Do You Think It's Wrong If I Don't Tell My Husband?

Hi D.,

There's nothing worse for a teen just starting out getting into the pre-dating scene than to have a loved one make fun of him or her. The other moms here advise not to tell your husband, which I really do agree with. But I'd like to add that your step-son is feeling you out to see if you are the one he can come to in the future to ask advise and talk to about girls. He obviously can't with his father, who, if you'll forgive me for saying so, enjoys boasting about his teenhood without regard to his son's real personality traits. If Dad paid attention to how his son really is, he wouldn't do that because he would realize it makes his son uncomfortable. That is an added burden on you, to be your step-son's confidant, but your husband won't be it in any case, so you should be happy that your step-son has at least picked you. Please don't disappoint him. He's gonna need you.

All my best,
D.

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If you violate this young boy's trust in you and tell your husband something he asked you not to-don't expect him to confide in you again. In this day and age, that could be deadly. Open lines of communication between children and their parents can actually save lives! Let you be the one he confides in.

Good luck
M.

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I am a stepmom to a 12 year old boy and I can assure you, I have faced this situation. I would definitely NOT tell your husband. As one woman responded, he is testing you. My stepson has done the same thing to me. Because of his ability to trust me, he is more honest with me about mess-ups at school, girls, and things going on with his friends. I can ask him a question and even if the answer is not what I want ti hear, he still always tells me thr truth. Keep that trust and there is no end to the things he will be honest with you about.

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My stepmom of 20 years and I had a huge falling out about a year ago. She admitted she has been what amounts to manipulating me since I was a little girl. I also found out she has been telling my Dad (and others!) things I thought she was keeping in confidence. Now I only talk with her every couple of weeks and I certainly don't confide in her. She knows why, but she won't apologize because she really doesn't think she did anything wrong. I can forgive her, but I sure can't forget what she did. Break your stepson's confidence in you, and he'll shut you out so fast you won't know what hit you. I agree with the rest of the ladies here, it's best not to tell your husband unless it's about something that could cause your stepson harm. When the time is right, talk with your husband about why it really isn't a good idea for him to be telling his stories about the old days. Good luck!

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Don't tell your husband. I am a social worker and I work with adolescents all the time. One thing they truly need is an adult they feel they can trust and be themselves with. For whatever reason your step son has chosen you. Be glad that he is seeking your counsel and not that of other immature adolescents who are likely to lead him in the wrong direction. If you tell your husband you take that safe place away from him and trust me when I say he needs it. This is not about you and your need to feel like you're being open with your husband. This is about his need to be able to confide in someone he trusts. This is especially true because you know why he doesn't want to share this with your husband. Also, your husband should be careful with the teasing because no matter how harmless he thinks it is it can hurt. If this were a more serious secret then I would understand you feeling like your husband has a right to know but it about a couple phone numbers. Keep it between you two and he will continue to confide in you and that allows you to help him make sound decisions although he already seems to have a good head on his shoulders.

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He is trusting you with something that is private. DO NOT TELL HIS FATHER! If it was something that was dangerous or could harm him, then it would be right to tell his father. He will never confide in you or be able to talk to you again if he does not trust you.

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wow does this bring back memories. My son told me of a girl he liked. Saying her first name and last initial. Because that's is how she was known by her class mates cause there were 2 girls in his class with the same name. I told my husband, and at a band concert my husband was looking for this girl and asked my sons friends parents, if they knew this girl and told them why he was looking for her. They went home and said something to thier son about my boy liking her. Naturally this kid couldn't wait to get to school and spread the news to everyone including my son. My son came home pissed off to no end at ME, for telling who he called "his big mouth father" and said I quote I will never tell you anything again. That was 2 years ago guess what he hasn't. And yes I am sad that I also broke his trust. Your boy is your son step or not he came to you as MOM. Enjoy the trust he has in you and cheerish these moments they won't last forever . But for now enjoy. He may have much bigger issues in his furure, and who better to come to >> that someone you trust!!

