Does Anyone Have a Nanny for Older Children?

I think I may be confused. Do you want your nanny to take the kids to the library and pick out books (that will be of HER choosing, and may not be what you deem appropriate), take your kids to the doctor (which seems odd to me unless you don't really care about their health), buy them clothes (again...HER choosing, not you), setting up play dates with people you don't know? Or....what? I don't understand your question.
You probably just need a nanny to be there in the morning and after school care for a couple of hours until you get home. Around here they just call it "before and after school care".
I nannied for a family for 3 years and had the older children (3rd and 7th grade) after school. It was my job to make sure they got their after school snack, got homework done, and got any practicing that they needed to do done. It wasn't my job to take care of the house, chores, or laundry. That's a housekeeper.
L.
umm....this wasn't said in a nasty tone at all. I am sorry that you read it that way. This was said in a confused tone. Next time I will note my tone before responding. Also, there are TONS of people out there that do before and after care.

I agree that you might just have to find a new different kind of Nanny. However...do you think that it could be possible to salvage the current nanny...you have a long history with her. Maybe have a sit down with her, tell her that now that the kids are getting older you would like to redefine her role and your expectations. Lay it out for her...

Get kids to school
Pick kids up from school
Get homework done
Take them to the library once a week and pick out 5 books
Run errands as needed during the day when kids are in school
Chauffeur them to after school activiites or appointments as needed
Bring them to play dates

I think for the play dates and doctors appointments you or dad are going to have to be in charge of those. For the play dates...if you call the parents and arrange them...have the nanny take them. But at least initially you will have to coordinate with other parents. Tell the nanny that you are okay with her scheduling a second or third play date. Or the kids are getting older now they should be able to coordinate the playdates with the other kids themselves and then just ask the Nanny to take them, etc.

Doctors appointments you or dad need to go...no way around that - whatever info needs to be given to doctor you need to be there for...plus you want to hear whatever he/she has to say.

Birthday presents...send the nanny with kid and cash/credit card to buy...perfectly fine.

So either way make your list of expectations see if old nanny can meet them...if not move on to new younger nanny.

Good luck.

Sorry you're getting some harsh responses :(
As a SAHM of 19 years my advice is DON"T QUIT YOUR JOB! I always thought I would be able to transition back into the workforce but it has been incredibly distressing and discouraging. So if you like your job, keep it!

I think a different type of nanny is in order. Do you have any colleges nearby? We have friends that have a college girl who comes every day from 3 to 6. She picks the kids up from school, feeds them a snack, drives them to their activities and helps them with homework. Sometimes she takes them to an appointment or a friend's house, and she's willing to pick up dry cleaning!
Of course the kids love her because she is young and fun and the parents love her energy and attitude. She takes care of so much during that hectic after school time so it's really nice that by the time the parents get home the whole family can have dinner and relax a bit.
You might want to think about something like that :)

I dont have a nanny now.. I did when my first child was an infant..

I think kids need their mom at all ages.. but a young child.. will bond with a nanny and be ok with the nanny doing most care.. taking them to a park.. etc...but now that the kids have different needs.. they need you more..

I have seen nannies take kids to the library for story time..I take my kids to the library for story time.. but while they are in the story time.. I search the shelves for good books.. and check out 20 books that are right for them to read and for me to read to thm. I dont think a nanny is going to put the effort into finding the types of books I find for them.

I have seen nannies at classes with kids.. the kids seem overall happy but one day of hte class .. mom takes off work and comes to the class.. the kid is SSSSOO much happier and more animated.. just cause their mom is there..

you can work for 40+ years.. your kids are only little for a few years..

For what it's worth, I worked (& was the primary bread winner) until my youngest was in 3rd grade. We had a nanny for the youngest two from the time the youngest was about 6 months old until after I stopped working. She did story time at the library, play dates, creative & learning projects, some small gift shopping & errand running and any after school activities (brownies, sports, friends, homework, projects, et cetera) and did it all well. I had no problem with her selecting books with the kids or supervising play dates. She & I communicated well together so were on the same page.

It worked for us.

By the way, the youngest starts college this fall & the second youngest is starting her junior year in college & is considering pre-med. We're still very, very close to our old nanny & she considers herself part of our family which we encourage.

With the right situation, it can work well -- though I'm not sure any mom ever really feels on top of things and rested! ;-)

Good luck finding what works for your family.

A friend of ours, their daughter was the afterschool nanny (and summer nanny) to a professional couple they knew.....

She drove their cars, had access to the credit cards, (or they may have set up a credit card for just her, for the kids' expenses that they paid), and took the kids places, took them shopping, took care of dinner for the kids, I believe, did everything.

I have no idea how much she was paid, but it was pretty much a dream job for a college student!

I wonder if it is just that she doesn't realize that the expectations you have for her have changed? I realize there is a language barrier, but maybe you need to talk to her, as someone said, and outline what you expect her to do with/for the kids now that they are older.

First you should figure out if you should quit your job. I agree that a nanny should be a 2nd mommy to the kids. I would expect my nanny to do the things you mentioned (and I do care about my children's health but for routine checkups, it wouldn't matter). Either be specific with your nanny about your needs or look for a new one. Maybe you can talk to your kids about what they would like.

