71 answers

Do You Take Your Children to Your Personal Doctor Appointments?

Ok girls...
I have had some bad luck these last few weeks and have had 2 doctor appointments. I took my daughter with me to one of my appointments, and as usual, it was a nightmare. She does pretty good if I keep throwing food at her, but I want to be careful because I have a weight problem and don't want that for her. ANYWAY, I had to go see my orthopedic surgeon on Thursday and knowing how long it can take I opted for my daughter to go to a friends house until my parents could pick her up, about 45 mintues later. Now, I watch my friends little girl all the time and we have a great relationship, so there was no problem on my friends part. My problem comes with my husband. He thinks I should just tote Maddie with me everywhere I go. He says I just dump her off whenever it might get a little tough or inconveinet for me to have her around. (Like decorating 48 cupcakes for her birthday party). His family never takes help from others, while my family is always eager to help out and will accept help. I do not take advantage of my friends in any way. I stay at home with her all day every day and if I have an appointment, sometimes it is easier to go by myself. I know she has more fun playing with her friends than she would in a doctors office waiting room. Which by the way, I waited for 45 mintues before even being called into the room, then had xrays, which she could not have been in the room with me. All told, I was there for 2 hours. Now, you mommas of toddlers, is this fun? So my question is this. Do you take your toddler's with you to appointments if it can be helped? Am I out of line to not want to take her with me? And what would be a loving way to explain to my hubby?
Thanks!

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So What Happened?™

Thank you all so much for your advice. Unfortunately, I have to go have a CT scan next week, and I told my hubby that I would try to make it early in the am, or closer to quitting time so he can meet me at the hospital to watch Maddie. He really didn't say much, just had an "OH" look on his face. Like I am going to want her in her stroller watching mommy get on a bed with a big circle going around her. MEN...It really cracks me up how when he is sick, the world stops, but I have a sinus infection & possibly a broken leg and I am expected to keep going as usual not stopping for anything. Gotta love it! Thanks again ladies!

Featured Answers

i take my kids if i HAVE to. if i have other options i don't. For one, i don't like to if possible because of all the germs that are in dr office. toddlers touch everything on the floor. then they stick it in there mouth. (that is what i tell my husband) it is just hard to pay attention to the dr with two kids at my feet getting into everything and the wait. i don't blame you and anyone who has tried to go to the dr with a little one knows how hard it is. and if you are like me. the dr is my only time to my self. Same with grocery shopping. last time i went to the dr i had to take both my kids as they watched me pee in a cup. that was fun. i was waiting to go home to see if they would try it. my two year old mimics everthing i do.so , if you have a sitter i would definately let them watch them.i don't really think lots of husbands understand. my husband use to say why don't you take the kids to the grocery until he went with them once. he wanted to leave after we had gotten only 3 items.

Personally, I use dr. appts. as my opportunity for some alone time for myself!!! I look forward to that break!! (SAHM of five...ages 6, 4, 2, & 3 mos. old twins!)

If you have the opportunity to leave yor daughter with someone you trust and know she'll be happy with, then I don't see the problem. When you go to important appointments, it's much better to be able to focus and get the most out it, than it is to have to constantly entertain a toddler the entire time! I think it's great that you have such a good support system, and you should be able to utilize it. Besides, kids would much rather be playing with friends than sitting in a stffy doctor's office all afternoon anyway!

More Answers

M.,

No, I do not take my little ones to doctor's appointments. Nor do my Mom friends.

If your husband is such a know-it-all, why doesn't he take your daughter to the grocery store and get EVERYTHING, specifically, on your grocery list? How about late in the afternoon, when she hasn't had a nap, oh-yeah, and how about he arrive at the store, and SIT in the lobby with her for 45 minutes BEFORE he starts the shopping trip? And she has to actually WALK with him, not ride in the cart. With four trips down the candy aisle. Plus a diaper change right in the middle of the list. And he needs to get home ASAP because you need the items he is buying to make dinner.

Oftentimes, husbands can be so NOT-understanding when it comes to what it really involves taking care of a miniature human being all day. Kids can seriously wear out every single nerve of patience we possess. Also, many doctor's offices forbid women from bringing their children.

You are not alone. You should not be forced to bring your child to appointments where it is certifiably inconvenient or just down-right impractical, especially when you have someone who CAN watch her. You already gave birth, she is no longer physically TIED to you any longer, so there will be times when you need to do things without her.

Best wishes,
K.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
No I do not take my kids with me if it can be helped. It makes it stressful for me and them. I don't see the point of going thogh a stressful time if it can be avoided. You just need to put your foot down with your hubby. Have him have her for a day all alone and see if that might change his mind. You schould also tell him it is when you don't ask for help that he schould be worried then. Tell him kindly that it is great that he dosen't need help but that you do and there is nothing worng with that.
Good luck. Somtimes it is hard with huddys they just have no idea what is like for us.
M. Wonderly mom to 4

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.,
I don't take mine unless I absolutely have to. I really don't see why anyone would want to bring them unless they have to. There are germs in doctors offices, it's not fun for the kids or for us, there is no telling how long you will have to be there, and it could even be scary for them depending on what you are going in for. Also, like someone else said, its important that you are able to pay attention and hear what your doctor says without distractions. I'm totally with you - kids shouldn't have to go if you can avoid it! You are totally lucky that you have people to help and I'm sure your daughter enjoys getting out and playing at other people's houses sometimes - there is absoltey no reason you should feel guilty about that especially for things like doctors appointments.