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D.,
I think it is wonderful that your stepson can confide in you. No matter what the family makeup there are always occasions where a child will talk to one or another. I think that is why parents are different sexes. Each one of us can bring something different to the table. There are things that my son talks to his Dad about that are none of my business. And of course vice versa. The child will go to who he feels can meet his needs, and remember you were once a girl. Maybe he thinks you can give him some insight.
If your husband has a tendency to tease,perhaps keeping this between the 2 of you is best. I really have mixed feelings about parents being a united front at all times. I don't know that it is ever possible considering that you are 2 very different people. I don't think this would be lying or witholding. This is not a crisis situation. In that instance of course you couldn't not tell his father.
I have so much admiration for all the step-mom and dads out there. Sometimes I want to throw my own children that I have raised from birth out the window.
Luck to you, let us know what you decide

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I would keep it to myself, but I would also find a way down the road to talk to my husband about how sensitive this son seems to be. Busting his chops isn't going to "make him a man." Sometimes dads just don't have the big picture or think being sensitive is a bad thing. I bet you could really have a meaningful talk with him if you approach it just right.

Good luck and way to go in the step-son department!
A.

You should definately not tell your husband. Your step son told you something and asked you to keep it to yourself. This is important. If you lose his trust now, you may never get it back.

I don't really think it's wrong if you don't tell your husband about the phone numbers, but you should tell him that his "playful" teasing bothers his son. It's great that he's comfortable with you and confiding in you, but you want him to be able to go to his dad too. I really don't think he should be telling his sons about his youthful adventures, because maybe he feels like a loser in comparison? At this age, there is so much more to life than girls like sports, clubs and friends that he really doesn't need to be worried about girls and dating yet. For now, keep this to yourself, but encourage your husband to work on his relationship with the son.

Good luck!

In my humble opinion, you should not tell your husband. Your step=son is testing you to see if you are trustworthy. He does not want to be teased by your husband. If it was an illegal or immoral act, then by all means you must tell your husband. This is a harmless secret between a stepmom and her stepson. Enjoy the fact that he trusts you. Don't blow this golden opportunity.

Do not break his trust with you by telling your husband. This is not a major thing that your husband needs to know. It is soooo important that teenagers feel they can talk to a parent who will listen to them(and not tease them about it). I think maybe you are thinking to much into this. You are very lucky as a step-parent to have this kind of relationship with your step-son. From what I have heard, it is rare. If you do tell your husband.... he will not tell you anything anymore!

There are still things that my parents have kept secret from one another that us kids did not want shared. Keep it secret! It will build a relationship that will last a lifetime!

He's doing anything wrong, so why tell his dad. You should feel honored that a teenage boy is even telling you. It's a good way for him to learn that he can trust you, and astablish open lines of communication. I don't know what you're doing, but keep it up!

I would keep the secret. 14 is such a tough age, and because he feels that he can trust you with this information, prove him right. It will build his trust even further. I agree that there are SOME things that just should not be kept secret, but this isn't one of those.

I think the right approach might be to address the teasing with your husband the next time you see it happening. Teasing isn't helping your step son in any way, and your husband needs to know this. He's not helping to build his son's confidence in himself, in fact he's very possibly breaking the confidence down. Secondly, I don't know if there's a tactful way of saying that it's rather immature of him to tease his son. Not to say some teasing isn't a good thing, but when it makes him feel like he doesn't even want his father to know, then there's a problem with it. It's excessive.

If it were me, I wouldn't break the confidence between you and your step-son. This is not a life or death issue. He is experiencing a new social dynamic in his young life. if he feels safe to talk with you then when a serious issue comes up, he knows that he can come to you and you will be there to help.

I wouldn't tell your husband. It's not that big of a deal to get phone numbers. Keep engaging with him. You are doing the right thing here. It's really wonderful to see that you have a good relationship with a teenager.

