63 answers

Do You Do It Yourself or Wait for Husband?

Ok so I have a friend who is always waiting for her husband to do everything. She complained for almost a year that the light over the washer was burned out and DJ is supposed to change it, her house was overly dusty and I suggested a new furnace filter and she says yeah DJ is going to check it and pick one up,she couldn't put the bigger carseat in the car herself cause DJ needed to do it,she waits for her husband to do everything and complains because he takes forever to do it. She is rather lazy though and is always trying to get people to do stuff at her house like grab her a drink or turn on her stereo things a host usually does. Anyway it got me thinking: Am I the only wife that just does what needs to be done if I can physically and know how to. I mean I but furnace filters and change them, I don't wait for my husband to put a carseat in the car,I can change any lightbulb, I can tighten a loose screw, put a new toilet seat on the toilet, paint a room...you get the idea. I can't hang pictures because our walls are plaster and if you don't do it right they crumble..(I have tried) I can't unclog a sink, or put oil in the car but I can fill the tires up..So do you ladies wait for your husbands to do everything or do you just do it if need it done or notice it needs done?

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Jo G. I will look into those 3M things. I have some things I want on the walls and I am currently waiting....
I believe it's Krista who can change oil I am sooo jealous I would love to know how to do that and change a tire...
Hazel , I know I am not the only one :)

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I just do what needs to be done.

I've lived on my own and I did EVERYTHING around the house, inside and out, for my car, etc.

I really can't tolerate a helpless woman.

Really, she just sounds lazy.

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Me- I just do it.
I take care of it.
I can do anything inside and outside of the house.
I can even do construction.

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Just tack a "while in bed" on the end for a whole different question! LOL

Most things I just do myself. The toolbox actually belongs to me (a gift from my dad who is quite handy. Honestly, I more inclined to call dad with a repair question then ask my husband). Some jobs take 2 people or are easier for him because he is a bit taller and stronger. But if I can just get something done I will. All the gardening and most things related to carseats and baby gear are my domain. My husband is better at computer stuff and some car stuff. A lot of things are just about who gets to it first.

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Am I the only one with my mind in the gutter when I read the title?

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I do it all! My husband isn't lazy, just works a lot. I am a sahm so I feel it is my job to take care of as much as possible around the house. I won't weed eat and I won't clean out gutters, but I do pretty much anything else. When the mower was smoking recently, I figured out why and fixed it! Gotta love Google and Yahoo!

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Not me.

(((laughing))) I am a stubborn ox.

Look, it's not that I'm helpless, and if it really needs to be done, I'll do it.

But, my (handsome, intelligent, well meaning, and) VERY easily distracted husband literally forgets to take off both socks at night. The man will walk around NAKED in ONE SOCK. The garbage doesn't always make it to the can, or the curb (Him (while on his way to take out garbage): "E., did you see that there is a slug a foot long over here? Hey, kids! Come look at this slug" Me: Wow. A slug. Kids, you have to put on your other sock before you go outside. And remember the garbage. The garbage has to go out to the curb." Him: "Yah, I kno...IS, is THAT...it IS my other work glove!!! THAT's where it is...ah shoot, the glue didn't dry right. I'm going to go seal this up..." and so on and so forth.)

Sometimes I just have to wait (ever so not patiently) for him to finish what he started.

Oh man, he makes me laugh. Really, (as he runs into the water at the beach) "Kids, look, you can pop the bladderwrack! E., JUST GRAB THE CRAB! NO, you're LETTING it GO! Scoot over, I'm going to get it", is so worth the delay in chores.

Most of the time, I can be okay with something being half way done, and, eventually, he follows through. (Also, I have officially mastered the art of nagging.)

If it not being done really drives me crazy, like that darned sock does, I'll take care of it myself. (Admittedly, I don't actually take care of the sock.) If, on the other hand, taking care of it is going to drive me crazy, I'll just wait until he follows through.

That, and I AM a bit lazy when it comes to chores.

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I'm a single mother so I don't wait on anybody to do anything for me. If I need something done, I do it myself. I even know how to replace a thermocouple on a gas water heater.
Even when I was married, I did things myself if I wanted them done. It's not that my husband was useless by any means, but for heaven's sake, if the handle on the toilet broke, I didn't wait for him to get home from work to fix it when there was a hardware store 2 miles away.
We were invited for a bbq and potluck and I was so uncomfortable because the wife was completely pissed at her husband. Why? He didn't think to get a platter out of the top cupboard knowing she's too short to reach it. She didn't ask him to get it, she just thought he should have known to do it. I was thinking, "Jeez, woman....get a chair or something and just get the dang platter".
Why be mad over something like that? I even offered to get it for her but she was going to hold her ground that HE needed to do it and if she got mad enough maybe he'd figure it out. She was furious and everybody knew it. They didn't know why, not even her own husband, because she wasn't about to come out and tell him. That poor guy was just doomed.
I raised my daughter to be independent and not need a man for everything and I raised my son not to need a woman for everything.
He knows how to sew, cook, do laundry, iron.
A male co-worker was furious with me when he heard that I bought my son a sewing machine. I said, "What is he supposed to do? Have his mommy do everything for him for the rest of his life?" He said, "No. He's supposed to get married and make his wife do all of it".
I so don't think so!
No more than I thought my daughter should get married and make her husband do everything for her.
No way.