M.,
You are in no way out of line for not wanting to take your daughter to the doctor! As in your 2 hour case, you never know what might come up! And, we moms are more aware of this then husbands, who by the way NEVER have to take the kids anywhere with them ALONE! So, don't sweat it. I would continue to schedule the appts., work out swapping childcare, it's free right? Or, say, Honey, I have an appt. today, would like to take 1/2 day off work? NO? OK, she'll be going to our friend's. My best strategy, since we are in charge of the day to day stuff, don't ask, just tell! :)

A little bit about me:

SAHM of 4; 3 are still at home. Married for 14 yrs. to my high school sweetheart of 22 yrs. Work PT as a dj.

Hi M.,
We have a 5yr old boy and 7mo old girl and they are almost always with us. Maybe we're overprotective or something but we enjoy them so much that we usually only have someone else watch them when there's something we need to do (work party, etc.) In fact, our 5yr old son has spent the night at his grandparents twice, once to prepare him for when we were going to the hospital to have his little sister and once when we had his little sister. But, in saying that, I have never taken either of them to a doctor's appt, etc. I think you are absolutely right in this. I'd like for your husband to take her sometime, LOL! I think it's just too hard for kids that age to have to wait - I don't think I've ever gone to the doctor and seen the doctor right away. I've always had to wait. I'm also afraid that I'd miss something if I was paying attention to my child, making sure they were quietly coloring and not being curious and wanting to explore their surroundings. Anyway just my opinion! Good luck!

Hi M.,
It's much easier when you leave your child with a friend that has other kids, or with your spouse when you go for a doctor's appointment. Those are so unpredictable in terms of duration and it really isn't fair for your child to be in that type of environment for more than an hour, unless it's their own appointment. It's hard to get hubby's to understand exactly what a typical day with toddler/baby/child is like. We have to squeeze in the cleaning of the house, feeding, bathing, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, pet appointments, etc.. and the list continues. Maybe your husband should take her on one of his medical appointments next time. Maybe then you'll gain some empathy. Sounds like he just doesn't really understand what you have to go through. Your toddler sounds like she does really well, but you never know when a tantrum could erupt. I think it's better to just go on your own. Gives you some alone time too to read some magazines, catch up on some calls, etc.. I welcome alone time whenever I can get it. We don't live near family so when I have a doctor's appointment, I ask my husband to take some time off so that I can go on my own. Otherwise I just reschedule. I have two kids so it's tricky with both. Either way, I don't like to subject them to adult germs in a waiting room. Hope that helps and good luck fellow Super Mom! You're doing great!

Remind him that it is HER health you are protecting - exposure to all kinds of extra germs - yada yada - as well as her mental health - you cannot expect a 2 yo to act appropriately in that situation. let him take her to get the oil changed or something - he'll change his tune !

Maybe Daddy should take her everywhere with him. Not only are you right, in most dr offices are full of sick people and we don't need our babies sick.

i take my kids if i HAVE to. if i have other options i don't. For one, i don't like to if possible because of all the germs that are in dr office. toddlers touch everything on the floor. then they stick it in there mouth. (that is what i tell my husband) it is just hard to pay attention to the dr with two kids at my feet getting into everything and the wait. i don't blame you and anyone who has tried to go to the dr with a little one knows how hard it is. and if you are like me. the dr is my only time to my self. Same with grocery shopping. last time i went to the dr i had to take both my kids as they watched me pee in a cup. that was fun. i was waiting to go home to see if they would try it. my two year old mimics everthing i do.so , if you have a sitter i would definately let them watch them.i don't really think lots of husbands understand. my husband use to say why don't you take the kids to the grocery until he went with them once. he wanted to leave after we had gotten only 3 items.

I am pregnant and a few days from my due date so I have had a lot of Dr's appts lately and I firmly believe that if there are other options for children rather than accompanying their parents to the Dr then it is almost always better to leave them with someone else. Dr's offices can try adults patience with the long wait and sometimes stressful circumstances, there is no way I would expect that of a young child. Also, this is your health which is very important for you as well as your family, try explaining to your husband that it is very stressful for you to have your daughter accompany you when the wait is long and you need to be able to pay attention to what the Dr is saying to you about your health. I do take my son to my chiropractor's visits but they are short and I have been going to this Dr since high school so it isn't a situation that is stressful or that I need to pay particular attention since I pretty much know the drill by now. However, if there was a time when an additional treatment or if I had a new injury then I would probably find childcare for my son. I hope this helps, not really anything but my opinion and what I have found to be true. Definitely talk to your husband and be honest, he needs to understand.

i agree with you that i would not have taken a toddler with me to this appointment it is alot easier to accept the help from a friend or family member when needed.why put your self in a stressful situation or your child for that matter?thats not fair to either of you.Unfortunatly i cant tell you what to say to your husband,i am single mother.sorry

I am older now and have grandchildren, but the point iss that some places or appts are not a good place for the child to be. Who looks out for her when you are in the room having xrays or exams? It is much better for her to be with her friends than to be bothering others while you are in the room. Does he want you to haul her into the exam room to watch when you have a pap done? Sounds like it to me. How dumb is that? If this is the only time, for the most part, that you leave her behind than so be it. Maybe you should try sending her with him when he goes places. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. There just are places that is NO place for a child at the time. When you see the doctor, you are imposing on peope to watch her more than if you had left her at a friend's house. You cannot drag her everywhere and he has to get over it and realize it. Ask him if he wants her watching while you are having a pap smear done or if you are to impose on someone you don't really know to watch her while you are in the exam room. I rest my case.