I don't think that for something like this you are wrong for not telling him. Your stepson just does not want to be teased by his Dad.. he is not trying to hide anything from him. Seems totally harmless to me. My daughter has discussed things with me that she asked me not to tell Dad.. and since they are harmless things that she, too, doesn't want to be teased about (my husband is also a big time tease).. I see nothing wrong with it. I would never, and it sounds like you wouldn't either, keep something of importance.

Have a great day... your stepson sounds like a great kid.

Hi D.,

I agree that you should not tell his father. Sounds like your step-son has a good head on his shoulders and that his desire is to do what is right. I would just share with him some tips on how girls view boys and what goes on emotionally in a girls head and heart so that he understands that he should be careful when he is getting to know them. Unless you see some inappropriate behavior on his part - I wouldn't say anything - keep his confidence so that he feels that he can talk to someone.

I was a step-child and my step-mother would tell my father what I would share with her and it made me not trust her and more intraverted.

Your step-son will appreciate your friendship and he'll know he can trust you - that's a great reward!

Your husband doesn't need to know everything...the information you are not giving him is not harming to your son or the family. So I don't see the point. If you do, and your husband plays his teasing game, you will just see the boy's self-confidence go south as well as his ever wanting to confide in you again. Children need to be able to feel they can go to the parent(s) to talk. Especially when the important stuff comes up.

C. T.

I don't think you are wrong at all. He's not doing anything wrong so I don't see why you need to tell your husband at this time. He came to you because he obviously trusts you and you don't want to break that trust either.

If it was something serious, which I'm sure this is very serious to your 14 year old, but serious as an adult. That would be a different story. It's good that he has you to talk to and breaking his confidence right now over something little would probably make life very difficult in the future. At least he's talking to one of his parents, and that trust will hopefully just build throughout his teenage years. As your boys concerns become more serious, then it would be good to share with his father what he is telling you. However, your husband should know that it would still be something between you and your son not his father. It you break that trust now, he may never say anything to either of you and that would turn out badly. Good for you being able to connect to your stepson on such a personal level and at the beginning of his teenage years.

D.:

In this particular situation, I think it's appropriate to keep this information between you and your son. However, it should be made clear to children that their parents are a team. If a child wants to tell you something in confidence, there should be ground rules so they don't threaten the team. For instance, they should be comfortable sharing their feelings in confidence but information about risky or unsafe behavior should not be a secret. This is a good opportunity to discuss with your children and your spouse the types of information that needs to be acted on and the types of information that is private.

Good luck.

D.:

I agree w/everybody. DON'T SAY A WORD! You should be honored that he is able to talk to you. He feels confident that he can talk to you w/o being teased. As long as he is not getting into trouble, just shush..

DO NOT TELL!

If it were a safety issue, if he was trying to manipulate you or if it were dangerous then I would suggest telling your step-son that Dad needed to know and ask him which of the two of you he would prefer deliver the news.

But this is your shy step-son reaching out to you, as a SAFE place, to tell you he's proud of himself. If you in turn tattle to his Dad who makes fun of him you'll loose all credibility and trust with him. Over what is in the scheme of things no big deal.

Keep his confidence on this one. You'll want to be a safe spot for these conversations for years to come! And I commend you for being the kind of step Mom who he feels so comfortable with. Super job!

This is your shot, on a thing that is not such a big thing, to prove to your teenager that he has your full confidence. This way he will be confident that he can come to you again with the big stuff. It is insanely hard to get some teens to talk, and you have been given a very special present of full trust. Don't lose it. Now if he calls you and says he is drunk, yup, go get him, but if he asks you not to tell his Dad. Then you can say, I will not tell him, you however will and we will talk about this as a family. For the little stuff keep his secrets, he also may let the 13 year old in on this fact and that may help him confide in you as well.

Good luck,
Barbara

its not that big of a secret- do not tell your husband. instead use this oppurtunity to build a great relationship- and encourage good communication with his father- teenagers can get very angry- and hurt so I highly recommend do not tell your husband.

