Doctors with Zero Bedside Manners

I agree with many of the posts, but I have to say that I would look for a different doctor. I have several doctors that I see regularly, like a pediatrician, OB/GYN, Internist, etc. and they all have a very good bedside manner. I do know that they are rushed and trying to see as many patients as possible, so I try not to waste their time. But I do feel they are seeing me as a person and are considerate and helpful. So, maybe you need to shop around, because there are doctors out there with good bedside manner.

I'm going to respond to your post from a different point of view. Everyone else's are quite valid - I just have some different professional experience that may help explain things a little more.

Getting into med school is really tough - almost all of the selection criteria are on stellar grades and MCAT scores. Little has to do with personality and interpersonal skills.

The average physician is coming out of their residency with $250-$300K in med school debt. A Family Practitioner/Internist is likely to make $150K their first few years (some more, many less). Depending on where you live, the cost of Malpractice insurance is astronomical. Plus, it's becoming harder for doctors to make a living. Most are up and at the hospital by 6am, see patients until 6pm and then have rounds/charts. A good doctor today is working 70-100 hours/week realistically. In order to break even, most are having to see 30-35 patients/day for insurance to reimburse adequately to cover their costs. That breaks down to 15 minute appointments in which you may get 7 minutes of their time.

Right now, Congress is trying to pass legislation to further reduce the rate of reimbursement for Medicare appointments by 40%.
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2010/02/health-reform-require...
Almost 2 years ago, a few weeks after giving birth to my second child, I was diagnosed with Stage II Hodgkins Lymphoma (cancer). My Oncologist is the only Lymphoma expert in the state. At my first appointment, it was very clear he had no bedside manner. I decided I'd take his brilliance and the nurse's angelic bedside manner because I didn't want to die.

I don't think it's wrong to expect that your doctor has a good bedside manner. I've often been critical of my Family Practitioner - until he was the 1 doctor who thought something was suspicious enough to warrant a biopsy on my swollen node. Now, I have a different point of view.

But, here are a few things to think about if you start looking for another doctor:
1. Does a better bedside manner translate into a better doctor? In some cases yes, in others no. Just because another patient "loves" their doctor doesn't mean they're the most clinically gifted.

2. There's usually a warning to heed when the office has relatively few patients. Either the physician is just starting out and is building their practice or there's something not quite right. A busy practice is usually a good sign of a good doctor (or someone willing to write an Rx for whatever the patient wants).

3. Having to wait in the waiting room can be a GOOD thing - it means the doctor is willing to take the time needed to correctly treat you instead of staying on schedule. That being said, one of the best doctors I know is very efficient and good about keeping his schedule in tact.

4. See if your doctor's office has a Nurse Practitioner or a Physician's assistant you can see. They are highly trained, can write prescriptions, and generally have longer appointment times. Some of the best health care providers I know are NPs.

I hope that perspective helps. I've been dealing with Health Care Providers and their offices for 10 years and have literally met hundreds of doctors - there are as many good as bad - all are smart. Some just care a little more than others.

When I first moved back to Ft Lauderdale after being away at college in a small town, I noticed that everyone seemed so unfriendly. I mentioned it to a friend and he said, "Well, are you taking the time to be nice to them and they are ignoring you, or are you just expecting everyone to notice you first?" or something along those lines. It really made me take notice. I started paying attention to MY behavior toward others. When I went to the grocery store, instead of being upset that the over-stressed, busy cashier didn't thank me and tell me to have a nice day, I went out of my way to make sure I acknowledged the cashier beyond the "how are you/fine,you?/fine" nonsense with no eye contact. I would say something about the weather or some other sort of small talk and get some eye contact. It was amazing that once I treated them as an equal human being instead of someone who I expected to serve me, the customer service level sky rocketed and the smiles we gave eachother really made a difference. The doctors you are seeing may feel very underappreciated as sick people come to see them all day long and expect them to perform miracles. No matter how rushed or unfriendly they seem, take the time to go out of your way to acknowledge them as the human beings they are, make small talk with them -- and most importantly, smile. The smile you give him may be the only one he got that day.