Hi, I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls; 1, 10 & 14. I am just like your husbands family. I take and have taken my kids EVERYWHERE. I don't like to ask for help most of the time, BUT there are always exceptions. Your husband needs to understand that there are times when kids can not be with us. You did the right thing in leaving your child with someone for your appt. I will leave mine at home or with my parents if I need to go it alone or I will have my Mom go with me to watch the baby if I need extra help. Dont worry about your husband, he will figure out how hard it is to juggle everything with little ones eventually. Good Luck.
D. B.

Hi M.,

No, I usually do not take my kids to my dr's appts (except when big sis heard twins' heartbeats and we were well into preg and assured all was fine, and very few others.) My main dx is migraine, and I need to completely focus on what the dr says. A mom's health benefits the entire family!!

Remind your husband that you do not tell him how to do his job at whatever his profession is, so he should not instruct you how to be a SAHM, which involves finding appropriate childcare occasionally. SAHM's don't always stay at home!

Is he overly protective of your little girl? Could he be worried about others caring for her? This could be a deeper issue to address, something he may have thought he didn't think he'd have to worry about w/ you staying home. (A friend's husband only approved of family babysitting, not friends or others.)

Peace,
K.

If I could I would leave my baby with a sitter while at a doctor's appointment. You need to be focused when you are seeing a doctor so that you don't miss anything important or forget to ask something important. Having to divide your attention between your daughter and the doctor isn't good. Your child is in your way, she's in the doctor's way, it's just no good and she can't help it, she just a toddler, that's what they do. It's for your health and well being you don't need her "help". What happens if you have a OB/GYN appointment? You do not need your toddler in the office while the doctor is giving you a check up! Why should seeing a different kind of doctor be any different?

I hope this helps.

If you have the opportunity to leave yor daughter with someone you trust and know she'll be happy with, then I don't see the problem. When you go to important appointments, it's much better to be able to focus and get the most out it, than it is to have to constantly entertain a toddler the entire time! I think it's great that you have such a good support system, and you should be able to utilize it. Besides, kids would much rather be playing with friends than sitting in a stffy doctor's office all afternoon anyway!

I am a mom of 4 and when my oldest kids were very young I started a babysitting co-op in my neighborhood for this very reason. But also so couples could go out and spend time together without the kids and without having to worry about excessive babysitting costs. If your husband has a problem with you letting your daughter go somewhere much more fun for her while you concentrate on the doctor (rather than worrying if your she is behaving or staying safe) than I would highly suggest you let him take her with him the next time he has an appointment. Trust me I've tried it both ways and the appointment is a lot more productive and quicker when I could concentrate on what the doctor was telling me rather than my kids.

I didn't read all the answers, so this may have been covered. But I am sure that your doctor's/test places would prefer you not bring your toddler also. You can't have a CT scan or x-ray with her there, because there is no one to watch her, and hospital personnel can't be responsible for watching her. And she can't safely, hers or anyone elses, be in the room while you are having those tests. Doctors time is valuable, they need to be able to spend the time they have with you with your full attention, not your attention being split between the doctor and your daughter. Your husband should be able to appreciate this. Saves you money in the long run if you are able to deal with everything in one visit, instead of having to make several to get all problems taken care of. This he should be able to understand. Otherwise, I just wouldn't mention to him your daughter was anyhere but with you on those days.
R.

M.,
I think your husband is a little out of touch with the reality of having a little one around while trying to do such things. Have him take her to out to work on the car, or go to an appt a few times and I'm sure his perspective will change.
Perhaps, he can get off work to come home and watch her while you have your appts. MEN!!! Arrrggg!!

I take my kids, but only because my husband takes me, lol. He sits with them in the waiting room or they leave and come home (we live really close to my doctor's office and the hospital).

Has your husband taken her anywhere by himself? It's NOT easy. If you have family and friends willing to watch her for a bit, there's nothing wrong with that. It would be different if you were doing it all the time. But when you need space to get work done (like making all those cupcakes) or going to the doctor, you need to be able to accept the help so you can concentrate. I had my daughter with me for one appointment and didn't have a clue what the doctor said most of the time because she was all over the place (she's 2).

