Do Moms of Only Kids Have a Right to Complain...

Do moms of 5 kids really have a right to complain about all of that? I mean you CHOSE whichever number of kids you have and as an adult I would anticipate you had known how much work it would be beforehand... or at least after #1.

The point is every now and then we just all need to complain and vent... we are all human and everyone gets exhausted from time to time, whether you have 1 child, 20 kids or none at all.
Good luck.

Parents with "only" one child are still parents. They do all of the same things that parents with multiple children do. Assumptions may be made that it's not on the same scale, but no one lives in anyone else's shoes or home, so judgments shouldn't be made based on those assumptions. I never assume that my assumptions are 100% correct. I'm pretty intuitive, but I recognize that I'm not always right. Amazing, I know.

If ANY ONE group or people has no right to complain, then NO ONE group of people has a right to complain.

People, no matter if they have no children, one child, 10 children...can have a multitude of struggles. Correct? Bad marriages, no support, empty relationships, not enough money, mental, physical, emotion struggles. Correct? Children, no matter the number...can present us with challenges that we don't have an answer to. Correct? Parenting IS hard, no matter the amount of children. Correct? All mothers deserve the right to vent, complain, purge, get it out of their system. Correct?

If we spent more time supporting each other, rather then judging and assuming whose life is easier...we'd all be better people. Correct?

Sure! Last time I checked, we all have the same rights! LOL

I'm a mom of an only.

I work PT, I volunteer, I do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.

Personally, I think I'm the only O. who knows how *BUSY* I am.

Why, yes, I believe we do.

This is the way I, as the parent of an 'only', sees it: I *chose* to have one child. I chose this for a number of reasons (financial, repeated history of miscarriage, which ripped me open a number of times emotionally...)... the choice to have one child is to benefit our whole family and keep it functioning well. I also nannied for several families with multiples. I knew what I was choosing.

That said, people who have multiples also *chose* to have multiples. If someone were to tell me I had 'no right' to complain, I might remind them that it was *their* decision to have more children, not my decision for them. If we are all being honest and responsible for ourselves, then this is a no-brainer.

There are always trade-offs to having singles or multiples. Multiples have horrible sibling arguments to deal with. I enjoy not having to deal with that sort of problem-solving regularly. (I did it all day when I taught preschool.) That said, siblings have someone to go play with... my son does not and consequently, he needs me more intensely than kids with sibs might need their parents. (notice I say "might", every kid is different.) I spend a LOT of time with my son. I don't enjoy every minute of it, but in accepting responsibility for our decision to have just one: this IS what I signed up for. My son doesn't have a built-in playmate, so I do have to give him a lot of my attention.

To me-- and I could be totally wrong-- if we are all taking care of ourselves and our own stuff, being real with life-- I don't see how my 'complaining' from time to time should matter to or take away from another person who chose to have more children than I did. That's a bit like saying that stay-at-home parents shouldn't complain because they don't 'work as hard' as parents who work outside the home, or that married parents don't have a right to gripe because hey, look at how hard the single parents has to work.

Life is full of choices. Choices to reproduce with someone you want to spend your life with-- or not. Choices to use contraception or wing it. Choices to plan to have more babies (even to the extent of medical intervention) or to be happy with what one has, here and now. I strongly believe that these are all choices, and each choice has its consequences. Whether they are favorable or hard-- that too is a matter of perception.

I have a neighbor with three children, a dizzying schedule and constant chaos in her life. Guess what? It would drive me nuts, but she thrives on this. So again, all a matter of perception and personal preference.

As long as we believe we are not victims, but are indeed responsible for our own choices and the authors of our own lives, someone else's complaining is NOT going to take away from who we are or what we do.

(I am aware that some parents deal with the death of a spouse or natural disasters or debilitating medical issues...those are NOT choices, and so I am not factoring those circumstances into this question.)

PS: if you read through A.'s profile questions, you'll see that she too has one child. I don't believe she's feeling entitled or trying to stir the pot by posting this question. It's actually an interesting question...

sure, my children entertain each other a lot. Single kids demand more attention from parents because they don't have a built- in playmate.

A., I'm really curious about why you posted. Are you a mom of one, and someone gave you grief when you vented about the daily struggle? Or are you a mom of more than one, and you don't get why friends who have one child sometimes vent about "getting it all done"? It would really help, when answering the question, to know where you're coming from. Interested in fillling us in?....

Having said that...Yes, moms of one have as much reason and right to vent as moms of 10. Every parent, every child, every family is different. A mom of several kids who is good at multitasking, is organized and has everyone stepping to a schedule may tackle things much better than a mom of one who isn't...any of those things. No one ever knows exactly what challenges another family is facing, so no one should tell a parent of one that "you shouldn't complain, you have only one to deal with."