I think you summed your friend up yourself.....lazy.
I'm not very big, there are some things I can't physically do, but I'm pretty darn capable of doing most anything.
I don't understand women who can't, can't, can't.

Just my opinion.

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Oh, save us all from the "damsel in distress" type! They make me crazy -- and give all us women a bad name.

I'm smart, capable and independent. I do what I can, try to figure out how to do stuff I don't know and give tasks my best shot. And my husband loves me and values my willingness to be a complete partner in our relationship. As much as I believe that no man ever got shot doing the dishes or vacuuming, I also believe that a woman who knows her way around home, yard and car maintenance has a little something sexy going on.

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I just do what needs to be done.

I've lived on my own and I did EVERYTHING around the house, inside and out, for my car, etc.

I really can't tolerate a helpless woman.

Really, she just sounds lazy.

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I do way more than my husband in handiman stuff. I grew up with a dad building and designing and learned a lot of things most women never do. My husband went to school to learn to, as he says, "work from the neck up" and is really intelligent and works with numbers and costs and money all day. But he cant do most handiman chores around the house without tearing things apart. He mows the lawn, but I used to. We remodled several times and Im the one who did most of the physical work unless I needed his muscles. I dont wait for him to get home most of the time. He has no clue how to put car seats in the car. I hate taking out the garbage but will if he is out of town, otherwise it waits till he gets home, just so he has something "manly" to do.lol. I do light bulbs most of the time but if he is home when one goes out I ask him to change it since he is taller and I cant reach them without a step stool. I have changed doorknobs when I put in new doors. I paint, tile, hang drapes, wallpaper, put in toilets, and know how to change faucets and light switches. I have my tool drawer in the kitchen and know how to use the tools way more than he does. Im not an outdoor person so I dont do much,if any, yard work. I did tell him we needed something to stake up a plant in the entryway one day. I was thinking a nice redwood stake would be good. His solution was to cut a 3 ft piece of white PVC pipe and tie it with a white and black striped shoe string. I about died,,but left it and years later its still there. He has worked out of town a lot over all the years and I am fine home alone taking care of everything. If I am not able to do a certain job, I hire it done. I wonder if he would survive as well if I was gone. By the way, my sister is even more capable and took care of everything at her house while her husband was out fighting fires for 40 years. Our daddy taught us well.

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Me- I just do it.
I take care of it.
I can do anything inside and outside of the house.
I can even do construction.

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I was single for a long time and learned how to do things for myself because I couldn't pay someone to come do them for me, and if I didn't do them, no one else was going to.

Now that I'm married, whichever one of us sees that something needs doing does it. He has some health issues, including arthritis, that sometimes slow him down, so I definitely don't wait for him.

My daughter's boyfriend and I ripped out kitchen cabinetry and installed my dishwasher. Afterwards, I took the doors that we had taken off and cut them down to cover the gaps between the dishwasher and the cabinets.

I hooked up our washer and dryer when we moved, including changing the power cord on the dryer. He handed me tools, but our laundry room is so tiny that he couldn't twist to fit in the space to do the actual hooking up.

I change the oil and filters in the car. He knows how, but has difficulty getting under the car. I change the bulbs in the car when they burn out. If I get a flat, I change it. If my battery dies, I know how to hook up jumper cables correctly. I have also jumped off other people's cars for them when they had a dead battery. A while back, I was heading to my car after work, and a woman was standing by her car crying because she had a flat and her husband wasn't answering his cell. I told her I would help her change it and she looked at me as if I had just offered to spin straw into gold. I asked her if her jack, lug wrench, and spare were in the trunk, and she said, "I guess so." She didn't know what a jack looked like or how it worked.

I hooked up our home electronics, again, mostly due to space issues - I'm flexible enough to fit into cramped spaces behind furniture and appliances and he isn't.

I've changed out the flushing mechanisms in toilets, and have snaked clogged toilets and drains.

I've installed a doggie door.

I've changed light switches and electrical sockets, and replaced regular sockets with GFCI's.

I have hung doors.

