27 answers

Do You Love Your Blood Nieces/nephews More than Your in Law Niece/nephews?

My brother has a niece on his wife's side of the family. Her sister's kid. He told me he loves her, but loves my kids more, because they're his blood relatives. I have no nieces or nephews yet on my side of the family. My husband's sister has 2 sons. I absolutely love them and consider them my nephews. I don't feel I would love them less than my "blood" nephews or nieces. What do you ladies think?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

For me, DNA has nothing to do with it. My sister has two kids that I adore. One of my best friends is like the little brother I always wanted - he has two kids that I love every bit as much as my sister's kids.

3 moms found this helpful

To me it's more relationship based. I love the kids of some of my friends more than some of my relatives :) But I'm adopted and don't experience the whole "genetic pull" thing as much maybe :)

2 moms found this helpful

I've got one "blood" nephew, and one niece and two nephews on my husband's side. My husband's two nephews are the sons of a brother he's not close to at all, and we've never met the kids. Very, very different value systems and sets of priorities going on there. I feel equally fond of the niece and nephew I know (one biologically related to me, one not), but it's hard for me to feel a family connection toward the other two nephews. I mean, I'm perfectly willing to believe that they're good kids, but they've been raised with suuuuuch a different set of values, my gut reaction/fear is that they'd be a bad influence on my son. So for me, it's not a question of blood vs. water, so to speak, but the relationships with the grownup siblings do sort of influence my feelings toward the younger generation.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I have 10 nieces/nephews on my side of the family, 2 on my husband's side.

I definintely love my own nieces / nephews more - they are the children of my siblings. Some are grown, married and have their own kids and I adore their kids too. One of the two on my husband's side I don't even like. He's mean, he doesn't bath often (so he's smelly - really badly smelly too - not just a little) and he has horrible, awful manners. He's in his late 20's now, and although he picked up his bad habits without being corrected as a child, he's now an adult and should take responsibility. His father, who is my SIL's husband comes from a VERY strange family (an uncle on that side gave this young man a Penthouse subscription for his 18th birthday)(I have trouble being in the same room with some of the husband's family.)

I think it's natural to geel a greater attachment to your siblings' kids just as it's natural to feel a greater connetion to your own kids over stepkids, or to your blood-nieces/nephews than step-nieces/nephews. It's hard to admit - and certainly not politically correct - but it's reality.

All that being said, we've always made every efforts to buy gifts and treat kids from each side of the family the same so there can be no accusations of favoritism.

4 moms found this helpful

For me, DNA has nothing to do with it. My sister has two kids that I adore. One of my best friends is like the little brother I always wanted - he has two kids that I love every bit as much as my sister's kids.

3 moms found this helpful

I do. I know it might not be right to admit that but I am just being honest. I am very close to my one and only sister and she has 2 boys. My nephews were my first 'kids', they spent/spend so much time with me b/c I was their primary babysitter, when they were younger, while their parents worked. They caught/catch the bus (the 17y/o drives now but the 13y/o still rides the bus) at my house before and after school.

I LOVE my nephews like I love my own kids!

My husband's little brother (also his one & only sibling) and his wife just had their very first baby and my husband, who loves my nephews A LOT also was honest about how excited he was to have his first 'blood' nephew of his own. He was really excited. Me? Not so much. Because I already have my nephews. It is what it is.

That doesn't mean I wont love my newest nephew, I will....but it wont be anywhere near the same b/c when it comes right down to it, your family/your blood is your family and your blood and there IS a difference....for us anyway.

~My nephews call me Auntie. Just plain Auntie. Even though they have other Aunts...those 'others' are Aunt X and Aunt Y. I am and always will be their one and only Auntie. Our family (my sister and I) is just closer than my BIL's family is to him and my nephews.

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's more about the bond you have with the kids, really.

3 moms found this helpful

I only have blood nephews and nieces right now (whom I adore and spoil a bit too much), but (hopefully) my SIL will have a baby sometime in the next year or two. I plan on loving that kid as if it were my flesh and blood. I can't imagine NOT doing so. I will refer to the child as MY niece or nephew, not "my husband's" niece or nephew. I consider my SIL to be as close as an actual sister, so her children will be just as loved as MY sister and brother's kids are.

