for him."
My question is: Is your feeling bad for him causing you to make an excuse for his inappropriate remark about the dish in the sink?

For support you tell us about your hurt feelings instead of telling your husband.

Have you thought about negotiating with your husband about the roles each one of you can do to help each other out.
Just a thought.
D.

1 mom found this helpful

You are describing my JERK of a husband (married 6 years) everyday. At least once a day he makes a rotten remark to try to upset me. Some days it works and others it doesn't. He is a bully and he is definitely not teaching our special needs son how to be a gentleman or a good husband or father for that matter. Nothing I ever do is done right, done fast enough or the way he would do it. I am lazy and I've been told that I should have never had either of my kids because I'm too selfish. Right now I'm trapped and can't go anywhere but in time that will all change.

If your husband is just starting this stuff with you, you need to talk to him and be assertive about it NOW. Does he ever apologize? Tell him that he is being a poor example for your children by being disrespectful in front of them and that you won't be putting up with it. If you really think its because of his parents and the changes they are going through then I would suggest you tell him that you don't deserve his misdirected anger and frustration.

Don't allow him to take your self esteem away from you! Hold your head high and believe in yourself that you are an excellent mother and wife!

I wish you lots of peace in your home.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, my husband consistently acts like a big baby if he is stressed and not getting his way, luckily he snaps out of it and knows he was wrong.

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If my husband tells me that my place is in the kitchen, he knows he's in for a rude awakening. There have been times that I was sick or any of our 4 were sick and I'll stay up with them because he works. Or if we are homeschooling during the year and its a hectic day he knows that once we get everything done for the day then the house gets cleaned more thoroughly. But today sounds like you were busy and he is stressed.

It takes teamwork from both of you. You sound like you are working hard to help educate the kids and he sounds like he's working hard and worried about family.

Like I read in another post make sure it doesn't happen daily, because that is not good for you or the kids.

YUP - Jerk is putting it Nicely ;-) really!
and I'm sure he's got some 'names' for me too Sometimes ! LOL

Today is another day :-) xoxo