29 answers

Do You Go to Every One of Your Child's Sporting Games Without Fail?

This Saturday I have plans to get together with a girlfriend who is moving out of State.

We have been BFF’s since elementary school and we don’t see each other as often as we like. I have 2 kids and she has none.

All she asked was that we make a day of it. She wants to meet for lunch at noon, go see a movie, shopping at an outdoor mall, dinner and then her favorite place for coffee and dessert.

My 5 y/o son’s soccer game is from 1:00-2:00 and I’ve never missed any of my kid’s games.

I’m faltering between missing his game and starting our day together at noon or telling her I cannot miss my son’s game and I will see her at 3pm.

DH doesn’t think I should miss his game as my son would be disappointed as he has been so accustomed to seeing me there. That’s his opinion not what my son said. LOL!!

What would you do?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

To answer the question: My other child is older and her soccer game is in the morning.

Thank you sssooooooo much for all your advice & opinions. I went ahead and asked my friend about going to the game and she said she would!

That was a great suggestion and now I get the best of both worlds!

Featured Answers

My girls aren't in sports, but there have been many times that I've missed one of their activities. I think it's important for children to understand that you love them and support them, but that you also have other responsibilities and can't always physically be there.

3 moms found this helpful

My parents did not go to every game. My husband's parents, on the otherhand, would alternate so the kids never felt left alone yet did not think everyone else revolved around them. It became especially helpful when there were games scheduled at the same time. Mom would go one week, dad the other...and if only one kid had a game it became a family event! (Keep in mind that people who are not parents can sometimes be less understanding and you did day she is moving and you don't see each other much anyway...just some things to consider.)

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

i attend most of my kid's events, but i think this is a good opportunity for him to learn that MOMMY has a life too and the world doesn't revolve around him... many kids nowadays grow up with that mindset, then realize the hardcore reality that it's not true when they're 18 or 20 and don't know what to do when the world doesn't stop everytime they do something lol! my opinion is go out with your friend, and DON'T feel guilty about it.

4 moms found this helpful

I think if your son is only 5 he will survive you missing one game. go and have fun and let your hubby handle one game on his own

4 moms found this helpful

Let me start by saying that my kids & husband come first. However, you need to go and hang out with your friend. Talk to your son, (he does not get to make your decision) explain the situation. I get that he is only 5, but he also can learn a lesson on being a good friend and what that means. If his dad is going to be at the game, that should be enough, for one day. I think it would be good for him to see what it means to be a good friend. Sometimes when a friend needs you there, for them, you have to do something that is maybe not what you want to do. That is what a true friend does for another friend. This is a terrific teaching moment. A friend is a friend thru thick and thin....if your son was having surgery, that would be a different story or if she wanted you to join something that would keep you from several games, it would be okay to say no but really it's one soccer game and she is moving out of state. Really seems like a no brainer. There should be no guilt involved, instead you should feel proud of yourself for being a good friend and a good mom all in one day.

4 moms found this helpful

It's not going to traumatize him for life if you miss ONE soccer game. I don't think I'd make a big habit of missing his activities, but this sounds like a special situation. Explain to him that you won't be there this time and ask your husband to tape it so you and your son can watch it together later. My parents didn't attend EVERY game/activity and I turned out ok ;)

3 moms found this helpful

I think SH has nailed it on the head. In my opinion, we moms put too much pressure/ guilt on ourselves and your husband is doing it to you, too. As a mom that LOVES and has missed very few of my son's games I know how you feel, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to say goodbye to your friend. Your son will have MANY more events to attend and this could be a teaching opportunity for him, as well. He will learn how to be a good friend and to put other's needs first and it will be fun for him to recap the whole game just for you. Mom's are people too (once in a blue moon:)). By the way, your day with your girlfriend sounds like a LOT of fun. Can I come, too? Good luck with your choice.

3 moms found this helpful

My 6 year old son played tball during this last spring (when he was 5) and I went to Every Game and Every Practice. My husband was my sons coach though too.
Also, I was elected to be a rep for my middle childs school board. I was very excited until it turned out that it would interfere with my oldests sons wrestling schedule. I resigned from my position this morning. I am a stay at home mom and I cant miss a single game or practice for my kids... But thats just me.
Maybe talk to your son. Ask him if he wants mommy at his game or if its ok if mommy misses just this one...
If your son wants you there then maybe make the girls day for Sunday?

3 moms found this helpful

Oh heavens, miss the game! He has a lifetime of games ahead of him. I'm a HS teacher, and I always find it sad when there are kids involved in sports and their parents _never_ come. Still, you're not talking about never going, you're talking about missing one game!

