Do You Have a Will and Do Your Parents Have Their Affairs in Order?

I don't have a will. I need to do that, especially now that I have a house. All of the life insurance and retirement accounts have it stipulated through the beneficiaries how it will get sorted out, so I am part of the way there.

My parents have everything in order, which is wonderful since it would be a huge mess if it wasn't. They own multiple rental houses spread out in multiple states....ugh. They have a fire proof filing cabinet, everything backed up on CDs or a hard drive, plus the computer. My parents even have their funerals planned out. They did all of this when I was a young child. My dad travels to India once or twice a year for mission work, so every time he goes, he runs through what to do with the immediate bills if something happens and where everything is. I am so thankful they are organized!

2 moms found this helpful

My parents and hubby's parents all do. We need to update ours for sure. I think everyone should be ready no matter what age they are. My sister was killed in a freak gun accident and still had her ex named as beneficiary of her life insurance which was just enough to pay for funeral costs. He promised to pay my sister back for the funeral but then kept the money instead. She was only 32 years old and had 3 children still living at home as a single mom. The kids got nothing and the funeral didn't get paid for but her ex had a nice down payment for a house. It never hurts to make a suggestion to get her affairs in order. We're all going to die sometime.

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My mom is, as you say, a hot mess and doesn't try to tackle anything until it comes. Which means she has no will or whatever. She has very little savings. BUT she does have NO debt AT ALL, and my brother and I would rather burn the house and all its contents down than fight over one single thing, so I know that there will be no fighting and bad feelings when she passes away. We will work together when that time comes, but our situation is very unusual, in my experience.
My dad: yes, he's got the will and affairs in order.

We had a general will from legalzoom.com, but earlier this year we actually went to an estate attorney and got it all put together to make sure all bases are covered. We don't have burial plots and all that, but we both would prefer cremation anyway, and everyone that is related to us or is close to us knows that. It's not wonderful to think about at the moment, but I love the fact that now that it's all done, I never have to think about it again unless I choose to answer a mamapedia question. :)

2 moms found this helpful

As part of the adoption process, I was required to make a will and name a guardian (for a child that I didn't even have yet). Truthfully, everyone should have one, as well as a living will, medical power of attorney, etc. My mother also has hers.

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My dad thinks he does, he doesn't. My brother and I will sort through a nightmare when he dies. He doesn't care, he has a library card and thinks he had a year of law school. Oh yeah, this year of law school popped up shortly after my brother graduated with his law degree. Apparently dad thinks lying about his education makes his arguments stronger when he is wrong and my brother is trying to explain why.

After I got my masters in accounting suddenly he had a year of accounting too. :p Yeah dad, I am still not doing your taxes if you try to fudge the numbers!!!

My brother and I have a will, trust, power of attorney and health care directive! :) At least our kids will have it easy.

2 moms found this helpful

We have a will and living wills. Everything is in order.

My mom and her husband have a will and everything is in order as well.

My dad died 7 years ago, and he wasn't as organized. It was more complicated, but he had nothing but debt, so at least we weren't having to figure out who got what. His wife at the time had to figure out the debt situation.

I strongly suggest having wills, and I think it's a great idea to mention it tactfully to parents if they don't have them already.

1 mom found this helpful

I made a will when my son was born - hmmm, I may need to update it - it has been 16 years now. LOL

My grandfather died intestate - in Louisiana, which has complicated inheritance laws - it was a nightmare of attorneys, decedents, probate and escrow. Same with my mother and father.

Which is most likely why I have a will.

But yes, I think it is okay to gently bring up the subject of their getting their affairs in order because it so much easier on the grieving family left behind. I did so with my grandmother, who outlived everyone, and she was happy to give me copies of everything for when the day came.

1 mom found this helpful

First of all - good for you that you have your will in order. do you also have power of attorney and a living will and all that stuff needed in case you go into a coma? When my uncle had a deadly stroke (taking almost a full year for his end of life) my mom and I, as disinrerested parties in the finances, ended up being legal witnesses to things my aunt had to sign to be able to make financial decisions such as selling the house, changing the banking arrangements, etc. (My uncle was my mom's brother and we had no doubts as to my aunt's motives.)
A few years ago my mom had a very bad fall and had residual brain injury. My siblings OK'ed my handling her finances and affairs. What an overwhelming job! But we also had to get power of attorney paperwork and as a family had to make medical decisions. But we all knew, very clearly, my mom's wishes. It's been a few years, she is now in a nursing home and has regained some of her abilities but still has a blank 6 months period where I had to take over all her affairs. She has never been the same and is no longer able to make decisions requireing more than one short mental step. My siblings also felt certain of my motives and fortunately no one questioned any of the decisions I made. But I was certain to outline them very clearly, with my recommendation and ask for agreement or dissent on all the big decisions. It's been fine. but not all families operate that way.