With all the silly "mommy wars" stuff where moms too easily label themselves and others (helicoper mom, independence mom, organic mom, let-them-eat-dirt mom, whatever!), we don't need to be telling each other there's some minimum number of kids below which one is not allowed ever to complain!

Of course! Don't marginalize a mom just because she has only one. In some ways I think it may be harder. My boys are a source of constant entertainment for eachother-entertainment that I am not being sought out to provide. I bet I actually end up getting MORE done sometimes.

Yes. But I think it's a matter of thoughfulness and choosing your audience. Like, a size 2 person choosing not to say how fat she's feeling today to a size 16 person.
My sister doesn't work, and has one 14 year old girl. I work full time, care for my depressed husband, sick mother, and have three little boys. My sister's 'busy' is different to my 'busy'. Her busy includes her regular belly dance sessions and sewing sessions with her friends, as well as shopping. Some days I would definitely prefer it if she did not regale me with how hard it is to fit everything in. She chooses the wrong audience. But I'm more than happy for her to vent to someone else!

Heck yeah, it's hard no matter how many kids you have. Granted I have 8 and may have more but that does mean it isn't any harder for them. Mom's of singletons in some respects have it a little harder. With more then one you at least have entertainment for your kids, mom's of singletons are 'everything' to their child.

My friends who only have one, are not just mom, but friend and playmate. I find that my kids are more likely to run off and play together, where as their children aren't as 'self entertaining'. This allows me to get a lot accomplished, having more then one means I have to get creative and efficient. Not saying mom's of singletons don't, it's just different.

Sure as heck you have a right to complain! I have one and man-oh-man is every day a struggle - being a mom, being a wife, laundry, cooking, cleaning, expenses, driving, etc. And for me, I also work for my husband with our at -home business.

You probably shouldn't complain, but we all have our days when we just gotta vent. One kiddo or more, we're all moms, we're all NOT perfect, we're all stressed, we all have a right to complain.

Everyone has the right to complain just as everyone has a right to ignore them.

I look at some of the moms on here complaining and think whiners!! That is my right, right?

Just because you think someone has nothing to complain about in relation to your struggles doesn't mean someone isn't looking at you and thinking the same.

My personal opinion is that you have one kid you adapt to that, have another you make changes and adapt, keep going adapt to that. What makes the difference is some people just adapt better other's don't. I have four kids and I find little difference in my life between one and four, the difference is four cost a bit more.

Absolutely, if for no other reason than that's your "universe" and basically all that you know.

Heck I was a complainer in college when I didn't have ANY kids and only myself to worry about. :P

Yup. Why wouldn't they?
When I only had one I was very overwhelmed. I was almost divorced, we had no money, no car, and I was a crappy housekeeper.
Now, my stresses are different with 3, but that doesn't mean that my stress with just one wasn't significant....it was!
L.

I actually think its easier with two, they entertain each other.

Of course. Everyone's organization, expectations, and energy level is different.
I complain about my getting things done and I have 2, I couldn't imagine being a Dugger with 19.

My mom was June Cleaver. She made it all look so easy, and for some of us, it's just not that easy, no matter how many kids you have. Is it harder now that I have 3 kids, instead of just one? Yes, but I still remember somedays when it was difficult when I had just one.

Everyone has the right to complain :) Before you know how hard someone else may have it, you only know of your own struggles. I remember when I only had one kid. I thought it was hard. I did not know how hard 3 kids were, but now looking back, 1 was easy. I did not have that wisdom at the time.

I think the answer is right there in your question- "do MOMS.....have a right to complain". Mom is the key word, and we ALL complain some time about some thing!!

ALL moms have a right to "complain" about mom struggles.

Yup! When I had one, it seemed difficult to get everything done. I have two now, and it still seems hard to get everything done. Then I look at my friend who has 5 kids, and I think "wow I have it easy". But the truth is, it is hard for all of us.

I am a mother of 4 ages 4 and under and I feel so bad when I get into a discussion with another mom and she starts to complain about being overwhelmed and then gets this look on her face and says...oh well I am sure you think I am silly..or well it's nothing compared to your house. These comment really make me upset. Moms job is the hardest be it 1 kid or 10. Seriously it is all relative. Mom's sometimes won't even want to talk with me because they say oh well it's not as bad as you. It is all hard and no woman should ever compare her situation to another or feel bad or guilty because someone has it worse...all relative! We all need each other to get through and I hope everyone feels free to vent, complain, whatever regardless if they have a really tough puppy or 10 kids! Caring for others is tough

Of course they do. Mom's of only kids many times have more pressure on them because other mom's with more kids think we're slackers! ha, ha! Not to mention everyone thinks we have more free time, etc. Everyone has their own road to walk and for most people there are challenges. There are reasons why people have 10 kids, 4 kids, 2 kids and 1 child. The rest of it is all hard work - plus we have to teach only children how to share in ways that don't include the way you learn to share with a sibling (which is near death, if not water boarding).... And, we don't have any built in entertainment either - we're on duty at all times because no playmate lives in the house. So, I think all parents have a right to destress by blowing off steam!! We're all trying to do the best we can by raising our children to the very best of our abilities.