My kids are 7 and 5 and I still have a nanny. We needed to decrease her hours since the kids are at school 3/4 of the day. Our solution was to decrease our nanny's hours to 3/4 time during the school year and full time during holidays and summer. We would've reduce her to 1/2 time but she needed the income so we compromise to 3/4 and she comes to clean/pick up/do laundry a few hours a day before the kids get out of school. Different chores each day of the week, of course, not all of those every day. I feed the kids breakfast and drop them off at school, then head to work. I still do doctor/dentist appt, etc. But, to save time, she brings the kids to the doctor's office and I meet them there. Then she takes them back home and I head back to work. Presents for friends' birthday, I just give the nanny money and she goes with the kids to buy. Presents for the kids, I buy myself alone or with the kids on the weekend.
I still go to all the kids activities at school. The nanny takes the kids to the library and park and playdates. Half the parents here sends the kids to the park with the nanny. In fact, one of the nearby park is dubbed 'nanny park' because that's where all the nannies like to hang out with their charges. My kids have school friends, family friends, and 'park' friends. We've met some very nice families through our nanny. So those play dates are arranged by the nannies, with the parents knowledge and consent. School friend playdates are usually arranged when I drop the kids off at school or through email/phone calls.
My kids don't complain about missing mommy because DH and/or I always attend all their school functions. Also, some of their friends have nannies as well, so they don't feel like they're the odd one. They have playtime with us on the weekend and play time with the nanny on weekdays. Try and have some of your housekeeping work done by a housekeeper to free you up during the weekend. Our nanny was amenable to housekeeping tasks instead of reduced hours. If you can't re-structure your nanny's tasks, you may need a new one in addition to a housekeeper. Believe me, not having to do housework is a huge stress relief. I say if you can afford to farm out the work, make your life easier.
BTW, I have a coworker whose youngest child is 16 and they still have the nanny! Granted she's mostly a housekeeper and 'chauffeur'.

I have a nanny in the summer, but I still do all of the mom things. My kids are 9, 7, and 5. I don't want a nanny doing the mom things, that's why I'm the mom and she is the nanny. She is there to keep them safe and have fun with them while I'm at work.

I would also love to stay at home with them, but my career is much more stable than my husband's as well, and while we are equal on income, we can't lose one of them. I also have busted my rear end through school and plan to use my degrees.

We also like the life style we have. My kids get a lot of experiences they wouldn't have if I stayed home...but it's a trade off that works for us. If I could stay home AND have the life we have, I'd do both. My kids are also in school full-time, except for summer, when I take plenty of time off to be with them.

I think you need to talk to your nanny about expectations. My nanny takes the kids out of the house every day they want to (library, pool, park, movies, plays, etc.) They do arts and crafts at home, she plays board games with them, etc. The TV is rarely on when she is at the house. She is a dream nanny for us. I hope we can get her next year! So I think you should talk to your nanny about what you need from her and what she can expect from you.

Is it possible that if your nanny learned more English, things would be better? She could help them with homework, take them to library? You could offer to pay for English classes if you think it would help. Maybe let her know you are frustrated with miscommunications so she realizes her job is on the line. I dont have a nanny but if I did , and my kids were in school all day, I would expect more than just physical care, I would expect her to be able to drive them place, (not dr apts) but to library and play dates, I would expect her to help them with their homework and have them pick up their rooms. Where is your husband in all this? If you are the major breadwinner, why do you do 100% of the dr and dentist apts and running errands? Can he do 50%? Lately my husband has been in charge of all Pediatrician apts. and more than half of the grocery shopping, and much of the cooking, as I work more hours than he does. (For birthday presents-buy several generic presents and keep them on hand, craft kits, soccer balls, board games with a gift receipt)

You're putting your kids needs and desires first in your thoughts, which is good, but what do YOU want? I quit a very high level job because I couldn't see missing my kids' childhood. Sure, I felt it was important for them and, quite honestly, the cost of childcare would have taken the majority of my paycheck, so it made no sense to me to pay someone a huge chunk of my income to do that which I wanted to do.

Staying home is tough -- even when they are older. Especially when they're older, perhaps. But if you stay home and are miserable, they will be miserable. For me, I couldn't have stayed at work -- I would have been too frazzled and would have felt like I missed everything. Will you miss work too much?

I don't think too many of us here have nannies to be able to help you out. But when you die, will you say "I wish I hired a better nanny!" or "I wish I had spent more time with them"?

ETA: I brought up staying home because you brought it up. It appeared that was one of the things you were considering, but perhaps I misread your intent. And to be clear, I left a professorship in an academic field that I will not be able to get back into easily, either (professors don't make a whole lot). I left when women who manage to get such jobs rarely leave because, again, I felt it was the right thing for my kids and the right thing for me. I guess I'm not sure what your question is. You think their dissatisfaction is simply that you don't have the right nanny? I guess if they've only ever known nannies then that may be it. It didn't sound like that was your concern, though, based on your last like "they're more aware of who has a SAHM vs a nanny, they just talk more..."

Your current nanny has come to have certain expectations of what her job is. She's likely to be resentful and/or want a lot more money if you just spring all these new expectations on her.
I'd advise you to start over with someone new who's on board with the new job description.

I work full time and I still have time to do all my kid's clothes shopping and buying presents for their friend's birthdays and go to doctor's appts, I would feel weird letting someone who was not a parent do that. (well, maybe friend's birthday presents). I do pick out her library books, too, but I do it online. Our library has the option for you to search and find it and reserve it online and it will be there waiting when you come for it. I like that a lot.

I don't have a nanny, my daughter goes to a daycare. But if I wasn't happy with the level of care she was getting, I would have no problem finding someone else, which I did do when she was a baby and I didn't feel like they were taking as good of care of her as I wanted. Don't feel guilty for finding a new nanny if you need one.

Why not have you husband quit his job and stay home with the kids?

It sounds to me like you kind of WANT to be the one taking them to the docs, library and scheduling playdates. Would you be ok with having somebody take those responsibilities from you? If yes, then you need to find a new nanny who is more forcefull and take charge. I am sure they are out there. If no then just keep who you have because what you have sounds like a sitter. And like it or not if you stay at your job you will need someone to watch the kids. And your children will just have to deal with it and accept it as THEIR reality.