Do Your 1 Year Old Have Terrible Behavior?

Short answer: Continue to redirect and baby proof at home; not just for his safety but so he has success in his environment. He's not bad, he's discovering and he wants to know what he can do. Give him alternatives of what he can do rather than what he can't.

Your one year old doesn't have "terrible behavior". He is still a baby. He has no understanding that he shouldn't do things yet. You have to teach him.

Part of teaching him is to put things away that he shouldn't get ahold of. Pull the blinds up during the day, making sure the cords are out of his reach (they are choking hazards.) Things he isn't supposed to do, redirect and redirect again. Put him in a play pen when he won't listen.

I don't have a problem with popping his hand when you need to, but don't tell him no all the time. If you say it all the time, he will use it on YOU when he is a little bigger.

Pick him up, remove him from "the scene of the crime", and get him interested in something else. At other people's houses, take the play pen with you and do the same thing, over and over, until he stops touching things in their house that he isn't supposed to touch, using the play pen so that you can get some time with your friends.

You really need to childproof in your house, put up gates and give him things that he CAN play with. Wooden spoons and little bowls in the kitchen floor while you are working in the kitchen - toys in the family room - that kind of thing. Get a lock for the downstairs toilet. Keep doors closed where you don't want him to go. The LESS you have to say no, the better.

Good luck,
Dawn

He is just being a normal one year old. The little boys that I have been around seem fall into the "adventurous" category more then the little girls. My boys were jumping off chairs before they could walk. LOL I always tried my best to keep things that were not safe or they should not touch put away. I used the clips on the cupboards, plastic handles over the doorknobs,, and gates. I remember I used the phrases, "mommy's or daddy's toy" instead of no all the time. I would hold their hand in my hand and also say "not nice" and put them in the playpen. They will pick up on the consequence for the action pretty quick. I know it can be soooo frustrating!! Keep yourself in control and it is a whole lot easier to think when your not flustered.

PS--Never let anyone tell you that you are the problem!! No such thing as a perfect mother!! You asked for help and that is what smart people do when they encounter a problem.. You did that and you should be proud of yourself!!

You are correct, he probably does not understand your words. he is only 1. It is not expected for hi to understand yet.

You need to childproof your home so that he cannot get into the blinds. How does he tear up your furniture? Put away the things that he can break or hurt himself with. Remember it is his home too, he needs to be able to explore, that is how he is learning. He looks, touches and tastes.
If you do not want him to do this with something, cover it up or move it out of his reach.

Make a room just for him to be able to crawl or walk freely around that is safe. Fill it with the things he is allowed to touch, hold and taste.

When you are in other peoples homes, you will have to follow him around and make sure he does not get into trouble. Take some toys, take some snacks, carry him, hold him in your lap or take him outside to play.. This is just part of him being a toddler. All parents have to do this with a 1 year old.

You do realize he is not trying to be bad? He does not have that capability
to understand that concept.

Remember his attention span is only 1 minute of his age.. So the longest he will be able to pay attention is probably 1. minute at the most.

If all that you say is "no" to him. He will not know what it means..

Instead give him things he can do. Or put him in a pack and play, A walker, A activity saucer, a door jumpy.. That will give you a few minutes to not have to watch him every second.

Hang in there. He is still a baby. It is going to be a while before he can understand your words. and what they mean.

He is doing his job. Exploring the world. His attention span is only a few minutes, so whatever you do will only last a few minutes. That's just the way it is. Your job is to keep him safe (redirect, redirect, redirect) and NOT stifle his curiosity about the world. He can't tear up the house if you are right there with him, playing with him and giving him things he can do. Sorry, but one year olds cannot just be left alone at someone else's house (or likely his own either) - when you take him somewhere, plan on holding him, wearing him and paying a lot of attention to him (of course DH can do this too so you get a break). You need to be prepared to leave if is not going well.

Please try not to think of him as bad. You don't want him to grow up thinking of himself like that.