I installed a dog runner in the back yard.

I have changed door locks.

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I, too, am able to do almost everything-the only thing I am not "allowed", if you will , to touch is the chainsaw!

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I'm a pretty handy chick. Used to teach shop at a theatre, rewire electrics, stuff like that. My husband is also pretty handy. There are things he's sorta put his stamp on, like yardword or assembling things for our kids. Fine, when he is here, I give him dibs on some things, and if it happens in a reasonable amount of time, then it's all good. He is in the military, though, and when he is gone I get things done for myself. I may have to call in some help to watch the kids while I finish hanging the drywall in the office or while I mow the lawn, but sometimes it's good to remind myself I was a fully capable woman before getting married and I still got mad skills, yo.

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Just tack a "while in bed" on the end for a whole different question! LOL

Most things I just do myself. The toolbox actually belongs to me (a gift from my dad who is quite handy. Honestly, I more inclined to call dad with a repair question then ask my husband). Some jobs take 2 people or are easier for him because he is a bit taller and stronger. But if I can just get something done I will. All the gardening and most things related to carseats and baby gear are my domain. My husband is better at computer stuff and some car stuff. A lot of things are just about who gets to it first.

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Oh, you know you aren't the only one. :)

I do just as much as I reasonably can during the day. I often will leave some lightbulbs for my husband (I do have mild vertigo, so stepladders are not my friend... but I will do it if there's something nearby to hold onto or touch.) I take out the trash, put out the bins for trash day/recycling. I'm the one who turns over the garden and does 99% of the work outdoors, other than the high stuff. I walk to the grocery store at least 3-4 times a week to pick up fresh fish or veggies instead of waiting for him to get them on the way home. We do take turns with household jobs and help each other out, but I certainly don't expect my husband to do it all for me.

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I do it myself. My husband works crazy hours and sometimes he is just not there to do it! Unless something is too heavy for me to do by myself I am usually doing it. How annoying for DJ to have such a pansy for a wife.
L.

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Well, while I know I'm perfectly *capable* of doing anything; and googling 'how to' if I'm unsure of something....there are some things I will wait for my husband to do - mostly because I've got 3 little girls that need pretty constant attention, so I can't just lock myself in the bathroom to unclog the drain.

Also, I know it makes him feel like he's *taking care of me* when I ask him to do those kinds of jobs around the house. Just this weekend I mentioned that I'd like to build a little bench for our deck one day. Next thing I know he's *built* the darn thing! haha

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I used to do more than I do now. Honestly, I have pretty much been pregnant since 2007, so there were so many things that were off limits for me to do (per DH...anything that required me climbing on anything - things like that) that I just got used to waiting for him to do it. I should probably get the step stool out and change all the damn lights that are burned out, cause it is annoying me!!

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Yep, I can take care of just about anything by myself around the house. The only things I have to wait for DH to do are because he is a general contractor and so all his tools tend to be on his truck. So unless I can make do with the crappy tools that he has left in the garage (and that aren't on his truck because they're crappy), then I have to wait for him to do certain things. But in general, I will just take the bull by the horns and fix stuff myself. It's faster and much less irritating. ;)

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I know how to change oil, check my air and put more in my tires, change a tire and check all fluids. My hubby is military, and if I wait for him, well, he can be gone for 15 months... that can make for a VERY long "honey do" list. I hang pictures, put in a new car seat, fix plumbing (clogs or leaks). Basically I google search for videos if I don't know how and go from there.

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Well, if I waited, it would usually never be done. I am still waiting for him to remove a lock on the back door and then reinstall to see if that fixes it. To lock the door, we have to lift it a little. Don't know why but when we buy a new lock it works fine for a year. Anyway, been 2 months+ and still waiting. I know what you mean about plaster but I don't wait for that either. Just have to be careful and watch what kind of hook you put in. I check my oil and other car fluids---and take the van for an oil change (not doing it myself). I will not climb on the roof to check the gutters but I scrape and paint the outside-which we will be doing this coming weekend. I am the one that paints the inside--while he watches some sport or does something else.
Wow, reread this and it makes it sound like he does not do anything. He does, just seems when I ask him to, it may or may not so if he doesn't I do (which is most of the time).

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If I had to wait for him to do it nothing would ever get done.

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I do most things, that I can do, by myself...Patience is not my strong suit!

...but I have a Mother who is VERY 'Girls can do anything boys can do...only BETTER' :) So I am pretty sure I have been programmed this way!

~My Mom visited us once a long time ago and we got a leak in our roof...I had to draw the line when she said 'we' (meaning me or her) can just get in the crawlspace and put down a bucket till the roof guys get her...now keep in mind we do not have a ladder that pulls down, its all about getting a chair and then hiking yourself up in there...I had to be firm with her and let her know The Man is right here and has WAY stronger upper arm strength than me...how about we go ahead and let him do it :) Hee-Hee! My mom can be a bit snarky at times...