I do NOT take any of my kids (I have 3 boys, ages 4 and under) to any of my appointments, or grocery shopping, for that matter. It stresses me out, big time. I remember I once took my oldest son to an OB check up when I was pregnant with my second son - my oldest was just shy of 2 at the time. He threw my cell phone in the biohazard receptacle :-/ Since then, my husband knows that when I have an appointment, he's expected to stay with the kids while I go. I make my appointments for as early or as late as possible, or for lunch hour-ish to make sure it's easy for him to take off work. Granted, he's using some of his PTO sometimes, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I say skip the "loving" way of "explaining" this to your husband. Ask him if HE would take your daughter to one of HIS doctor appointments, then say "EXACTLY!" when he says "nooooo...." Who cares about his family not asking for help? Not asking for help when my oldest was born was what sent me spiraling into anxiety and depression issues. You're the mommy - you do what's best for YOU. :-)

Ok in all honesty....I did take my daughter with me when she was little BUT I have a very calm child who could be with me in an appointment and be happy in a chair waiting. I in NO WAY recommend it. Your child is most likely happier with a playmate or other family members. By all means let her be with other people. It is healthier for her!!!
As far as hubby goes- Would he take her to an appointment he had. Does he take her to his dentist/doctors appointments? Would he take her to his office? He needs to see that your appointments are just as important as his. And it is not in your childs best interest!!! Which is your main concern.

Good luck!!

I NEVER take my daughter to any of my doctor appointments unless it is an absolute emergency. She normally will go over to my neighbor's house. It is bad enough waiting around for my daughter's checkups. I don't see the point in putting her through all of that when I'm the one going in to see the doctor not her.

I would say it's time for hubby to be Mr. Mom for about a month so he can understand just what mom's do all day. When you stay home with a toddler 24/7 you need a break. Even if it is just a dr. appt. Sometimes kids just aren't allowed to go places such as xray. There's probably no really nice way to tell him if he isn't willing to listen to the why. It would be best to just show him! Let him be Mr. Mom every weekend when he is off! LOL. I agree with what you do.
Good luck. Let us know the outcome.
mddhf

I am diabetic and have a lot of doctor's appointments sometimes. I think everyone should have a right to privacy for a doctor's appointment. I would suggest that he take Maddie with him to his next appointment if he thinks that is such a great idea. Or he could take off work watch her himself.

Not if I can help it. I am a SAHM as well. Some things are just not appropriate for little ones. Plus, at a dr. appt. you need to concentrate on what the dr. is saying to you. I also have a friend who I trade off sitting with and yes, sometimes it is just to do something I want to do at home. I don't think my DH minds, but on the otherhand, I don't tell him about every little thing like that. He has the idea that I'm the one with the kids all day, so it's up to me. Just let your DH keep her for a whole day, by himself and take her everywhere he goes and then I'm sure he'll understand your position. Good luck!

I hate taking my little one with me to doctor's appointments. It's so much hassle trying to keep her occupied while giving my attention to the doctor. I see absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone to watch your daughter while you go to a dr's appt. Or even to the grocery store! I would just tell him that you're not taking her with you..end of story. If he doesnt' want to 'impose' on friends or family, then he can stay home with her! Would he take her with him if he had to go see a doctor? Doubtful!

My mother never took us to her doctor appointments. I've brought my oldest with me to 1 doctor appointment that my husband came with me to - it was the dr. who helped us get pregnant. So he was able to stay in the reception area with her while the other nurses ooooh'd and aaaah'd over our daughter.

To be honest, I don't like having them with me at dr. appt's. I know it sounds selfish, but the reason I'm going to the dr. is to better my health or whatever, and if you have your child there, your child will distract you from the goal - getting yourself better. Plus - your child is supposed to see you as invincible, and big and strong. Taking her to the dr. with you might get her thinking you're not or that something might happen to you. Children don't need to be thinking that.

Probably the best way to put it to DH is just like you did in your post. "Look, I was in there for 2 hours, and had to have x-rays and she couldn't be in there with me for that. It's not like the nurses are paid to be her babysitter. Why put her and the nurses through all that when she could be over at the neighbors house playing and having fun during that time?"

If that doesn't work - make him take her to his next appointment and see how he likes it! :)

Good luck!

Hello, I have two little ones myself and there some things i HATE doing and one of them is having them with me ALL the time specially at DR appts if i can help it i dont take them but like you 9times out of 10 i have them with me.

Maybe next time you have an appt that you know is going to take a long time make him go with you and make him TRY to keep a toddle totally happy, quiet and respectiable for the whole time!!! My hubby has never said a thing to me about me taking our kids i try to make appts so i dont have to and i will leave them with him whenever possiable!!!

good luck with makeing him understand!! maybe he needs your job for a week or so

I think what you did was completely fine. Two hours in a doctor's office is a LONG time for a two year old. It really isn't worth the stress of bringing her if you have an available sitter or family member. I would never bring my son at this age to any appointment of mine because I really don't want to deal with the fits especially if I'm going to be examined in whatever way so that my undivided attention isn't on him. My husband recently took him with him and his mother while he took her to her doctor, and I was told that Finn decided to throw a full blown tantrum the entire time they were there.
I wouldn't feel guilty at all.

Personally, I use dr. appts. as my opportunity for some alone time for myself!!! I look forward to that break!! (SAHM of five...ages 6, 4, 2, & 3 mos. old twins!)