Oh, and at my OB/GYN office, there are several doctors so I saw each one at least once during my first pregnacy because you never know which one would be delivering on the day your baby decides to come... and there was one doc who seemed to be going through the motions every time I saw him at the office and I hoped I wouldn't end up with him. Well, he turned out to be the one who delivered my first born and he was AMAZING at the hospital. It's like he chose to be an OB because he loves delivering and the boring office visits are just something he has to do as part of his job. Well, I ended up seeing him for my follow up appointment and have been seeing him exclusively ever since, including scheduling my c-section with him for my last baby. We have built rapport over the last 12 years and I look back and wonder if he is just not very good with "strangers" because he is very personabale now that he "knows" me. Though it's never OK for people to be downright rude to eachother, you have to remember that doctors are people, too, and aren't good at absolutely everything just like you and I aren't either. They have their strengths (hopefully with being a specialist at their profession) and some just don't know how to do small talk very well. Help them by starting it and you may be surprised at the better treatment you get. My doctor seems to take notes because even though I only see him once a year he often brings up something we spoke about the year before, like where we each went on vacation.

Because of insurance reimbursement doctors are forced to over-schedule during the day. If you go to an "in network" doctor he barely gets paid over what you just paid him/her in your co-pay. Doctor's today are no longer working for you, but for the insurance companies to keep their doors open. (If Obama has his way it will just switch to being a government worker, not sure which is worse!) Next time, go to a doctor that doesn't take insurance. You will then see a doctor that has more time, can actually have a conversation with a patient and is less burned-out. You will pay a little more, but you will get the service you want ( you can still file with your insurance or your HRA/HSA for out-of-network benefits). Think of insurance as a coupon when it comes to your annual visits and a lifesaver when it comes to emergencies only. That's what insurance should be. Ok, off my soapbox now :-)

I would actually put out a request for doctors that people in your area love. I hate that poor bedside manner, and the poor service of the front desk. I can deal with a front desk if the doctor is worth it, but that is rare.

You really need to be your own advocate, and change doctors if you aren't happy. I LOVE my new OB/GYN, that I found through references, and same with my general doctor too. My previous two doctors made me wait, and didn't really seem to care about my issues. My old OB/GYN gave me a Rx, and told me to stop nursing when I went in with damaged nipples 2 weeks post partum. Great doctor, no?

I was going to say a lot of what Dana W said, I think doctors are struggling these days. Sounds crazy, huh? Yes, a doctor should be in medicine to help people, but you have to remember, that doesn't necessarily mean being a friend and a shoulder to cry on. They may view things very clinically and scientifically, which is totally different than having a good bedside manner. They may love the way the body works and helping people overcome an illness/disease/infirmity, but not be really interested in the person as a person. That doesn't make them a bad doctor.

Not that I don't agree with you, I like a doc with a good bedside manner. I find that this is more important for my general practioner or OB/Gyn, because those are areas I am more sensitive in. I also appreciate a good office staff. In my opinion, a great doctor can be ruined by a horrible office and nursing staff. They have more interaction with you than the doctor in most cases. If you feel the doctor is not listening to you or answering your questions adequately or giving you the best medical care because they are rude, absolutely change doctors. I wouldn't even hesitate.

I also agree with Forty below, it is amazing how even the least friendly people can be changed by YOU being nice and polite first. Having been in customer service, I see it from both sides of that coin. It is easy to get caught up dealing with lines and customers and being in a hurry, and people being rude and unhappy all day. When someone stops you in your routine by being nice, it changes the whole interaction. And on the other side, it is amazing how many people are surprised and pleased by a genuine "And how are doing today?" when they expect a simple hello and getting on with business. I don't think we should EVER stop expecting good manners and polite interaction and genuine caring. So don't become another disgruntled number, that becomes a cycle that just pays itself forward, and not in a good way.

Hey P.!