Of cousre they have the right to complain about mom struggles & everything else...they are still moms. Raising children, no matter how many, is a struggle. My oldest daughter was the only child for 9 years before our next child came along and I was just as busy as everyone else. She wanted my full attention because she didn't have a playmate and that makes houswork a challenge! I thought having our second child would mean twice the work as the first, but it didn't. So in some ways having one child is harder than having multiple children or at least in my experience.

I always thought having just one is somewhat harder, especially at the beginning, because you end up being their only source of attention/entertainment. I had 4 because I wanted them to give that to each other, and free up time for me.

I think everybody has the right to complain regardless of the situation, as everybody's situation is different and has a different stress level. You're complaining about moms of only kids complaining, right. One never knows the situation, whether you have 1 kid or 10. The 10 could have a military mom and dad and all runs smoothly and organized, the mom of 1 could be a single mom with no help, working 2 jobs to get by. So......yeah, everybody has the right to complain.

Of course! We all have good days and bad, easy and hard, no matter how many children. The only mom I know whose complaining annoys me is someone I know who is a SAHM of one school-age child. Her husband works in a another city 3 nights a week so she CONSTANTLY compares herself to a single mom. THAT drives me crazy because it's not an occasional gripe balanced out by some positive stories - it's a never-ending tale of misery and woe and how hard her life is. Of the dozens of moms I know from all walks of life, she's the only one who irks me, because I want to know what it is that she does with her days that is so darn hard.

I don't see why not. Being a Mom IS hard no matter how many kids you have. I was tired and sometimes overwhelmed when I had one child. If you work full time, you still have to get a child up for the day and work all day and then deal with dinner, laundry, baths, etc... Two children is just that much more chaos to the routine. I will say that having 2 is a mixed bag. They can play together, but they also argue with each other and find trouble together.

I have my son, and I find that I do have an easier time of things with just one child. I always commend mothers who have more then one. ESPECIALLY if they are around the same ages. Good lord! I know I was given as much as I could handle. I think though with other things likes relationships, work, stress, etc.. we all pretty much have to do are part in the struggles. I am sure it is a little easier to worry about just one, then more then one.

Since life is full of personal choices I don't think we can ever really know what someone elses life is like. We should not judge others by outward appearances.

Everyone has the right to complain about anything and everyone also has the right to not listen to it.

A mom has to do all the mom jobs whether it is for one child or ten. Sometimes only having one child might make things easier, sometimes only having one makes it harder. Everyone's individual situation offers different challenges.

of course. Anyone has the right to complain. We all get stressed and we all have different situations in our lives that make us stressed. I have 2 kids, but even before my 2nd was born, I would get stressed out and just need to call my mom up and vent. I honestly think it's a little easier with 2 kids because they entertain each other. It was maybe a little harder at first, but now they are 5 and 7 and play with each other every chance they can.

Because 3 hours of sleep is only hard with 2+ kids?
Because you love 1 kid less?
I don't understand the premise.

Parenting is hard. Period. Whether it's 1 or 10.

Why would it be a big deal if they did or did not complain about mom issues EVERY mom has?

Just because we have only one child does not make our daily issues any less important than someone who has 2-10 children.

Every family has its own dynamic. I am a mom of 1 by choice and with no regrets but I don't sit back and judge moms who have more than 1.

What is the basis for your question anyway?

Yes.

Everyone's life is different w/different stresses.

Everyone has a right to complain. You never really know what their life is like inside those windows.

Let's complain then be thankful for what we DO have! :)

Everyone is different. Some people can barely handle the stress of a part-time job, and some people are CEOs of massive companies. I have quite a few friends with one child and a helpful spouse who are WAY more stressed out than I am with three kids and an absentee spouse. But they're probably stronger in other areas than I am. Their stress is real to them, so it's valid.

Everyone faces challenges no matter how many kids they have, and we all complain from time to time.

