73 answers

Do You Ask or Tell Your Husband About Going Out?

My girlfriend gets annoyed with me because usually when she asks me to do something with her and her kids, sans husbands, I tell her I need to ask my husband first.

Not that I’m getting permission, but more out of courtesy in case he had wanted to make plans or whatever. My husband works for the most part so I ask only when I know he has the day off.

She never asks her husband. She does what she wants whether he likes it or not.

Since our husbands work a lot we get together often at the park or our homes in which I don’t have to let my DH know ahead of time.

Here is an example of when she gets annoyed – she asked if me and my kids wanted to go to dinner this Saturday night without our DHs and I replied that I wanted to check with my husband first since he has the day/night off. Her reply was “whatever! Why do you have to check first? You either want to go or you don’t.”

Do you check with your husband first? Or are you like my GF who doesn’t ask, just tells her husband what she is going to do?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

To respond to some posters - my DH wouldn't mind if I take the kids out to dinner this Saturday. He works A LOT and he does work weekends so never really gets to just enjoy being at home in peace! He wouldn't protest a night to himself with a big screen T.V. and his sports! =-) Plus I can count on one hand how often we go out to dinner. I rather cook our meals at home. 98% of the time if my husband is home, we spend time as a family.

Thank you all for responding! I'm so glad that you all feel as I do!!!

I'm going to have a heart to heart talk with my friend about this. And yes her marriage is rocky and her husband is just as inconsiderate, but she will just have to respect the relationship my DH and I have, which is built on respect, courtesy and love.

Featured Answers

I have RESPECT for my husband, so I always ask! He asks me as well for anything. I will admit, though, it always comes back to me preferring to do stuff with my husband as opposed to without him.

4 moms found this helpful

I always ask. I know Id be irritated as hell if my husband 'told' me he was going out to have fun without me instead of a asking. We respect each other!

4 moms found this helpful

I don't ask or tell! I say, "Honey, do you have plans on xyz?" He either says, "Yes" or "No, why?" Then we discuss.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Um...how about you want to check with your husband because you never see him and if he gets the night off you and your family want to spend it with HIM and not HER. Obviously you and your husband have mutual respect for one another-unlike your friend.

7 moms found this helpful

Jeez, I ALWAYS at least check with my husband first. It's common courtesy to let a member of your household know your plans. How sad for her that she doesn't share her plans with her husband and even sadder that maybe he doesn't even care enough to call her on it. It's not about "asking permission", it's just being considerate.

7 moms found this helpful

I ask out of RESPECT for him... Just like he asks out of respect for me. If it's something I really want to do, I let him know and he is almost always perfectly OK with it. If he had been planning something, or just wanted to spend the time with me, we will discuss it and come to a resolution. Heck, even if he isn't going to be home, I check in with him and let him know if I'm going out, just so he doesn't worry if he goes home and I'm not there. He has the same consideration for me, and it works out really well for us.

7 moms found this helpful

Always, always check with the hubby first. only common curtosy in my opinion. Just like he checks in with me for everything he does also.

5 moms found this helpful

I always check with the hubby first. I think it is the right thing to do, as well as the respectful thing to do!

I would be pissed off at my hubby if he just 'told' me what he was gonna do...so I do not 'tell' him what I am going to do.

I do not look at it as having to ask permission either! We are a team...a unit, we work together on our family and our relationship.

~When I talk to him about this kind of stuff it's not like I am saying "Honey can I go out"? It's more like "So and so has invited me out on Saturday for dinner. What do you think"?

My mom is like your friend, so is my sister...they always do what they want and are always giving me grief about these sort of things. Sometimes it bothers me, but others I just shrug it off. I am content with how I/we manage and handle OUR relationship and that is ALL THAT MATTERS!!!

5 moms found this helpful

I think it's a respect thing, so I definitly would ask my husband if he cared. I would want the same in return from him.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't really ask if I already know what's going on that week, and if it doesn't mean he has to watch the kids. If the kids are coming with me I already know he would be more than happy to eat fast food in front of the TV in peace for a night!

Now, if I need him to watch the kids on his own because I want to do something with friends, I definitely have to give the courtesy of telling him before hand. Usually I can commit to it before even asking him though because I already know if he is available or not. We communicate every night anything we are planning outside of the regular 9-5 grind- hair appts, trips to the store after work, whatever.

Either way, you just have to be in sync with your hubby and each others expectations for scheduling personal time. It sounds like you are, and your friend may be as well if she doesn't even need to check with her man.

Maybe to avoid getting her annoyed in the future, say "let me just check with the hubby to make sure we don't have anything going on that I forgot about"... it makes it sound like more of a general communication rather than a woman asking permission from her man to leave the house :)

5 moms found this helpful

I would ask my husband first! I think he would be pretty bummed if I made Saturday night plans and didnt even ask him what he was doing. As I would be upset if he did the same. Just because her relationship doesnt have communication doesnt mean everyones should.

5 moms found this helpful

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