I have told my husband in the past that my daughter had told me some information that was between the two of us and everything was fine and I would tell him more when the time was right. I explained to him I did not want to break her trust with me because as she got older she really may need to talk to someone and I wanted her to know she could trust me. This way I felt I was not keeping anything from him and yet I was keeping my word to my daughter.

I say in this case don't break the trust of your step-son. It probably took a lot for him to get the courage to ask for the phone numbers and then to tell you on top of it. Usually I'd say not to keep anything from your partner, but it's not imparative that your husband knows right now. You may want to talk with your step-son and tell him that you would like him to share the news with his father when he feels comfortable. You may even want to pretend (with your step-son playing along of course) that you are hearing it for the first time too. Ask yourself what is more important, your step-son building some courage and pride or your husband's knowledge of your son's personal life? It's difficult, but at this age I know what choice I'd make....but if you think your husband would be the least bit upset, I'd keep the secret and never tell. What is the use in having two people upset?

How wonderful that he trusts you!!.. there are things my 18 year old son and I keep between us and I'm sure there are things he talks to his dad about that I don't know about.. for the most part we are a team in raising him but I agree with what someone else said.. if you break his trust, he may not ever again confide in you about anything in the future. Let him tell his dad when he is ready.. at some point.. when your step son is not around explain to him about how the teasing bothers the son.. talk to your husband about NOT teasing him about girls.. geesh..sort of silly!

I don't think you have anything to worry about. There were probably many times I told my mom something knowing that she would keep it just between us and not tell my dad. I think there could be many worse things that your son could do that would require telling but this I think could be your little secret.

I didn't read your question till today, and don't know what the other moms have said, but in my opinion, I would not tell your husband. I think that confiding in you with getting the phone numbers is not a big deal and you don't want to ruin the fact that he trusts you enough to tell you excitement in his life. If he feels that he can trust you then he will confide in you more with small and big things. Obviously if he was in any type of danger then you would have an obligation to tell his father. I totally know what you mean about not telling your husband, it feels like you're lying or keeping a secret, but your step-son specifically asked that you not say anything and that puts you in an ackward position to betraying his trust. Maybe talk to your step-son and mention that this is so exciting that his dad would probably be excited for him if his son told him and that way you are off the hook for trying to keep it a secret. You never know, when he is a teenager he might need an adult to confide in which at that time you may have to share the info with your husband for the childs sake. Good luck

I wouldn't tell him. If you wait to see what happens your stepson may be ready to tell him on his own or one of the girls my call and you'll be off the hook anyway:) If it was something that is unsafe or could get him in trouble by all means I think you should tell your husband but for now share your stepson's secret and let him grow without your husbands teasing.Take care!

Definitely don't tell your husband. It is NOT a big deal. If you tell your husband you'll accomplish several things: you'll alienate your stepson's trust (and likely his brother's as well,) you'll make getting phone numbers from girls into a big deal when it's not...it's just a rite of passage, you'll give your husband an opportunity to tease the boy, and you'll also sort of rub it into your husband's face that his kid trusts you and not him...that won't be good for anyone!

If this was a bigger deal, such as he had had sex, or was trying drugs, then yes, you should tell his dad. But for pete's sake, it's a couple of phone numbers. Big deal, really. (I am sure it's a GIGANTIC deal to a 14 year old, but you know what I mean.)

Don't be a gossiper, especially at the expense of a kid. You know why he's not telling his dad, and you can't blame him. I think that the other posters have given you good ideas about subtly suggesting to your husband that maybe he needs to change his behavior; he probably thinks he's really funny.

Even if your DH "finds out" that you knew and didn't tell him, you can say to him, "yes, I knew...I didn't think it was that big a deal, sorry." I wouldn't tell him that his son asked you not to tell him; pony up and take that one for the kid. Neither dad nor son will benefit from you pointing out that the son doesn't trust him, nor will you.