I have 2 kids...and they rarely play together, they pester and argue and fight. They are a year and a half apart. Some days I feel my primary role is referee. And of course one needs attention only when the other one does too. I am convinced they coordinate "crises". When I have just 1 child with me it feels like vacation and I sometimes catch myself thinking about how easy it would be if I only had 1 child. I know this is absurd...it wouldn't be any easier, just different. I think complaining to the right audience is key.

Of course! I thought it was easier having two than it was having just one. Now that I have three, well.....that's harder than than one or two just because the youngest one is a hellraiser.

Every child is a blessing, but it doesn't mean people aren't entitled to vent every once in a while about the struggles of parenthood.

Anyone has a right to complain. But the question of moms of multiple children vs. a mom of single child is questionable. Some moms just won't even entertain the idea that the mom of one could possibly be overwhelmed or have trouble getting it done. I am in the camp that anyone can be overwhelmed or have trouble getting things done whether they have five kids or one child. Its not a competition and I honestly just listen and give advice if my friends want it when they do complain. I have friends who have singletons and multiples as well. Both have different issues but still find motherhood to be challenging at times.

I do however know of many moms who disagree with me and think that because they have 4 kids, they have it sooo much harder than a mom of one. I look at it in a different perspective. Everyone has challenges its how we deal with them that makes the difference.

So, I respect the opinions and challenges that each mother has regardless of how many children she has.

I know what you are saying. I just had to tell you that my husband is always saying, about Dr. Laura - "why is she giving advice, she only has one kid, and he is grown up!!" because she is always bashing moms with more than one kid. Like she knows, she hasn't walked in their shoes. But I do agree that ALL MOMS have difficult times now and then, no matter how many kids there are.

Yes, every mom, even the moms of 1, has the right to complain now and then.

So, unless you have a nanny, a housekeeper, an accountant, and a chauffeur, complain away. If you do, can it!!! Hee hee!

Being a mom is hard no matter how many kids you have!

Heck, sometimes 1 gets into as much trouble and takes as much work as 2 or 3, mine did. She was and is still all over the place. I love her to bits and wouldn't change her for the world, but you better believe I'm going to fuss and pout when she decides that the crackers for snack would look much better as confetti or she when she apparently decided yesterday that she wanted to eat her tuna sandwich in her room while watching a movie...and then not eat her sandwich...and then not tell me she chose to eat in her room at all. >.<

There are way too many variables at play here...

What if that ONE kid is special needs? What if mom is single?

EVERY mom needs to vent or complain, as you call it. Every mom, dad, kid, and family has their very own, personal struggles that made life challenging. There are pros & cons to having one or more than one.

What is the point of this post, other than to start sh!t? Did you want to start a SAHM vs. working mom debate? What about breast vs. bottle?

He** yes every mom has a right to complain about something. For those of us who didn''t have one *perfect* child we need to vent because everything about parenting is not all sunshine & roses.

And yes some posters take ish wayyy too seriously on here.

Everyone is entitled to off days sometimes. I have only one child, but I do work and go to school FT. I feel like I should not be this tired and stressed sometimes, I know many people have done it before me and have gotten through it, so why am I feeling sorry for myself?? I can see where Mom's with multiple kids can get annoyed by Mom's of "only's" that have a rough day. But... everyone's situation is unique. I get more annoyed by people that regardless of their situation in life, they are always miserable and the "victim". No matter what they have, or where they are, it is not enough and it never has anything to do with themselves.... I can respect anyone who's cup is most always "half-full"... we all deserve a down day every now and then.... ; )

I've got 3. I venture to say my 3 may be easier than 1 any day. They play with each other and keep each other entertained at times. We do have a more hectic schedule getting 3 kids to their activities on time than if we had one, but it is what it is. I also have more hands around the house to help get things back in order.

To each their own :).

yes. yes they do. its hard for any mom needing all that attention from one. i have two and realize when the rare chance i get only one for an hour or so how much easier it is....but it is still hard work even with only one. its the difference of a having one part time job or having a full time job. the work still needs to be done it just takes longer with two.

yes yes and yes!! I am mom of one , and I do complain sometimes about how busy life is. How my son demands for my attention when I have lots of things to get done around the house, and it gets difficult to do anything. I compare my life to what it was before I had my son. Gosh I had so much time on my hands back then! Once you have a baby, it's all about the baby :) I can understand life will be even more hectic for people with 2 or more kids. I am sure after having one, they knew what they were getting into. I also think the kids would play with each other , so they wouldn't need as much mom's attention as ours do. So yes, everybody has a right to complain. If a mom with 3 or more kids tells M. I have nothing to complain, I would ask her what she was thinking to have so many. Of course her life will be busier than mine, but it was her decision to get into that kinda life!

Yes you do have the right to complain.