I don't think you're expecting too much, but I also think you make a good point about the doctors being over worked too. It's a sad state of affairs really. Most offices pay their doctors on how many people they see in a day and to me, that's a huge problem!

Anyway, my advice is to try and find doctors who have very small practices or are just a practice of one. It may be hard if you are going to see specialists or things like that, but I've found when I use those smaller offices I get exactly the care I want...great bedside manners, doctors who remember me each visit (and even if they see me in public...gasp!;) and personal conversation about your concerns. Most doctors, even if they're on their own, have a network of other friends and colleagues that they can refer you to if you need a second opinion or if you have an emergency and they are unavailable.

Good luck and you are not alone! :)

I feel your pain. I am 35 weeks pregnant and I didn't even get to chose my doctor. So at first I had all midwives and it was irritating because none of them would greet me with a smile or anything. I don't really care that I am on a military base but the least they could do is smile and be nice. Then I found out I could change my doctor if I wanted so I changed it to an OB doctor. All I want is for this first pregnancy be something special not some routine birth. So I will get to see what the OB doctors have to offer on the 16th if I make it that far lol. Well good luck with everything. :)

I think there are some valid points, but I have experienced something different and I am not sure from the post have you seen many doctors only one time, or same doctor (PCP) many times? I say that because many specialists only see you once and like any relationship, may not know you well enought to engage in the type of banter or friendly conversation you would want/expect because they simply don't "know" you. While they are providing a service, they aren't selling you anything. You are visiting them for their service - a bit different than buying a sweater at the gap.
I say this because over the years I have developed a relationship with my and my children's caregivers. I ask questions, am engaged, but when I get referred to another MD for a one time proceedure, etc. It is "just business" If you have the luxury of sticking with one of these physicians for a while, I would think the manner would improve. :)

I haven't read the answers below.
Assuming you live in a major area - there should be plenty of competent doctors with a personality that meets your needs.

I had one specialist - he didn't rush - but he was very direct in his answers. He didn't sway you to any direction - it was totally your choice. I heard he was one of "the" best - and that's what I wanted as long as he wasn't rude.

I have another specialist who I have heard he is really good. I haven't done research lately. But, he is soooooo late to my appointments. Even if I'm the first one after lunch, he comes in an hour late. One time, I made it there 5 minutes late, they took someone in ahead of me who got there really, really early. That was their explanation. I'm sure they had to wait as well, but that meant I had to wait even longer....its not like the Dr. was ready right then and there. I was sooooo ready to fire that guy. After I settled down, I stayed with him. I only see him once a year. He spends all the time in the world with you if needed. He's very good with patients, but I just don't know how they schedule him - every 15 minutes - but he needs at least 30/patient.

Most doctors, I try to call ahead and ask if they are running on time. Especially at an OB/GYN who may have to run to surgery.

Go with your gut - move on if you need to. Post on this forum if you are looking for another certain type of doctor.

The good thing about doctors is that there are so many of them. My wife works in a hospital and the personalities cover the entire spectrum, from business-stohic to warm and personal. The trick is finding the doctor that's right for you. If you received bad service from a retail store, would you subject yourself to more by returning? Of course not - you'd visit the next store. I think people forget that the medical industry is just as subject to the free markets as any other business or service. We are patients, but we are also customers. Bad customer service does not have to be tolerated just because they are doctors. Like Rick Perry says: Time to move'on down the road.

Unfortunatly I see that with more than just doctors! It's everywhere I turn and with everything I do. I just make sure I go out of my way to be friendly and smile and it usually it become contagious!

Just yesterday I had a Dr. appt. My Dr. Is a woman and this is only my second time seeing her. She talked really fast and didn't really answer any of my problems.
I have this pain on my left side and I showed it to her the last time I was there and she was like, well you will be ok. So yesterday I said to her that my side still hurts and she said "don't worry, you will be fine. We already went over this before".

Then after she was done I said to her, " so all the test that came back for my thyroid were ok". And she said to me " weren't you listeing to me I already told you that everything is fine".
Needless to say I was not happy.
I couldn't believe that she was so nasty to be.