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Ummm...no. I do as much as I can by myself and then I still try to do it even if I know I can't.

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Um, use the 3M wall hanging things. They really do hold up anything and peal right off if you don't want the picture there anymore.

S'anyway, no I don't tend to wait. Trust me my list is far too much for one person anyway. Then again my uncles taught me how to build a house so unless the tools needed are more expensive than a call to a pro, I fix my own stuff.

Oh, but I have been told I am not normal. Guys call me to help them fix stuff. :p

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I am so glad you asked this question! I have a good friend that is the same way. She is rather lazy also, her husband works all day and expects him to do the dishes, play with the kids, clean, laundry, fix things, whatever she can think of. My boyfriend works 3rd shift so I don't rely on him for anything. I do everything for my kids, fix things that need it in the house, put oil in car, fill tires, pretty much all the stuff you already listed. My friend makes fun of me and calls me super mom but I'm not trying to be super mom, I just cant wait around for someone else to fix things if I can do it myself.

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I try to do as much as I can since I home way more than my husband.

If there is something that needs to be done and I cannot reach it or it do not know how to do it, I try to schedule it with my husband and make sure he has everything he will need to complete the task.. Even then many times, he forgets or does not complete the task unless I stay on top of him.. then he shuts down..

He is very ADHD, so I have to try to make the task fun or have a reward attached.. Like, "I will take you for a beer at your favorite place." I have also been known to just break down and hire someone and listen to my husband Bi#9% and moan that he could so that.. Rolling my eyes..

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Oh my did your post strike a chord with me! :) I know people who do this but I am NOT one of them....I am a WOMAN. A capable woman---I am independent and smart~ I figure things out and I don't wait for my husband or a person for that matter to come and do something for me. Over the years I have learned how to do stuff on my car or how to fix things around the house----I think that everyone should be responsible for themselves and not wait on anyone else do something for them etc. It seems ludicrous that the woman wouldn't install the bigger carseat for her child! That just seems so helpless and like she can't do anything herself! JMO

M

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I do it, 'cause if I wait for him it will never get done. I could even change the oil in my old car, would do the new one but I can't take the skid plate off the underside of the car without a special tool I have to take it somewhere for that.
I can fix, change, install and take apart just about anything with the right tool. My dad taught me well:)

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Hubby is out of town 5 days a week (if not more at times) so I have learned as well that if I want it done - I better just do it myself. Plus it is not fair for Hubby to come home and on his only 2 days home have this long Honey Do List just waiting for him.

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well if i might break a nail then......yeah right. I lived on my own & owned my own homes before I got married so yes I did it all back then so I can do it now.

This post reminds me of a few years back the lawn needed to be mowed so my husband called me on his way home from work & i said i was getting ready to mow & he said 'you dont know how to mow, i'll do it when i get home', my response was that the lawn mower was mine from when i owned my homes before we got married, hello!

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No I don't wait... and I wouldn't anyways. Yep - sounds like your friend is lazy and suffers from 'not my jobitis'... seems to be spreading a lot often!

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I can honestly say I do both. There are 101 things that I am just better at doing than DH, like hanging pictures, painting a room ect. I grew up with my dad, and my mom spent my teen years single and doing things like that herself, so I know how. DH had parents with money who just hired everything out (even their cleaning). And ok I am home all day and DH works so I do really try (after taking care of the 4 kids) to have things done before he gets home.

HOWEVER, there are things I hate to do and that i just don't think I should have to do. I'll pile the trash in the trashcan all the way to the ceiling before I take it out. I don't dust unless I'm really bored and sick of waiting for him to do it. leftovers that need thrown out go in the sink and sit there, the idea of even dumping them makes my stomach turn. Today the yard needs mowed, but really I just don't think I need to figure out how to do that while alone with 2 young kids and a 5 month old. You get the point.

(oh and we have plaster walls, i predrill my holes, use a wall anchor and screw to hang things)

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No you are not alone. I can do the stuff and more. There are a few things that I wait for him to do (like carrying things up to the attic, simply because he does not care for me to do it not because I cant). There have even been things that I have taught him to do and things he has taught me to do. If I can do it I do, If I can't I ask for help and then watch and learn. This also applies when we get a handy man for something that neither of us has a clue on. I will admit I tend to leave car stuff to the mechanic but I do know how to do basic maintence and change a tire.

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Well, my mind is definitely in the gutter!! I thought this would be about something else!