Honestly, I think that your friendship will probably be damaged if you can't carve out this time for her before she goes. I know I'd be hurt in that situation (and I have kids, so I "get it" a little more). Your relationship with your son, however, will be just fine.

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with Jennifer. Go out with your friend and enjoy yourself. If he does get upset, your son will learn an important lesson that you are a person outside of being his mom. If he doesn't get upset, no harm, no foul! To put it in perspective, which is going to be more important in 5 weeks, 5 months, or 5 years: a 5 year old's soccer game or spending time with a life long, dear friend that is moving away?

3 moms found this helpful

I've missed 3 or 4 games out of hundreds. Sometimes it's unavoidable (stomach flu), sometimes it's a choice. I hate missing games, but when I do... it's not a big deal, because I am a *fixture* and because I make a big deal about being *excited* to hear all about it. Tell me, tell me, tell me!

3 moms found this helpful

miss it!!!!!!!!! This is a great opportunity to connect with your friend and have a great day. There will be MANY more soccer games. Just don't make a huge deal about it to your son and he will be fine with it. If you go on about how bad you feel that you will miss his game then he will feel bad about it too. If you only say "Mommy can't make it today-good luck sweetie! " You will be fine.

3 moms found this helpful

I would not miss my childs game. I think it is important to be there for their events. I remember when my parents didn't show up for my events, it was sad, and I felt like they didn't care about me enough to come. Why don't you and your girlfriend go to lunch at noon - and then she can go to the game with you and then you can leave from there for the shopping trip. If she is not willing to go to the game with you, then tell her you can't meet until after the game. She should be able to bend a little bit to help accomodate you. An all day event is a lot to ask someone who has children....of course when you don't have children, it is hard to comprehend.

3 moms found this helpful

My girls aren't in sports, but there have been many times that I've missed one of their activities. I think it's important for children to understand that you love them and support them, but that you also have other responsibilities and can't always physically be there.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi M M, Good for you, don't miss your sons game. I have 2 sons and one daughter all now grown, I have never missed a sporting event for my sons, basket ball, base ball, of Tee ball. My daughter now 21 was in the marching units at school, and winter guard, I never missed one winter guard show out of 6 years, I have only missed one open house but I was sick, my husband went. I went to every Friday night football game cause my daughter was performing at half time, never missed one of her dance shows from High school all the way through college. My daughter told me that looking into the stands and seeing your parents there to support you is one of the greatest feelings, shows parades, I was always there. J.

2 moms found this helpful

I'd miss the game. And this is from a mama that hasn't missed any games yet! She is your BFF, she has asked that you make a day of it...GO! Your son will be fine!
I had to miss my younger son's game (who is also 5) in order to make it to my other son's game. My husband went to the younger, I to the older. So, I guess I have missed a younger game. But, my 5 year old was fine.
I just called him when his game was over and asked how the game went and if he scored any goals.
So, that's what I would do. Call your husband at 2:15, see how his game went, and then go back to hanging out with your girlfriend.
L.

2 moms found this helpful

While I'm sure you know you will not traumatize him if you miss a game (as some have suggested) I know ids like having their parents there.
I go to 99.9% of games and practices. BUT I like the idea about asking him what he thinks. And remember--she's childless and of course she thinks you can miss it. I have a BFF with no kids and sometimes I have to stress my priorities with her. Even if you meet her at 2:30, that's a lot of time to spend together--lunch AND dinner? Sounds weird to me...but that's me.

2 moms found this helpful

I'd ask if she wanted to cheer on my son with me... if she is your Best friend she knows and plays with your son too right? I ask because when my best friend of 10 yrs get together we hang out for a day but if I'm doing something with my daughter she is more than willing to come and play too. She loves my daughter and just wants to hang with her best friend, me :). You should ask your son's thoughts... if he's not going to be too upset then no big deal. My parents didn't come to any of my competitions or performances and I recently got over the resentment I had towards them, but obviously this is one game not every game.
Has she said she doesn't want to go to your son's game? You could make a fun deal out of it... make silly shirts or big foam fingers.

2 moms found this helpful

I think you CAN miss the game.
Its fine... do this for your friend....
Your Husband... should understand...
Your girlfriend is moving OUT of State...and so, this is a last full day you can spend with her.
Have your HUSBAND go to the game. HE should be there... for you.
Your son can understand.
My daughter at that age, could understand if I could not make it.
It is an exception.... so that is okay.

Does your HUSBAND usually go to your son's games too???
If not, maybe he doesn't want to, and wants to do his own thing... and does not want you to go out with your friend.... because of that.
I have seen Husbands do this. Expecting the wife to go to kid functions... so they can do what they want.

Your son... will not be traumatized by your not going. Just explain to him... I am sure, he can understand.

