I asked something along these lines last night and was quite surprised at the responses. I sent a bday invite out for my friend for whom I'm hosting her bday party at my house. One of her friends replied back, "Is this a gift party, or just a hang out party?" My question was how to respond to that since I never had anyone ask this and I've always given a gift at *anyones* birthday party, kids or adults.
Vast majority of the responses came back that they don't give adults gifts, for various reasons. So, if you are specifically invited to someone's house for an adult birthday party, do you take a gift for them? If not, why?
We also don't normally do an actual "birthday party". I put more details in my last question, but she is single, no kids and even tho her family is local, they all don't really like each other so she doesn't see them. I have adopted her as my sister and for the last few years has been coming to all of our bday parties and holidays. My family has always gotten together for adult family members, no matter how old we are and we will continue to do that. We have always just done it at home because its expensive to go out to eat with everyone. So that is a little background. Thanks for the replies so far. =)
I think that a gift is appropriate if you want to give one. I don't feel obligated by the occasion/event to give or not.
Not anymore. I used to, but I was always the only one. I felt really silly, and everyone else felt awkward for not bringing.
It varies. Most adult birthday parties that my family and friends have are "hang out" parties. However, I give gifts to certain people regardless of whether or not they have a party. Those people are my husband, my closest relatives/friends and elderly people.
Yes! I would bring a birthday gift and a small hostess gift. To me anything else would be rude. Further, if the party said no gifts for the birthday adult, I would still bring a small hostess gift (or wine :) ) for the person throwing the party.
To my mind you should never ever ever go to a party at another person's house empty handed.
Just for parties in general it depends on the age. Like big numbers should have a party. My mom is turning 50 on July8 and my grandma is turning 80 on July 5 so we are throwing them a joint party. I will be getting them a gift because its a big number. For other bdays...I exchange bday gifts with my cousin and sister for most birthday but that is about it.
I think you're going to see responses all over the board. We'll generally bring a bottle of wine or something inexpensive for an adult party. If it's a get-together at a restaurant where everyone is paying their own tab, then we may not bring an actual gift as dinner per couple w/ drinks and such could run $100. My SIL just threw my brother a surprise bday party and there were about 50 people there and maybe three gifts were brought. (Oh, and for adult family members, yes, always a gift)
I generally do not show up empty-handed, although I might not bring an actual wrapped gift. Generally, I will bring some sort of baked treat for the party, some wine or booze, or if we are all going out to a restaurant, we will treat the birthday person. My family is not big on gifts- my parents and grandparents will flat out request no gifts, they have everything they need and truly would prefer that their kids save their money rather than spend it on trinkets. At friend parties, I have never seen an actual wrapped gift brought in. The parties are for enjoying each other's company and it would be uncomfortable, I think, to pause everything and sit down and open gifts. That is just how it is in my family and circle of friends, though. Once we reach adulthood, we no longer need or expect gifts for birthdays, but I have always appreciated it when someone brings flowers or a plant, wine or a treat that everyone at the party can appreciate.
For a very close friend only and then I wouldn't make a big production of it. I would not expect gifts if it were my bday either.
I would take something small.... bottle of wine, nice candle, something unique.
I am the type that would not attend a party of any kind and come empty handed for the honoree and hostess.
One thing drilled in my head growing up was proper etiquette and a lot of that has fallen by the wayside nowadays. I still practice it and I have taught my daughter to use proper etiquette as well.
I only give adult birthday gifts to those I'm very close to, husband, BFF, sister and a few others. Though if I was invited to a friend's birthday party I would bring something, probably a bottle of wine or some other little thing, with a card.
Wow. I too would be taken aback by that question her friend asked. You're all adults, so it's really up to the guest to decide that for herself, based on how she feels about the guest of honor.
I would of course take a gift if it were a close friend. If it were someone to whom I wasn't as close I probably would take something more like a bottle of cider or wine or a food item the person could choose to take home or share at the party. But....around here I never hear of birthday parties for adults. A casual dinner with a few friends, or an outing to a concert etc., sure, we do that all the time, but a party at someone's house, with invitations, etc.? Not really done much that I see; everyone's too busy unless it's a huge milestone birthday like 40 or 50. I usually get together one on one with my closest friends around their birthdays.
I always bring hostess gifts like a dish of food or dessert or wine or something. For adult bday parties, depends on the relationship - maybe yes, maybe no. If I were you, I would have put no gifts on the invite. Esp if they're not close friends of this adult, it is awkward and annoying for people.