Turning it around, I have several men and women who are aunts and uncles by marriage. The ones I truly love are the ones who were already in the family before I was born or at least before I could form any memories. The ones who came after, in my heart, I thought of them more as "Auntie's husband" or "Uncle's wife". Although they had my respect and I certainly liked them, they never quite felt like "family" if that makes sense. If I can love non-blood aunts and uncles, I can certainly love non-blood nephews and nieces.

2 moms found this helpful

Honestly, yes I do. I don't know if that makes me any lesser of a person then others, but I'm just being honest.

My siblings kids are awesome! I am close with all of them and feel comfortable disciplining them and hugging and kissing them, babysitting, and caring for them.

My husband's siblings kid's are older and were already around when I came into the picture. Neither my husband or I are close with any of the neices or nephews in his family. There was only 1 child born into the family after I came along and his is 4 months older then my oldest. I have never been close to him either...I've tried to be close, loving, etc., but it's just not there.

I've always felt badly about this, and in speaking with my siblings about it they all feel the same way too. So, part of me thinks it's just natural.

2 moms found this helpful

I've got one "blood" nephew, and one niece and two nephews on my husband's side. My husband's two nephews are the sons of a brother he's not close to at all, and we've never met the kids. Very, very different value systems and sets of priorities going on there. I feel equally fond of the niece and nephew I know (one biologically related to me, one not), but it's hard for me to feel a family connection toward the other two nephews. I mean, I'm perfectly willing to believe that they're good kids, but they've been raised with suuuuuch a different set of values, my gut reaction/fear is that they'd be a bad influence on my son. So for me, it's not a question of blood vs. water, so to speak, but the relationships with the grownup siblings do sort of influence my feelings toward the younger generation.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think it's a matter of "blood" but rather to do with relationship. If you become an aunt to a 15 year old (particularly one you don't see all the time) verses a newborn arriving (and being in their life from the start and/or regularly) you are bound to have a closer bond with that child. It doesn't mean you love them more or less but rather you have a different relationship.

Now, chances are you will be in the life of the "blood" niece or nephew from the start but suppose you have one you don't know about until they are older? The fact that they are blood would not make your love stronger but the "non-blood" niece or nephew that you have known since their birth would probably have a stronger bond with you.

2 moms found this helpful

I have equal love but different bonds with ALL of them.

2 moms found this helpful

It is biologically normal to prefer "kin" to "non-kin." Your children share some of their DNA with your brother so it is natural for him to be more concerned with their welfare than with the welfare of children who are not blood related to him. However, humans are different from other animals; we adopt children who are totally unrelated to us, we commonly care about non-relatives just as much as if not more than our actual relatives. In my case, I have had more opportunities to interact with my niece and nephew “in-law” rather than my siblings children so I wouldn’t say that I love them more necessarily, but I like them more and I have greater concern for their welfare since I don’t think that they are always properly cared for.

2 moms found this helpful

No, but I love kids in general so really they could be the neighbors kids and if I was involved I would love them. I have nieces and nephews that have no relationship to me, and I would do anything for them.

2 moms found this helpful

I love them all. With that being said I do have my favorites and two happen to be blood related but I think thats just because they are cool kids. Im not totally bonded with my other sisters kids. Ive got a few that I prefer over the others on my husbands side. I just think that its who I bond with that I like more but I love them all.

2 moms found this helpful

To me it's more relationship based. I love the kids of some of my friends more than some of my relatives :) But I'm adopted and don't experience the whole "genetic pull" thing as much maybe :)

2 moms found this helpful

I love ALL of my nieces and nephews the same. Point out to your brother that this is a flag (not RED flag, but a flag) that he should not hook up with a woman who has children. If he can't love nieces and nephews the same, he will NEVER be able to love a stepchild as if the child were his.

2 moms found this helpful

I feel equal feelings toward either side. But sometimes you get closer to local nieces and nephews and it would be easy to confuse that closeness with blood relation.