Good luck and don't feel guilty. You're doing nothing wrong. Your husband is wrong to tease him, even if it's done in good spirits.

Don't tell! If you do he will never tell you anything! My oldest tells his dad nothing and me everything, I mean everything! I wouldn't trade the closeness we have for anything! If he is telling you this stuff he will tell you more later. If he wants to tell his dad he will!

Good Morning
In my opinion he is not doing anything that any normal teenager does, don't lose the confidence he has with you.When teenagers are going through puberty they have all kind of confusion going on, and being able to talk with someone is a plus.If you blow the confidence you might not ever get it again.God Bless

I don't think it's wrong to keep this from your husband, unless you believe there is something more then getting these girls numbers. It sounds like you already discussed the sex factor with him which is really important and good for you for making sure you had that discussion with him! I think enjoy that your stepson feels close enough to you to share such an exciting thing. And maybe help your stepson come up with ways to react to your husband when your husband is making him uncomfortable. That way he can start to feel more comfortable talking to his Dad. But I say for now enjoy that special relationship.

I think it is great that he feels free to talk to you. I have two teens and they both know of family friends they can talk to about things if they don't feel comfortable telling us parents about whatever it is. The friends will keep it in confidence unless is deemed by them very important for us to know and in that case they would talk to my children first before telling us, letting them know that the children really do need to come and tell us or they can tell us for them. Am I making sense? So in your case I see no reason to tell your husband or if you really feel strongly he should know maybe you can convince your son to tell him himself. Children need adults to talk to and that confidence should be kept when at all possible if you want them to trust you and feel free to come to you. If you break that bond now over this issue who is your son going to talk to when something really big comes up in his life? Keep the lines open and let him know he can trust you. Good luck, teen boys don't tend to tell their parents a lot so my advice to you is just LISTEN when they do decide to talk and consider yourself lucky.

Please do not break your son's confidence. In the grand scheme of things, this is not at all a big deal (although obviously it is to your 14 year old.) Keep the lines of communication open. And please, find a way to suggest to your husband to minimize the teasing. That a child is reluctant to share something with a parent because their parent will tease them is very sad. Does your husband know how this makes your son feel? That is the conversation I would suggest you have, not that his son got a couple phone numbers.

That your step-son confides in you is wonderful. That's a great relationship that alot of "step" families don't have. And it's great that he feel he can tell you that he's thought about sex and wants to make intelligent decisions.
As for telling your husband, I wouldn't. He told you about these things and specifically asked you not to share with his Dad. If you do you might seriously hurt that bond you have with your step-son, and he won't feel that he can confide in you about anything else.
Now, if it was an issue that could potentially harm your step-son such as suicidal thoughts, definitely tell your husband.

I think you shouldn't tell your husband. If it was something putting your stepson in danger, that would be different. But it's a wonderful thing that he trusted you with this information, and that trust could be lost if he gets teased about it. My husband still teases my 9 year old son about a girl he may have liked in kindergarten, so when I get news about who likes who at school, I keep it between myself and my son.
Keep doing what you're doing to gain and keep your stepson's trust!

DO NOT tell him. Men and boys already feel very "competitive" at this age, according to my dad, a psychotherapist. He said that unless you're worried, drugs, etc. that it is important for you to have a personal, trusting relationship with your step-son. He is reaching out to you as a woman and really needs your support and encouragement with girls. Teasing is NOT cool to an adolescent and their feelings are real. He messes with his self-esteem as a prepubescent man to do so. It also sounds like you're raising a real "man" there who sees sex as a loving gesture that you choose to do when you are ready. Sex today is much scarier One out of five have a sexually transmitted disease. He's also aware that pregnancies do happen, and then what? If you want to tell your husband something, start with closing his mouth about his past escapades (it's rude to you and his son) and begin to explain that those comments are out of line. m

I'm with everyone else. I would NOT tell your husband. It's a small secret between the two of you. If it were serious I would have to give it more thought. He trusts you and feels comfortable talking to you and that's GREAT. Kids need to have someone they can trust and talk to. My daighter talks to me about everything (never her dad) we are extremely close and I would not trade that for anything/ I to would talk to your husband about how shy and quite his son is and how he is goingto make things harder for his son if he keeps teasing him. 14 trs old is a rough age, they are very fragile, they need someone they can talk to without being made fun of. Some kids can take it some cannot. Tell your husband to be sensitive to his son's concerns as he is not like dad.

