Just wondering what you think. my in-laws live in the same town that my husband and i do. When his brother and family come to visit, they usually stay with my in-laws. We are buying a house but can't move in yet and my in-laws have sweetly agreed to let my family move in with them for 6 weeks. BIL, randomly chose a week that we will be staying there, to come up for a visit. He didn't realize we would be there that long, but has now been made a aware and could change plans if he chose. There are two spare bedrooms one for my two kids and one for hubby and I. Do hubby and I have to pay for BIL to stay in a hotel if he decides he still wants to bring his family up during the time we are staying there?
I know there are other options like an air mattress in the LR etc. But hubby was thinking we should leave for that week and stay in a hotel and give them the house, or offer to pay. I think that is going above and beyond and that BIL should make his own choice and then pay if that's what he chooses.
Any thoughts??
Thanks Ladies,
especially to the momma that agreed that "Hubby is wrong" (grin) sometimes i just need to hear that.
yeah, I think we will probably leave alot of it up to my inlaws. And they will probably be fine with ALL of us there. I'm just totally stressed about having to live with them for 6 weeks Period and then to be dealing with BIL on top was putting me over the edge, So if there is any Hotel going on, It will be for me, Hubby and the kids can stay where ever they want LOL. My inlaws are very kind to have us and i don't want to sound ungreatful, but they do have very certain expectations that are going to be a strain on me and BIL has a way of making everything revolve around his family. So i'll just get that prescrition for Valium filled and roll with the punches. HAHA It's only for 6 weeks.
Thanks again Mama's for the advice and the vent.
Hi K.,
This is the MIL's problem. She invited you all to stay for 6 weeks. Tell her you are worried about the BIL coming while you all are there and see what she says.
Good luck. D.
That would be extremely expensive - I would rather go away on a nice vacation myself then pay for someone elses. Give BIL the room the kids have for privacy, and put the kids on air mattresses in the living room.
good morning K.,
What about the COUSINS ? are they same ages? plan events w/ cousins . let ' brothers' figure out the STUPID stuff. grammy / grandpa/ cousins / auntie/ uncles can have a GREAT TIME ...
picinics, swim, waterparks,shopping, etc...
everything else will work itself out .
ps= Grammy is really kind .
t
I think it's a very sweet gesture, ask BIL if he doesn't mind everyone staying, or more importantly your in- laws.....
i would talk to your BIL and see what he thinks... if he even wants to stay in a hotel, or have everyone camp out at your in-laws. it would be silly for your family to pack up and move out for a week... when the BIL is already packing for a trip.
it's summer time... i'm not sure how old all the kids are, but I bet a little campout in the backyard would be fun! or all the kids can sleep in the LR while the adults get the spare rooms.
If your BIL chooses to stay somewhere else I don't think you should pay anything. If he wants to stay in a hotel he should pay for it. I wouldn't leave, let the BIL figure out and make his own plans.
If they do chose to visit ask your in-laws what there expectations are. They may already have ideas. At a minimum you should offer to give up one of the spare rooms and bunk together for the week. Again, ask your in-laws!
Having been in similiar situations, I must agree with you. The brother knew you and your family would be there...he must have thought that he could choose a local hotel, or change his visit dates. You are not obligated to pay for them to go to a hotel at all. If anything it would be more appropriate for your in-laws to pay for their other son's stay. Good Luck!
Hi K.,
I think that if you have lots of money to spare then go ahead and treat them to a hotel. If you are like most of us and especially when buying a house have little extra to spare, he and the family would not expect you to pay the bill.
It is however up to the inlaws to decide if they should or shouldnot have the other son visit since it is their home and you are also invited guests.I would just take on the inconvenience which they will all have for the week.I would not get angry or bitter because that will put pressure on your husband and that could destroy one of those relationships.
Good luck with the situation
L.
If you can afford to do it, go with your husband's idea. Any time two households live together in one house, it's stressful. You and your family will totally enjoy having a break, using the pool, etc. It'll be a whole lot of fun and refreshment, almost like living in your "own" home again, while you wait for your new one.
As wonderful as your in-laws may be, it will be very stressful to live in their home, under their roof, with their ways of doing things -- and it'll be THEIR home, so your family will be subject to their whims, not your styles of doing things. Take the break in the hotel ! It'll be WELL worth it !!!
Otherwise ? What about a tent in the backyard ???
Um, I think your hubby is nuts, lol. What gives one child priority over another? All children of his parents should be treated equally. If the roles were reversed, you would not be expected to boot your BIL out or make him pay for your hotel room. That's just silly. If your BIL wants to come while your in-laws have people staying with them (their own son and his family) it's up to your BIL to decide when to come and how to accommodate him and his family. What if your in-laws had non-family staying with them? Would it be expected for them to pay for BIL's family to stay at a hotel? That's just not right. No, hubby may be trying to be nice but there's no need for it. There are other options and it's up to BIL to figure it out. I'm sure you and your family are pitching in for some costs with food or whatever while you're staying there, so while you are there that house is your home and you should not have to be penalized for it. You're right, hubby is wrong. *grin*
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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If he knew you would be there he could have checked to make sure you would be in your new house before finaling his plans. Your husband is nice for wantng to offer to pay for them to stay in a hotel but I wouldn't agree to that.
I would say nothing and see what the BIL does. If he decides to come to the house anyway, then I would offer to have your kids sleep on an air mattress so the BIL can have the bedroom. I think getting a hotel is going overboard.
I wouldn't offer to pay or to leave...maybe your kids could sleep on the floor in your room that week and let BIL have his own room?
Here's my idea. If the kids are old enough, why not put them all outside in a tent? They will think it's lots of fun and the parents can both have beds in the spare rooms. That's what we used to do when I was growing up and the cousins came to visit. The other option we have done is borrow someones camper and have either yourselves or the visitors sleep there. It's nice because you all still get to be together and still have your own spaces to escape when you need it.
K. K sounds like you have a lot of good advise here. I would also vacate one of the extra rooms and put your kids either all together in the family room or den or have them camp out in sleeping bags on the floor in your room. It is only for a week the kids will enjoy the time together and you will treat your inlaws to having all their grand children under the same roof for the week. Relax and enjoy if it gets to be too much then consider the hotel idea. Good Luck have fun. J.
I would vacate O. room for the BIL & SIL and let ALL the kids camp out on the floor of the living room/family room/den whatever. No, I don't think you are obligated to pay, of course, if their financial situation is that they need help or could not afford it, it would be nice to offer.....
I would not offer to pay for a hotel for him. Is it possible your family could all fit in one bedroom for the week that he is visiting? If so, I probably would offer to do that.