1 mom found this helpful

Blood does not equal a bond. My strongest bonds are with the people I connect with on a regular basis.
I love my brother's children and I think part of the love I have is that I see so much of him in them, they remind me a lot of him as a child and we were very close as children. However I only see them maybe 4-5 times a year so it is not super close.
My non-blood nieces I do not have much bond to, only because I rarely see or speak to them. I see them just at family reunions, they are super busy as a family and also do not seem to make much effort to get together. I care about them as people but I do not feel a deep abiding love or anything because I barely know them.
I actually have more love and more of a bond with my closest friends' children. We get together weekly and I would consider them my chosen family.

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe he feels closer to your kids. It could be blood, but it could also be the amount of time he spends with them, his personality, their personalities, any roadblocks the other family puts in the way, etc. It's wonderful that he loves them all!

1 mom found this helpful

I have 4 nieces and 3 nephews on my husband's side and 1 niece on my side. I truly love them all equally. All of them. The only ones that are treated a little more specially than the others are the ones that are our Godchildren (1 on his side, and the 1 one mine). But the same can be said regarding Godchildren on both sides our families. The Godchildren are always treated with a special touch by their Godparents.

1 mom found this helpful

I think I love both equally, even though my only in-law nephew is thousands of miles away I love his parents and get along with them very well. So he is like my blood nieces and nephews to me. I even love my EX- In law nieces and nephews and send them cards and pictures and talk to them when I can but its becoming more and more distant as my ex and I's relationship is falling apart more.

1 mom found this helpful

For me, part of the relationship between me and the older niece and nephews is not who is related to who but that I showed up when they were older so that it was harder for us to form a close bond vs my sister's son who I have known from utero and expect to see more. So he might favor your kids, but is it relation or is it the kid? We all have relatives we are closer to. For example, I get along better with the oldest nephew than his brother. I don't hate the brother, but we have less in common. If you think your brother is deliberately distancing himself from his wife's sibling's children, you might ask him why.

FWIW, I don't think DH favors his sister's kids over my sister's kid but the older ones are adults now vs my sister's son being a toddler, so there's still time to figure out how personalities mesh.

1 mom found this helpful

I love them all to pieces and I love them all the same. I am actually closer to my in-law niece and nephew because I see them more and they come to visit me more. And now that I think about it, they are my ex's brother's kids -- but I see them much more than my ex does, and he's their blood uncle.

1 mom found this helpful

We don't have any neices or nephews on my husband's side but I don't think I would love them less than the ones on my side.

1 mom found this helpful

I love the nieces and nephews on my husband's side, but it is different than my siblings' kids. I think the biggest reasons for it are that I've been around my "blood" nieces/nephews their entire lives, while many of the kids on my husband's side were already born when I met him. They also all live at least 700 miles away, and we only see them once a year at best, while my family all lives in-state (or very close to it), and we see them several times a year. I would never treat one more favorably than another, but it is a completely different attachment for those reasons.

1 mom found this helpful

I love ALL my nieces and nephews, none more than the other, even my BFF's kids who call me auntie. I feel bonded equally to each and every one of them. They are all my family.

1 mom found this helpful

I like my in-law nieces and nephews much better than my blood nephews. I see the in-law ones more often and they're just nicer, more social, etc. And they're nicer to my kids so that makes a difference. Just being honest.

1 mom found this helpful

it is not a matter of loving them more but I am a lot closer to my own brother's kids than I am with my husband's brother's kid. We live a block away from BIL, in the same neighborhood but we see and hang out with my brother's family a lot more. We have done dinner with my bro at his house or ours many times and we are more social. we have had BIL's family over several times for dinner, etc. at our house but have only been to theirs on occasions such as birthdays or holidays. They have always kept us at arms length and I really feel like I don't know them or their almost 4 year old. They are expecting their 2nd child and I almost feel like I can't be excited for them because I barely know them.

1 mom found this helpful

I think that is a terrible attitude to have.

I have a ton of adopted cousins--do I love them any less than my blood-related cousins?

My husband is actually much closer to my sister's kids than to his own sister's kids. We have only met her kids once (they are 3.5), as they live 1500 miles away from us. We see my sister's kids at least once a month.

1 mom found this helpful

Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.