There are just some things that kids share with one parent and you should honor that and not feel guilty. I am the mother of four sons, 18,13,6 and 4. There are things the older ones confide in me and things they only tell their dad and we don't share that with each other. It builds their trust in us and it also opens up the lines of communication. So, please don't feel guilty about this. If he got a girl pregnant....THAT would be different.

Oh Please don't tell!!! I hid my period from my mom for about 2 months when I first started because I knew my mom would go tell my dad and that is just not something a young girl is very comfortable w/ her dad knowing. Of course when she did find out she went and ran straight to my dad. I have also had a lot of the shy problems as your son has, if he is getting brave enough and feeling comfortable telling you this Please don't muddy his confidence in you and tell dad!!

As out loud as I can write, let me just suggest that if he chose to confide in you when he rarely tells anyone anything else, He is trusting you to keep his confidence. One thing my best friend taught me by example is when someone tells you ANYTHING to not ever repeat it unless you have their permission. He may be testing you as well. Do you want to pass the test? if it was drugs or something harmful that might be different. Here is your chance to shine! If you think his dad should know, encourage HIM to talk to dad.

This is a tricky one. You don't want to betray your step-son's trust, as he came to you in confidence. On the other hand, I don't feel it is right to keep something from your spouse about any of your children and lines of communication must be kept open. If you continue to choose not to tell your husband about things like this, I think ultimatelyyou risk losing his trust. I think at some point your husband needs to be told how his behavior is intimidating to his son and that it bothers him. I also think he should be very careful about what he chooses to share with his son about his own adolescence to his son...he is not yet an adult and somethings aren't meant for children to know about. Whatever you decide, just know that you are a wonderful mom...otherwise these things wouldn't bother you like they do. GOOD LUCK!

Tell your husband? and destroy this boy's confidence in you? He'll never confide in you again. Don't even think about it.

I can tell you really love this young man with a good head on his shoulders. I would not tell his father. He asked you not to. I would keep his confidences. It is hard to communite with teens. I would respect his wish just like it is a friend of yours. He is being very open with you and I would wish to keep that open line going. I think if his father teased him it would crush his new found confidence in himself. His self esteem is vital. A friends son is so shy that at 24 it is still difficult for him to make friends and meet women.

Your husband will forgive you. It is not a lie you are keeping from him. It is your son's new found confidence and wings to his future. As a mom my son tells me more than his father will ever know about him. I never tell either of my exs what their sons know or who they are. My ex one day called my because our adult son had not visited me. I told him he calls me all the time. My ex never knew. My ex spends a lot of time trying to run our adult son's life. I am his mother and realize he is an adult. I am just his sounding board for ideas and input into what a choices conquences are.

It is great that your son told you of his new found wings. Help your Eagle sore by staying silent. He already told you that he is not ready for sex. How lucky you are. We cannot tell our spouses everything all the time.

You are fine. I would not tell him at this time. If you see something out of the ordinary going on then I would say something otherwise keep this little secret between the 2 of you...
My son tells me things all the time and I don't share everything with my husband (his dad)...

S.

My husband and I never tell each other our children's private business. (We each brought one child to the marriage 17 years ago.) The only exception would be if the private business could somehow be harmful to the child. And yes, our "step" kids (actually we adopted each other's kids, so they're not really stepkids) frequently confide in the parent who isn't the biological parent. Your boy is a person same as you and I are people, and he deserves his privacy and has the right to choose who should and shouldn't know his harmless private business.