I count myself very lucky, because my husband is great about just getting things done. I am the procrastinator, and I take forever to get any things done. He sees things that need to get done and I can walk by something for months and months, and never notice anything.

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Nope I do things myself. I'm capable :) I change light bulbs, replace furnace filters, I put together our crib & changing table when I was 8 months pregnant with our 1st child. I know how to change the oil in my car, although I do pay someone to do it for me now. I'm the one who primarily mows the yard but that will change soon as I'm about 5 months pregnant with our 3rd child and as it gets hotter it get more difficult for me. The way I look at it I'm able to stay home with our children while my husband works to provide for us so the house is mainly my responsibility. I take care of the things that I can.

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M.,
I am like you. Just do it! That is part of the whole "women are EQUAL" idea. If an adult human being is qualified to do a certain thing, it makes no sense for there to be some expectation that something is the "man's job," and then complain about it not getting done. Besides, I have more mechanical ability than my DH so I would rather do the things I understand but where he has little to no clue.

Furnace filters are generally so easy my 7-year-old could change them, I only ask DH to do the lights that require the tall ladder because he is 6" taller than I am, and I do put oil in my own car as needed. I figure the marriage partnership should be a balance of each doing the things possible, and then discuss the "impossible."

Maybe your friend just needs someone to teach her responsibility and procedure.

Best wishes,
K.

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First of all, your title had me thinking that this was going to be a completely different type of question :)
Secondly, it depends on the task of whether or not I wait for my husband. He is very good at fixing things and does it in a timely manner, so I admit that I usually will wait for him to do things. I am not very good at fixing somethings and it takes me twice as long. I am at home with two little kids, and sometimes just doing normal household chores is challenging, so I am not about to stress myself out by doing something extra-ordinary.

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My husband works 10 hour days 6 days a week. So I always do the things I know I can do. If I'm unsure, I try first and then if I'm unsuccessful I will ask. Women should never rely on their husbands for everything. Your friends husband just might get burnt out and hit the road if she continues this behavior.

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Yeah if there's something I want done right away, I do it. He's great with fixing things and like you, there are some things I haven't attempted yet (mostly anything that requires drilling, electrical, or plumbing). But I'll do little repairs around the house if I want it done right away. Like last week when we had a torrential rainfall here, I devised a way to plug our drain in the basement without the basement getting flooded...it was a mucky gross mess dealing with that drain, but it worked! My husband was impressed enough by that he was telling his brothers and dad about it. It makes me feel kind of good to do that sort of stuff every once in awhile...I can get dirty and work hard too!

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Wow :) I wish I had the luxurgy of waiting on my husband. My husband has to travel for work. it usually isn't very often but when he does go it is for 4+ weeks at a time. If I waited for him our house would be a mess in every way :) I can say he has taught me how to change the oil. I mow the grass when he isn't here, I just do what needs to be done other wise it would drive me nuts. Now my husband is great at doing things. i hardly have to tell him to do anything. infact i think he is usually looking for something to do :)

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Good grief. Of course I don't wait for him. He is busy. LOL
I do everything that I possibly can. The house is sort of my job. I change out the A/C filters. Of course, I have to buy them first, lol. I change the lightbulbs. I shock the pool and clean the skimmer basket and back flush it all. (I have to go buy that stuff, too). I change the water filter in the refrigerator. I even tighten door knobs (and I've replaced a few). I even empty the car and put the back seats down so that I can go buy something that needs a big space to fit in to get it home (freezer; flat screen TV; plants; some furniture)...
I tighten the screw to stop a toilet from running. I'll snake the bathroom sink (with the "as seen on TV" thingee I bought at BB & Beyond). I have replaced more than one toilet seat over the years. I buy the pine straw to mulch the flower beds. And until this year (I just could NOT get myself motivated) I have done the mulching too.

Really, if I can do it, I want it DONE. Not on some "honey do" list. :/

The one thing (I can think of right now) is I don't take the front of the washer off to clean out the filter trap. I let him do that job. It's only once every couple of years. But when it needs doing, it needs doing NOW (otherwise the the washer doesn't drain!). And he doesn't mind doing it, because he likes his clothes washed, lol.

I don't understand the "helpless female" routine. I really don't.
Why? I mean.. Why??

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There are certain things I can do (lightbulb, hang pictures, check oil and fill tires) but also other things that I DON"T do (mow the lawn, try to fix a broken washing machine, etc). I did mow the lawn once but almost broke our riding mower...therefore I don't do that anymore! If there is something I want or need DONE and I CAN do it, I do it. If I can't, I ask hubby (or my dad if he's over) to do it for me!!!

I am hoping that as my daughter grows up, she learns some of my husband's handy skills - like how to change her own oil, change a tire, etc. Heck, I may listen in and learn myself!

