N.P. asks from Renton, WA on May 29, 2008
Do People Rsvp Anymore...?
I was wondering if people rsvp for events, whether they can make it or not...? I always thought the rule was you rsvp if you can make it and you rsvp if you can't make it. We're having a birthday party for our daughter and it seems as though the no's aren't rsvping. We've only heard from those who can make it and one who could not. I'm wondering if it's a week till the party is it appropriate for us to contact them and make sure they received the invite and check to see if they can or can't make it. We kind of need to know so we know how much food to have, etc. We only invited family and a few close friends!
J.B. answers from Seattle on June 02, 2008
It is absolutely appropriate to call those who have not RSVP'ed, esp. since they are family/close friends.
Have a wonderful party!!
K.D. answers from Seattle on June 01, 2008
I have two children a boy who is nine and my girl is 7. I have found that the best way to get replies is give them a dead line in the invite, "Reply by June, 3rd" and a reason, "I need a head count for food". And also always include a email that they can "RSVP" to not just a phone number. We are all so busy these days that I find the best "free" time I have is not the best time to be making phone calls to my children's friends moms. So an email option is a great option. But I say go ahead and call and find out who is coming.
L.B. answers from Seattle on May 31, 2008
you would think, but in my experience, I have two nieces who are now 13 and 15 but I can remember at earlier b-day parties sometimes they would invite 7+ people and no one would come. Or same thing people would rsvp and not show or no one would rsvp and everyone would show. I just wouldn't count on the rsvp thing or be proactive and make those calls and see who is coming. It is weird.... Good luck
J.C. answers from Anchorage on May 30, 2008
Usually I put for people to RSVP by a certain date if they can attend. I have never had people call to say they are not coming, and I don't tend to call for that either, why, so you can make up some lame excuse? I think it is bad manners to come without RSVPing, but I think it is fine to simply not call if you do not plan to attend.
1 mom found this helpful
P.M. answers from Portland on May 30, 2008
In my 60-something generation, it seems most people will still let the hosts know whether or not they plan to come. From what I've been able to see of the younger crowd, though, it's common to confirm only if they want to come.
I suspect that lots of people simply don't know that R.S.V.P. is abbreviated French for Respond Please. It's one of several social conventions that is dying out. I would suggest that young people write out: "Please let us know whether or not you can come." If a new expression catches on, everybody will turn it into a new abbreviation, IMHO.
1 mom found this helpful
P.G. answers from Seattle on May 30, 2008
I have noticed a decline in RSVPs, and also more online invitations versus the traditional in-the-mail type - I don't know if the two trends are linked or not, but it seems like things have gotten less formal in general. Maybe some of the younger generation don't know what RSVP means??? My opinion is that when an accurate head-count is needed (all your listed reasons are good for why it is so helpful to know who is coming) it is fine to follow up with those you haven't heard from. In the future, a tactic you could use that I try is to put a deadline on the RSVP request, so that encourages guests to make a decision, or to at least respond with a maybe. Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
K.K. answers from Seattle on May 30, 2008
This is definitely one of my peeves... It's just common courtesy to respond whether you can make it, can't go, or don't know. It lets the host/hostess know that you got the invite, care about their feelings, and gave them a few seconds of your time at the very least. The worst is when people say they will come and then either call as the party is starting to cancel or just don't show up. I know things come up, but I have one "friend" who has done this repeatedly and it's so completely rude. I would never do that to someone, especially someone I cared about. I think it's totally acceptable to call the invitees a week beforehand to get an idea of how many people are coming. You shouldn't have to do this, but unfortunately people's lives move so fast now that they don't consider courtesy a good use of their time. However, people who would like to host a party for their friends shouldn't have to prepare for an unknown number of guests either.
C.F. answers from Spokane on May 30, 2008
I have noticed that most people only RSVP that they are coming and if they don't call it's a no. I just had my son's birthday party. No one showed up that didn't call. But, I only had two people from his class RSVP as no's. Eight others RSVP'ed as yeses. I think the others assume that if they don't call, its a no. Good luck!
T.H. answers from Portland on May 30, 2008
You know it's funny you ask that. I have been saying that for a couple of years. My 2 oldest kids are 6 and 9 and have had quite a few birthday party and I have only had like 3 people ever RSVP, not counting family they always do. I never know how many people are going to be there for goody bags and stuff and it is kind of frustrating. Most of the time it's kids from school so I do not know how to contact them. Maybe I'm wrong but now I know I'm not the only one that it has happened too. I always RSVP and I feel I am the only one who does sometimes. I am glad I am not alone.
B.A. answers from Medford on May 30, 2008
We just held a party for my 4 year old at the YMCA and they needed a head count. I sent out the invites early and didn't hear from anyone until 5 days before the party. Not everyone RSVP'd either! My friend had the same thing happen and she got stressed and called people herself. I feel she should not have had to do this but I don't know if anyone would have called her. I always try to make a specific phone call to say we will be coming or not. But, no I don't think people rsvp anymore.
B.M. answers from Seattle on May 30, 2008
This is becoming a more common issue. Our culture has become more relaxed. No longer do we call people Mr. or Mrs., Ma'm, or Sir. We send impersonal texts and emails, etc. Along with this , old-school etiquette and common courtesy have gone by the way side. The lack of people RSVPing has long been a pet peeve of mine. It is appropriate for you to call those you have not heard from. The approach you mention is great. Just a polite, "I wanted to make sure you received our invitation and can we expect you?". People should understand that you are planning for food, gift bags, etc.