If I am going specifically for a birthday, then yes, I will be bringing a gift of some sort. My friend and I share a birthday, and she's having a party on Saturday, and I will be bringing her a gift. I was taught growing up that you don't go to a party empty handed, so I don't. at the very least, I will bring a card. I'm having an "anniversary of my 29th birthday" (since I don't have "birthdays" anymore) on Sunday, but I don't expect gifts because the invitation said this is a "bring your own meat and adult beverage cookout to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday.... "
Yes you give a gift!! Unless it specifically says no gifts. (Even then I personally would bring either wine, candy or give lottery tix in the card.)
My family gives everyone gifts.... but we're "gift people". You don't even have to spend a bunch of money - you can get a bottle of decent wine and a ribbon for well under $10.
That said..... I typically bring gifts everywhere!!!!!!
I would respond 'it's a gift party' then leave it at that. If she brings one then fine if not, oh well.. its up to her. Just focus on your friend who has not had a 'real' birthday party and make it the most special day for her.
Personally, I would bring a present. I hate going to people's houses empty handed.. let it be a b-day party or just a get together, I feel that when you bring something it makes the person feel special. If its a get together, I will either bake something or get a fruit tray, but b-days? Come on... celebrate the person!!!
If we are invited to an adult birthday party...which doesn't happen so very often-- then we usually get a gift. The closer the friend, the more we'll spend. If it's a more casual friend, we'll usually do a gift certificate to a place they like (store or restaurant, theater) . If it's a close friend, I'll spend more time and be more thoughtful in choosing something they will appreciate.
I also pay attention to the invitation: sometimes people really do not want more *stuff* and will put 'no gifts' on it. Then, a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine or their favorite beer is a nice touch. (They are consumables and will 'go away' after a while.)
yes, I always do! Just because your an adult, doesn't mean that you don't enjoy getting gifts for your birthday! I usually bring movie gift cards if I don't know what to get, or if I know them really well, then I buy them something that I know they will love.
When I was only 9 years old, my aunt came up to me on christmas day and told me "since your now 9 years old, you are not getting any more gifts from us because you are too old". I hated her. Not only for that, but because she is a horrible evil lady for many other reasons, and have had no contact with her in over 10 years.
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yes I always bring something.
If Im close to the person I will bring something meaningful ( depending on their sense of humor it could be a gag gift also).
If we are friends but not real close, something simple like a candle or something I know they would like.
No matter what I would never to go to any birthday party of any age in any setting with out atleast a card! A birthday party is to honor the birthday person, so they need some kind of recognition. Otherwise it would just be a cook out/ get together or night out at the club.
Yes, I would.. Normally, if it's a friend that's a neighbor, I get them a bottle of what they like to drink.. It's it's one of my good friends, I get them a gift card to a store they like or take them out to lunch and pay..
For my bestie - yes - we usually do gift cards or concert tickets - something we can enjoy together at a later date.
As for actual birthday parties - I haven't been to one for an adult other than milestone bdays (30th, 40th, etc) and then I bring gifts.
We tend to do more happy hour celebrations where everyone buys the birthday girl/boy drinks.
But I"m all for celebrating and I think every birthday is special - but I'm corny like that - so I always do the gift. Why not??? :-)
In my group of friends we do gifts on the milestone birthdays. we did them at 30, 40 and 50. we still bring cards to birthdays every year when we normally meet at the local bar or club. but gifts are for the biggies. now having said that I have a group of 4 girlfriends (these would be some of the wives in the previous group) that meets for lunch once a month. we do gifts for each others birthdays but not the hubbies except on the milestones.
If I'm invited for a birthday party and it is known that gifts are part of the celebration of course I bring a gift. However, most adult birthday parties I have been to have been about just celebrating the person and our various relationships. If we're celebrating out I often will pick up the tab for the birthday person or something of that nature so while not a typical gift is a gift nonetheless.
I give certain people gifts and others, I do not. Some of my friends and I have agreed to a no gift rule (even if we have a birthday party). We usually go out to dinner and everyone pays for themselves. Other friends of mine and I do exchange gifts (mostly because THEY want to) so I go along with it!
Now if I were invited to a SPECIFIC party (housewarming, birthday party, engagement) I always bring SOMETHING (bottle of wine, flowers, etc).
I bring gifts for children, depending on the milestone of the birthday and my relationship with the adult I may or may not give a gift. For the most part I give them to children and feel blessed if I receive a gift for my adult bday. I know that my father will send a check, but other than that I do not anticipate a gift from anyone but myself.