I am a stay at home mom of two wonderful boys, 1 & 4. While they are as good as can be expected, I would rather not have them with me for doctors appointments or even shopping if I can help it. I want my sanity. I did tote them with me for an unexpected doctor appointment not too long ago and I waited 1 hour before being seen. Thank goodness I have the two of them so they ran wildly through the waiting area together. I mean, a crazy pack screaming insanely. I am surprised they didn't work me in earlier for their sanity. If there are people that are willing to have your daughter for a bit while you take care of business, take them up on it without guilt or hesitation. Next time your husband had an errand or appointment, tell him to take your little girl. I bet he would have a fit. I know my husband for a long time wouldn't even watch one kid while he was on the phone with a friend but expected me to make all sorts of business type calls while watching him. I had him experience it and he learned. When you are the stay-at-home parent, it is so easy for the working parent to think you don't work. Remember, you do work, you just don't get paid your own salary for it. Most jobs don't expect you to work 6am to 9pm (well, those are my hours) without a break. Oh, if you do get a break, they are usually just luxuries as laundry or cleaning. Don't feel guilt. Do what you need to do.

You are not bad in any way. I try to avoid taking my three year old daughter to any of my Docter or Dentist appointments. Tell your husband next time he has an appointment with the Doctor to take her and then he will understand. Or just tell him that most doctors would prefer to see you with out your children. But in no way are you wrong not to want to take her. You're just lucky to have someone to watch her.

A. CH

I am also a stay at home mom of three and I do not think that you are out of line to not always take them with you. Doctors offices are the worst place to take them, they are not kid friendly and I always felt like I was bothering the other patients. Plus the exam rooms are nightmares. Next time your husband has a doctors appointment have him take her with him and see how he feels afterward.
Hope this helps.
L.

I think it is great if you can get someone to watch her for you to go to a Drs appointment. I have 2 kids, my son is 9 and he has autism and I have a 7 year old red headed daughter to boot :) I used to have to take BOTH of my kids to Dr appointments before they got in school. I couldnt beg or pay anyone to keep my kids. Everyone was too afraid they would set my son into a fit if they did something he didnt like. Do you think it was all peaches and cream when I had to take him to an appointment?!?! I think not, DO NOT feel bad for letting your little girl have fun with a friend over sitting in a waiting room for God knows how long. Moms need a breaksometimes too. I have been home with my kids since they were born and I know it is nice to have a few hours my myself, I usually feel guilty when I am by myself but then I am eager to get home and have some fun with my kids. I hope this helped...it is just my view on it...Good luck!!

B.

Sometimes men can be so clueless can't they? I know how you feel. I used to take my son EVERYWHERE with me because I felt guilty about leaving him so I could do something on my own. Boy I got over that fast!! We need alittle private time to ourselves and I think a doctor appointment qualifies. It's hard enough sometimes to understand what doctors are saying. Throw in a bored child and you could miss something important. Explain to your husband that you are doing something important and not just running around and leaving your daughter. In the long run leaving her with other people makes it a little easier when the separation anxiety age comes rolling around. It will also be a little easier when she starts school because she'll know that mommy will come back and she'll be just fine. good luck and hopefully you can make your husband see the light that even though we love our children more than life itself some things are better done without them tagging along.

Wow, M......I'm glad not everyone thinks like your husband, or I would be out of business! I own a drop-in child sitting center that I specifically opened for SAHMs for this very reason, among others. Doctor's appts., hair appts., lunch with friends, cleaning the house, helping out at a sibling's school, going to funerals, meetings, etc. Those are all reasons that stay at home parents (yes, even some SAHDs) bring their children to my center every day. Your husband is unrealistic, and should walk a mile in your shoes as a SAHM....then he would change his tune. You are not alone in wanting to do these things without your child, don't let him make you think you are less of a mom because you do!
Blessings, J.

You did the right thing...explain to your hubby you are helping develop her social skills by allowing her to play with other children.....

M., we're married to the same man! My husband refuses to watch our 15mo. because she MIGHT have a stinky diaper! Anyway, every time I have a Dr.'s appt. or need to do some shopping for a new interview suit for my big interview on Wed., he wants me to drive 45 mins. to his mom's house to drop her off (and 45 mins. back here...and 45 mins. to go pick her up...and 45 mins. home...) Whatever! I just started cancelling all of my stuff then he gets this martyr thing going where he "guesses" he can watch for a little bit, but I just scoop her up and leav without telling him where we're going - we go to the park so that she can have some fun. I point-blank asked him what exactly I was supposed to do when I was trying on suits in the changing room - and have disrobed - and she takes off under the door to run out into the store! I've taken her to one of my appointments, but no more. The dr. was running late (as she usually is), and her staff had the nerve to get pissy with me when, after 35 minutes of waiting, I asked if I needed to reschedule my appointment...

Being a SAHM does NOT mean you have to be with your children 24/7! Most moms I know would go insane if they did that, I know I would. There's nothing wrong with finding someone to watch your children when you have a doctor's appointment or boring errands to run. The child would have alot more fun playing with friends. And the child gets used to not being with mom or dad. Separation anxiety can get really bad and last until kindergarten if the child doesn't have experience being away from mom and dad. Being separated from your child a few times each week is actually very healthy for you child and is needed for proper growth and development.

I think you are doing both you & your daughter a favor leaving her with your friend. Especially if she is eager to go. Sounds like it works out for all of you! Time away from each other is really good for both of you!

It's unfair of your husband to think you are dropping her off just because you want to. It's unfair to expect a 2 year old to behave for a long length of time! It's hard enough when you have to take her to her own appointments and have to wait!!