I think this is more an issue with your Husband... not your son.
I think, your Husband... does not want you to be gone ALL day... for hours... and then he has to go to the game and do all the other stuff, that a "Mom" usually does...
All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

You have 2 kids, I assume the other child is younger. What will you do when the second child starts a sport or activity? I have 3 kids and cannot possibly be at every sporting activity and they know that. I think you are starting a problem that you will not be able to continue. Unless it is a special game rather than a regular game, you should go with your friend. Your son needs to know now that you will go when you can or his Dad will go, but that's reality.

2 moms found this helpful

My son has done a lot of sports. Either my husband or myself go to almost every game. We both have obligations that keep us both from attending, but we do our best. I do not think it is a big deal to miss a game as long as someone is there to show him support.

2 moms found this helpful

Go to spend the day with your friend. When my son played sports I went to the ones I could but he knew I was with him in heart. As you kids grow older there are going to be conflicts so get prepared now.

If hubby can spend the time let him.

All will fine.

The other S.

PS When we lived in Europe the kids would go from country to country to play sports and we as parents didn't go to all. If the games were nearby we would drive to another base/post and attend the games. However, we did attend the championship games out of country.

1 mom found this helpful

I went to most but not all, sometimes you just cant. Its good for them to know they CAN play even without parental support... it's part of the growing up process. Don't pressure yourself to death... it's ok.

1 mom found this helpful

My parents did not go to every game. My husband's parents, on the otherhand, would alternate so the kids never felt left alone yet did not think everyone else revolved around them. It became especially helpful when there were games scheduled at the same time. Mom would go one week, dad the other...and if only one kid had a game it became a family event! (Keep in mind that people who are not parents can sometimes be less understanding and you did day she is moving and you don't see each other much anyway...just some things to consider.)

1 mom found this helpful

You are setting him up to expect you at every game. I have three kids and cannot always make it to every event. Sometimes I am taking another to another event. Sometimes I can't get my other two there or it is really cold or hot and my husband will go and I will stay behind. I think it is important to go as much as you can, but to also take care of yourself at times. Children feed from what we tell them and if you make a big deal about being at every event, then it will be a very big deal to them. Again, I think it is important to make it to the majority of things, but everyday things will make it impossible to go to everything. Enjoy them while you can...life goes by so fast, but also give yourself a break too and don't feel guilty for spending the day with a good friend. Have fun either way.

1 mom found this helpful

He is 5, and he won't be 5 forever:) Your friend is an adult, and she will always be your friend:) I like the suggestion of meeting her for lunch at noon, going to the game together and then going shopping or whatever. It seems that if you are faltering your heart will be at the game anyways:)

1 mom found this helpful

I never missed one of my son's soccer, football or baseball games or wrestling meets. I did have to miss two matches of the second day of a tournament when he was in high school because my daughter was just 5 days old and a second day (over 2 hours from home was just too much).

I suggest you make a day of it w/ your friend, both go to the game...at least until half time and then continuewith your friend.

1 mom found this helpful

i've missed a few of my daughter's softball games (yeah my mom tore me up for that-but in my opionion, i'm not the ONLY one who can be there for her), just make sure that your son understands why your missing and transportation to and from is covered if school does not provide a bus. my husband and i only made a few of my step daughter's basket ball games, her mom less than we did...yeah i feel guilty when i miss, but it doesn't last long as long as i make the minority, and dont' miss any championship games, i'm cool

1 mom found this helpful

He is 5 years old! He will have thousands of games coming up. My kids have some kind of sport or event every weekend except maybe in December. I try not to schedule things when they have a game, meet, performance, whatever, but sometimes there is no way around it. They know I am there 95% of the time and they also know I have friends, a job, volunteer work I do. I don't think it is fair of your husband to make you feel guilty for missing ONE game. He is a parent too. He can be there to support your son and that should be sufficient--unless a big deal is made of it by the adults.

1 mom found this helpful

I am on the side of attending every game I possibly can. Unfortuanately, life gets in the way (as does my crazy work schedule) and I can't go every time. Missing one game is not the end of the world, especially if your son is only 5. He has YEARS of playing left. Have dad videotape it and your son will be so excited to give you the play by play after.

My mother went to every event of mine (and my siblings) without fail, but sometimes she didn't actually see me play because she was working in the concessions or working the ticket booth, etc. My father (divorced) came to one event, stood outside the fence, and left before the track meet even started. My point is that although my mother didn't see every single discus throw, I know she cared enough to be there and support me and my teammates. Your son knows you care and one game won't change that.

1 mom found this helpful

Go with your friend and do something fun on Sunday with your son. Don't let DH make you feel bad. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

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