Redirect, redirect, redirect. If you're going to a less-kid friendly house, be prepared not to socialize much and to keep an eye on him. Bring him a small bag of toys. Take him outside. Bring a few pressure gates to keep him in a better area. Hitting him will only make him hurt and confused. Plan outings so he's less likely to be hungry or sleepy or cranky. Try to avoid really long car trips where he's antsy when you get out. You simply cannot expect a 1 yr old not to do things. Baby proof (there are free cord adapters you can get online or just cut the cords so they aren't loops and put them up high) and understand that he's still basically just a baby. A very mobile baby, but a baby.

And breathe. This will pass.

Your kidlet is doing exactly what he's programmed to do for the next few years – explore, investigate, discover and learn. It's not bad behavior, it's normal, but some children are much more persistent than others.

But not all exploration is safe or practical, so parents must stay alert. I don't believe in spanking as a general discipline tactic, but I did give my daughter two "panic" swats when she was little, once when trying for the xth time to go into the street, and once when she became overly interested in an electrical outlet. I felt bad about it, though, and generally used the "remove and redirect" technique. As my daughter's comprehension grew, she learned that certain things were off-limits, and accepted those limits.

I always avoided saying NO! to toddlers, because it becomes a power word that they will use far too much starting around the age of two. What I did, as immediately and consistently as possible, was to gently and firmly grasp their hands, removing them from the object of interest, wrapping them across their chest, and pick the child up and set him/her down in front of some allowable item of interest. (You can also lead a child away if he will come willingly.)

It is often necessary to do this several times in a row, but the child, in my experience, has always given up. Only once with a tantrum in my case, but some kids could be more easily frustrated and enraged, so if a tantrum ensues, just ignore it calmly.

I've become acquainted with a few 'frequently popped' children, and find two common outcomes – a disengaged, quiet child who does not interact much with the world around her, or a driven, intense and challenging child likely to scream and/or "pop" the people who thwart her. I can't be sure, but it seems those are unintended consequences of relying too much on physical discipline.

This may not work for you, but I know quite a few young parents who do NOT expect to go to other people's homes while their toddlers are still in that unrestrained exploration stage. You might consider doing this – it will probably only be a few months before your son can start understanding distinctions between okay and not-okay things to touch. Or, when you do visit, just expect to have to shadow your child and grab him over and over.

One last thing that I always find effective: interact with the child with non-dangerous or not-too-fragile items, thus allowing him to satisfy his curiosity, so he can move on. Show him HOW to correctly use the object. I did this with my grandson, who wanted to "use" every cell phone he saw at around a year of age. Instead of having him beg and reach, I actually sat with him a few times and showed him which buttons would get what responses. He loved it, and after punching only a few other buttons with the apparent result of "Uh, oh, nothing happened," he learned to use the device "properly" according to Granny.

By the way, the earlier comment "all the development books are going to tell you is that this is normal (which we already know) THEREFORE you should allow it and leave all discipline until after two," is just not the case. All the books I've read (quite a few) recommend consistent and quick responses to undesirable behaviors. But most of them don't recommend popping or spanking, but rather removal and redirection. That's discipline, too, and it's effective.

He's not bad, he's just one. I have a one-year-old as well, and they are super busy and super active, aren't they? It definitely keeps you busy! I find that when my daughter is sort of randomly getting into stuff it's usually time for me to get down on the floor and play with her. One-year-olds can only entertain themselves for short periods of time without getting into "trouble", and then they need adults to stimulate them and show them things and talk to them and read to them. When you visit other people be sure to bring toys (if they don't have them), books and snacks. You are very wise to avoid hitting him-it will not teach him anything other than to hit, and to be scared of mom. I've been working with kids for the last decade, and I can always accurately pick out the toddlers that are being hit at home because they are the kids walking around hitting others when they get frustrated. Kids learn what they live, you know? Hang in there mama and as hard as it is, try to take some moments to find the joy in this age-they are so curious and adventurous and learning new things every day!

This makes me so sad. A one year old is not bad. He's only a year old. He was born knowing nothing. He is learning and you're his teacher. I urge you to read up on child development and take a parenting for toddlers class.