I guess that she has alot more problems than I do.

I wish you the best and know that you are not alone.

God bless.

I agree with previous posters both that the docs are under a lot of pressure, and that you should shop for a new dr. My BFF is a pediatrician, and she was fired from her first job out of residency because she was allotted 10 minutes per patient, no more, and she consistently went over that in order to take the time to make the kids comfortable, talk to the parents, etc. (that 10 min, btw, included paperwork on the patient, not just face time). Her patients loved her, but her bosses (the two senior doctors who owned the practice) refused to renew her contract because she took too long with patients and didn't have "high enough volume." She was very careful in looking for her next job, and found a practice where she is able to practice medicine as she would like to--but she interviewed A LOT of places before she found a place that she felt valued quality over quantity when it comes to seeing patients. You will likely have to look around, too, to find a practice with those values. It is terrible, but as others have noticed, the current payment structure for medical care (determined by insurance companies, and encouraging the "quick fix" of pills instead of more comprehensive care) makes it difficult for both doctors and patients. GL!

Find a new doctor. Interview them so you don't have this happening to you again.

Once you and other patients do this the Doctor will get the message that his behavior is not working.

NO body should be rude in any situation. Don't stand for it.
IF I was you I would complain to the HR person at the Doctors office.

Healing is NOT just drugs. Compassion, touch, and kindness are all part of healing, too. Remind them gently and if they don't get it, find a new doctor. You'll heal better.

I don't think a doctor should be rude to you, but I also don't think they need to be your best friend. They are not in the business of customer service. I think you may be surprised to find out what a doctor actually makes as opposed to how much work they really have to put in. I do think you can search around and find a doctor that you have a good rapport with, but I would personally be more concerned with someone whose primary goal is to take care of my medical health. Emotional health is for friends, family, and your therapist....Just my 2 cents =)

I think it should be a requirement that every person in medical school should have to watch the movie called The Doctor with William Hurt. The next doctor I see with no bedside manner then I am recommending he/she watch this movie!

I think it is a GREAT movie! I think it will give them a major wake-up call on how to treat their patients.

My family doctor Dr. Martin Regan is the best. He always gives me time to talk and even about my 21 year old son (who is also his patient). I would change doctors if I were you. He always has time to ask how are you really doing in your life besides the medical problems. I always feel better when I leave his office. When he refers me to a specialist, he makes sure I will like that doctor. If I don't , he refers another one. He even works on Saturday mornings!

Your concern is quite valid and unfortunately the way it is for many doctors. IMHO, there's several reasons:
1) Many folks that go into medicine do it for non-altruistic reasons - the pay can be good and there is some prestige.
2) For doctors that take insurance, the only way for them to make money (GPs, PCPs, etc.) is by running a larger number of patients through.
3) Most doctors run a cookbook business in that they listen to symptoms and unless they can Rx a medicine that you need long term, you are not necessarily good for their business long term. Many doctors don't understand the body as a system or believe that we can have more than one problem, thus listening to us longer than it takes to see what drug they think we might need is not worth their time.
4) Related to 3, most doctors are poor scientists which is why they run their practice purely as a business and matter of numbers - get x number of patients taking the drug of the day (the one that the pharmaceutical reps are pushing).
5) There is alot of overhead and paperwork for doctors that accept insurance, thus for most of them to make money in the end, they can't really afford to be good doctors - their focus in many cases is on running a business without customers being considered first (which is the way alot of businesses in this country have gone...think Wally World).

There are few doctors that really go into medicine because they love the idea of serving and helping others and want to truly heal their patients ( there are no cures for alot of things that we are dealing with, thus the goal should be on healing). It is truly rare to find a doctor that is both a good scientist and a natural born healer in that they have good instincts and really care about their patients. To find doctors like this, I have found that I have to go to doctors that don't take insurance. Many of these doctors spend at least an hour (if not two) with you on your first appt. and they don't have to overbook.