Next time your husband has a Dr. appointment let him take her & see how difficult it is!! One never knows until you experience it!

I say continue to do what you're doing!!!

Yes you are a mother and although we love and adore our little ones, everyone needs a little me time. It's no fun for your daughter to take her to the doctor with you, little ones need to be able to explore and play. It's easier for you and the doctor. Your husband needs to understand that sometimes it's better for everyone involved to have someone else watch her. If he doesn't want anyone else babysitting ask him to keep her.

Okay - this hits directly home with me. My husband lost his mother when he was 7 years old. Not to use backyard psychology, but he now expects me to be supermom - which I'm not - and make up for his loss. I know I'm a good mom and I really don't need any approval from him to know this, however the disapproval hurts. Do whatever you need to do. I don't take my children with me on my dr.'s appointments. Not only is it hectic, but I don't want to expose them to unnecessary germs either. We as mothers need care too - and if we don't take good care of ourselves, what message could that send to our children? I exercise in our basement and my daughter will play while I do it. She'll stop and imitate me occasionally too. Maybe he could take them on an appointment with him and he could see what it's like. Experience is always a good teacher! My husband spent his first day at home with both kids a couple weeks ago and I think it taught him some humility regarding staying at home with kids.

Do what you need - and be gracious. If your husband has something to say about it - then let him say what he needs to say and explain that you are doing what you need to do for yourself too. My family is also supportive - and my husbands family sounds a lot like your husbands! It's frustrating, but we just come from different backgrounds. I've said that to him before too. It is good for our children to have as much exposure to extended family as possible and to play with other children. Good luck to you!

Well when my children were younger, I tried to schedule things so that they would not be there with me. That meant either while they were still at the day care or making arrangements for them to be some place while I took care of health appointments. I am not as nice as you are to try and find a simple way to explain this to your husband. My suggestion to him would be for him to take her to his next appointment and see how distracting it is for him. Let's face it, it isn't that we don't want them there with us, but we really can't focus on what we are there for. When children are present for us, they are our number one concern. When you are at the doctor for yourself, YOU should be your number one concern. Men think that we are do it all women, when truly we need a break as well.

I am responding with out reading the other replies but I have a suspicion they may say the same as me. Does he take her to HIS dr. appointments? Because we are SAHM we don't deserve the same? I have taken my children to many of my appointments but I know that when it is one that I really must be able to give my absolute undivided attention to, I will arrange for my husband to be home. Does he also expect that she go along during a PAP? That would be crazy! Anyway, I'm not sure I answered your original question but being a SAHM this kind of thing just burns me up. It's like we are expected to live by a different set of "rules" for lack of a better word. I had and I stress HAD a friend who works full time and she actually said to me," Why don't you be the one to make the arrangements(for a camping trip with our family and hers)because let's face it, you have more time than i do." We are no longer friends because of that and having no respect for what I do and believe is right for our family. By the way her kids are HORRIBLE!. I got off topic, sorry. i wish you luck with this!

I don't think in your case explaining would do the trick. Instead, you should arrange your schedule so that your husband is forced to have your daughter accompany him to his next doctor's appointment. I'm certain that is all that would be required for him to understand.

I took my 1-year-old daughter with me this week to an appointment and it started out great, but took so long that it was infringing on her naptime, so she was a mess by the time we left. That is the last time she will go with me, so I completely understand and agree with you. Doctor's offices are not child friendly or age appropriate for little ones.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

There are many reasons to leave your child with someone during your appointments:
-You can't watch them while been examined
-You need to pay attention to Dr's instructions
-If you need X-rays, kids can't go in, and who will watch them? not dr's assitants
-If your appointment is with certaind Dr's where sick people actually go to, you expose your child to unecessary sickness
-If they need to use the potty while you're in the middle of an examination, are you suppose to stop everything and tell a dr(who gives you only 5 min. anyway) to take them?
Tell your husband that if he's so concern about you asking someone else to watch your daughter, he can take a few hours off work to watch her.
Good luck!

M.,
You are a better mom and patient if you leave your daughter at home during your appointments. A better mom because you can't be paying attention to your daughter while being examined (did you know most dr. exam rooms have more than 15 uncovered electrical plug ins...my son like to count them all). Also, I was a dental assistant in my past life(LOL) and we went crazy when someone would bring their child along. As soon as mommy was unavailable, the child would need something, and it made the appointment take longer than in normally would. A short time with a friend or family member will help your child to have other experiences.
Hope this makes you feel better.
T.

I still opt to not take my five year old to the doctors with me most the time and he is wonderful there. I just feel that if I get some sort of news or have to plan a surgery or other procedure or like you said get X-rays and such (not that it's a regular occurance but you never know)then I would rather not have him. He listens more than he acts like he does and then as a million questions when we get out about what's going on and such. I just feel that any news you get, or anything that has to be discussed with a doctor is easier done without a child in tow.
My sister baby sits a 2 year old and has a 1 year old at home. I go to her house to baby sit while he goes to her appointments. I don't mind knowing I wouldn't want to have them both with me if I were going.
I'm not sure what to tell your husband to help him understand why. I'm a pretty healthy person but I always fear that something bad would be found. (My mom had colon cancer at a young age, so even regular check ups I tend to worry about blood work coming back funny!) I would like to have the opportunity to deal with that news first, to sit and make a plan and find an apporpiate way to tell my child rather than the grim news from a doctor telling him. 5 years old or 2 years old, they hear and understand more than what show us. Best of luck!