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Unfortunately I know so many women like your friend and I always laugh becuase if I waited for my husband to do anything we would never have anything done. If I want something done I do it myself or at least attempt - I grew up learning how to do most household maintenance. I lived on my own or with girl roomates for 7 years before I got married so we always figured things out one way or another. Who has time to wait around.

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I'm a mechanic. Do you think I wait for anyone to do anything for me?

I know how to do home repairs too. I will attempt anything on my own.

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If I'm able to do it myself, then I do it. I don't really do "Helpless Female" very well.

Edit: Just tonight, I did the air conditioner in our bedroom myself. I asked him LAST WEEK to do it due to expected high temperatures this week and sure enough we've had 90* days a few days in a row now. Reminders have been ignored so I did it myself. I threw out my back again, but I did it. :-)

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I do a lot. I enjoy painting the house, I clean the pool, sometimes mow the yard, fix things when I can although I am easily frusturated by this stuff, so I often have to wait for hubby. I will try though. My husband is great though, if I need somthing done, he usually gets to it pretty quickly.

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Wow! Your friend does sound really lazy.
There are some things my husband prefers to do, which is fine, but if there was something that really needed to be done and he couldn't get to it, I'd just do it myself.

Maybe your friend's husband didn't get around to the light for so long because he was too busy with the rest of her miles long "honey-do" list. Lol.

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I am willing and able to do a lot of stuff myself. If I can do it, then I will. My husband is always willing to do the things I can't do though.
I change light bulbs, paint rooms, build ikea furniture (which he hates to do), tighten screws etc etc.
With the car I check the oil, water, tire pressures etc. I keep them all as they should be, but do not do oil changes either (just top-ups).
I like to be as independant as possible, you never know what the future holds and one day I may need to do they things for myself. It's good to learn now I figure.

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Technically I don't have to wait for anything. My husbands nickname is "Turbo" for a reason, he does everything he sees that needs to be done, I never once have asked him to take out the trash, he sees its full, he takes it right out...awesome!!! That being said, I was raised by a single mom and grandparents who taught me how to do a lot of stuff, which I do if need be. I think its just your friends personality that she doesn't do things.

1 mom found this helpful

I am in the middle of this one. I CAN do all those things, but dang it, I shouldn't have too. I do all the wifely things around the house and I work fulltime. If I started doing all the husbandly things too, he would do nothing! I have friends who love to mow the lawn, seriously girls? its just one more thing hubby doesnt have to worry about. :)

I love doing home projects, and I usually let him help, but I find that he is a "its good enough type" and I am a perfectionist, so he doesnt usually get it right (case in point, I asked him to put the extra towl rack up to finish the bathroom last week and alass, its crooked!).
I do make hubby do most of the "manly" things around the house, but if the world was ending if I didn't change the light bulb, I would take care of it.

This mostly comes from my up bringing. I was always daddy's girl, he passed a few years ago :(. He built our house from the ground up, starting when I was 2. We lived in tents for 2 1/2 months until we could move in. I grew up always working on the house and fixing things. I chopped firewood and built fences and worked on cars. I not only can change the oil but I can also rebuild the moter. ;) not that I want to do any of those things, but I could if I had too. Anyway, when my husband and I got married it was noticable from the begining that he wasn't raised handy. I nagged and nagged him to fix this lamp we had. I got tired of it and fixed it myself, my dad came over and I said hey look Dad, I fixed this lamp! His response was, "why didn't "Sam" fix it for you?" Needless to say from that point on my hubby started trying harder. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I am a L. bit of both on this one. I was previously married to a majjjjjor procrastinator. He would wait for me to do things and then when I would, he would not even shut the door from getting home and he had already told me how bad of a job I did. Needless to say, I found myself calling my dad alot to get help. Well, after that, I was a single mom...suprise, suprise. LOL I again, did as much as I could by myself and learned alot. Now, I am remarried to a wonderful man who is a L. anal when it comes to having a honey do list. Once something needs to be done...BAM, it's done. No more waiting. I know that men like to feel needed and that is okay with me. I like my independence however, I also like the feeling of my husband (the man of the house) doing the more manly tasks. Things like trash, lawn, air filters, home maintenance stuff...he pretty much does it all. I guess what I am trying to say is if I had to wait....I would do it myself. My hubby does not make me wait...it always gets done right away so I don't have to worry about it.

1 mom found this helpful

No. I don't just do it nor do I wait around for my husband to do it.

If you let a filter go in the furnace too long - it WILL break - that's $8K - so if it's been too long - i ask my husband if we have an extra $8K laying around - he says "excuse me?" I say - the filter was supposed to be replaced 2 weeks ago....he does it.