It is REALLY hard to get your parents to pause and consider these vital things. It requires that they face their mortality and consider the possibility of a disabling condition. If you know of anyone going through a dilemma like this (it happens to "young" people all the time) use the discussion to bring up the topic of planning and getting your affairs in order. My neighbor died of cancer at age 37 with 4 kids under the age of 12 - she knw she was dying and would never see her little one reach his 1st birthday. She began to plan only when she heard her doctor tell her to get her things in order. You can bet everyone on our block got their affairs in order then... so sad.

Good luck with your parents. between my husband and I we've handled the affairs of both of our father's deaths and gotten our moms into nursing homes - and had many, many medical decisions to make along the way. Life in your late 40's and 50's can be filled with really tough decisions - so thankful we've matured and learned lessons by the time we got to those times. yikes.

And BTW - you are not responsible for your mother's financial debts. So do't concern yoruself with that. Once she's gone her debts die with her. Debtors can go after the estate if there's anything such as a house. But unless the debt is huge they don't go after the house. They write if off as a loss. Good luck mama!

1 mom found this helpful

I do have a will, and my parents do-I've even picked out the music for my funeral Mass-now all I have to do is die-but not soon I hope!

1 mom found this helpful

Yes!! We have a will, my parents have one, & my in-laws have one.

My grandma passed away in March due to complications from a stroke. The lawyer told my mom & her sisters that my Grandma's will was one of the best he'd seen. Everything was cearly stated & easy to take care of for everyone involved.

My aunt (1 of my mom's sisters) passed away in September 2011 a month to the day after her 60th b-day due to breast cancer that came back (after conquering it once). She had a will, but wanted some things in it changed. She verbally told her children & her 4 sisters what she wanted changed. My aunt also wrote what she wanted changed in a notebook. Her husband (who is a jerk & she stated that she regreted marrying) did not honor her wishes & went strictly by what was in her will, that she never had time to change before she passed away.

My suggestion is to PLEASE do what my grandma did & have everything spelled out exactly how you want it in your will. My poor cousins are having a difficult time because their mom didn't have time to change her will to the way she wanted it.

1 mom found this helpful

My parents have theirs in order.
My FIL - I don't know.

Us? We have an old will that needs updating. Now that my husband is commuting 82 miles ONE WAY to work - I'm thinking we need to update it.

My husband, sister, best friend and parents know my wishes. I should get a living will set up just in case.

thanks for the reminder!

1 mom found this helpful

It is VERY kosher to bring it up!! Especially if there are siblings, etc. that will get involved!

I thank God my parents had everything taken care of - including a Will (with me as Executor) - before they left - my Mom went first and altho there really wasn't much to do, I helped my Daddy get all the paperwork taken care of. They had their plots all paid for; all we had to do was pay the funeral home and they had money set aside for that. My Daddy then set up the house with a TOD (Transfer on Death) Deed; then when my Daddy left (18 months later) all I had to do was go to a lawyer and he basically took care of filing everything and voila: the house now belongs to my two sisters and myself. The house was already paid for so the money he left is being used to pay the bills (electric, water, etc.) so we don't feel rushed to clean it out and sell it immediately. He had also left letters for us that told us who got some specific things. Altho, for the most part everyone knew who was getting what.

If I were you, I would talk to your mom and suggest she get a Will written up. There is also such a thing as putting her estate into a "Trust" - that might me something you would want to talk to a lawyer about if she has assets that need to be protected. But when she's ready be sure to find a lawyer that specializes in Wills and Estate Planning - it all can get VERY confusing!!!!

If nothing else, make sure she has beneficiaries set up on insurance policies, etc. - if she does, a Will would have no bearing on some of that stuff.

Good luck!!!

haha. You're like me then. We don't have wills yet, but thats a next step. My mom is currently going back to school to get a better job, so in a few years I hope she'll have everything in order. My dad is the hot mess of my family. ha Thankfully he has a pretty good life insurance policy through his job, but as far as I know he doesn't have a will set up yet; and probably never will.
His parents have a will, because my FIL has heart problems. So they're taken care of.

I wouldn't go about it in a mean way, because if your mom is like my dad then she might get upset if you go into the conversation guns-a-blazing. I would just start a conversation about it casually and see how she responds. Maybe start out with "we made some adjustments to our will recently, how are your arrangements these days?"

We have a will (not done by a lawyer, we will be going that after third baby is born)...

We met with my parents financial planner this week. My parent should soon have all their affairs in order.