Do I Take a Wedding Gift to the Wedding?

Updated on September 06, 2008
K.D. asks from Sykesville, MD
27 answers

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday. The couple didn't register anywhere, so this is the first time in forever (if ever) I've not ordered off a registry. My dilema is that I cannot remember if I should bring the present to the wedding or if it's more appropriate to mail it to the couple. I remember a table full of wedding gifts, but this memory is from a wedding I attended as a kid. Help!
thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone! I mailed the gift.... but there was a gift table!

Featured Answers

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L.S.

answers from Dover on

In my family you take it to the reception. My family transported them back to my parents. If it is a cash card the bride may walk a round with collecting them while thanking their guests for coming.

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A.J.

answers from Washington DC on

People do so many different things at weddings these days, but all the ones I've been to recently have the typical gift table. Some also have had a seperate room where they 'hide' the gifts that people bring - funny to me, but whatever works for them. So I would say do whatever you feel like doing, either will be appropriate. If you know the couple will have a gift opening party the day after the wedding, you may want to bring it with you if you'd rather them open it before the honeymoon.

Have fun :)

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B.B.

answers from Richmond on

Most definitely!Atleast thats the etiquitte rule.If you didn't already give them anything I would atlwast take a card with money or a gift card. Cash might be nice that they could take with them if they are going on a honeymoon. Just my opinion! Thanks!!!

More Answers

A.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Wedding presents may be given anytime within one year of the wedding and not be considered late. There will be a table available at the wedding for presents, but you certainly can give the present when and how you wish. The presents will not be openned at the wedding and sometimes not until after the couple returns from the honeymoon.

It is definately cheaper for you to take the gift, but if the couple is from out of town it may be more kind to mail it to their new home when they will be arriving there.

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C.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes of course, take it with you. Don't take it into the actual wedding, but in to the reception. There will be a table there for cards and gifts. Have fun!!

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K.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Take the gift to the wedding and save yourself the time and $ at the post office.

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B.B.

answers from Richmond on

Most definitely!Atleast thats the etiquitte rule.If you didn't already give them anything I would atlwast take a card with money or a gift card. Cash might be nice that they could take with them if they are going on a honeymoon. Just my opinion! Thanks!!!

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M.F.

answers from Washington DC on

According to Miss Manners, you should not bring the gift to the reception. Gifts should be mailed or delivered to the couple or a close relative. The theory, apparently, is to make things as easy and hassle-free as possible for the happy couple. (Keeping track of all the gifts and cards, and then transporting all of them from the reception to another location can be a huge project).

Having said that, I've noticed that most people do provide a gift table (just in case). We did provide a small gift table at our wedding, though I'd say that at least 98 percent of the guests mailed their gifts either to my parents home or to ours. My mother was visibly horrified when I suggested the 'gift table'...she could not imagine that anyone would bring gifts to a reception, because it "simply isn't done" -- whatever! (I pointed out that some of OUR friends might not be aware of this, and she looked at me like was I hanging out with a biker gang).

On the whole she was right about mailing the gifts -- and man, was I grateful! With 250 guests, and the fact that my husband and I got married in another city, coping with all those gifts at the wedding would have been a total nightmare for me or (more likely) my family.

I find it a little disturbing that some responders suggest that you base your decision on the cost or hassle for you to mail the gift...The whole point of manners is to make things easier and more pleasant for others.

On the other hand, I've attended some small town weddings where bringing gifts to the reception appeared to be the norm, and even expected. You know this couple, so just use your best judgement! (but if you're unsure, you might want to fall back on traditional etiquette).

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A.J.

answers from Washington DC on

People do so many different things at weddings these days, but all the ones I've been to recently have the typical gift table. Some also have had a seperate room where they 'hide' the gifts that people bring - funny to me, but whatever works for them. So I would say do whatever you feel like doing, either will be appropriate. If you know the couple will have a gift opening party the day after the wedding, you may want to bring it with you if you'd rather them open it before the honeymoon.

Have fun :)

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E.V.

answers from Roanoke on

DO you know them well enough to ask if they will be having gifts at the wedding or if they'd rather you mail it? or maybe a family member? If not, I'd say just take it, it'll save you postage, and everyone likes a wrapped package!