There are times when I take it upon myself to do things - not because I need a "MAN" to do it - but because I see something that needs to be done and do it.

I know how to change a tire, change the oil in a car, set the timing belt (on older models), I know my way around an engine...my father wanted to ensure that I knew how to get out of a sticky situation....

it sounds like your friend needs some help....does she "drag" you down? I know I had a friend like that and I finally had to let go because it was just too much....

1 mom found this helpful

I handle most things that I can. My husband is more of a procrastinator than I am (and that's saying something!), so if it's bothering me or needs to get done sooner rather than later, I tend to handle it the best I can.
Of course, if I'm too busy doing all my own things (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.), I will "delegate", which tends to involve a little nagging. I don't enjoy playing the nagging wife, so I do what I can to avoid it.
:)

1 mom found this helpful

If it is a task I am sure I can do, and do well... I do it myself. I've painted rooms, fixed cabinets, refinished furniture and assembled and disassembled all sorts of furniture, toys and gadgets. If I cant do it, I try to find instructions to show me how to do it, if it is a task I think I CAN do, but I don't know how.

I can't tell you how flippin' frustrated I was the first time I had to set a mousetrap. I fiddled with the darn thing for almost an hour... but eventually I went to youtube and had to watch a video to figure it out. One successful set trap later and I was a champ!

Now, car stuff... ugh. I don't drive... we have just one car and I just never became comfortable driving. I CAN drive, and I have a license... I just don't do it. So, I don't often have to think about changing the oil or fixing the engine or whatnot. - But if I was put in a situation where I had to do something I would probably ask my husband or someone else to show me how. In fact, I really want to learn more about fixing our car- just in case!

There are tasks that fall to me husband... especially now that I am pregnant. I do feel that is most cases "if you want something done, now, do it yourself..." I would rather have the task finished than have to nag someone to do it. That said... my husband if very helpful and will do things he knows are important to me.

Now, if my husband doesn't do something I want him to do, and I end up having to do it... he has learned that he BETTER NOT say anything if I don't do it "right" or the way he wants it done!

I think even 'little housewives' like me need to work to have basic "home" skills... because you never know when you'll need to fix something, paint something, cook something, plant something, or sew something and you may not be able to get to a store to buy it! And who knows if your husband will be able to do it!

-M.

1 mom found this helpful

I can do a lot of things to & enjoy doing them coz it makes me feel good that I know those things but when my husband does things, he does it very thoroughly & makes sure everything is done (sometimes I forget one thing or another) but I can do most anything...I just prefer that he does the dirty work like taking out the garbage/trash & cleaning the bathroom but other than than I'm pretty self-suffient unless it's major like electrical or plumbing issues, something that needs welding, heavy lifting needed etc. things I should learn but nice to know I have someone here than is handy around the house. I think it's important for women to know these things, never know when you'll need to do something on your own! So, nope, you're not alone! ;O)

1 mom found this helpful

Well depends on what needs to be done but normally i ask him to do something and he takes too long to get to it so i just do it

1 mom found this helpful

If he says he's going to do it...he gets (depending on the tasks) 3-7 days...after that I do it, or I pay someone...that latter usually gets his attention really quick!

I grew up with mechanic/body man step dad...I can change the oil, tire, even spark plugs. And I'll admit if I can get out of it, I will! I will try almost anything...but there are some things I just don't do.

1 mom found this helpful

If I wait for my husband to do anything nothing would be done. My husband is a procrastinator and I think waits until I'll do it as he knows if it needs to be done after enough time I'll take care of it. I used to wait for him to do things and got tired of waiting around. I've taught myself to fix a screen, put coolant in the car (my dad had taught me years ago to change a tire and check the oil so that I already know), unclogged drains, hang things, etc. etc. My husband is basically an extra set of hands/eyes to watch the kids while I do things.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I do best when we work on projects together. Replace the mirror on the car, install a ceiling fan, repair the fence. He does tend to procrastinate, though. I asked him to buy glue for a chipped toilet tank lid, but he never got around to it. I got tired of waiting and taped it with clear tape. That was five years ago.