Wow...your step-son must really trust you! Good for you. (and one of our FAVORITE places to go is DisneyWorld!) As far as NOT telling your husband - if it were a BIG concern, I would never keep it from your husband and I wouldn't ever lie to him. This is ONLY a biggie to your step-son and your trust should be honored. Now is the time to start working on your husband, though. Just general conversation about..."You know, dear, our "sons" may be dating in a year/two years... you really shouldn't tease them about girls. He needs to know that he can come to you for advise and when he gets to that point in his life, they may need your male opinion and you would want them to come to you, wouldn't you???" This way, you're paving the way for your stepson to have that man-to-man conversation and the teasing may subside. My son is 10 years old and I have been doing that for a while. (and I've known every crush my kids have ever had!) Great job!!! You're awesome!

I became step-mom to my husbands 2 boys when they were 14 and 15. My husband did not have great parenting skills at that point. The boys shared things with me they never told their Dad. I would suggest you keep the secret and at the same time try talking to your husband about how kids feel and react. It took mine a while, but now he is great with all the kids. Just keep talking to both kids and Hubby, but seperately.

I think you are being an incredible step-mom for understanding this child (teen) and his needs! It sounds like his dad isn't being very sensitive and also, WOW, what a responsible attitude about sex even if it does change his mind that is amazing in this day. Watching the new 90210 last night I was very sad about the way sex is so not a big deal with young people. I think you should keep this secret because if he does change his mind and wants to move forward with a girl of his choice, it will be important for him to have someone to go to who can talk to him about being responsible and caring for his and the girl's feelings in something that is a big deal. He is VERY lucky to have you!! Keep it to yourself! It will only hurt you both if you tell. I will destroy his trust in you and he might be right about your husbans reaction to this and be hurt by that. He doesn't need to be teased or pushed! I am sure he gets enough of that from peers and media.

Hi D.,
I have to agree - don't tell. Like others have mentioned this is not a big deal - he is not in danger and it sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, I don't see why it would be necessary to mention it to your husband. He has confided in you and you should be proud that you've made him confortable enough that he wants to share these types of things with you.
On a spearate note, I would consider trying to talk to your husband about the teasing - especially since you have another little boy who will have to endure it. I think sharing his stories about when he was young and single and living it up might be more appropriate for boys who are adults, not still in high school.

I wouldn't tell, but I would tell your husband to stop teasing him about this(in a very gentle way)- so that someday he will confide in his Dad too.

Don't tell!!! and don't talk to your hubby about the teasing. Your step son is going to need to learn to deal with guys guys, this is your husbands way of developing that relationship with him. Instead IF your step-son comes to you about Dad's teasing and behavior, encourage him to talk to his dad about it, and help him come up with some creative ways to explain how it makes him feel. Maybe give him fodder to tease back. Have him talk to grandma for dirt on dad. It may be his only way to get through to dad. and if you keep his confidence he'll keep yours. Men rarely respond through communication, but through action. Your husband has chosen the action of teasing to get in touch with his emotions with his boy. They need to find a way to work it out on their own. I'd say the same thing if it was a girl. AT 14 kids are old enough to learn the lessons of facing their problems. You are now nothing more than a guide, and disciplinarian if and when necessary.

I don't think you are wrong because of your reasons. Dad's can get a bit over the top sometimes and if it makes your stepson uncomfortable, I would keep it just between you two. Sometimes even the toughest boys need their mom.

If you agreed not to tell, then don't. He needs someone he can go to about girls, and it sounds like it's going to be you. You might want to be prepared for other 'secrets' to come along though and be up front with him next time he begins to confide in you, something like 'I understand it's important for you to talk to someone about this and I am so pleased that you trust me, but I need you to understand that I don't keep things from your Dad and you might be surprised how understanding your Dad will be if you try talking to him'. Then go to your husband tell him he is absolutely not to tease your son about this.

best wishes,

W.