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Definitely take it. There should be a gift table at the reception. My hubby and I were so excited to open our gifts the day after our wedding (we stayed at a hotel on our wedding night and came home the next afternoon). It helped the celebration continue on!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You should take the gift,if it is small to the reception, not the wedding. If the wedding and the reception are at the same location all the better, but if they are at different locations, leave it in the car for the wedding. If the item is bulky, or bigger than a gift bag, I would consider mailing it to the brides' house and then just take a card to the reception letting them know that the gift is in the mail...
M.

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C.S.

answers from Richmond on

My understanding of the true etiquette rule was to mail it and not take it with you.

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G.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Best suggestion would be to contact a member of the wedding party and ask. They should have all the details.

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J.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I'd mail it. According to "etiquette rules", you're not supposed to take gifts to weddings....but people usually have a gift table anyway b/c so many people do it. I think it just creates more of a hassle for the bride and groom to try to get the gifts from the reception to their home...but by reading the other responses, that's clearly just a matter of opinion.

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

isn't wedding etiquette the silliest thing?
certainly take it to the wedding if there's not a reception. there should be a gift table. if the couple are choosing not to open gifts there, a friend or family member will see to moving 'em where they need to be. that table full of gifts is part of the fun!
:) khairete
S.

N.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Either way should be fine. Why not mail it? They probably would appreciate one less to have to haul somewhere! Have fun! N. B.

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S.J.

answers from Washington DC on

Hello! At my wedding, some people brought gifts....which my maid of honor ended up taking home with her until I returned from my honey moon. Others mailed their gifts to me. I will tell you, from a brides point of view, that it is much better to mail the gift.

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J.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Mail it. It is extremely rude to bring it to the wedding (as stated below by someone who looked it up in Miss Manners). If you bring it to the reception, you are burdening the bride and groom with transporting it or arranging for transportation. A gift should be a joy, not a burden.

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M.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Usually, people bring a gift to the wedding if they are invited to the reception, but sending later is not unheard of. If you are in a dilemma as to what to get for the couple, a card containing money is actually a good gift, it gives them a little extra spending money for the honeymoon or for items they want to get after they set up housekeeping. Money is a very acceptable wedding present, and I'm sure they would appreciate it.

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W.T.

answers from Jacksonville on

Experience from my wedding...mail it!
We left for our honeymoon right after and my mom had to take all the gifts to her house.

Gifts were the last thing on our minds that day. I can't remember who actually brought gifts to the wedding but I do remember opening those boxes that came in the mail!

Also, some of the gifts weren't marked well or the cards fell off in transport so I didn't know who they were from.
It was a big hassle all around.

C.L.

answers from Washington DC on

At all weddings I have been to in recent memory there has been a gift table. With the cost of mailing or shipping, I would definitely take the gift to the wedding.

E.T.

answers from Washington DC on

There will be a table for gifts. You can definitely bring it to the reception.

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L.A.

answers from Charlottesville on

Take it to the wedding I think you only have to mail it if you cannot attend.

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I would definitely bring it. Even if you'd rather leave it in the car just to be certain and then go back out to get it.

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B.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Absolutely! ...take it to the reception - not the church

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My mom has always said taking a gift to the wedding is a big NO-No! It's a hassle for them to have to arrange transport since the couple is already preoccupied and someone else winds up dealing with it. That said, people always do it and probably always will. I would either try to see them before or after the event at the house, leave it with the parents, or mail it.

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L.S.

answers from Dover on

In my family you take it to the reception. My family transported them back to my parents. If it is a cash card the bride may walk a round with collecting them while thanking their guests for coming.

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

My suggestion is to bring to the reception, and securely attach your card to the top so the couple knows it is from you. There will be a gift table. If you do decide to mail your gift, I would wait a week or so until you know when they will be back from their honeymoon. Often UPS or USPS will deliver packages and just leave them on the front step if no one is home, and you don't want your gift to get wet in the rain, or even stolen if the couple is out of town for a while.

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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Take it to the reception! What's a good wedding without a huge table of presents? It's alot of the fun, as the bride & groom, seeing that big table of well wishes. It just adds to the celebratory nature of the event! I think it cool they did not register- some people feel weird picking out so called 'approved' presents for themselves and could care less about the proper china or full set of crystal. I did not register many years ago, because I preferred that if folks choose to bring a gift, it was from the heart and something that THEY wanted to give to start our life together. To this day we NEVER go to the registry list. Pick something from the heart or something you know will be useful in the days to come- If you're already married-you're the expert, you KNOW. And take it with you beautifully wrapped to set upon the gift table. Nothing sadder than a wimpy gift table at a wedding.

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