Make a urologist appointment for your husband and tell him that he is to take your daughter with him. That should shut him up pretty quickly. :-)

For some odd reason....MEN HAVE NO CLUE!! We all love them dearly but it is just hard for them to comprehend what us Moms/wives go thru. You are perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to take your daughter along for the very long wait. If it seems long to you then it's twice as long for them. It is very healthy for your daughter to have play dates while you are at your appointments.

good luck with your health and hope things get better for you.

No you are not being selfish or out of line. You are understanding your toddler and respecting the doctor's time as well as the other patients. I can't think of how to explain to hubby, cause my hubby's mom was always willing to help out.

C.

NO WAY! I have a 2 year old and a 5 (almost 6 year old) and I do everything possible to find someone to watch them so I can go to the doctor in peace. I don't even like taking both of them to the pediatrician at the same time. If you are distracted at the doctor by your children, you will not be as focused on what your doctor is telling you and may miss out on important information.

I am a stay at home mom too and sometimes I just don't think husbands get it - how hard it is to be with your kids all the time. You too need breaks apart from each other and I would just explain that to him. He may not understand how hard it is to have a 2 year old with you at an important appointment. And no, 2 year old do not do well waiting! I think you made a wise choice to leave her with your friend and parents. Good luck :)

I'm with you. Let her play with her friends. 2 years is really too young to spend 2 or more hours trying to behave. It's just too much for her. And, it adds to your stress with trying to entertain her and talk to the doctor. To say nothing of the times that she just can't be with you, ie:xrays. Also, agree that if he doesn't want her to stay at a friends, then he can stay with her. If nothing else, have him meet the 2 of you at the doctor and keep her while you have your appointment. Then, he can go back to work and you and DD can go home or whatever. At least then, he will get an understanding of why is not practical to take her.

No, its not fun to take your kids with you to a doctors appointment, especially finicky toddlers whose mood changes with every tick of the clock. Your husband should be encouraging you, not hindering you, after all, HE gets to go to his appointments alone, doesn't he? (At least thats the way it goes in MY house) I leave my kids with friends when I have a DR appt, or at least my husband, and nobody seems to mind. Go with what is easier for you, and if your hisband disagrees, have him take your daughter along with him on his errands, maybe he'll see in a different light.

I only take my kids with me if it is absolutely necessarry. Other than that, no way! You are not out of line at all by not wanting to take her. It is easier to go by yourself,that way you don't have to worry about what she is doing or where she is. Tell the hubby that it is easier for you because you can get things done quicker without having to worry about your daughter.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

Hi M.,
Totally OK to give you children over for help! My husband sort of thought the same way (always falling back saying it was my idea to be a SAHM), but when he had a week off, I turned our soon-to-be 3 daughter over to him for the week for some extra responsibilities. It was so good for him to see what it was like to take her places - I even sent him to the grocery once with her! :) At the end of the week, he said he enjoyed the time her, but there was a reason he did what he did and I was the one that stayed home! That might have been the best compliment he has ever given me!

Here is a funny....I had an appt at my obgyn and had one of my friends lined up to watch my daughter. Well her child was really sick so at the last minute my daughter had to come with me! I was nervous about the exam and the "question that my little miss curious would ask". No fears there - she just thought I was getting my "legs" checked. The worst part was, I had just got undressed from the waist down with that stupid little blanket thing over me when my daughter says..."i have to poop" geesh! so I got back dressed, took her to the bathroom, and she stunk up the whole place and announced to all the nurses that she had pooped a big one! Of course they all thought she was adorable, but I just wanted to crawl in a cave.

Bravo to moms that decorate 48 cupcakes, go to doctor appointments, and do it all! :) Having a little help is deserving! And I think kids should spend time with grandparents/extended family anyhow - it builds great relationships that everyone needs!
J.

M.,

This sounds like it's your husband's problem. Perhaps there's a personal reason he doesn't want to feel indebted to anyone and therefore thinks you are taking advantage of your mommy friend. I would keep doing what you're doing with a smile. Because it also sounds like you reciprocate the babysitting duties. Everyone involved benefits. So what's the harm?

I would ask your husband point blank - more with concern in your voice than accusatorily - why he feels this way. And tell him to trust you. You can tell when you're overstepping boundries and that you're not going to ask for more than you can give.

If I had the choice, I would always try to leave my children with a sitter when I had an appointment. I'm pretty flakey when it comes to following directions as it is ... and having to read Tweedle Beetles to my three year old while learning medicine doses is not what I'd call a wise idea.

Unfortunately for me, I'm kind of new to the area and am still looking for that gem of a babysitter I can call on.

... know a great one in Mount Vernon?? =)

Good luck to you,
J.

Forget trying to be nice in explaining this to your husband!!!!!!!!! He will NEVER understand UNTIL you make HIM watch her or take her along on some of "his things".
Then he will understand why you might once a while want a sitter.

I have two kids ages 2 and 4.