Laurie A. and Jen L. gave you some really good suggestions.

I'm glad you're not willing to pop his hands. This only teaches him to hit when he's frustrated.

It's exhausting, isn't it? It's also completely normal! Redirection is best. Do what you can in your own home to make it an environment where he cannot get into too much trouble. We were usually able to have a coupel of rooms our son could be in where I didn't have to hover too much.

When you're at other people's houses, your job gets tougher unless they have a little one as well.

Just keep working with him and know that he will learn and this phase won't last forever! Hang in there.

I agree 100% with Laurie, Marda, and Jen. Please take some classes, watch some videos, and read some books on child development as well as healthy forms of discipline. Parenting with Love and Logic and 1-2-3 Magic are great places to start. Also, tv shows like Supernanny can give you good ideas and allow you to see that you aren't alone in not knowing what to do.

Parenting is the hardest job on the planet and it requires that we educate ourselves as parents in all things that would help us. Parenting is not instinctual, we don't just know what to do, and we always need support. Be willing to learn just as you would for anything else in life like driving, certification for a job, computer skills, etc. Educating yourself on developmental stages, discipline, boundaries, self-care, and healing your own woundings are all vital to be a great mother. As much as we wish it weren't true, we really aren't born knowing how to be parents.

Perfect age for popping the hand. A couple swats and a time out in his crib along with letting him know that his behavior is unacceptable will do wonders. If he's old enough to be rebellious, then he's old enough to suffer the consequences of his actions. Give him a couple pops on the hand or swats and a one minute time out in his crib (set the timer and walk out of the room for a minute). It only took doing this 3 times one day and twice the next to break the habit of my very strong willed toddler. Most of my kids are strong willed and very hard to handle when they're young but on the positive note, my kids are all older (I just have one toddler now) and they are extremely hard workers and very motivated. You have to train them young how to direct their energy and "passion" in a more positive way or they'll try to rule the roost and cause misery to themselves and to everyone around them. Stay consistent and you'll have a little blessing on your hands. Good luck!!

Pop his hand. Attaching a consequence to the word "no" is what will make him listen to the word "no". Otherwise, don't say it, because you are just teaching him that no can be ignored. Thanks to popping hands in our house a couple of times (never angrily) we didn't even have to child proof, we just said "no" to stuff. Same with throwing food, anything. If you want him to understand "no" you have to enforce a few times so he makes the connection. He's too young for verbal explanations and time outs, but NOT too young to learn. You'll be surprised at how quickly and easily he gets it. Kids are much smarter at one than they get credit for. They actually learn MUCH faster at one than at 2.

All the development books are going to tell you is that this is normal (which we already know) THEREFORE you should allow it and leave all discipline until after two. You will have a MUCH MORE difficult child who needs MUCH FIRMER DISCIPLINE if you do that. Start small to prevent tons of headaches.

Take your mom's advice. I know of two moms with boys that behaved that way a toddlers. They NEVER improved over time. They started kicking the mom and were really disruptive and hard to control. One even smeared his own poop on the walls when she made him go to his room. His sister was very sweet but he tormented her as well. He is on drugs now and she is a college grad.

You have to get him to do what you tell him to do. He is not to young for time outs or a swat on the tush. After a while, people will stop inviting you to their house if you bring him. Trust me on that one.

Do what your mom suggests.
pop his hand and tell him no.
if redirection isn't working do something else.

It should be fairly easy to just re-direct your son's attention with an alternative toy or activity, or moving him to another area and activity, either of which sould help,but it will be constant during those visits with others. At this age, an attention-span of 5 minutes or so is really quite normal, so have a "bag of tricks" ready to grab on your way out. It could include some daily favorites, and maybe a few that only go with when planning to be away from home, and some healthy treats too. Touchy-feely items that are clean and safe to put in his mouth, quiet toys and simple board books that can take the chewing that is a big part of their amazing discoveries would be fun too. No one wants to be in one position for very long, and neither does he, so basically, just enjoy him and each stage of his growth.

I'm with Marda. Birth to Three operates in your area. Join it.