If not telling your husband is really bothering you, then you can tell your husband, but tell him absolutely no teasing or letting on that he knows. Explain to him that if your son finds out that you told him, that your son will no longer trust you and won't come to you for the bigger issues. Right now, your son is obviously comfortable in communicating things with you and you want to keep it that way.

I recently told my husband to stop teasing my son about girls. He's only 8 and has no interest so my husband things it's funny to tease him about girls that we know have a crush on him. But I'm concerned that all this teasing will keep him from talking to us about it when he does start to gain interest for fear of being teased even more.

Good luck!

Hi D.,
I personally would not tell your husband. You say this is the first time your step-son has ever confided in you - if you betray that now it will certainly be the last! If he calls these girls and wants to go out, that is a decision the dad has to be in on. But just phone numbers? He's probably excited and a little proud of himself and wanted to share with someone - how cool that he choose you! What a fabulous way to start a solid relationship w him at the early half of teenage years! I think this is a great opportunity for you two to forge a new, important aspect of your step-mother-step-son (not always an easy pairing) bond. Good for you!
Good luck,
MC

DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND. You will be breaking a confidence that you will never be able to regain. You also need to tell your husband to lay off the teasing & to tell him how lucky he is that this boy has more of a conscience then he had. With the danger of pregnancy & disease it's smarter to keep it in your pants than making a notch on your belt.

D.,

I'm a child by marriage too. I know that if I had confided something like that with my Mom by Marriage and asked her not to share it, then she did I would have had a hard time trusting her again.
It's really the kind of thing that your son should tell his Dad when he's ready. Give your son a chance to build up his confidence and he'll tell his dad.
The fact that he got two phone numbers isn't a big deal, but to him it's huge. At this point, I would say protecting the trust your son placed in you is the more important thing.

I agree with others -- don't tell! I think it's very special that your stepson trusts you and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. But I would tell your husband in a general way that the teasing makes it hard for his son to talk to him about serious things.

Hello,
I tend to agree with the others. DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND.Your step son shared this with you in confidence and you don't want to break that trust. If it was something dangerous, etc. then it would be a different story. It sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and he needs a mom to confide in. Feel good knowing that he's willing to share/speak with you. Breaking the trust now, could hurt him and stop him from ever opening up again, egos on boys this age can shatter easily.

ft working mom of 7 yr. old twins.

No you're not wrong. If your husband was mature enough, the boy would have gone to him 1st. Nothing hurtful is being done behind hubbys back so don't worry about anything.

I would be honored if I was told something THAT huge.
THAT is huge for your 14 year old. HUGE!
Your husband hasn't earned his sons respect and teasing is the main reason. If you want to maintain the close realationship you have built with your stepson dont say a word. You are NOT keeping a secret that is live changing.
You are showing your son that he is important and you love him. As far as your husband, if he ever found out you knew and didn't say..Well.....he needs to realize that he wasn't told because HOW HE made his son feel NOT you.
Good luck...and WHAT an honor. Good parenting D..

I tend to agree with most of the others in that you definitely should not share this with your husband. Keep your stepson's "secret". This is not huge in the grand scheme of things, but of course it is to him and if you were to betray that trust he won't come to you when there is something that is really BIG.

My caveat though is that you should let him know the next time he asks you to not tell his dad about something that there are some things that you don't have a problem keeping from Dad, but occasionally there may be something that he should definitely know about. Let him know that they are safety, health, big emotional issues, etc. Should something of that nature come into play, be sure that you discuss it with your son first and let him know that this is one of those things his dad should know about. Stress that it is because you love him that this is necessary.

Let him know and encourage him that you can discuss it before he talks to him or go to dad together, and deal with it as a loving family. I also suggest that you thank him for the faith he has put in you and tell him that you love and respect him for making his decision and it shows a certain maturity.

I don't think you should tell him. If he had just casually told you about it would you tell your husband? Probably not....so just because he said not to is probably why you think you should. It sounds like your husband needs to back off a little bit on teasing him, your step son seems to have a very good head on his shoulders.