Personally, I do take my kids to some appointments. We take books to read --over and over and over again. I went to the gyn the other day and my daughter said to my husband "Daddy, I got to see waaaay deep in mommy's vulva." I do not have a problem with it myself, but many people would.

I also had 2 two-hour dental appointments recently. My hubby stayed with the kids for the first part (it was a 7:15 AM appt, but he had to go to work, so he dropped them off at the office with their "quiet" bag and they spent the last 45 minutes circling the dentist chair. The same scenario happened at the second appointment.

I wouldn't pay someone to watch the kids during long appointments, but if there was free care available, I'd snap it up in a heartbeat!

Well M., there is only ONE way (in my opinion) to get your hubby to understand your delima. Ready...Make him take the tot to the Dr with HIM by HIMSELF. lol Ohter than that reality check, he most likely CANNOT comprehend what it is like for you to take her. I take my children when I have to. I had to go to my OB for my annual and I had our babysitter stay with my 5 and 2 yo; my hubby didn't understand why I wouldn't take them with me UGH, not something for them to be scarred with ya know. Now, there is NO reason for you to feel quilty about needing some time away from your precious baby girl. All adults need adult time. I personally see you having a helping family and friend with little ones to help out now and then a blessing. Try to explain to hubby that your little 2 yo needs time with other children, that is how they learn to share and proper friend behavior; and that it is also good for the tot to have seperation from mom to prevent seperation anxiety in the near future. If hubby is still giving you a hard time about having time away from the little one, my best advice is to let Dad take care of her for a FULL day. Go visit family or something, leave before breakfast and come home after bed time. Hubby would probably have a different oppinion about needed a few hours a week off of 'work'. Best of luck!

Tell your husband next time he needs to go to the doctors he can take her w/him. He will than understand.

Hi M., Would your husband take her to his appointments? Does he want her touching the nasty bio-hazard garbage cans and getting into things she shouldn't? My husband is the same way. He doesn't like to ask for anyone's help, because he doesn't want to have to help anyone else in return. Helping each other keeps us connected in community and helps us to realize the love of others. It also feels wonderful to repay the kindness when it's our turn to do so. I am a firm believer in spending time with your child and taking them anywhere when it's possible and practicle. It helps them to learn about life. I don't know what your appointment is for, but it's kind of hard to be examined by a physician and have to worry about what your child is doing or touching! God Bless! N. L.

I have taken my children with me, however, it is much EASIER if you don't have to take them. As far as a loving way to tell your husband, the next time he has a dr appt or dental appt, have him take the kid with him.
Good Luck

No, I never did. You can't expect a toddler to sit still in a waiting room, dentist's office, etc. and act like a grown up. They are not teens or adults. Also, doctors are not always on time.

I noticed the complete frustration when a young mother had her two preschool girls with her at the car dealership one time. She called her husband that she was going to get stuck for about 1-2 HOURS with the kids at the dealership.
There was nothing for those girls to do there. She was totally stressed out. I could tell she did not want to be there with those girls.

Explain to your husband the complete frustration that you are experiencing. Tell him that you don't need the stress and that waiting rooms are MEANT FOR ADULTS and not for toddlers. These are ADULT SPACES, not kiddie playgrounds.

Get a guality sitter while you go to the doctor. So, what if other family members don't ask for help. Being a stressed mother is not a healthy example to your daughter.
Good Luck.

Dear M.,my kids are all grown,but when they were small,my husband was in the Air Force,so I had to ask help from either my husband or friends to go to appointments.And today,if I did have young ones at home,I would still do the same.There is nothing wrong with family or friends willing to help to do so,for them to watch your daughter while you go to appointments.
Lovingly explain to your hubby that there is no shame in asking for help when it is needed.Some doctor's offices may also would prefer that young children be left elsewhere so that they can take better care of you while you are being seen.Their main concern would be for her safety. Plus,perhaps you could help some one else and return the favor by offering to watch their kids or help them out in some way.
My best of wishes to you. R.

I take my kids most of the time as well. They are pretty well-behaved so it's easy most of the time. I do make sure I have snacks and drinks for the older one though.

You are not even almost out of line not to want to take your child to the Dr. with you. When you go to the dr. it is important that you be able to concentrate on what the dr. is saying. That is a wise decision and if your husband had to take the toddler with him for a 2 hour appointment or try to get something important done while watching her ONCE he would sing a very different tune. Be thankful that you have friends and your family that can help you out when needed.

i agree with Sindy, if he is so set on you taking her with you to apt.s have him take her to one of his, see how he likes it. He doesn't live at work, he gets to leave in the evenings mom's don't get to do that. taking turns with friends, watching each others kids is what keeps us sane.

Hi M.,

By all means, I agree with you 100%. Sparing your daughter's boredom means you are also thinking of her feelings. I have an 18mo old and when I had a doctor's appointment up the road last week, I kindly asked my mother-in-law to watch him for the almost 2 hours that I was gone. He would have never lasted that long with me! Your husband just grew up in a different environment than you. There is nothing wrong in helping one another out once in a while. I really don't have any advise in what to tell him, but I just wanted to comment to let you know your decisions are perfectly ok. :) Good luck!

HI M.,
Yes I take my toddler and it does stink!!! It is much easier to go by yourself. Please let your husband read all the responses you get. Maybe that will help? Good luck.

SAHM of three, 14,9,4.

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