1 mom found this helpful

Totally depends on what needs to be done. Honestly my husband isn't a huge handy type, I actually knew how to do tons more when we first got together. He changes the filter on the furnace because I'm terrified of heights and some knucklehead designer put ours up on a platform in the garage, level with the stair landing which is partway to the upstairs. We've had gas & electric guys and repair guys call for someone else to work on it because of where it is! Sometimes I can't do something because then there wouldn't be someone to keep an eye on the kids. He'll sometimes do those as he'd rather that then watch the kids. Neither one of us can do anything on the cars beyond putting in wiper fluid, changing the front wipers and a couple really minor things. We bring it in to have anything else done. Basically I do what I can and don't bother to wait for my husband to do it, it might never get done LOL

1 mom found this helpful

Usually unless for some reason I can't do it (too tough or just can't since pregnant) then I ask him or my father in law but I try to keep on my husband because he's known to put it off forever.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not afraid to do the work, I will try to do it myself. But what do you do when he gets really angry when you do it yourself? He won't do it, so I do. When I painted the kitchen, he wouldn't speak to me for an hour after coming home...because I hadn't discussed it with him before hand and I guess I didn't do a good enough job.

So when he won't and gets mad if you do, what do you do?

Wow, there are sooo many answers that I almost didn't respond, but I feel I must. I didn't read all the answers, but MANY I have read have made me feel judged and just plain insulted. M., you have a sincere question in wondering if other wives out there do things themselves or wait for their husbands. I happen to be a wife that waits for her husband. I have never lived on my own, and being raised, my dad did most things around the house that didn't have to do with "domestic duties" (i.e, "man jobs"). Maybe that's a very large part of it. Honestly, I just don't have what it takes to do many things around the house that require tools or what some consider to be a "man's job". How can I describe this? I am NOT lazy. But when I try to do things myself (hanging pictures, painting things, putting a new toilet seat on, putting in a car seat), things just don't work out! I do them wrong, every time w/out fail! It's hard to explain, but it's almost like my brain turns off or shuts down while trying to do that sort of thing. I can usually install my daughter's car seat, but my son's car seat is larger / bulkier and for some reason, I can NEVER make it tight enough. And yes, it is extremely frustrating for me. How do you think it feels to be the only one of my friends who can't put in a car seat? I have many friends who are like you and can do so much around the house w/out the help of their husbands, and I am so amazed by them and want to be like them. I often feel inadequate and break down and cry out of frustration, but also because I feel so stupid, because I SHOULD know how to do these things. My husband works a lot and I really do try to do things myself because I get sick of waiting around, but like I said, I usually screw up whatever it is I'm trying to do.

M., like I said, yours was a sincere question. But as I was reading many of the responses, I have NEVER felt so judged and insulted by anyone on this website, ever! People are assuming that people "like me" are lazy, and with me, that is not the case! I am far from lazy!! I do everything else domestic around here and I do a great job keeping my house clean and organized. I'm a great mom, a great wife, and a great friend. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I wish I wasn't so helpless and feel so useless when it comes to doing certain things around the house. But I can guarantee that I also have certain strengths that many of you do not have. So please don't judge others about their weaknesses if you don't know that person personally!

I was raised and for the most part believe that I am very independent. My motto is "I don't ask for your help unless I absolutely really need it". I work full-time hopefully part-time soon again, take care of my twin girls 24-7, have been known to install a baby gate into the wall, maintain the house, Paint certain rooms in the house, my car as far as regular maintence is concerned is taken care of by me.
My husband works retail which is a crazy schedule and sometimes I almost feel as though I am a single mom and quite honestly sometimes when I ask him to do something I don't know if it's just him or if it's just men in general but I suppose he thinks at his earliest convenience which could mean 6 months or more. I will simply ask him to take the trash out while I am busy doing other things in order for him to "help" out and when I get done with what I'm doing if it's still there - well lets just say momma ain't happy. I am fully capable of taking the trash out on my own but when you wear as many hats as we momma's do-looking at the trash from the night before that was asked to be put outside tends to send my blood boiling. Okay I admit I don't have a very strong will for patience but life is crazy and when your husband is sitting there on the couch, on the phone, in front of the computer, etc. meanwhile you are busy with the kids, dinner, etc and the one thing you ask him to do to mark that off your to-do list and it doesn't get done-well I don't care how patient of a person you are -it's down right frustrating. My husband likes to put things off and don't know if that is a genetic trait or a man trait I know he "meant" to do it but then he forgets. I am not saying I have ever forgotten anything because lord knows I have but I don't wait around on him if it's something I want done but there are times that I do ask for his help and if it doesn't get done by the time I'm done with what I am involved in -it sets me off and buddy he will know about it one way or another whether its me breathing under my breath and slamming the door which he has an eagle's eye view of and slamming it behind me with trash bag in hand. It's always the same excuse " I was gonna get that if you would have just waited"....then I always say till when? Next week? Next month? It sets some arguements up and I don't mean to be so impatient but I want to get all the things done that I have in my head of "to do". I mean lets face it-a man is not going to walk in from work and say "oh you know what the trash needs to be taken out-let me do that right now" NO it seems they wait until asked then they put it off even then. Then when it doesn't get done they wonder why they can't have some snookie that night.

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